Project Kengikat

Day 2 “RISE”

// March 24th, 2010 // Uncategorized

Today was day two of my public speaking to students in USC’s School of Social Work and just like last night when I spoke at the Skirbal Cultural Center, the experience was awesome and I was truly honored and humbled to be able to once again share my life experience with amazing students and their professor.

Before I get started I guess I should say how I ended my night last night after speaking at Skirbal…well at least once I was back home anyway and this was simply to take some time to be thankful for where my life is right now and just how richly blessed my life is.

I talk a lot about the amazing people in my life and I just want to take the time to say that the people who are in my life now, I am so blessed to call friends, so honored to be able to reach out when I need to and know that someone will be right there. This can also be said for my HIV clinic, it is so nice to know that I have a team in place that will work together with me on this life long journey with HIV. I have every confidence that they will take the very best of care of me every step of the way.

I will say that I was a bit tired from the night before when I got up this morning. I had a bit of a hard time sleeping because my I was in a bit more pain then usual from my Sickle Cell. This caused my morning to start pretty slow. However after a pot of strong black coffee, a brisk walk with Dodger and then this amazing “check in” conversation with my friend Darlyna, I was feeling very good.

Darlyna called to check on me and to see how things had gone the night before. I shared with her how things went and then we laughed and talked about all sorts of things. Right as we were about to end our call Darlyna said something that really touched my heart. We have this running joke that she makes me laugh very loud when Dodger is sleeping…I always say “Now you can’t be having me make all this noise Darlyna, my baby is sleeping damn it.” we both burst into more laughter and there is also the other joke where I watch her videos and I have to make sure there is nothing in my mouth, because it will come out from her making me laugh. When I say it will come out I mean through my noise and mouth.

Darlyna said that I encourage (inspire) her to get out and do something, either for herself or someone else. When I heard this, my heart sort of jumped because with my YOUTUBE channel it has never been about how many people subscribe or how many friends I have, it certainly has not been about how many comments my videos get, but it has been about inspiring people, so when I hear things like this from people my heart always jumps because  I know I have done what I have set out to do. If I can encourage one person to change how they view homeless people or people with HIV or AIDS, if I can encourage or inspire someone to try their very best to live a life of purpose and meaning, then I have done what I wanted to do.

Aunt Emma arrived right at 12:00PM to pick me up. Once again it was so nice to have a friend there with me, but right before she got to my place I sent a message to my old friend KoKo and said how it would be nice to have her there as well. I’ve known KoKo a very long time…..since we were kids and for some reason I felt compelled to invite her. For those of you who read my blog or watch my YOUTUBE channel then you know I have had bad luck with reconnecting with people from my childhood, even though I was the one who was homeless and battling so much, I was clearly in a much better place in my life then they were. I have been very careful about letting people from childhood come back into my life. I remember my Ma told me once that there were reasons I did not keep in touch with many people after leaving Santa Monica High and now I fully knew what she meant. However KoKo was unlike the others and to be very honest, she was my friend in school. Not one of those say hi and smile in your face , then talk shit behind your back kind of friends, but a friend who cared, someone who was real and kind.

Each time I get the chance to visit the USC campus it seems like I am walking back into a time when things were simple, life was gentle and my cares were few, but today when I stepped on campus those  feeling were there, but I no longer long for them or wish for them to be back. I guess being homelessness last year when I spoke and now being where I am today with quality people many of whom are my very dear friends, in a great apartment with a sweet view of the Hollywood sign and always a golden sunset…..you know I cant forget Dodger really makes me feel settled again in my life, but this time I am settled with a purpose.

Having a purpose in life changes ALL THINGS, your entire outlook, perspectives, desires, wants, pleasures and all of this changes completely when your life have a purpose. It is so hard to explain, but for those of you who are reading this and know you are living your purpose, then you fully know what I am talking about.

Speaking again today was awesome and I am blessed to have been able to do it and share it with people I know love me, but most of all what made today so cool was a question one of the students asked me and that has been with me all day and once back sitting my my own apartment my tears just began to flow, not because I was sad or afraid, but because my soul was is so full right now that it started to run over and I could not stop it.

God has allowed me to feel the sun on my face, love in heart, friend in my life, all that was removed has been replaced by people and things who are far better then what was once in my life, my soul is feeling peace and the safe harbor is use to find in my parents in now in my own heart. I no longer have to be afraid of what might come my way or what mountain I may have to climb, because I know as long as I stay the course and keep my eyes forward, not looking to the left or to the right things will fall in line. As long as I do my best to live a life filled with not for self, but for others, as long as I keep the love of God front and center, as long as I always trust and believe, then I will be fine and no weapon formed against me will even prosper. When I say weapon I mean anything that is meant to destroy me and the greatness that is within me, it just wont work, not Sickle Cell, not cancer, not HIV, not homelessness, not poverty, not hate, not words aimed at me to cause me to stumble and get off track, not what is said by others, not anything that comes against me will defeat me and cause me to not trust God and what I am able to overcome.

I am smiling and it feels so damn good to smile….FOR ME!!! MY LIFE IS SO RICHLY BLESSED and for this I am so grateful.