Project Kengikat

NIA…(purpose)

// October 27th, 2009 // Uncategorized

Today was a pretty cool day for me, one reason it was special was because it was Monday and that is the day I have set aside for me to do ceramics. As many of you know I rediscovered this cool art when I was homeless here in Los Angeles. For me the times that I spent doing ceramics were times I could rest, not worry about fighting, not worry about anything, it was a safe place for me to be, off the streets in an environment that is both healthy and supportive.

Being Alive really lives up to it’s name for me and thanks to people like Bart who was the first person I  had the chance to speak with and the very first person in the HIV and AIDS arena that did make me feel like being homeless was such a shame, like I was some scum and he was the first person who asked me how I was doing, how I was feeling. He was the first person who asked me if I had a doctor and even asked if I had something to eat. I guess what  I am saying is that Bart was the first person who treated me with respect, compassion and dignity. I can also say the very same thing about Troy who was the first person who showed me how to work on the wheel and now that I am back in the ceramic studio Brian has once again lived up to the what Being Alive is all about.

The other reason that today was such a cool day was the fact that I interviewed my friend Brian for my Conversations with Kengi today at the ceramic studio. When I created Conversations with Kengi the goal was to interview people about subjects that matter and to present them in a setting that is just like two friends talking about that very issue or issues. Well today I had the chance to sit with my friend and talk about art and HIV. What came out of the interview was so inspirational and uplifting.

I was so looking forward to doing the interview today with Brian for a number of reasons. The first being that I really believe in the ceramics program he co-facilitates with Troy, he is someone living with HIV and unlike many who have HIV or AIDS, he is not a victim or prisoner to the HIV, so with this I knew interviewing him would be such a great idea not just for what I am trying to do, but it will also show people living with HIV or AIDS that life is still awesome, still so grand, still worth living and enjoying, but more then this it would show others who are not HIV positive or have AIDS that people who do have HIV or AIDS are very normal. Our lives are normal, our thoughts are normal, our days are normal and the way we love and live our lives is very normal.

There was another added treat to today and that was the fact that there were other people there while we did the interview and they were so cool with us talking about the studio and talking about something that we all share and have in common……HIV or AIDS. I say it was a treat because, I go on Monday to ceramics because it tends to be a slower day, not as many people there and to be very honest I really like the bond that I now share with both Brian and Troy. Moreover the overall feel is very relaxed and calm, not to imply that Sunday’s are not this way, because I am sure it is, but I like the coolness of being able to talk and share with Brian and Troy. I love the laughs we get to share as well as the stories and the fact that both men have more experience with HIV then I do and I am able to soak in all the wealth and wisdom that they both have to offer.

However today there were plenty of guys there and it was so cool to have them there because most of them I have never met before, while others remembered me from when I use to come to the old location. It was nice to be able to sit and do the interview with Brian and then have time to work on some pieces while talking, laughing and sharing with theother guys who were there.

What stands out the most in my mind from today was not the interview I did with Brian, nor the fact that if Troy was not there I would not have had such a cool camera but, what really stands out is a new comer who I got to share with and in this share find out that he is dealing with some of the things I was dealing with when I first came to Being Alive not to long after being diagnosed HIV positive. He isnt homeless on the streets, but he is struggling with housing and finding his way. He is new here to LA and dealing with housing issues, finding places to get support as well as people he can count on can be pretty hard to deal with, now add to all this the fact that you are also HIV positive, need to find support and medical services for this and things can get pretty rough and depressing very fast and that is the last thing you need to cave in on you.

It was cool to be able to talk with him, give him some numbers, even mine and let him know to call me if he needs help and even if he simply needs someone he can talk to to help him along the way. I know how hard things can get when you feel you are doing all you can to move forward and you dont seem to be getting much, if any help and support from all the places you turn to and the whole “ be patient, it’s a process” can really break you down. So I wanted to make sure that he didnt have to travel the same road as I did and feel he is on it alone.

Once I got home tonight and was getting the videos uploaded to youtube I got a call from my friend Kelly on Skype and we agreed to talk later and soon after I got a cell phone call from Bobby and I was able to give him some much needed phone numbers to people I know will lead him in the right direction. I was able to ask him about his medical needs and if he was comfortable with his current doctor and the services he was getting. I asked him all this because while we talked back at ceramics he said something that landed right on my heart and that was “I dont have a choice” and I know this isnt him saying this because he is giving up, but it comes from a system that is so badly broken that it will convince you that there are no other choices where there are plenty. If you recall it was Scott from the AIDS Service Center who told me that “You’re homeless and Skid Row is your only choice” When the real truth was that was the only choice he was willing to give me.

Tomorrow I am going to reach out to my former case manager at APLA and make her aware of him see if she can help him. I am also going to reach out to my new case manager at my clinic ask him to reach out to him as well. Like I said before I know what it is like to feel like you are so alone and with the many thanks of Bart I also know what it is like to have someone who cares, someone who emails when they haven’t seen or heard from you, someone who will make certain you have food to eat and are safe. Thanks to Bart I know what it is like to have someone make me feel like I count and someone truly cares, not because I am their client, but because I am human and they have encountered that another human is in need

Today was such an awesome day and I am so glad that God has once again shown me hisgrace, mercy and favor, he has once gain shown me that he is in full control and all things work together for good. He once again showed me that what I am doing is good and I am to keep my eyes forward, not looking to left or the right. He has once again shown me that people like Brian and Troy in my life are not by chance, but part of his plan and purpose.

As I type out the last words of this blog I am smiling so big because when I think of how God just keeps on blessing me, just keeps on increasing my territory, how he keeps sending what I need when I need it, how the people he is placing in my life are there for the right reasons and how as long as I do things in LOVE and from my HEART he will bless it and it will be good.

To check out the video from my interview with an awesome friend, please follow this link.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Kengikat#p/c/68A8A5F5CD43E100/0/e7xvYChcJAM