Project Kengikat

AIDS Watch 2010

// May 2nd, 2010 // Uncategorized

Last week I had the awesome opportunity to to travel to Washington DC with AIDS Project Los Angeles for AIDS Watch which is put on by the National Association of People with AIDS. My former case manager, Tiana recommended me and after meeting with Phil, Elana and Aaron it was a done deal.

AIDS Project Los Angeles (APLA) is  one of the oldest as well as largest HIV and AIDS organizations in the Southern California area. They offer a wide array of services from case management and housings  services to support groups and HIV testing. According to their website they are:   dedicated to improving the lives of people affected by HIV disease; reducing the incidence of HIV infection; and advocating for fair and effective HIV-related public policy.

According to the website information for the National Association of People with AIDS (NAPWA) they are: Advocates on behalf of all people living with HIV and AIDS in order to end the pandemic and the human suffering caused by HIV/AIDS.

NAPWA put on AIDS Watch and while their website has a pretty lengthy unclear definition as to what AIDS Watch actually is, please allow me to make it plain and simply. AIDS Watch is about advocacy. It is designed to allow people infected (consumers) with HIV or AIDS to share their real life stories with their Congressional leaders and their staff in a three day campaign in Washington DC that include one day of briefings, trainings and receptions and then two days of visits to Capitol Hill.

However it is more then just a chance for someone like me to share my experience, we were also there to ask for things that will allow us to continue to live happy and productive lives.

Support Health Care Reform

Support a National HIV and AIDS Strategy

Support Increased Funding for HIV and AIDS Programs

I must say that I had the huge advantage of traveling with the best teamaround, Phil, Elana, Aaron and Jason along with Valerie were not just very professional as well as knowledgeable, they were also awesome with making sure Thelma and I had plenty of time to speak with our leaders and share our stories and experiences as people living with AIDS and HIV.  However I also say this because in our training we were given this paper t help us shape what we were to say, we even watch some youtube videos as well. I one point I told Thelma “I know this channel. I’ve seen it before and I don’t think it is very effective.”

Even in the meeting where we were supposed to be doing some role playing on what to say once we were on Capitol Hill the leader of the Bay Area delegation seemed to have a different idea as to what our roles were. He seemed to ask us to tell less of our story and focus more on the three “asks” For some people in the group this posed a real problem because they were not even sure what actual statistics were or how they could speak to things they were not aware or for lack of a better word “educated” about.

This is when the expertise from our leader can in handy for all who were in the “role play” circle. He reminded us that AIDS Watch is a “consumer”  event and is about us being able to share our experiences with the programs and services we use. If we are able to make suggestions to improve such services or at the very least tie a successful service you’ve used into your story. At this point I felt good, because I was already planning to do what he was speaking about. I was not however prepared to quote fact sheets and things of this nature. I was leaving that up to the awesome tea that allowed me the chance to speak in the first place. After all this is what they were there for, it is what they do and very well I might add. Our jobs, in my opinion was to make the human connection.

As I have stated many times here on my blog and my vlog on youtube,sometimes people in “leadership” positions forget the fact that there are people greatly affected by how they lead and what they suggest as a remedy. One only has to look to the countless times I have had to endure the red tape of poor and I would even say ignorant planning of those who are supposed to be “leaders”

When someone like me speaks up about it, then I am a bad guy, because people like me are not supposed to complain or take issue with things since I was dealing with homelessness, and so much more. When you are on the bottom the very last things you should do is question things from the top.

For example when I complained about bed bugs, shit on the floor and toilet seats at the Russ Hotel on Skid Row, it was Irving Munroe who told me I had no right to complain and doing so is “backwards thinking” and people would say “who do he think he is?” I was also supposed to keep my mouth shut then while he was talking to me like I was less then the gum he stepped on coming into his office. According to him I was “out of line” The very next day he refused to allow me to move into permanent housing at the Rivers Hotel saying “I hope the Housing Authority and HOPWA will still work with you Mr. Carr.” He may have won that battle, but the war was far from over, I was not about to give up, just because he was the root of a filthy asshole.

After the morning training I joined Elana and others from the Bay Area on a trip to the executive offices in the Eisenhower Building, where I had the chance to speak in public comment and also have the chance to meet the Editor and Chef of POZ Magazine as well as other people from all over the country. The meeting was prettying interesting and the dialog was cool, but I was a bit taken back by Rosie Perez and her rude out bursts about people not respect her or giving this committee enough time to show what they can do. Can you say “Washed up Diva that never was?”

The afternoon ended with an awesome exchange with Elana and Valarie before we headed out into the rain to jump in a cab for the Rayburn Building for our evening reception and awards presentation. I was able to get some cool videos as well as pictures from this event. I was also able to video throughout the day as well.

The night ended with Thai Food in DC’s stylish DuPont Circle. I enjoyed anawesome dinner and conversation with Phil, Elana and Valarie. I was rather worn down and hungry as well. I was also starting to feel the slight pain of Sickle Cell and I also really needed to hydrate. We walked back to the hotel and I chatted for a bit with my friends in California and Texas and then took a shower made a video and went to bed.

The next morning I was up at 6AM, I wanted to make sure I had plenty of tea to get ready, do some prayer and medication to clear my space so that I was able to do a good job. I knew I had a full day, I also knew I would be running all over the Capitol Hill sharing my story and learning all that I could to better serve people with HIV and AIDS through my Unpluggin’ HIV outreach.

Two days of Capitol Hill visits was both exciting and exhausting. However I felt like such VIP because  Phil, Elana, Aaron, Jason and Valerie all made sure I was where I needed to be and that I had time to share my story as well as engage the people we spoke with. In fact while I was in Diane Watson’s Phil gave me the opportunity to speak directly about the outreaches I created, Do Something Saturday and Unpluggin’ HIV. This is one of the many times while on the trip I felt so respected and that what I had to say was not just heard but welcomed. I dont think Phil or any of them knew just how much this trip meant to me and to be able to speak about the very things that I spend long hours on was so awesome.

Team APLA was awesome the entire trip, every question or concern I had the answered and addressed. They made certain I was comfortable and always asked how I was feeling and made sure I felt like I was a very vital part to the success of the trip. In speaking with some people from the Bay Area, I know I really had a team that cared about me and cared that I was fully engaged. Not only that I traveled with people who fully respected the work I try so hard to do and what I have to say.

Before leaving for DC, you may recall that I had my first major presentation for HIV and AIDS for my Unpluggin’ HIV outreach on Skid Row. I took a year to make it happen, but I simply refused to give up  on getting someone to do a labs presentation for the 40 residents. While I DC I had the chance to speak with Valarie and ask her if she would come down to Skid Row and speak to my outreach as well and for the first time without any effort I heard “YES” I was so excited to hear “yes” It sort of threw me off. I am use to hearing, “well why don’t you email me” and then never hear from them again and when I have the chance to see the person again, they act as if they don’t know me or what I am talking about.

More importantly I re-learned something I had known since I was a smallboy “If you want things to change, then you have to be willing to do the hard work it takes to change things. Many times you will be doing it alone”  My Ma told me this when I spoke for the first time before the Santa Monica~Malibu  Unified School District Board of Education when I was in 5th grade.

Over three years I have worked hard for people who are homeless, in fact I was homeless when I started, and its been over a year since I created my HIV and AIDS outreach, I’ve always only wanted to make things better for people who are suffering, by creating outreaches to work to restore and foster dignity, respect and positive touch to people where these things are often absent, to people who are often ignored. I spoke up for people who could not and even would not speak for themselves either out of fear or ignorance and this often made things much harder for me, but through it all I did my best to never give up, not walk away and not let myself and others down.

You see in 2007 I was told that my idea to create what I have was “stupid” and “foolish” I was even told that there would be “no way a homeless person could change anything or help anyone” Looking back I was also told that since I was Black and homeless that Skid Row was my only option, this came from Scott a the AIDS Service Center, he went on to tell me how “lucky” I should feel just talking with him. If I were to eat all the lies people tried to feed me I would have starved to death.

29 months of homelessness while battling Sickle Cell, Cancer and HIVshowed me exactly who I am and what I am capable of. With the home training my parents, grand parents and great grand parents instilled in me I never lost sight of me, I never allowed people to convince me that simply because I was no longer “big bank hank” that I no longer was worthy or that my ideas and contributions were no longer relevant. I never allowed that fact that I was homeless, without a penny, dirty as all get out many times, fist fighting for my things and the long nights I cried and longer days with no sun in the skies cause me to give up on me. I came into this world fighting for my life with Sickle Cell, my parents raised a fighter and someone who will never quit even when it seems the deck is so stacked against me. I will not give up, I will not walk away or throw in the towel.

April 3, 2008 when I was told I was HIV positive I cried not because I was afraid or that I thought I was going to die, but because I knew I had to get that out of the way because there would be no time for crying after this. Just like I have refused to allow Sickle Cell to control me and my life, I refused to allow cancer to control or take my life and in that moment I refused to become another Black man that dies from AIDS, I refused to be another statistic on some damn CDC report and I refused to sit by and allow this to be the fate of anyone else. I cried because I knew I had a fight on my hands.

There have been benefits throughout my struggles and I am so damnedproud of myself for not just getting through the “perfect storm” in my life, but for having the guts to create something so awesome that has reached Germany, Australia, the Philippines and many parts of this country. I am proud of who I am and what I have created, proud of what I stand for and proud that I did not break, I may seem a bit shattered at times, but far from broken. I may even seem be to struggling, but I will always make my way through. I may eve be troubled sometimes, but I will never be in despair. No matter how heavy the load I will never give up the fight.

The trip to AIDS Watch showed me just how very important it is to work hard while it is day, expecting nothing in return, it showed me that my labor has not be in vain. It showed me a side and people at APLA whom I have the utmost respect and admiration for. It showed me that HUMANITY must always come before community and before politics. It showed me that my “connection without bureaucracy”  approach to helping people really works.

For over a year now I have asked and begged people and organizations to help me get an art program as well as a a computer skills center down on Skid Row for people living with HIV and AIDS. I have begged for real programs that will help people lead more productive and abundant lives and I have been told “now is not the time” or “we dont have money for that” In the words of the late Dr. Height “If the time is not ripe, then we must ripen the time”

I am done waiting for CHANGE to happen, I am going to always LIVE the DREAM and BE the CHANGE.

Phil, Elana, Valarie, Aaron and Jason, thank you so much for allow me the huge honor that was both a blessing and very humbling for me to go to DC for AIDS Watch. I dont think you will ever fully know just how much this has meant to me. Moreover I dont think you will fully know how very awesome it felt to be treated with such respect, to have my voice heard and to offer my two cents. Thank you very much for showing me a side to APLA that is awesome, something that I Brian and Tiana have done so well.

I never thought my life would never take the turns it did and I never thought I would be doing what I am today, I am so thankful and blessed for the amazing journey my life has afforded me. Sounds silly I know, to be thankful for all the shit I’ve been through, but Ma use to tell me as a kid and even as an adult “to whom much is given, much is required”

There are things and people in my life that I will never forget, things andpeople that I will always hold dear to my heart and this trip and all of you are all of this and so much more, from the bottom of my heart I thank you for allowing my voice and the voices of others to be heard on Capitol Hill.

In close I was talking with a friend tonight and he looked at me and said “When you go to AIDS Watch again next year Kengi, you will once again raise your voice in support of those who are suffering and once again, just like always your voice will be heard loud and clear. Keep fighting the good fight brother.”

When I think of where I was this time last year, I can’t help but cry because the apartment I now live in was almost lost because someone refused to do their job, I was so lost with HIV and I didn’t trust my doctor nor the care for lack of a better work he was giving me. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night, but now I have my own apartment, an awesome dog, great friends, an HIV doctor and clinic that I trust and I’ve just come home from Capitol Hill. The tears falling right now are not from sadness, but tears of great joy.

THANK YOU