Project Kengikat

OSCARS….Beating the Odds

// March 7th, 2010 // Uncategorized

Tomorrow is the the biggest day for Hollywood with the 82nd Annual Academy Awards which will take place just over 4 blocks from my apartment. Now I grew up in Southern California, so the Oscars and the “stars” that will walk the red carpet tomorrow have always been no big deal to me. I guess because I grew up here and my grandmother as well as great grandmother worked for “stars” or Hollywood executives.

Once I started cooking and became very good at it, big parties, events, weddings and even high profile events were things I did. Even as a private cook for families, I always made time to do at least three really big events each year. This was in addition to whom I was working for, any community work I was doing and catering.

Last Christmas was my first time ever buying a tree for me, I was always either working, traveling or at my folks place for Christmas and there was never a need for me to have a tree at home. That changed this past Christmas and I am so glad I purchased a tree. It really had nothing to do with presents or how commercial the holiday has become, but it was about creating memories for me in my new home. It was about remembering those awesome times with my family and wanting…..no needing to create that for myself.

I asked two friends to come over and hang out and watch the awards with me. After 29 months of homelessness, being sick and feeling like my life was passing me by and that people I thought would always be in my life as my friends all of the sudden walking out because I was no longer the guy dropping cash or inviting them to come hang out on my dime. I guess you could say that homelessness has made me realize something my Ma always use to tell me…”everyone is not your friend” it also forced me to put things into different perspectives and not to live my life through what society deems as successful. Not to allow others to live my life, set my tone, define me or tell me what is and is not or what the outcome will be. All of this is up to me and while others in many ways are along for the journey, they really get no say in how I get there, when I will get there or what  route I will take.

I could have invited plenty of people over, but I didn’t, I had three people in mind but one of them does not live here, so an invite to her would be pointless, but she will be here next year. I invited my two friends Franklin and Donald. I met Franklin when I was homeless and trying to get housing, He was in a place in Long Beach and I was there for an intake interview. When I moved in he had already moved out. Long story longer, that was one of the worst places I ever stayed in. I thought the bed bug infested, shit on the floor, having to fight for my shit, rat hole, ex-cons in charge of me place I had to stay in on Skid Row was bad, this pace was far worse. There was always shit in the shower from one of the residents who would take shit in the shower and not clean it, then we were asked to clean it,  in the bed next to me was a sex whore who didn’t seem to care he has AIDS and was getting fucked by everything moving. The fact that more then 90% of the men in the house were illegal residents was also very bothersome to me because there are people who are homeless on the streets who could be in places like this, but for some reason being a citizen does not matter. I left and went back to the streets because it was safer. After I moved into this building I was walking from the laundry room and I saw Franklin. We’ve had a cool time getting to know each other and the support that we share is so cool. Franklin has AIDS, but unlike most people with HIV or AIDS that I have met, Franklin does not act like some victim, he doesn’t make excuses and refuses to hide behind the disease. Yeah he has his ups and downs, but he gets through it without acting like the world some how owes him something. Franklin is a long time survivor, he is Black and a huge inspiration to me. He is someone I look up to, admire and truly respect. He is such an amazing man with a awesome outlook on life. He is a great friend.

Donald is the other person I invited, I met him through my Unpluggin HIV outreach down on Skid Row and just like Franklin, Donald is this amazing man who has lived a rich and vibrant life. He too has been through a lot and has also overcome a lot. He does not allow this disease to turn him into someone who just sits and allows life to roll past him. He loves his life and he is enjoying it to the fullest. Each time I get to speak with or see Donald I walk away with such a better appreciation for my own life and that the fact that I have HIV does not mean that my life ever has to be over and that I can life with HIV for a very long time. From him I am learning to keep smiling, keep laughing, keep striving, keep loving, keep reaching out to help others and above all, keep believing in God and that with him all things are possible. In the time that I have been able to spend with him I have seen in him much of what others say they see in me, someone who is selfless. Donald gives and gives, even though he does not have much, he will go the extra mile for someone and not expect anything in return. Just to hear him laugh truly does my soul so much good. He too is an awesome friend.

The CDC report on HIV and AIDS and how it affects Blacks was not news to me…in fact it was not news at all and I have seen no real efforts to really combat HIV and AIDS in the hardest hit populations. In my opinion the report painted Blacks as stupid people who simply do not care about their lives, it made it seem like access to care is equal and I think everyone in this country knows damn well it isn’t. Not only are their huge disparities in care for Blacks, but education and prevention are also greatly disproportionate. When I was diagnosed with HIV on April 3rd 2008 in such a rude and nasty way by some lousy doctor at Harbor UCLA who yelled “Mr. Carr, you are HIV positive” into a room with other patients and simply walked off the message was clear “you don’t count”. In that moment with tears rolling down my face I knew HIV was not going to be easy for me, just like it hasn’t been easy for plenty of people, but especially Blacks and women of color. At the time I was homeless, with no medical care and Black. That’s almost like the 3 strikes rule we have in this country, but I have always refused to be pushed to the side and I was not about to be another Black man who died from HIV…..not because of stigma or lack of education, but because of access…EQUAL access to health care.

Franklin and Donald are more to me then just my friends. They are awesome role models and two Black men beating the odds, against all odds. Two Black men standing tall and damn proud, two Black men who are among thousands of Black men who refuse to be just some damn number on some CDC report that blames stigma and education on the high rates of infection and death from HIV and AIDS for Blacks , two Black men who I love and admire and who give me the courage to wake up each and every day and live my best life and flip my middle finger at HIV and the CDC report. Two Black men who I am proud to call friends and two Black men I am so honored to create as well as celebrate an awesome new memory  with watching the Academy Awards at  my first ever  Oscar party.

So while tomorrow will represent so much in the life of a “star” who gets a nod and bow from a  golden award, I will celebrate something far greater and far more valuable with two amazing men who I am both honored and blessed to call my friends as well as my role models.