Project Kengikat

Day 1…Public Speaking @ USC

// March 23rd, 2010 // Uncategorized

Last year as things started to change in my life and homelessness was about to come to an end for me, I had the huge honor and humbling experience to speak in the Department of Social Work at USC. From that experience I met some pretty awesome people who have been such amazing inspiration as well as strong supporters of my community work.

Last night I once again had the chance to speak to students in the Department of Social Work for the very same professor from USC and once again the experience was priceless and very humbling. So much has changed in my life since I spoke the very first time. When I say so much, I mean far more then simply having my own place to live. I am such a different person from last year.

I had the chance to share my experience through 29 months of homelessness and I also had the chance to offer my suggestions as to how things can be fixed in the system that is so badly broken. I took questions from the students and was able to hopefully offer them some clear answers that will help them along their paths in their perspective jobs in the field of social work.

My friends Emma (Aunt Emma) and Natalie came to see me speak. This was so cool for me to have people there that I knew, Iguess it was the feeling of safety for me to have faces that I knew looking on, but more importantly to have people there who know what I have been through. The smiling face of the professor was also so very welcoming and very comforting. The smiles and laughs from the students relaxed me and I was able to do my best.

At the end of my presentation many of the students come up to me to speak with me and thank me for speaking with them. All of them were very kind. However there is one who truly stands out and that was the exchange I had from one of the students who was eager to ask questions. He came up to me shook my hand and said “I would like to buy you dinner when you are in Washington” and he handed me a 20 and then he hugged me. Now I know hugs and I know a fake one when I get one, but the hug that came from this student really surprised me, because it felt genuine, it didn’t feel a I feel sorry for you hug, or a you poor guy hug, it felt like a hug of “thank you” not just for sharing my experience but for getting through  it all. The exchange is one of those that will be at the top of some of my most memorable experiences.

The last exchanged that stood out was from a young female with an awesome smile and gentle spirit. I can’t remember where she was from, but we spoke of how Los Angeles is very different and how services here are unlike services in the  place where she came from, in fact the homeless population is almost non existent. She expressed a desire to work to change the way things are and for me that was so very refreshing to see and hear. Someone who is going into the field of social work knowing there is so much that needs to be changed in order for things to work the way they were intended. Going into the field that can cause hurt, harm or shame to the people who are already suffering so much. The desire and compassion that I felt flowing from her was inspiring and very encouraging.

My first night went well, however today is day two and I know my presentation will be a lot better because of the opportunity I had to speak in front of some awesome USC students last night. Their questions will help me present a stronger case about the importance of advocacy, case managers as well as social workers. It will allow me to make a presentation that highlights how very critical positive touch along with dignity and respect must be restored in order to move those in need back toward a path that is healthy.

While walking back to the cars  Aunt Emma and Natalie told me how well I did……well I asked how I did. It was so nice to have them both there because they both are people in my life who are so very important to me and have been so instrumental in helping me move forward with my life as well as my organization. They are both woman who have so many characteristics that remind me of my Ma and they both show up for me right when I really need them and I don’t even have to ask…..just like Ma use to.

Many of you know that I spend the very little that is left from my own money to provide fro others and many times I use most if not all of my food stamps to purchase meals for people. Many times for myself I rely on food banks and help from my friends, however most times I simply dont ask for myself. On the drive home Natalie asked if I needed food and I said yes….well I said I could put some beans on. I really didn’t have that much in my refrigerator, besides two chicken breast and two game hens. Natalie took me to the store to shop for food, once inside she told me to shop just like I always do.

I got very basic things because I don’t want to exhaust my friendship. This is true for my two best friends Tina and Andy as well as Patrick, Krystal, Eric, Willow, Aunt Emma and Fa. I don’t ask for me and when it is offered most times I say “I am fine” or I take just a little. Even though I know they will help me, I don’t want to not have their friendships because I am always asking for help. Many times when I get offers to go out and have fun either to a party, lunch, dinner or even to just chill, I tend to say no, because I can not afford it and I don’t want my friends to always pay for me. Even though I know they fully know and understand my situation.

This may sound silly to most and to be very honest it has upset many of my friends, but I have had so many people offer only to then hold it over my head or even worse take their friendships away from me and this is something I don’t want to have happen in my life anymore. I love my friends and I want to keep them. In my heart I know they are not like the others who have walked away….in my heart I really know this, but my head won’t let my heart be hurt again.

As I type this blog out I am so thankful for what I have in my life, who I have in my life. I dont have many friends, but those I do have are also my family and they truly mean the world to me. I am so humbled that they have picked someone as broke down as me to have as a friend.

I am so humbled and thankful for the opportunity to speak and share my experiences and I don’t know why this professor has invited me to speak again this year, but I am so thankful that she see’s something in me, from my life experience that she is willing to ask me to speak and share with her classes to give them a better, more broad and I would say even complete education by allowing people like me to stand before them.

As I continue to emerge from the what I call the perfect storm in my life, my prayer is that God will keep me humble and thankful for how his favor is opening doors for me and I can boldly walk through, with my head held high into a sweet victory with no regret, no guilt or shame. I know that because of his grace, mercy and favor I must move forward in love and not dare look back, because if I do so, my eyes will be off my path and I will get off track and I simply cant get off track.

In the words of my sister from YOUTUBE “I am the winner of this challenge, I have immunity and I can not be eliminated”