Old Blogs from 2009 (July 25-31)

// May 2nd, 2010 // Uncategorized

Unpluggin HIV “Cup Cakes”

• Posted by Kengi on July 25, 2009 at 11:00am

My mornings are pretty simple and most times they begin with two eggs and some grits, does that sound like the Jill Scott song or what? I cant start any morning without at least two cups of coffee. Shortly after this I am headed to the gym to restore my temple. This is something I started a about three months ago, but have really been making a greater effort to make sure I get it done. It involves prayer and medication, bible study to maintain my personal relationship and walk with Christ, as well as reading more, eating as healthy as I possibly can on my very low income and making certain I take time out for me to be with friends and even be alone.

Sometimes restoring my temple simple means grabbing my camera and heading out day or night to take pictures while other times it means sitting in a bubble bath and reading the new E. Lynn Harris book Basketball Jones. Whatever it is restoring the temple is all about my personal grown, mind body and soul

My Unpluggin HIV outreach is now in it’s 4th month and things have been going very well. The outreach is growing and I have already done over 30 outreaches to people living with HIV and AIDS that included outreaches to AIDS Project Los Angeles, Common Grounds, Gay and Lesbian Center The Rand Schrader Clinic (5p21) and to individuals with HIV and AIDS who live homeless on the streets.

It is my goal to have a monthly outreach to men and women who battle HIV and AIDS that are also battling homelessness, low incomes and even addiction. Currently I am working toward making this happen by September by offering a to bring my outreach to the front lines and directly to men and women who need this service badly. I am speaking with a building on Skid Row here in Downtown Los Angeles where people with HIV and AIDS live. My desire is to provide gently used clothes, Life Kits and a meal every month. In addition to this I would also like to have people come to offer support, encouragement and wisdom to the men and women of Skid Row who battle HIV and AIDS. Many of them with little or no support.

Battling HIV and AIDS alone is hard enough, but imagine battling it with no place to live, no food to eat, no clean clothes, no family, no friends and no support from an ASO. Imagine being gay or lesbian and even transgender living on Skid Row, one of the most homophobic places in the United States. HIV and AIDS already cause such feelings of isolation and the lost of hope, but add these things to it and most dont feel they stand a chance.

Unplugging HIV~empowering a positive life is about standing in the gap to help heal all the hurt of pain of not just HIV and AIDS, but of homelessness, no family or friends. It is about loving people and meeting them where they are and not judging them. It is about my love for mankind and my desire to get people to reach outside the box of “community” and strive to help heal humanity which in my humble opinion will create a greater love and understanding for all people, not just for those from one community.

When I was told I was HIV positive I never once thought of myself. In fact the very first thing I asked the head of the HIV Clinic at Harbor UCLA Medical Center was. “Will I be bale to continue my community work?” He relied “yes” I then asked him how I could bring my community to help people with HIV and AIDS. “Let’s worry about you first Mr. Carr.” Since starting my organization it has never been about me, but many times all I seem to hear is “Let’s fix it for you Mr. Carr” and each time my answer is “No, let’s not fix it for me. Let’s just fix it.”

I’ve never once thought to myself “If I do this it will make things better for me” However what I have said was “No one should ever have to go through this, so if I must endure this I must work as hard as I can to fix it for those will come after me.”

Living on Skid Row is not easy and if you think living with HIV on Skid Row is a cake walk, then you are dead wrong. I had plenty of nasty fist fights down on Skid Row. I’ve been refused housing, refused medical care which lead to a blood and even a heart infection. I’ve had a gun jammed in my face and had my ass beat down by five guys who simply felt they needed to “teach the fagot a lesson” It took five of them to try to teach this lesson because one by one I was kicking their asses, two on one I was kicking their asses and I even did pretty damn good when it was three on one, but I was no match for four on one and five on one. I was 39 at the time, very sick and really weak. Going into the fight I knew I was going to be in trouble and I knew I would have to fight damn hard to send a clear message that this “fagot” wasnt no punk and I wasnt going to run from them.

When the fight started I just prayed and said “Ok God, but I need you to protect me please.” When the fourth guy jumped in I knew it was going to get nasty and when his fist landed right in my eye, the another hit my mouth, then another to my eye I just went numb. I could hear what they were saying and could even hear the fists hitting me face and parts of my body, but I felt nothing. I felt the warmth of my blood spilling from my nose and mouth and then I fell. The last thing I head was “put this in your mouth fagot” and a foot kicked me right in my mouth.

If you think the police were any help, then you are wrong, if you think the hospital made me feel better, then you are wrong. They made me feel worse like I had in some way made this happen by being gay. When I told them I was HIV positive the attention to me and my wounds were far less. I know what isolation feels like, I know what the feeling of being alone feels like and at 39 years old I found out what having my ass kicked felt like.

Even as I lay there face covered in blood and so badly swollen it looked as if I had no eyes, I cried to God and begged him not to take my mind and my joy away from me. I begged him to give me the courage to move forward and not let what just happened to me destroy me. However I must be very honest I was starting to hate the fact that I am gay, I was starting to hate myself and I was certainly starting to want to hurt people who attacked me.

What I do has never been about me, nor has it been about any one community and it never will be. It is about love for humanity and standing up for what is right for all people, no matter what is going on in my own life. It is about raising my voice in protest to social injustice, it is about saying no to discriminator and all the abuse of homeless service organizations that are turning huge profits off people who are suffering, it is about speaking out and saying no more to ASO’s that care far more about money then they do for helping people, it is about loving people in the same manner in which God loves all of us, it is about doing all I can to help someone even if that means I go without or must endure the hurt and pain of having my ass beat, if it means that my HIV care must suffer in order to bring attention to all those who battle HIV and AIDS with very little or no medical help at all only have have their life chalked up to “stigma” or “lack of education” It is about doing something, even in the face of harsh attacks, illness, heartache and great pain. It’s about love for people

Each time I do an outreach either through Do Something Saturday~that empowers people or Unpluggin HIV~empowering a positive life, I am rebuilding a soul, encouraging a brother and a sister to do all they can to hold on for just a little while longer. I am adding light where there is darkness, peace to souls that are at war in love to a life that is in turmoil. Each time I walk away I cant help my cry for the people I encounter because I think to myself “why doesnt anyone care”

Through my work God has shown me what I can do, what I can accomplish, while many have told me you cant help anyone because you are homeless, you can help anyone because you are gay, you cant help anyone because you are Black, you cant help anyone because you have HIV and Iook at them and laugh and say “You cant help anyone because you are full of shit, you are full of hate and you can kick rocks”

It’s been over two years since I started my organization and I have done more for humanity then most will do their entire life. I’ve done more for humanity with no money then people will billions could ever do. Not because I am so great, or that I always say and do the right things, but it is because I am child of the most high King and he has given me favor. He’s given my power not to just climb the higher mountain, but move it out of the way so that others wont even have to look at it at all.

God will always make a way out of no way. He always has a Ram in the bush. He is my way maker, my strong tower, my shelter in the time of storm, my peace giver, HE IS MY DOCTOR in a sick room and I know without a doubt that is ONLY by his grace mercy and favor that I am still here. That I am able to fight HIV without meds. It is ONLY because of him and his grace that I am able to do ALL THINGS.

God sends me people like Mary and her awesome family who have embraced me and my organization and have asked “Kengi how can I help.” Mary is simply awesome and a baker in her own right. When I first met her she expressed wanting to help me and soon after she was involved with doing just that. Not once has she made an excuse or called and said “Kengi I can help” and later call and say “Kengi my cat is sick” or “Kengi the pizza man in late and it’s raining outside” Nope not miss Mary, like many of my volunteers, many of who are now my friends Mary does what she says.

Yesterday Mary and her kids came over and with some baked goods and yes they were good baked good too. She came with all sorts of cupcakes that were given to people who are battling HIV and AIDS. It was cool to even be able to offer some to people right here where I live who are also battling HIV and AIDS.

Each time I see Mary her smile is just so bright and filled with light. When you look into her eyes you can see a soul that is good and pure and at peace with God. When you look at her family you see the good in this country and when you look at her children you see the future of this nation.

Mary and Skyler are two awesome examples and what can take place and what God can create when LOVE shows up the way God loves us. I am talking about a love that is “unconditional” and “pure” Many people say “I cant help you unless you are a non-profit” while people like Mary and her awesome family say “I dont care if you’re not a non-profit. I want to help”

My outreach was a very small scale outreach as many of them have been these past months. I have done them alone and each time I am so blessed by the people I get the chance to meet and share a few minutes with.

“Did you bake this? It’s so good and I can taste the love in it.” is what one lady in her late 40 who is battling homelessness and AIDS on the streets of Hollywood while waiting for her housing to be approved asked me. “No Ma’am I didnt bake these, my friend Mary did and yes, she baked them with love.” I said “May I please have another one” She asked in a hushed voice. “You can have as many as you like.” She smiled and took one more and walked away.

“Hey Cupcake man!!! Can I have one?” was yelled to me from across the street and I just smiled and then had a laugh with him when he came over. It was my last one and I was happy to give it to him.

I love the work I have created, I love the people I serve and I love the people who have come to love and embrace what I am trying to do. Mary your Cupcakes were awesome and they helped bring some love into the lives of people who need it. From the bottom on my heart I say thank you. YOU ROCK

Central Avenue Jazz Festival and ME

• Posted by Kengi on July 27, 2009 at 12:30am

My day started pretty much the same way it always does, the alarm goes off and I head to the bathroom. However this morning I also needed to do a load of clothes and then get ready for the gym. But things went sour when after my clothes were done the drier didnt dry my clothes. Even after changing them into another machine, the same thing happened. Two bucks gone and my clothes are soaking wet and the other drier has people waiting in line. Kick Rocks!!

I took my clothes back up to my apartment and put them in areas where I knew they would dry and I started making myself some breakfast. It was 7:30 and I had already lost an hour and half fooling around with laundry.

Since I dont have much food I had to get creative as I do all the time when it comes to meals for myself. So it was grits, two eggs over medium and some grilled potatoes. This was simple breakfast and I am a pro at keeping things simple. Coffee wasnt on the menu today because I was out of cream and I dont drink black coffee. So it was a cup of tea with my breakfast.

While I cooked my breakfast I took some time to upload the pictures that I took last night while I was out with Dab the AIDS Bear on a picture safari. I also wanted to take some time to return emails and map out my week. I am finding that in order for me to keep up with all I do and make time for me, I must start to map things out and place myself on a schedule and this must include time for me and me only.

I have also learned that I cant simply depend on people to care for or have the same passion and drive for my organization like I have. So I must run it just like I am the only person involved. I say this because people have great ideas and awesome intentions and even make commitments to help, but then when it comes time to deliver they are too busy, have forgotten and even worse, were only talking or making comments on my blog, youtube channel or facebook page to look good in front of others.

While eating my breakfast I reached out to an old friend in the Bay Area to see if she would be interested in designing a logo for my Unpluggin HIV outreach and I also called a friend who use to help me think out ideas for things I wanted to do long before homelessness took place. Both calls were pretty cool and I am pretty sure good things will come from both.

After eating my breakfast and talking to my old friends I spent some time writing and uploading pics to my flickr page that I will later create into photo sets. While uploading pictures I was watching the ABC News show when I saw a picture of E. Lynn Harris. He is my favorite writer, so I was really wondering why his face would be on this show, but then I saw his date of birth and the date he died and I shocked. I sat for a few minutes thinking that this could not be true because it didnt even make the news. They had to be wrong is what I thought to myself. To prove them wrong I googled it and to my surprise they were right. E. Lynn Harris was dead.

That slowed my morning down. I started thinking about the first book I read by E. Lynn Harris. How from the very first few lines the book sucked me in and I was done reading it in less then 2 days. I recall I would wake up late at night and read more of the book, because I had to know what was going to happen. When the next book came out I did the very same thing. I was done reading it in no time and I would again wake up and read even when I should be getting rest for an event I would be cooking for.

Then as I sat thinking about E. Lynn Harris and how his books touched my life and my soul, made me laugh, cry, cheer and want to be a better person. His books present Black me in such an awesome way, even the ones who should not be cheering for, we cheer for. Blacks are successful in his books and many have said this is no the way Blacks live, just like they said when the Cosby show came to be on TV. Well I knew better then to believe that Blacks dont lead productive and successful lives, just like I know better to believe things like “stigma” and “education” are the main reasons why HIV and AIDS are the #1 killers if Blacks in this country.

I am currently reading Basketball Jones by E. Lynn Harris and enjoying every page.

The day was still going to be very special to me, because the 14th Annual Central Avenue Jazz Festival was taking place. This is bar far the best Jazz Festival here in Southern California and is open to the public for FREE. Yep, that’s right I said FREE.

This year, the Central Avenue Jazz Festival celebrates its 14th Anniversary here in the City of Los Angeles. This two-day event again pays tribute to the rich culture and heritage of the “Avenue,” as it was known during its heyday from the 1920s to the 1940s. In addition to some world-class jazz, Latin jazz, and blues, come partake in some great food and browse through stalls of arts and crafts.
“Each year we celebrate the rich history of Central Avenue, by bringing some of the greatest talents in blues, jazz, and Latin jazz together for an outstanding summer festival. And, this year, we have even more reason to celebrate as we anticipate the opening of four developments along the Central Avenue corridor, including our new South Los Angeles City Hall,” said Councilwoman Perry, whose office spearheads efforts to ensure the continuation of this great summer tradition. “I invite the entire community to come celebrate with us.”
Clora Bryant will kick off the weekend festivities with a lively and engaging panel discussion. And, this year crowds can expect outstanding performances form the CJS Quintent, Raya Yarbrough, Eric Reed Trio, Adonis Puentes Band, Bill Henderson, Jazz America, Littleton Brothers, Kalil Wilson, Kamasi Washington, Gerald Wilson Orchestra, and Jazz on the Latin Side. For more information, visit www.centralavejazz.com.

I wanted to attend both days, but low cash flow would not allow me to do this. Even though the event is free, it is not close to Hollywood where I live. I would have to spend $5 to get on the train and two buses to get to the event and I could not spend $5 each day. So I made the choice to attend on Sunday and the reason I did this was primarily for the Gerald Wilson Orchestra.

I first came to know the legendary Mr. Wilson when I was a small boy and my Pops took me to see him perform. I had already been long introduced to music and Jazz was huge part of my life, as was gospel music. So the chance to see him perform once again would be such a huge treat for me.

Last year I got to see him perform twice, once at Central Avenue Jazz and then again for his 90th birthday at the world famous Hollywood Bowl. That night was just as special because once again I was able to see someone whom my parents made me aware of and someone who’s music I simply love. The Hank Williams Trio. What a night that was for me.

I told me friend I would meet her there, because she tends to always run late and I didnt want to miss any of the great show that was set for Sunday. Not only would I be able to see the Gerald Wilson Orchestra, but Kamasi Washington who I came to love through Mr. Wilson and other groups would be playing with his own group and then Jazz on the Latin Side All Stars would close out the show.

Once I arrived I snapped a few pics and then saw my friend wave to me and I joined her under the tent and right away we began smiling and laughing. She is very much my Jazz friend, but she is also someone I know loves and cares for me in her own way. Most times I dont get her way, but I know she means well. When she hugs me or smiles at me I feel her love for me and I know she cares. She just sometimes has a hard time showing it, but I love her and she loves me. Today when she hugged me it felt so good. We stopped hanging out while I was homeless because I know it was just too hard for her to see her friend go through what I was, so I tried to spare her some of the hurt and pain and I just made myself not available when she called. For me it was also pretty damn hard to always have to reply on her to get my clothes washed, get new shoes or get a decent meal. When I found out I was HIV positive it was hard to tell her because I didnt want her to worry about me anymore then she already was. Once I told her she came to the hospital to check on me.

After a few minutes of hearing this vocalist from UCLA do his best to sing, but was really a mess, we went for a walk to get some food and something to drink. Just like always Central Avenue Jazz had some awesome vendors and we wanted to try them all. My friend knows my situation, so she was so kind to buy my lunch for me. She is the kind of friend who does things and will never once make you feel bad or shame you, nor will she ever remind you of what she has done.

We walked and talked and laughed and shared some conversation on President Obama, as well as how things are looking for the State of California. We also talked about how I was feeling with the Sickle Cell and where I am with the HIV. She doesnt know much about HIV, so I know when she asks questions it’s because she wants to be sure that she doesnt say or do the wrong things to others who have HIV or AIDS. I know she also asks because she wants to know that her friend is doing ok. She always smiles so big when I tell her I am doing awesome.

We both settled for BBQ, she got the Chicken Link and I got the BBQ Combo with two sides~rib tips and chicken. We then stopped and got her friend some Mexican food that looked and smelled awesome. No meal at Central Avenue Jazz would be complete without some Cajun Grilled Jumbo Shrimp. WOW, was this Shrimp Jumbo and yummy. The rib tips were something else altogether. Many people say they know what to do on the grill, but only a few can through it down right and this place wasnt one of them. The Tips tasted like they had been cooked days ago and then thrown back on the grill to warm up. The chicken was ok, the roll was hard and the potato salad was from Smart and Final. I wont even tell you about the beans.

Right as we were eating Kamasi and his group started playing and man were they good. They kicked things up right from the first cord and didnt miss a single beat the entire time. Kamasi is a native and he is loved. His style is hot and his beats are on point. This cat can play that horn well and the guys in his band hung with him every step of the way.

Now I love me some Kamasi, big nappy head and all, but the brutha on the Bass was puttin it down. The lady behind me said to her friend “I bet that boy can lay some pipe” I spit my food out when she said this and everyone around us cracked up laughing because all of us were thinking what she had just said. He was working that Bass and his face looked like his was doing just what she said.

Thing only got better when they left the stage, all of them but Kamasi and things started getting set up for Gerald Wilson and his awesome Orchestra. This man is over 90 years old and has an Orchestra that knows what Jazz is, how to play it, and how to make you love it. The other awesome thing about Mr. Wilson is that even though he glides around the stage and has such a powerful presence, this man is blind, but many dont even know it. He moves around the stage just like he can see where he is going and the style of conducting is awesome. There set was awesome and the crowd could not get enough. The kept people on their feet and when we learned that the legendary Linda Hopkins was in the crowd we all cheered for the hopes that she would take the stage and perform, but she has suffered a stroke and is unable to perform, but she can still shake with the best of them.

The last band was the sound of Latin Jazz and once again it was one of my favorite bands. They are simply awesome. The crowd was on their feet and people were dancing in the aisles. It was so cool to end the day with dancing and awesome music.

I said bye to the ladies and men I had met and even to a sexy couple that were in from Arizona. As wel walked to the their cars I was able to get a commitment from someone I met that wants to donate her old clothes to a good cause. I told her about my organization and even told her about others, but she said she would donate to mine and that made me smile very big. While we were enjoying the Jazz I got text message from my Twitter page from my biddy Shawn about a lady who has some diapers that she wants to donate. How cool is it that I will be able to pick up the donation on Tuesday for two families who can really use the help with diapers.

As I was walking in the door to my place I got a call from the man I was in love with for 15 years. The man I am still the best of friends with. He said he was listening to Jazz and thought he would call me to say hello. I laughed and told him I was just walking in from a awesome day of Jazz. He laughed and said “That’s such a Sunday for you.”

We spoke for a good while laughing and catching up. He too wanted to make sure I was feeling ok and that my HIV was still under control. Right before we hung up he told me to take care of myself. I smiled and said I would.

“You better!! I miss you Louis.”

“Ahh, I miss you too Big Daddy”

My Get Away at the Bonaventure Hotel in Downtown LA

• Posted by Kengi on July 29, 2009 at 10:30am

The other day a friend sent me a message telling me that the Bonaventure Hotel in Downtown Los Angeles was giving away free rooms. “wow, free rooms” I thought to myself. How cool would that be get a free night away? I went to the link he sent and in minutes I had a confirmation code and I was all set for a free night at the Westin Bonaventure Hotel in Downtown LA.

Well for those who are really reading my blogs and not just looking at the pictures I post with each blog, then you know my situation and you know that I dont have a extra cent to do anything like this, so hidden cost would so not work for me. I can not even afford to pay for a deposit, I simply dont have it. I called the hotel to check just to be certain that FREE really meant just that, FREE. I also wanted to make sure there were no hidden cost or deposit required. The lady who took my call was very nice and very helpful and she assured me that there were no hidden cost and no security deposit would be required.

Tuesday morning I was up early because before leaving for the Bonaventure Hotel I needed to hit the gym and I also had to go to the doctor. I also wanted to clean my place and get my laundry ready for the wash, even though the driers are all broken at my building, I still wanted to make sure my things were ready so I can walk to a nearby laundromat. I also wanted to some reading done and start working on my outreaches for Do Something Saturday and Unpluggin HIV. After doing this for about three hours I was so ready to for my night away. It’s really sad to me how hard I have to work to get people to return phone calls or emails and these are people who have jobs that require them to help homeless people and people with HIV and AIDS. Just frustrates me that here I am doing my best to offer service and help to people and the ones who are in line to help them are standing in the way.

I was also going to try to leave early because I was set to pick up diapers from a family in Downtown Los Angeles. They had diapers that their child did not “like” so they were looking to donate the unused diapers. When I got the message from my friend Shawn I was right in the middle of listening to Jazz at the Central Avenue Jazz Festival, which was AWESOME. Right away I called two families and they said “yes” they could use and would welcome help with the diapers.

I left an email for the people offering and each time I got a reply and Tuesday morning I even got a phone call from the lady who gave me the address and phone where I would be picking them up. This was going to be so great. I night away and I will also get the chance to help a family in need by picking up diapers. Sweet!!

I get the hotel around around 3:45PM, it was just one train ride from home. However the police where in full force at the station. You would think there was some murder investigation or something had really happened by the number of police in the station. They are at the “tap” boxes demanding that people show their tickets and “tap” cards and even once you got through this there was another line of officers once again demanding for the same thing. Well it didnt stop there, because there was yet more police down on the platform and yes they were asking for your tickets. With me being the asshole that I am I asked “What is the deal with this? Dont you guys have something to do?” This question clearly made one of the jar head gang members upset and he felt he needed to try to scare me by getting in front of me saying “What did you just say?” with his hands on hips in that “I am the police dont fuck with me stance” and I looked at him and repeated what I said and I added “this make you feel so proud of yourself for the great job your doing protecting us, by giving tickets in the subway station.” I then placed my hands on my hips like “Now what” He simply walked away saying nothing. Soon after the all left the platform in a hurry. I guess the light came on at Krispy Kream. KICK ROCKS!!!!

I snapped a few pics as I walked to the hotel and once inside and at the empty front desk this smiling face called me over and she began to check me in. She was nice and welcomed me to the hotel, but she soon said the words I wasnt looking forward to hearing. “There is a $100 deposit required…….” I explained to her that I had called and was told there would be no deposit. She then asked for $85.00 and I told her I didnt have that and would not have come had I been told this would be required, especially since I know I dont have it. She went to the back and returned asking me what I could leave for a deposit and I told her what was on the card and she took the full amount.

I was checked in and given a room that was “remodeled” I was placed in the red tower on the 22nd floor with an awesome view. This wasnt my first time at the hotel, I stayed here way back in 1987 when we had one of our after proms in Downtown LA and I had a room at the Bonaventure as did many people from Santa Monica High School.

The rooms at the hotel are small, I am told that there are suites, but I have never seen one. When I got on the elevator to my room I started thinking on the after prom and the night I spent in the hotel. The smile on my face was so big that when another guest got on the elevator he said “Looks like someone is having a great time.” smiling and winking at me. I smiled back and said, “Naw, just recalling a time way back in June 1987.” This dude was hot and his smile was bright. His skin was super dark and his lips were full. We got off at the same floor and walked the same way. He walked in front of me so I got a good look at his ass. Can you say bubble butt?

“See ya later brutha” he said

“Not if you’re lucky” I smiled

As soon as I walked into the room I laughed because the room was just as I recalled…..small, but the view was awesome. The bed was big and dressed in white. This made the room pop just a bit. Right away I took a look around and then sat on the bed. I took Dab with me because I knew he wanted a day away as well. I sat him and Lov Bear on the table near the window and got some water and then made the call to get the diapers. I was surprised when I got what sounded like an answering machine of someone who sounder older then the lady I spoke to. I left a message and gave my cell phone and the number to the hotel with the room number. I was sure he was just busy and would call me later.

I talked for second to my friend Robert and then my other friend called to make sure I got into the room ok. She told me that there would be a charge and I was foolish for thinking and believing that there would be no charge. “There is always a charge Kengi, I dont care what they said, they will charge and you wont get in” Well she was right and wrong. There was a charge and I did get in. I will say this, and it isnt just for the the Bonaventure Hotel it applies to all places that say things are “free” but then slap on hidden cost and fees when you arrive. BE HONEST and CLEAR about all cost, even the COST you have to PAY as a deposit.

My view was awesome and I made certain I took plenty of pictures (day, evening and night) I left the hotel and headed out to take some pictures of Downtown LA. Again for those who read my you know I dont have great things to say about Downtown LA and this isnt because I dont love LA. I was born and raised in Santa Monica and anyone who knows me knows how much I love Southern California as well as the entire State of California. However Downtown LA has never been a great place as long as I have been alive, from what I remember. Furthermore Skid Row has only gotten for worse and I think the City of Los Angeles, as well as the County of Los Angeles has done a lousy job with correcting the many problems that face Downtown LA. Simply building high priced lofts and gentrification of any neighborhood has never been help to poor people. It only hurts them. We only need to look at Santa Monica, Venice and Downtown LA to see this. Also adding police to an area with a reputation of abuse toward the poor and homeless will also serve no purpose other then to harass and target the poor and homeless.

Way back when there was talk about redevelopment of Downtown Los Angeles it was to include housing for the very people who were already there long before the “fancy” started moving in and setting up shop, but those plans to create fair housing for those who are at the most risk of becoming homeless, the poor and actually helping the homeless were called off in order to create housing for “fancy” and those creating an atmosphere of “we are here now and you must leave”

There were no protest or candle light marches or rallies to call attention to millions that were taken from low-income housing and helping the housing to help a billion dollar builder build LA Live, that does not have to be repaid. There is no one paying attention or watching how Downtown LA is quickly becoming a place for “fancy pants” and the poor and homeless had better get use to it and just get the hell out.

Everytime I read a blog….well not everytime, there are some blogs in Downtown LA that I love and there are people that live in the “fancy” lofts that really do care about the poor and homeless and are really interested in making sure the poor and homeless are not displaced because of buildings that are not only springing up but also taking buildings that once housed the poor and low income. But there are those blogs that seem to have this “entitlement” feel to them and I have even seen some people on Twitter who have this same attitude. Let’s just be real people, YOU MOVED TO SKID ROW!!!! Just because you paid way too much for your loft doesnt mean you get to run people out who have been there long before you and will be there long after you leave.

I do love the feel of Downtown LA. There is so much there and so many awesome places there as well. If you read my blog from my trip to the ballet then you know I found some really cool places and rediscovered places that have long been a part of my life in Southern California, like Coles French Dips on 6th. I also found awesome bars as well. (please read the blog for the reviews)

The best things I love about Downtown LA is the buildings. Not the new buildings, but the old ones and how they have so much history and also have a legacy that tell a real and true story of the greatness of Downtown LA. Like the awesome theaters, the Eastern Buildings, the Central Library, the California Club and the old hotels that were once awesome way back in their day and now many are used for housing for the poor and homeless.

Hotels like the Bonaventure Hotel are to those who have been born and raised here our stanples, they are part of the history of this great city, places like Coles, Union Station, Bunker Hill are rich with this cities history and should be preserved for all of us to enjoy. Not just those who can afford to buy an over priced loft and afford crappy sandwich that is more then $15 bucks and is far worse then the food served at the Union Rescue Mission.

My night in Downtown LA was cool and the stay in the hotel was sweet. The staff was very helpful and the bed was one of the best I have ever slept on. The hotel is just as I remember it, simple with a touch of elegance. The rooms are small, but the views are stellar. While there were some things in my room that I think need some attention, esthetically since this is considered to be a “remodeled” room, but in all the stay was cool. Overall I would give the Bonaventure Hotel a 7+

It’s 10:36AM and I am about to hit the shower and get ready to leave. I have another doctors appointment and I also have to be at the gym by 2:00PM. I never got a phone call back for the people who offered the diapers and this would normally make me upset, but I have learned that people can sometimes be flakes and to be honest many people talk about helping others, but when they are presented the opportunity to do just that, they fail badly. The family who I told I had diapers for them wont have to go without. I did reach out to one of my loyal supporters who knew I would be getting the diapers and told them I want able to get them because my call went returned for one reason or another. She told me she would pick up some diapers for the family as will as a gift card to a market so they could get some food as well.

If you are ever in the Downtown LA area for stay, I suggest staying at the Westin Bonaventure Hotel, it is a great hotel and the staff is awesome, the rooms are comfy and the beds are out of this world. Be sure to see Union Station, the Central Library and get a great sandwich are Coles French Dips or step back into time and eat at Clifftons Cafeteria another Downtown LA landmark and must.

If you feel like you want to “be of service” then make a Do Something Kit and offer it to a homeless person. For information on Do Something or Life Kits please visit www.dosomethingsaturday.org

The videos of my night will be on my youtube channel soon and the pictures are already on my flickr page. Just as a note I will be asking the Bonaventure Hotel for a donation of items for the Do Something and Life Kits they are passed out to homeless people and people with HIV or AIDS.

You can get links to my Flickr and youtube channel on my website in the contacts area of the site. There is also information on me, the organization I created while battling Sickle Cell, cancer, HIV and homelessness for 29 months at www.dosomethingsaturday.org

Keep It Pushin

• Posted by Kengi on July 31, 2009 at 2:35am

So Tuesday I had the chance to spend the night in Downtown LA at the Westin Bonaventure Hotel and for the most part the stay was pretty awesome. There was some confusion on the the room being a remodeled room which my card at check in said it would, but as it turns out the room wasn’t remodeled and the furniture was also in need of some attention. The was a charge to my credit card that I was told wasn’t a charge and had been deleted but that wasnt true. Someone some how made the mistake of charging me and it was not corrected until I called back in today and spoke with someone in the executive offices and the matter was fixed and I should be getting the money back on my card soon.

This will cause me some harm in the long run because with this charge to my card two bills will now not clear and thus cause late charges for me to have to pay. Although the issue is now resolved and I was assured that some training will take place to make certain that other guests will not have to deal with issues like this, the damage has been done and I will simply have to deal with it.

My overall stay at the hotel was enjoyable and I still would recommend that people check out the hotel if they are in the Downtown LA area. If you recall not more then two weeks ago I was at the Bonaventure Hotel after going to see Romeo and Juliet the ballet with my best friend Tina and we joined Andy, her boyfriend for dinner at the Brewing Company located inside the hotel. The staff was great and the food was awesome. In fact the hostess even gave me a lead on an organization that does outreaches and even provides support and educational services for people affected and infected with HIV and AIDS. I will meeting with them in September and also speaking to a group of people infected with HIV and AIDS.

I am happy with the resolve and outstanding customer service stills of the person I spoke with and how she was able to turn this completely around and still retain me as someone who really enjoyed my stay thee and someone who truly thinks this is a great property. Too many times places tend to miss the point that they are supposed to be there to provide a service to the people they are serving and even if that service is offered for FR EE it does not exclude them from performing their job just as they would for someone who is paying for it.

Again, overall the stay was enjoyable and for those who read my blog or follow my youtube channel you a fully aware of all that I have had to deal with from Sickle Cell, Cancer, 29 months of homelessness and the harshness, discrimination and abuse that went along with that and then being HIV positive for over a year year. All of this with no health care, no home while doing my best to reach out to people who are suffering through homelessness and living with HIV and AIDS.

I’ve been in my own apartment for a month and two days now, so for me to be able to get a free night at any hotel was a treat for me. Even though it will cost me more then the money that was charged to my card, it was still a cool moment along my path. I will update you as to how the situation finally comes to a close.

Wednesday afternoon was pretty busy for me. I had a doctors appointment and I also needed to touch base with the family to make sure they got the diapers that a family in Downtown LA flaked out on donating after making all the arrangements only to not return my phone call to come pick them up. What could have been a phone call to tell the family that the people who said they would donate the diapers turned out to be complete dorks and liars, one of my supporters who that it was too good to be true in the first place stepped forward to purchase the family diapers and get them gift cards to a super market. When I spoke to the on the phone it was cool to hear the sound of relief and smiles in their voices from getting the very little help I was able to provide them.

It’s always so sad to me how people can say things like “I will help” and then flake out and not have a problem with going back on their word. These are the types of people who say things like “love and light” and “Namaste” or take self improvement classes like the Landmark Forum only to emerge far more fucked up then before they entered, but some how this equates into “integrity” and makes them better then other people. It clearly gives the the right to look down on poor or homeless people.

I cant tell you how many times people have said “I have a backpack” or “I will help you feed homeless people” and then back out and act like it doesn’t matter. To be very honest many have acted like I was the one who done wrong by thinking that would actually “be of their word” and follow through on something they said they would do. “Shame on you Kengi for believing that I would help”

The thing is this, after I called the family and told them I would be able to diapers for them, this allowed them to use the money they would have to buy diapers with towards a bill. So I would be the one standing on front of them left holding the ball for some asshole who didnt even think to call and say “hey our cat got sick” or some lame ass excuse like this. Nope they didnt even feel they needed to do this because it was helping a poor family and to top things off I am some stupid ass formely homeless man with HIV, ending my 5th battle with cancer and my never ending battle with Sickle Cell and trying to help people. No they dont have to call because according to many who blog in the Downtown LA Blog homeless people are scum and not worth a damn. How’s that for “love and light”

I also had to meet with my case manager to turn in paperwork that shows I am accessing services, then I went to the gym and spent much of the evening and well into the night getting ready and planning my upcoming outreaches through Do Something Saturday and Unpluggin HIV.

Thursday was pretty busy as well. I was up early to hit the gym and then up to the food panty to get food. You guys know how I feel about food that is given to homeless people, low income families and seniors, so I was happy to see that the pantry supplied me with things that I can use and are no where close to expiration. This really created some relief for me, because I am not sure if DPSS will give me my food stamps nor the cash because they say I didnt turn in a form that was in fact turned in with my case worker and I was given a copy of the form with a signature and date it was turned in. Something that is their fault was cause me a problem. I just laughed it off because this is some of the same crap I have had to deal with, so I am sure I will have to deal with it again. However this time around I am getting all things signed and dated as well as taking pictures as well. This way there can be no question that I have not done all that I am required to do.

I was very happy that tonight was going to be yet another night where I could chill out with my friends. After a long day of running around from doctor to doctor and getting a bit stressed out about bills, I knew I could chill with friends, smile and have some laughs and awesome food.

After a fast power nap, soak in the bubble bath, two chapters of Basketball Jones~E.Lynn Harris RIP~ seeing that the drier takes my money, sounds like it is working, but doesnt tumble or heat up, I also finally got my METRO TAP, but they failed to load the monthly pass which I had already paid for and the tokens I was able to get at the food pantry are not honored at METRO ticket booths inside the train stations. How funny is that METRO issues the tokens, but doenst honor them at their machines. The “Americas Best” award is a huge joke.

I so needed a night with my friends.

It was my a birthday dinner Lourdes who I met through Andy and Tina last year when she came for my 40th pre-birthday party celebration. Pocker Night and man was I good, I won every gave and I had never played before. LOL, I backed down when Andy looked like he was about to open a can of whoop ass on me in the next hand. Well tonight was her birthday and I got to share her night with her and our friends.

We met in Winchester at Thai Talay on Lincoln. This place was sweet and cool find. As a chef I love great food and Thai is one of my favorites and this places does a great job. It is kind of tricky cause from the outside there isnt much, but when you walk in the place is very open and the decor is cool with candles and dark tables and chairs. Since I was late the food had been ordered and even though I knew I could order what I wanted I was happy to dig right into what was already on the table.

While I am not sure what I ate, I can tell you that all of it was awesome. What really rocked was the Tuna Tatare. WOW was the taste on this baby bursting with so many awesome flavors and it melted, yes melted in your mouth leaving you wanting more and more. There was some noodle dishes that was also very good and the chicken dish was stellar as well.

Our table conversation ranged from Downtown LA, cameras, homelessness, HIV and AIDS, medical issues, USC, ucla and Michael Jacksons funeral and the LAKER parade. Parks that only certain people can use and so much more. Oh yeah Phil Jackson was there with his date.

The service was awesome and the waitress was on top of her game. Not once did we have to aks for anything. Water and Iced Tea stayed full and she wasnt smothering. Tina told me how helpful she was with the menu and making sure that everyone was happy with what they ordered.

After dinner Tina and I had some cool conversation on the way back to their place and once there we had more cool laughs and conversation with Andy. I had a glass and wine and shortly after chilling out and sharing more smiles and laughs Andy drove me home.

As I sit here and type this blog, I am looking back over my day and seeing all the things that could have set my day down a different direction, but I refused to allow outside things control my how my day was going to play out. I refused to allow things out of my control affect how my day would end up, refused to allow mistakes made by others which will have a direct impact on my life shape or mold my state of mind and thus determine how I would spend my day.

Even though I was upset with the charge to my credit card and it not being taken care or handled right from the start and still not getting taken care of after I spoke with someone when I checked out. Even though I will now have to pay extra for bills, I could have let this upset my entire day, but I make the choice to voice my disgust and let the right person know that I was not happy and let it go. Knowing the rest would have to fall into place and it did.

I could have allowed the MANY mistakes that METRO has made to cause me to get so upset that I yell and scream at people or even allow it to screw up my night with my friends, but again I simply rolled with it and didnt allow it to shape how my day was going to unfold. I am in control of my day and how things will play out. I am in charge of what will and will not come into my space and shape me.

As a footnote I was able to go see my case manager at APLA and it was very cook to speak with her and make sure she and I are cool. I also wanted to make sure she knows without a doubt that I have nothing but respect for her and the job that she has done for me. I also wanted to make her aware that I would changing my case management over to where I get my medical care simply because it makes better sense, is better for me. We laughed for a long time and talked about how things have changed for me and how cool it is that my thoughts are no longer about if I would have to fist fight for my things, if a doctor or nurse would treat me like I am some wild animal that needs to be put down, to now going to the ballet, public speaking, working harder to grow my organization and having people who are suffering through homelessness, HIV and AIDS or cancer and Sickle Cell reaching out to me for advice, love, support, encouragement, inspiration and empowerment.

My blog and vlog have been called an indictment for homeless service agencies and AIDS Service Organizations> I’ve been told that my thinking is “backwards” and that I am “stupid” but when you look and clearly see and consider that Los Angeles has the largest homeless population in the nation (over 80,000) and places like Skid Row and yes even Santa Monica continue to make things like poverty and homelessness a crime and as long as HIV and AIDS remain the #1 cause of death for Blacks in this country while people say it is “stigma” and “education” as the driving force, this is what is “Backwards” and “stupid” and the only “Stigma” and “education” taking place in all of this is the old guard refusing to see that the old outdated ways of doing business have never worked and people are still very much still being wiped out by HIV and AIDS and to ignore the very people who are at the greatest risk is simply wrong and anti-human.

There isnt a day that goes by that someone doesnt attack what I do, or call my “stupid fagot”, “homeless fuck” or even “dumb nigger” but there also isnt a day that I dont get a phone call, email, comment from someone battling as hard as they can against a system designed to fail them tell me “Thank you for standing up for me” or “thank you for giving me a voice” There isnt a day that goes by that a homeless person doesnt remind me that what I just did for them helps them, makes them feel like they count, helps them to hold on and give it another go. There isnt a day that someone infected or affected with HIV or AIDS doesnt say “thank you” and there isnt a day that one of my awesome friends or loyal supporters doesnt show up and help me make the day of someone who has far less.

Nana use to say “folks only talk bullshit about you because they too damn lazy to get off their asses to help someone other then themselves. It is easier for them to sit and try to find things wrong with what you’re doing. Well I say fuck them.”

Ma use to say “while they are talking about you, take a good look at what they are really doing and when you see it isnt about nothing but tearing down, masking it in building up, you jut keep steppin.”

Pops use to say “so what, let em talk shit. You know the deal”

My case manager says “Keep is pushin Kengi”

and I say “KICK ROCKS!!!!”

I love the work I have created, I love the people I serve, I love the people who support and embrace my work, not because of community, but HUMANITY and I love the awesome friends in my life.

To people with HIV and AIDS and homeless people who battle poverty, abuse, poor medical care and never feeling like anyone hears you or cares for you. I CARE, I WILL ALWAYS CARE, I WILL ALWAYS STAND UP FOR YOU, I WILL ALWAYS RAISE MY VOICE IN PROTEST AGAINST THOSE WHO ABUSE YOU.

If this means I get called names and must endure attacks against my character and my organization, then so be it, I this means people dont speak to me because I have said something that is TRUE, but many are afraid to say about their Homeless Service Organization or AIDS Service Organization and the harm they DO cause, then I guess I wont get invited to the “fancy party” or sit at the “fancy people table” or get a chance to go into the “fancy lofts: and look down on people. SO WHAT. I never wanted a seat at that table and I never wanted to attend that party and those lofts dont impress me.

Since Jesus wasnt hanging out and chilling with all that is “fancy” and “sparkly” then I wont be doing that either.