Project Kengikat

The Beatitudes

// September 16th, 2009 // Uncategorized

Now I know I lost many of my readers with just the title alone, but for those of you who are still with me, I ask that you read this with an open mind and if you do so, I guarantee you will get my point. Can you do this? I think you can.

I woke up this morning feeling really good, happy I was breathing, hell everybody should be right. I know that he loves me, and this makes my life complete, I woke up loving the the good things, the sunshine, loving the life I lead. I turned on some jazz music and I wasnt worried about yesterday, because today was something different, I had a new start a brand new day.

I went to the gym and then had a bowl of oatmeal when I came home. I took a shower, brushed my teeth, got dressed and made my way to the Metro Red Line. I was headed to the doctor. Today I needed to get my HIV labs done to find out where I am. This was the second time I was headed to get my blood drawn at my new clinic, but unlike my first visit to my clinic in Van Nuys the fear of not getting housing was not on my mind, the fear of once again being passed over for my own housing because of things far out of my control were not on my mind. I was not panicked, nor did I have a headache, there were no tears and no pleas with God to make a way for me. I was simply on my way to the doctor. I doctor I fully trust, staff I know care for me. What a difference having a HIV team and a doctor I trust has made for me.

Getting to this point was not easy, in fact there were many sleepless nights and so many tears shed. From being in the hospital for 11 days at Harbor UCLA only to be dumped in some run down old trucking warehouse to having the same hospital refuse to treat my HIV because I could not get a denial of service letter from Medi-Cal. Something Medi-Cal said the hospital was suppose to take care of, but failed to do leaving me stuck in the middle. The over to LAC-USC where I had a doctor who refused to look at me, didnt take her gloves off when she shock my hand, the being told by the gay and lesbian center that I had to wait for several months before I could see a doctor, back to LAC-USC where my mistake after mistake was made in my care to the final straw of my doctor refusing to sign my housing form that would give me housing allowing me to no longer be homeless. Thanks to a letter and phone call from my friend Brian to my current doctor I no longer even think twice about my care.

However now with the current budget cuts and the threat of the loss of Ryan White funds I could very well not be able to see a doctor for my HIV. The loss of Ryan White funds for me means no access to medical care, for others it means that, plus the loss of life saving meds that allow them to live awesome lives.

Lucky for me I happen to be at a clinic filled with workers, not just workers who show up to do a 9 to 5 but workers who truly care of me as a patient. Workers who show up at HIV and AIDS rallies to protest side by side with the patients they work so hard to care for. Workers who shed tears and never utter words like “people are no longer dying” workers who show you they care by calling to check in out you, ask you how you are doing and then take the time to listen and do all the can to help you work toward a real solution that will serve you the best, not some cookie cutter approach laid out by some suit who you will never meet, much less care about you. Workers who are humans who fully understand that you to are human and you deserve the best care, love and respect

When I left the office after getting my blood drawn I left with a smile on my face, peace in my heart and not a worry about my care. I was more worried about the people who I am so honored to know, people I trust with my care who might be out of work soon because there is more money to bail out banks and big business, more money to fight a war and kill over oil, more money to pay high salaries to executives who have failed  Americans, not no money for health care, no money to protect people who do the work that keeps so many people alive. No money to fund things that allow people like me access to care and care services, no money to make sure the most vulnerable have access to care and the live saving drugs they need to survive.

I came home returned some emails and spoke to another “worker” someone doing all she can to make sure people with HIV and AIDS are able to access care and care services. Even though she was calling to get the final details for my Unpluggin HIV outreach this weekend,s he also came with such an awesome message of encouragement for me. A message that was right on time and so uplifting, so powerful and so caring, but she is a “worker” who cares for the people she serves.

I was pretty tired and I had a slight headache, I had plans to head to West LA to pick up my battery pack that I so badly need for my camera, but I also needed to take a nap and rest because I wanted to hang out with my friend Eric at a benefit for Darfur. So I took a long nap, didnt go get my battery pack so I was ready to enjoy what was an awesome night to help raise funds and awareness for the genocide taking place in Dafur.

The benefit was held at the Knitting Factory in Hollywood and sponsored by some pretty incredible organizations that do some awesome things for the people of Darfur and do such an amazing jobs at raising our awareness for what is taking place there. The organizations were Save Darfur, Stop Genocide Now and Jewish World Watch and had it’s share of Hollywood’s movers and shakers on hand as well. Besides the fact that we all had gathered to raise funds and awareness for Darfur, support the awesome efforts of these distinguished organizations there was also some pretty hot bands and solo acts performing as well.

For me it was a night I got the opportunity once again to hang out with my friend Eric and witness first hand the awesome work he is part of. I also got to chill out and speak with two people who just like Eric are such a huge inspiration to me in the work that I do right here in Los Angeles. Katie Jay, Gabriel and Eric are more “workers” people who see a there is a need and do all they can to address and meet the need, ignoring all those who tell them “you cant do this” and simply step to the plate and knock it out the park. They show up and do the work while others sit back and do nothing.

This benefit for Darfur represented not just what is taking place in Darfur, but it also put me face to face with “workers” like my friends Eric, Katie Jay and Gabriel who show up for humanity, who work long hours in order to make things better for others, which in turn will make this world a better place for all of us. I came face to face with people who are willing to look past and break through the gates of “community” and embrace the greatness of humanity, people who are willing to go the extra mile and millions more in an effort to bridge the gap for those who have so much less, for those who do not have a voice, for those who are seen and not heard, for those who suffer right in front our eyes while most simply walk by as if they are not there.

I spent an evening not being the inspiration that so many have said I am, I spent an evening in the shadows of great people doing great things for others, I spent an evening with people who work long and hard for humanity, for the CHANGE many of us voted for and are also willing to stand up and work night and day, day and night never stopping or thinking of rest until the job is done and then on to the next, I spent an evening with real life heroes, people I admire, respect and most of all, people I am so inspire by. This evening was so key for me because it has served to encourage me to keep fighting the good fight, keep doing all I can, keep reaching out, keep showing up because there are others doing the same things for others.

I had the chance to meet some pretty cool people and I also had the chance to see some people I have not seen in a while, like my friend Sandra who didnt just offer to help with the Easter outreach to Shriner’s Hospital for Chidren, she showed up did the work, she even had the cool opportunity to translate for a patient who spoke Korean. It was so cool to see her and how funny was it that we both said it is so cool to have friends where we can talk about and share our love and work for humanity and not have this turned off or pushed away. It was so awesome to see her and I am so looking forward to the next outreach to Shriner’s Hospital where I will see her again.

I also invited someone else who has been a huge support to me through the 29 months of homelessness and over a year of being HIV positive. Soemone who I admire, love and have so much respect for, someone who is such a huge inspiration to me. My friend Bart from Being Alive also came out to support the event and I got to talk and chill out with him as wlll.

It wasnt long before my worn down body told me it was time to go home and get some rest because I still have much to do for my Unpluggin HIV outreach down on Skid Row this weekend for 40 residents  who are battling HIV and AIDS as well as low income and the harshness that comes along with this huge fight. I said good night to my friends Eric and Katie Jay and in spirit I said goodbye to Gabriel as he was very busy doing the awesome work he does.

As I walked down Hollywood Boulevard back towards my apartment I felt great. Once again God had showed me how very important it is to stay on my path, stay in the fight, keep showing up, keep putting humanity ahead of “community” and he would keep showing me all the good that really is in this world, all the lights that are right in front of me, working in the trenches with me, do all they can to be the lights of this world just like he said they would be.

When I reached Hollywood and Highland I was thinking of my friends back at the benefit and thinking of all the people who worked so hard to make the event possible and The Beatitudes popped in my head and as I walked home I began to say them to myself thinking of my friends and the people who really show up and do the work it take to bring CHANGE to this world, not for “community” but humanity and not for self, but for all and in doing so I thought of the kinds of people that would truly fill heaven. I thought of the people who are the true and real people of God. I thought of workers and how God has placed so many of them in my life to encourage, inspire and encourage me.

The Beatitudes

Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Salt and Light

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

When I think of The Beatitudes I dont think of people who sit in buildings where they pretend to know God or who he dwells in, I dont think of people who say things like “I cant support you because your lifestyle is a sin” or people who seem to have no ounce of “worker” in them, but claim to be building the Kingdom of God. They dont come to mind at all, because God is all love all the time.

When I think of heaven, I see it as a huge party being hosted by three ~Father, Son and Holy Ghost, there is a huge guest list and many people seem to think just cause they can quote from a book, or bash people for being what God created them to be, have the golden ticket to get in, they think they are dressed right, look good, smell good, but that simply wont get you in. When I think of this party and who will get in, I think of “workers” I think of my friends Eric, Katie Jay, Gabriel, Bart, Yvette, Sandra and others. I think of people who fully understand all human life has a purpose and show be love and respected no matter what and when I look at these people, I see the face, glory and power of God and in this I am truly inspired.

Thank you for inspiring me, for teaching me, for being the light of the world. YOU ROCK