Project Kengikat

Getting Through It

// January 24th, 2010 // Uncategorized

This week has been filled with so much emotion and I am so glad that I was able to get through it with only a fed tears shed, but it is a week that I am glad is nearly over because it was a bit much at times. Besides all the rain that took place over the course of this past week I also had so many personal things that I needed to take care of for myself, in addition to this I also had some things come up that I needed to at least try to help out with.

What I do is not a paid position, nor I am a non-profit, I started doing what I currently do to help people when I was homeless battling a system that is so badly broken and filled with people who not only do not care, but a system that is very corrupt. I guess one would call what I do as being grass roots or activism, but I prefer to call it connection with bureaucracy. I know all to well what it is like to sit on the other side of a table with someone in charge of you who truly doesn’t give a damn about you or what will become of you. So through my organization I try to allow people the dignity and respect so deserve.

I had the chance to speak with two people and let them know that even though things might be bad and even though the road might be dark, even thought they may think they have sink so far and will not come back up, even though it seems that they cant change things and that no one is on their side or in their corner and that no one cares for them, I was able to reassure them and help them see that no matter what is before them, they cant give up, throw in the towel or allow the dark to cloud their vision so much that they don’t see that they still have a life.

I know what it is like to be in a corner fighting for my life with no one there, I know what it feels like to be at the end of my rope and feeling like I don’t have any choices left. I know what it is like to reach out only to have no one be there and I wanted to make sure that the people I spoke to this week knew that I would be there no matter what. I wanted to make certain that two more people didn’t fall through the SINK HOLES in this system.

It was also a week where I needed to make certain things would not fall apart for me. About two weeks ago I got a letter from DPSS saying my benefits were being terminated for something that was their mistake. I was able to get all the papers taken care of and I was told that everything was corrected, but then I got another letter that my social worker had been changed and once again I knew I needed to make sure DPSS had did their job and that this would not affect me. After calling, I discovered that the former social worker never finished and my case was still in limbo, so I had to go down and turn in the papers again, however this time I was smart enough to make sure I got the initials of the person I turn then letter in to and I also had he stamp it. I was able to get my new worker on the phone this week and she was able to tell me that everything was correct in the system, but I have heard this before. I wont know things were actually corrected until the 2nd of the month.

This week was now the third time I have had to request the low income forms from the Department of Water and Power. I have mailed them twice now and each time they claim they never received it. I got a bill from the DWP that didn’t seem to be correct, in fact I knew it was not correct, there was no way this bill was part of the low income that I have tried to sign up for twice. I was told I had to pay the bill and a letter would be mail out to me for me to fill out again and mail it back. So again I an left with a bill that is nearly three times what I was expecting it to be, but I have no other choice but to figure out how to pay it or have my lights turned off.

To make matters worse I got a bill from Time Warner Cable for over $500 for service that has never worked and for something I already had them bill me for twice and later had to dispute both charges with my bank, now they say I owe them $500. So I guess it is round three with Time Warmer Cable that  will begin on Monday.

Just when I thought things could not get any worse for me as far as money goes, T-Mobile dings my debit card for 108 bucks and some change which  has now overdrawn my account for the total, plus the 35 buck charge for the overdraft fee. I paid my bill on January 3 on the website and I even had a rep from T-mobile walk me through it and I asked several times would this be a ONE TIME charge and each time I was told YES. However today my card was hit once again and T-mobile says they did nothing wrong. So I guess when it rains it pours. I will never pay another bill online with any company ever again, because when they make HUGE mistakes they cost people like me, more then just the charge.

There were some good things in the week and most of them had to do with my new dog Dodger. He has made this entire week so much easier for me. He greets me when I walk in with his tail wagging and jumping all over me as if to say “you’re home now, so relax” Since he has been here I’ve made more of an effort to make sure things are going well and that I am ok, because I now have to care for this little guy. Having him has given me a reason to fight harder and not allow things that seem to go wrong cause me not to see all the blessings in my life or stop believing that at the end of the day God will always work things out.

He spent much of the week with me, going on outreaches and on many walks. On Friday I had the chance to do something for him and that was getting him enrolled in PAWS which is a program that can help me with any medical cost and even food for him. It was so cool to be able to go down and get that all taken care of so that I know he will always have food and always have medical care if he needs it.

Walking with Dodger has been awesome for me. It gives me time to get out of myself and not spend too much time thinking about all the things that seem to be coming undone in my life. It allows me to be outside in the world and not stuck in my apartment feeling like I wont be able to pull through this. Walking him is like my therapy, it helps me to think and clear my head. He has also been the source of many smiles and laughs for me as well.

Saturday night I spent the night with my best friends Tina and Andy for a precelebration of Andy’s birthday. This was such a welcome surprise and a very cool way to close out what was a very long and hectic week. We spent the night laughing  and making grown up fish sticks. After some time talking playing with Dodger  and seeing all the many sights out my front windows, Andy and Dodger took a nap on the arm chair while Tina and I took pictures of them and enjoyed our conversation.

It is such a massive blessing to have Tina and Andy in my life, they were the only two people who were always there for me, never giving up on me or taking their friendship away from me. Always right there to encourage me to keep going and keep trying and always there to remind me never to give up and not allow people to break me down. I just cant put into words just how much their friendships have meant to me. I think there is a gospel song that says “if I had ten thousand tongues, I couldn’t tell it all…..” the song is about the love of God and Christ and the amazing favor they can give, but this too applies to my two friends. If I don’t have anything in this world, I do know that no matter where I am or what life brings my way, I will always have the life and friendship of two amazing people in my life. That is truly a blessing and so very humbling to be able to say this.

The rest of the night I spent sitting on the sofa with Dodger and looked at TV and later out for another late night walk. Since the rain has stopped for a few days, Dodger and I have been able to go out at night and he seems to like this very much. For me it is cool because I am getting more walking in and this is going to be break for my overall health.

It’s an awesomely beautiful and crystal clear Sunday here in Hollywood, the sun is shining bright, it isn’t warm and not too cold, I guess this is what we here in Southern California call “brisk” Dodger and I will will take a walk, go to PETCO to exchange his USC shirt that Andy and Tina got for him as well a maybe get him a new leash and collar. I also need to make time to get into the gym today. It’s the start of the week and I have so much to get done this week for my organization.