Project Kengikat

Three Day Weekend

// January 17th, 2011 // No Comments » // Animals, Cooking, Me Time, Pictures, beach, photos

WOW, this was long overdue, it’s funny how I just came back from being off from work for a three week vacation and already I needed some time off to relax. As I have said before I love working for the organization, but the director makes working so much harder and stressful then it needs to be.  Plus last week there was simply so much more to do then any other normal week, but I got through it and I had a great restful weekend.

Saturday marked one full year that Dodger has been with me and since he was already 2 years old I used the the better part of the day to celebrate his 3 year birthday. We went out for a walks and he even got table food. He loves to eat table food, but never really gets it, so this was a real treat for him.

I can’t even begin to tell you just how much of a treat it has been to have this sweet little dog in my life. The love that he gives so freely is just so refreshing. it is so nice to come home to him jumping around and barking at me because I am back home. There aren’t many nights where he is not on the bed with me snoring and trying to pull the covers toward him so he can cover his head. Then there are those rare times when in the middle of the night he will lick my face and run toward the door. This is when I know he has to go very bad, so i try to get up and get on some clothes to rush him out.

Dodger has this way of making me smile at him, even when he has knocked something over or has been in the bathroom trash to shred the paper or tear up the roll of toilet paper. The funny thing is that as soon as he knows I’ve seen what he has done, he runs to his cage and hides in the very back. Almost like he knows he is about to get a time out and places himself in one.

I also had plans to meet up with a friend to shoot the sunset at Santa Monica Beach and I am so glad I made the time to do this. It was so awesome to finally be able to take my new camera down to the beach for a sunset and get some pretty awesome shots. It was also very nice to do this with a friend I have not hung out with one on one in while.

All I can say about this new camera is “WOW” The pictures I am able to take are simply awesome and I am so happy I had this purchase. I’ve also been reading a book I received as a birthday gift that has lots of cool tips that I have been putting into action, which have really taken my pictures to a whole level.

I love Santa Monica. It is where I was born and raised and it is where I started my Do Something Saturday outreach. The beach has always been a place of peace for me. I use to go there a lot as a kid and just sit, as an adult I did the very same thing. While homeless the beach was still a place I went to for peace and to just try to put things into perspective. It was, on many nights a place for me to sleep. It’s funny how my life has allowed Santa Monica Beach to hold so many memories for me, so many awesome memories and even some bad ones, but in all Santa Monica and Santa Monica Beach will always hold a very special place in my heart. The cool thing is that I might be able to move back there some day soon. I am so looking forward to this.

After taking pictures and talking with my friend I walked her to her car and started to walk along the board walk towards the pier. I stopped to get some quick pictures of the volleyball quarts along side the pier and after taking just a few shots I heard someone call my name. I turned around to see to two smiling faces of friends I met through my friends Krystal and Patrick.

We sat and talking and laughing for a while, before we had to head our separate ways, but as I walked toward the pier I thought to myself just how richly blessed I am to have the kinds of people in my life as friends. I was thinking this, because just a week before I had to make the choice to remove someone from my life, whom I truly loved and wanted to have in my life, but they were someone that would only cause me hurt, harm and pain, not to mention all the public embarrassment they had already caused me.

As I walked up the pier I thought of the types of people I want in my life, the kinds of people I want to call friends and the type of people who call me friend and again I began to smile because the people who are in my life are very solid people and I know they are truly my friends and the ones I needed to remove were not.

Once I got on the bus I put on my NANO and the first song that played was called “Everything Changes” As I listened to the awesome voice delivering such powerful words I began to smile knowing that things in my life are right where they are supposed to be and the people in my life are in my life for the right reasons, not because I am some “project” to help them feel better about who they are.

Ma us to tell me that people in my life are like “seasons” they come and they go, but friends are like trees, they a rooted and with you for the long haul, through the thick and thin, ups and downs, good times and bad. “Find you some trees baby and then you will now what a real friend is.” I smiled again as I got off the bus to walk a block home because I know I have some amazing “trees” in my life.

I spent Sunday alone for the most part. I wanted to simply hang out with Dodger and do nothing. I ignored emails and texts for people at work….I do not get paid to work on the weekends. I went for a few walks with Dodger, talked on the phone with some friends and took it easy all day long. It felt great. I even got the chance to stay up late and watch my favorite show brothers and sisters on ABC.

I had Monday (today) off and again I was so looking forward to this day because it would mark the first time I have everattended the “Kingdom Day Parade” in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I will share this and the awesome pictures in another blog as well as on my Flickr page.

I hope you’ve had an awesome, peaceful and blessed weekend. OH YEAH, Sunday night ended with an awesome meal that I cooked for myself.

Inside ME

// January 14th, 2011 // 1 Comment » // Chef, Cooking

This entry tonight will be very personal and for me it is very painful, but I need to release this, so I can move forward. My blog has always been a safe place for me to express what is right and wrong in my world. It has always been a safe harbor for me, so tonight it will be my fortress, my safe harbor, my peace, my comfort……yeah tonight I need to release some shit.

I wish I was raised by parents who instilled how to be a complete asshole, times when I wished my parents never taught me how to care or even love. There are times when I wish I could be cold hearted, uncaring and even downright mean, but God gave me two amazing parents who would never raise me like this and today I am who I am as a result of the “home training” they drilled into me, the values the forced down my throat, the love they so freely gave to me unconditionally. So I can wish all the fuck I want and I can even try as hard a possible, I will never be able to shake the fact that my parents raised me well and all that I wish sometimes were not part of who I am, is in fact the core of who I am and it has this that has pulled me through even my darkest hour.

I’ve been through a great deal in my life, to be very honest, my entire life has been about fighting and making adjustments as far as my health is concern, I have always been a fighter, it’s how I was raised and how I will be my entire life. But in all the things my parents, grand-parents and even my great and great, great grand parents always told me was “never look down on people, never think you are better than anyone else and always do all you can to help people, no matter what is going on in your own life.”

I use to hear all the time from my grandparents “you are born from Fields blood and that means something” Ma and Pops use to always tell me that I was the child of the most high king and I have found favor in his sight. As a kid I had no clue what all this meant, but after going through all that I have and seeing all that God has allowed me to see, all the hurt, the pain, heartache, the long nights, tears and times when I wanted to simply give up….my soul, my core, GOD in me refused.

Tonight I am asking God to send me some peace for my soul, some comfort for my core. God I need you to show up, I need direction and I need some peace. I am so thankful for all the blessings, all the favor, so thankful for my life and I am asking you to “come into the room” as my Nana use to say…”C’on in the room”

Over 90 job interviews before I got an email about the job where I now work, I’ve been there for a while now and all I can say is that I love the young women I work for. I get up when I am so dead tired and I don’t care. It has been like my passion (cooking) has come full circle and intersected with my “nia” (purpose), but in all of this there is a bad side.

I thought all the bad feelings from homelessness were behind me, I thought the days where I wished rain would fall so no one could see my tears falling from my eyes were behind, I thought I took a job where I could simply show up and cook. But my life is never that simple. As I have said in many other blog, the house director is just disgusting….by this I mean to say that she is not a nice person. She speaks to the staff like we are animals and if she is having a bad day, then she will see to it that we all have bad days.

I’ve spoken to the members of the house about this, but at the end of the day they are there to go to school and not deal with the day to day dealings of being employers, which they are. This then leaves no one for the staff to turn to, no one to discuss things with and no one to help us deal with a director who is rude and at times racist.

I recall speaking to one of the girls and she was truly sorry for how we were being treated, she informed me that the members love us and think we are doing a great job and she certainly didn’t want how the director is acting to be any reflection on them. The sad thing is that I have heard this before when working in a setting such as this, but at the end of the day it truly is a reflection on them.

I am very picky about who I allow to volunteer and represent my organization. If at any time I feel they may say or doing something that would reflect badly on me or my organization, I must dismiss them at once. Furthermore if someone I serve has told me that a volunteer spoke to them badly or treated them badly, I must address it right away. Moreover if I have had the person speak to me or treat me in such a way, then I need no further proof.

There was recently someone in my life who had this mindset about homeless people “they can wear what I give them. It doesn’t matter if it is dirty, they are homeless.” Now recently she asked why I have never asked her to help or even donate items for my outreaches, I very politely made her away of this and the conversation was over. This same person also thinks that homeless people should eat whatever they are given.

Knowing all this about her, I do not allow her to volunteer or even donate to my organization, I also will not allow her to help me organize or even plan for events. I do not want her associated with my organization in any way, because it is a direct reflection on me and my organization. There is simply no way around this.

I think it is very important to say that the women I work for are awesome, very respectful and they have never treated me like “the help” I enjoy getting up and going to work and even though there are days when I work 12 to 14 hours, I truly love working for them. I think it is also important to say that I have never said this when working for organizations such as this.

When I started this blog I stated that I wish sometimes that I wasn’t raised the way I was, I say this because being raised to care and always speak up means that I will not sit by and allow people to be mistreated. This is why I started Do Something Saturday, this is why I do all I can to educate people about homeless issues, cancer, Sickle Cell and HIV and AIDS.

It’s why I can’t sit by and say nothing when the director treats the staff like crap, why I can’t sit by when her actions have caused the other chef to sit in the kitchen and cry fearing she will be fired, why I can’t sit by when she treats the Latino’s on the staff like they are stupid or even slaves, why I can not simply sit by and allow her to break labor law after labor law and even threaten to dock pay and even fire us because we don’t say how high when she demands us to jump.

So my prayers have been “dear God, please place in me the spirit of peace and calm, place in me the spirit of patience, place in my the spirit of you.” Well when you pray you must wait on God to supply what you’ve asked for while in the meantime I have to deal with people like the director who can suck all the joy out of your day.

It was another long day today, but today by the time I walked out I felt like I had just finished my worst day of homelessness. It wasn’t long before the tears started to well up in the corners of my eyes. Like most times, these tears were not for me, they were for someone else. I thought of how much the other chef truly needs this job, how the dishwasher  and maid also need this job, What troubled me the most is the fact that they wont speak up in fear of being fired and treated even worse by the director.

What’s even worst is that this is the norm is organizations such as this. Staff is most times treated very well by the members, but like slaves by the directors and there is no recourse for the staff.

While waiting for th bus one of the members I truly respect spoke to me as I was about to board. That made me feel a bit better

———-

FRIDAY

Today was a short day, but a long one at the same time. After getting items from the downstairs storage to get me through brunch I head to the kitchen and the first thing I notice it a list of items order from the produce company. More then 90% of what we asked for had been changed by the director or simply not ordered at all, but then we are left to “deal with it” She says things are too expensive, but if she would simply stop ordering things that the ladies do not eat or things that she wants then the extra cost would not matter. I refused to focus on this and simply ignored the list there was nothing I could do about it.

While preparing for breakfast I noticed that most of what I needed for omelets and even fresh fruit which goes out every single morning without fail, but again we don’t order the food, the director does and she has no clue how to order food, she simply has no clue, but she wants to be in charge of doing it. Again, I refused to allow this to affect my day. I simply placed what we had out on the bar and apologized to the girls in the dining room.

Brunch was a snap, very busy but a snap just the same. On Friday’s I am trying to create a more full service feel to kitchen which allow me and the other chef to work side by side. I am hoping this will create a better working relationship between us. It is hard work, but I think in time we will pull it off just fine. When we work together as two people simple doing a job, not side by side as someone with a culinary degree and someone without a culinary degree.

Since we are off on Monday, the director came up with a laundry list of things for us to do, most of which was nothing more then her being the careless person she is. Right before brunch she rushes into the kitchen in her frantic out of control way and announces that maid is in the hospital. When we asked why and which hospital, she had no clue. “well she says she has a heart condition, but I don’t know……” at that point I cut her off and said “thanks for letting us know”

I cut her off because the maid does have a heart condition and even high blood pressure, but this is not important to the director. All she thinks is that the maid has not shown up for work. When she left the kitchen we all looked at each other and shock our heads. A member of our crew is in the hospital and we don’t know where or why. Well since she lived in an area near East LA and she does not have health insurance, I called the county hospital in her area.  I found her and made the crew aware of this and even let the ladies know as well.

In the middle of brunch the director comes in and says “Louis the reason I don’t know is because I don’t speak Mexican and the call was so fast. I could have called back, but what would be the point……” At this point I tuned her out. “I don’t speak Mexican?” WTF? Again, she see’s nothing wrong with what she said.

Before brunch was over we got a visit from the president of the organization who assured us that the organization is happy with everyone on staff and that we were not being fired. She also told us that she was aware of the conversation with had with the house manager from last quarter, but then pretty much excused how she treats us with “that’s just who she is.” So I guess because it is who she is, then it is ok.

So my goal is stay as long as the members will have me, my goal is also to make sure I set aside money, so if the job was to end I will not be left struggling to pay rent and bills. I also want to make sure I move forward with filing for non-profit status. The goal for me is to keep moving forward.

The lesson that I am taking away from all of this is “seasons” Nothing is forever and sometimes people, places and things only come into our life for a “season” We are either there to learn something and move forward or to teach something and move forward. This job may only be here for a “season” and seasons change…….everything changes.

At 42 years old I remember a time when people cared so much, but just like “seasons” this too has changed. I remember how simple things were when I was younger, but now our world, our country has changed. We now live in a country where we turn a blind eye to bad behavior and refuse to cut it at it’s root. We ignore things until they have gotten far out of control.

There comes a time when we must take a stand against things that are wrong in this country. A time when we must care about others, because there will come a time when we will need that same care and concern to be extended to us. How would we feel when no one takes a stand for us.

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” — Martin Luther King Jr.

Long Monday.

// January 10th, 2011 // No Comments » // Animals, Chef, Cooking, Me Time, photos, work

This will have to be a quick entry tonight. It’s already 9:02pm and I have been up since 4:00am. I am beat and really need to get some rest as I have a very busy day tomorrow with two lunches taking place at one time, plus I have to set up for the second one.

I went to bed rather late last night and I paid for it when the alarm went off. Once at work the director left bread on the steps leading up to the kitchen, which could have been a real problem for me. Sometimes she simply does not think……no strike that most of the time she clearly does not care about how she treats us because we are “the help”  I smashed two of the Texas Toast that were left on the steps. I will simply turn them into bread pudding at some point this week.

The dining room was a mess and there was so much for me to get done in the kitchen before I could even think about doing anything else. In the end at all got done, breakfast was on time and lunch was a hit as well. Like I said this was my long day, so after lunch I started preparing myself for another long 8 hours before I could head home.

I am so happy to be working for the girls that I work for, because even when things are going wrong and I having a bad day, once i see their smiling faces, nothing else seems to matter and all things fall into place for me. This is the first time that I have worked for a girls house where I can say that I truly love getting up and coming into work. I truly love working for them and all the shit that I have to deal with between the other chef, the house director and things for my meals being so wrong, they make it all worth it and I am so blessed to be working for them and for this I am so thankful.

I recall when I could pull a 16 hour day and go home to only have two hours to rest and start all over again, but I am 42 years old now, with lots my weight to carry around and my body tends to shut down once I get to the 8 hour mark, By hour 10, my feet are killing me, but once again, as soon as I see my girls and the smiles on their faces it is all worth it.

There is another bonus to this job as well and they are my co-workers George and Maria. They have made working there so enjoyable and so much fun, so on a chilly night where I could use this blog to rant about all that went wrong in my day, I would much rather focus on all that went right, all the blessings that God just keeps blessing me with.

I am truly honored and so humbled that God sent this job to me and I will be the very best I can each and ever day to keep it. So it is with such a huge honor, from such a humble place that I say THANK YOU GOD…..simply THANK YOU!!!!

Thanksgiving

// November 9th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Cooking, HIV and AIDS, Homeless Outreach

Last year was my first Thanksgiving in my apartment and it was the first Thanksgiving outreach that I have done here in Hollywood marking the second overall Thanksgiving outreach to homeless people here in Los Angeles County. Each time I approach an outreach I do my best to see how it will really help people right now, not weeks, months or years from now. I guess from being homeless I know helping someone right now means so much more to a homeless person.

Last year was the first time I was able to not just feed homeless people, but formerly homeless people and people battling HIV or AIDS, by providing three food boxes to families in need. Thanksgiving day, with the help of friends I was able to feed about 75 people a home cooked Thanksgiving meal. Later I enjoyed the evening with my friends.

So as I type this blog  I am doing so from a much different place then last year. As I said before it was my first Thanksgiving living here after being homeless for 29 months which came to an end in June of 2009. However this year I now have a job and I am able to simply help people instead of waiting and hoping that people will donate items to make what I do possible. I know I can always count on my core group of supporters, but it is now nice to know that I can contribute far more then I use to.

The goal will once again be to feed homeless people, but this year the goal is to provide 10 Thanksgiving food boxes to low income families who are formerly homeless or battling HIV or AIDS. So far thanks to the support of my two friends Tina and Andy who donated two large bags filled with boxes of cornbread dressing mix. I have two people who have said they will donate turkey’s and the rest I will balance out.

I still need someone with a car to help me get the items to the families and also Thanksgiving day I will need people to help me pass out the food to homeless people here in Hollywood.

Once again this will be another Thanksgiving where I am so thankful and humbled by all the blessings God keeps sending my way and yet another year that I will be able to be a blessing to others through my Do Something Saturday outreach.

Another Week

// November 7th, 2010 // 3 Comments » // Cooking, HIV and AIDS, Homeless Outreach, Me Time

It’s Sunday and once again I have another week in my review mirror. It was a blessed week, but also a trying week at times when it came to work, but I made it through it and I am so thankful for where my life is and how things have been going for me.

WORK

As I have said before I am so happy to be working again and to be able to pay my bills and have money to do things for myself without having to depend on others to help me. However being back at work brings a whole new test for me. The test to continue my growth and to see just how much i have really changed.

As I said in my last blog, the director and other chef can be hard to deal with. They clearly don’t like each other and they both try to put me in the middle. Well this week I worked on not allowing this to happen and in two cases it caused problems in the kitchen between me and the other chef. She clearly does not want to be there any longer, but she clearly can not afford to not have this job. However this week she has done all that she could to make the work environment a real pain in the ass.

When she shows up she brings this energy that brings the entire vibe of the kitchen down, she also brings this “I have aculinary certificate and you don’t” atmosphere with her. She is constantly ordering the wrong items or just not ordering things I need for the two meals I prepare, which causes me to make last minute changes. The director simply says nothing and allows this to happen, but will then sit back and complain when she is asked to go to the store to correct the problems.

Friday it all came to a head for me when she came into work simply walked around for 10 minutes, set up the chaffers for lunch and then left the kitchen. Now this was after she pulled the very same thing on Thursday when I came back from break at 12:30 only to have her leave the kitchen and stay in the basement until 2:00pm. Both times she did this meant that the dishwasher and I were left to run the kitchen alone with no help from her.

When she finally came back to the kitchen long after brunch was started, walking in like she is the last Queen on the planet and then ordering the dishwasher around, I stopped her dead in her tracks. I asked where she had been, why she would simply walk off leaving work that is to be shared by both of us to me and the dishwasher. I asked her what her problem was and shy she always comes to work with such a “stank ass” attitude.

She acted as if she had done nothing wrong, but later asked me if we could talk and this is when she broke down into tears telling me that she would rather work alone. She said she was angry that I have come in and done a great job while she has been there for 8 weeks and still continues to struggle and have a very hard time. She is angry that the members seem to like me better then her and wonders why my two meals are always gone, but her one meal always has a ton of leftovers.

She went on to say that this is her problem and has nothing to do with myself and the other staff members, but she had no answers as to why she treats people on the staff the way she does, no answers for why she cant seem to do her job and no answers as to how she will correct any of this.

However before leaving I did mention to the director that the atmosphere in the kitchen must change and since the other chef has said that the problems in the kitchen are not the other staff members, but her. Since she said that she is not a good fit for the kitchen and does not want to work with me or anyone else, then I feel it is up to the director to make the decision to let her go. But once again the so called director is simply allowing this to continue.

The good news is that I love the work that I have been able to do. I love the working relationship with the dishwasher and the maid. The members are happy with my meals and are happy that I am in the kitchen. it is cool how they come into the kitchen to talk with me and how kind and polite they are when I am in the dinning room.

Overall I would say that I am 95% happy with the job and I am 100% pleased and happy with the meals I have been cooking and simply thrilled at the fact of the members being very happy with how I am working in their kitchen.

When I took the job I knew it would be a challenge to not just return to the high paced forever changing food service in this area of cooking, but I also knew I would be challenged by someone who has a culinary certificate and feels that since they have this they are some how a better cook and better leader then myself. However what she has learned from working with me is that she is not a better cook and certainly is not a better leader. Her so called degree has not prepared her for a real kitchen where you must be on top on everything from top to bottom without fail….well very little fail.

Her degree has fed her ego and now it is so big she can’t see that she is causing herself so much harm that she could be fired. Her ego will not allow her to allow me to help her with order food and even doing inventory. She must control all of this, because she has been taught that she is not supposed to ask her team members for help.

OUTREACHES

It’s already November and Thanksgiving is right around the corner and this year I want to give complete Thanksgiving boxes to at least 5 families. So far I am pretty sure I will reach that goal. I am also pretty sure I will surpass this gaol. My friends Tina and Andy have already donated  10 boxes of dressing mix, now that I am working I know I will be able to buy 10 turkeys and the rest of the items to go into a box that will help to make this Thanksgiving a time for a a family to be a little more thankful for how their life is truly blessed.

I am also gearing up for a large Do Something Saturday outreach for homeless people battling HIV or AIDS by preparing to give Do Something and Life Kits to Common Ground in Santa Monica, The Jeff Griffith Youth Center in West Hollywood and AIDS Project Los Angeles.

Thanks to the help of my friends Darlyna, Kai, Audrey and Courtney I am already off to a an awesome start for this outreach. Once again, because I am now working I will be able to round out what I am not able to get donated and even add to the total as well.

There are some homeless people right near my job so I will make a point of making certain they have Do Something Kits and when it is possible I will also make certain to see that they get meals and someone checks in on them. There are also a number of homeless people I see on the bus ride to and from work, so I will try to keep Do Something Kits in my backpack to offer to them.

ME TIME

After I get off from work my main focus is on me and Dodger. I make sure that I am spending time with Dodger when Icome home from work and then also making certain that I take great care of me as well. Bubble baths, long walks and chilling out with friends has been so key for me to unwind and chill out.

Twice this past week I had the chance to hang out with my friend Jason, but I have also had to make sure I was hanging out with him because I wanted to and not because he was bored and has no other friends. Jason also tends to be broke all the time, so I am not about to start treating him each time we hang out.

Wednesday night I had the chance to see a friend that I have not seen in over 8 years. He now lives in New York, has a lover and two kids. Our community work is pretty much the same thing and this is how he found me. Someone in his office reads my blog and watches my YOUTUBE Channel and mentioned what I do. After two months of hearing about me her went to read the blog and then watched a his first YOUTUBE video. He then saw that the person people were speaking about was someone he use to know very well. He reached out and a week later we had dinner. It was great seeing him and hearing all about his life and the work he now calls his mission in life.

Friday I hung out with a new friend Dustin who I have known for a very short time, but when I first met him I was taken by his maturity and how well he seemed to have a full idea of who he is. Dustin is in his early 20’s and doing an internship at APLA. Not many straight Black men at his age grasp how real life really is. He seems to know this very well. it was cool to hang out with him and also have the chance to meet his friend Reecie (I hope I spelled that right)

Saturday was a day with someone who is such a huge inspiration to me and someone I have come to love and admire a great deal, someone who has become like a big brother to me and someone who I know is truly my friend. My friend Donald and I went to the movies to see ‘For Colored Girls’

Let me just say that the movie is awesome and one should be prepared to laugh, cry, laugh and cry again. One should leave feeling inspired to be a better person and live a more healthy and productive life.

It’s funny how for me this movie represented the 90/365 journey I have been doing with my friends from YOUTUBE. it also reminds me of just how vital I am as a Black man and how I have the honor and opportunity to reshape how Black men are viewed by Black women. It’s a great movie that I think all people should take the time to see, but know that many wont because of the title and the all Black cast. This is a shame because we miss out on so much when we allow a title or an all Black cast prevent us from gaining a new perspective and new hope.

It’s Sunday and I am washing clothes while I type this blog. I woke up on Saturday and all of the sudden of felt like Falland Sunday brings this feeling even more. There is a chance for rain later today, so I am hoping to be done with the chores around my apartment, head over to Borders to get the last E. Lynn Harris book, spend some time talking with someone I also think of as my brother, only little brother this time. I woke up to texts from Travis, so I want to make sure when he calls I have time to sit and talk with him. Our conversations are always so funny and so fun of life. If he lived here I know he and Donald would also be friends and we would be Black, Bold and Beautiful.

I hope you all have had a great week and an even better weekend. I pray that your week brings both joy and peace into your life and that along the way you stop to take time out to be thankful for the life you have and find peace in the love of God.

I deserve some flowers and I wont wait for someone to feel the same thing. I will buy them for myself, because no one can love me or appreciate me better then me.

Notice Monday

// October 25th, 2010 // No Comments » // Cooking, Homeless Outreach

I was up as soon as my alarm went off this morning. For some reason I only hit the snooze button one time. Most times I hit it two to three times. The shower was hot and felt really good on my skin. My friend Audrey sent me some sweet smelling sopas that I’ve used twice now.

As soon as I opened the blinds I noticed that the streets were wet. When I walked out of my apartment the light rain started to hit my face. I put my hands in my pockets to keep them warm and as I did this I noticed a homeless man sleeping in a door way. His pants were soaked, but the top part of his body was dry. As I walked past him I thought how that use to be me.

It’s just two short blocks to the bus stop, but for some reason it seemed like it took me forever to get there. Maybe it was because I was noticing all the homeless people sleeping in doorways, doing all they could to remain dry. A few steps from the bus stop I saw another homeless person, this time it was an older woman. She was sleeping on the sidewalk, but was protected from the overhang that was keeping her dry. She had plenty of blankets and even a pillow. It was like she was at home in her own bed without a care in the world.

When I boarded the bus the first thing I noticed was all the homeless people already on the bus. Right away my heart filled up with sadness because I started to think of the many nights where I was one of those homeless people doing all that I can to stay dry and not get sick. The lady sitting across from me was an older Black woman, maybe in her late 60’s. She too was homeless but pretty well kept. When our eyes met, I could feel the sadness inside of her. Her face looked heavy and seemed to carry all the things she was thinking about. Just as I was about to look away I heard her say “I’ve got to stay dry today”

The entire ride on the bus was filled with me noticing homeless people. I am not sure why either. Just as we passed the church I could see at least 15 homeless people sleeping near the doors to the church, out of the rain, but i was sure they were still could. No matter how much cover you think you have, the concrete is always much colder and before you know it you feel like your insides are freezing or even frozen.

Once at work my mind raced towards getting things in order so that I could make it through my day. Monday is a long day for me….6AM to 6:40pm. It’s non stop work and today I had to once again step in and take over so much in order to save the Monday night formal dinner so the entire kitchen staff does not look like complete fools. From the time the other chef arrived to work around 10:45am I noticed something in me that I really love. She tends to be a negative about the requests the members have and she also has this “I am a culinary trained” ego that really brings down the vibe in the kitchen. All day I tried so hard to get her so snap out of it and just do the best she can, but it just never seemed to happen. I loved how I refused to allow this bring down the vibe in the kitchen and the outcome of the meal.

All day I tried really had to keep the rest of the staff motivated and up beat. Like I said it is a very long day with lots of work in a very tight space. So trying to balance to bad vibe being spewed out by the other chef was tough, but at the end of my day I had down just that. Not only this I also had to jump in and take care of things that she should be able to do, but her ego keeps getting in the way. She is a good person, but she is not a good cook and certainly not a chef. She just can’t seem to adjust to the pace and demands that this job requires each and every day. She also cant seem to understand that when someone says something about a meal she need not take it to heart. She also cant allow it be stay with her the rest of the day.

Let’s just say I am happy that I only work a full day with her once a week. The rest of the time I see her for about threehours during the ending of the two meals I plan and cook. I am always so happy when I can walk out the door, but I feel sorry for the other guy who has to be there with her the rest of the day. Every morning when he comes in he tells me “I wish you were here longer in during the week”

Tonight I headed back home and as I got in the bus once again I noticed three homeless people. One lady was fast asleep and the other two were busy taking care of the bags they had with them. As my phone alerted me that I had a text message the homeless woman right near me says “did you have a nice day son?” I smiled and said “yes, I did have a nice day. How about you? Did you have a nice day?” She told me all about her day and was more then happy to listen to her.

When the bus came close to Sunset and Fairfax, she smiled and said “Thank you for listening to me son. No one ever really listens to me.” I helped her grab her bag and said “I am glad I was hear to allow you to be heard. You have a safe evening.”

As the bus pulled off the guy sitting next to me said “That was very kind of you” he extended his hand to shake mine. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes and thought to myself “since I had nothing else to give, I gave her my ears. I just hope this was enough”

I walked into my apartment, called for Dodger and he was soon in my lap jumping all over me and kissing my face. I got a text message from my friend Christina asking me if I was ok. She said I was on her mind. I sent a text back letting her know I was fine. I took Dodger out for our walk and just as we stepped out the door I noticed the wind and how cool it was. Again I thought of the nights when I had to brave to wind and cold.

After walking Dodger I took a long hot bath and headed to bed, but my cell phone kept ringing and text messages kept coming in. So I got up and typed this blog. I hope you enjoy it.

Each time I arrive back home, each time I think about how my entire life use to be in one REI backpack. each time I tell someone I am going home and each time I lay down for a good nights rest, I am so thankful, my soul is so happy, but my spirit will always be restless and always wanting to do all I can to help those who will have to sleep outside.

Chill Out Sunday

// October 24th, 2010 // No Comments » // Animals, Cooking, HIV and AIDS, Homeless Outreach, Me Time

After a very busy week of working and my community work, I really needed to take this weekend for myself to just relax and regroup. It has been a pretty quiet and wet weekend which proved to be a perfect weekend to just chill out.

Wednesday after work my lower back on the left side really started to bother me. I think this is from all the heavy items I have to carry up each day from the basement dry storage. The fact that the evening cook left three huge crates for me to carry up really didn’t help matters any. So from here on out, she will be carrying her own items up to the kitchen just like I do.

It’s Sunday night at 7:45pm, other than doing laundry, walking Dodger three times, a trip to the drug store and then a run to Trader Joe’s I’ve been at home relaxing. Since my back is hurting I thought taking a hot bath in Epson Salts would make it feel better. That worked for only an hour or so. The trip to the corner drug store was to get some pain patches and cream for my back. Plus I am out of Tylenol and vitamins. Since tomorrow is my long day where I am at work from 6:00am until 7:30pm, I thought it might be wise to have some pain patches to help me get through the very long day.

I love the new sofa I now have because the two ends recline all the back, which made it so easy to sit and relax all day. Plus it was a perfect place to kick back and work on my panel for project I started. Speaking of the project, I originally started the project with three other guys, one of which who said he would be very involved in helping me with it, but has been anything but help. He does lots of talking, but so far this is all it has been. Not long ago he said he would post pictures of his panel, but this has never happened and I am done asking him to post them. To be honest I am done asking him anything. I really hate it when people say they want to do things, but when the time comes for them to do the work there is always some excuse as to why they can’t do it.

However only one person out of the three has finished their panel and it looks great. Glen seems to be the only one who keeps his word. Not once since I’ve met him has he been anything but kind towards me. Never says he will do something and then back out and has been the only person who checks in on me to see if I am feeling ok and how things are going. I guess what I am saying is that he has been the only person at the studio who has truly shown me that he is a real friend. I think I miss him more then I miss the ceramic studio itself. In fact, it was seeing his panel that really sparked me to get to work on my panel as well. I’ve already stitched FAITH and the CROSS that are part of my panel. Yesterday I started working on COURAGE which is another word that is part of my panel. The cool thing is that I am using the same pants I was diagnosed in, back in 2008. I was originally going to throw them away once I moved into this apartment, but when I started this project I found them in one of the bins with some other things that I am using for my panel.

I also needed to spend like 20 minutes planning my menu for a week from Monday. I already knew what I wanted to do, but after reading the food surveys handed to me after I started I made one change to the ideas I already had in my head. Speaking of food, tomorrow will be the first week of my menus for breakfast and lunch. My first week I was simply cooking the meals that were already in place.

This Monday will be my second Monday night formal dinner and to be very honest I really don’t want to work such a long day, but the evening chef, who is culinary trained can’t seem to get the dinner out in time. So last week I had to pick up the slack for her so the meal would not be late.

My walk to Trader Joe’s this evening was really cool. It was sprinkling and the live jazz music from the near by bar was really rocking out. So much so that I almost stopped in. I decided to skip this idea because I really just wanted to get back home and relax and take another hot bath.

Today has really been cool. I spent it alone listening to classical and gospel music, playing with and walkingDodger,cleaning my space and getting ready for my week. I spent some time talking to my friends on the phone, but for the most part this was a no cell phone, no FACEBOOK and no distractions. It was a day to just chill out and relax before starting my very busy work week.

I still need to to mop the floors and wash dishes, but the rest of my night will be spent with candles, burning sage and ringing my Noah Bell before heading to bed for a great nights sleep.

The cool thing about all of this is the fact that the job I now have came looking for me. I so happy to be back in the kitchen cooking and the hours I work allow me to have a great deal of my day and all of my evenings and weekends to myself, which is just perfect for me to continue to work on my Do Something Saturday and Unpluggin’ HIV. When I was looking for jobs and out interviewing I knew that being able to continue the work I’ve created would be a huge factor in me taking a job. This job fits into my life just fine.

Ok, so I have to wrap this up, mop my floors, put clean towels in the bathroom and wash the dishes. Dodger might even get another walk before I head to bed as well.

I hope you all have had a great weekend and are ready for an awesome week.

Back In The Saddle

// October 16th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Animals, Cooking

This past week was my first week back to work in what feels like decades, but once I got into the kitchen my mojo kicked in and it was as if I had never been absent. I feels really awesome to be back at work.

The rough thing has been the fact that I am cooking menus set by the head chef, which I don’t like at all, but I have been able to turn around much of the poor planning of menus as well as the low morale of the people who eat the food, by simply doing what I have always done very well. COOK!!!! I have also been able to change the atmosphere in the kitchen from a place that was described as “grim” to a place filled with laughter, communication and respect.

I started work med week, so to be able to get all this accomplished feels really good for me and I am so looking forward to a week from Monday where breakfast and lunch menus will be planned and cooked by me while collaborating with the head chef on Monday night dinners to make them what they are supposed to be as well as helping to shape the rest of the weeks dinner menus as well.

The hardest thing for me this week has been the fact that I have to get up at 4:00AM in order to make it to work by 6:00AM. Now METRO or the MTA says I can catch the 5:20AM bus and make it to work by 5:47AM. I’ve done this twice now and each time I get to work after 6:00AM. For some reason I don’t think the people who plan the schedules or make the time tables have a real understanding on riding the bus. Furthermore I know METRO (MTA) could give a rats ass if people are late for work based on the information they provide.

Now I know you might be saying “just get an earlier bus” and this is what I would do if I were able to do this. The 5:20AM schedule is the first regular schedule bus. Prior to this the bus runs about once an hour. So even if I got the bus stop at 4:30AM, I could in fact still be waiting for the 5:20AM bus. I certainly am not going to be out there at 3:00AM to get to work a little of two hours early. I just wish METRO (MTA) would do a better job at planning and servicing their riders. Hopefully this will all change once I am able to save some money and buy a car. WOW, would that be nice or what?

So the first week was awesome, the meals were on time and enjoyed by everyone. My day goes by very fast too. Before I know it 12:30PM has arrived, I take my break and I only have an hour and half left before I clock out and head home. I love this schedule because it allows me to still do my community work, plus I have weekends off.

Today was a very relaxing day for me. For the most part I have been home just relaxing with Dodger. I did go out to purchase my uniform for Monday night. Oh yeah, Monday is a very long day for me. I start at 6:00AM and don’t finish until 7:00PM. I know Sleeping that night will be so important because Tuesday morning at 4:00AM will come rather quickly.

There has been one small draw back to working and that is I must leave Dodger in his crate while I am not here. If I leave him out he tears things up or he will pee in the house in many different places. I know he is just showing out, so he must remain in the crate. When I get home he is very excited and very vocal. So I sit with him for about an hour before I take him out so he won’t try to bite everyone we walk past.

Later this evening I will plan out my meals and relax. I might even treat myself to a dinner out.

Rewarding Week

// October 1st, 2010 // No Comments » // Cooking

This week has been filled with so many blessing for me, there is so much to blog about, but I will be keeping this post very simple and short.

A couple of blogs back I blogged about an apartment in Santa Monica and how I was thankful for the green grass on this side of the fence and all this is very true. I am very thankful for the apartment I have along with all the amazing friends and blessings I have in my life. However something about this apartment would not leave me alone, I kept thinking about it and thinking about it, so I did so foot work, asked a few questions here and there and each time I walked away with different answers. So I asked more questions and did more foot work.

I was told that since I am already in Shelter Plus Care that I would not ever be allowed to move, I was told that this was against the rules, even led to believe that I could be kicked out of the apartment I have. Now the answers were coming from people who work for HUD in the Shelter Plus Care division, so I was a bit puzzled as to how people who are supposed to know these type of things could get the answers so wrong and so screwed up. One woman even acted as if i was going to be moving in with her.

As it turns out the waiting list I am on is not a Shelter Plus Care apartment, but a Section 8 Low Income apartment. After speaking with the manager and letting him know my situation he explained he explained how things work and assured me that I was not doing anything wrong and I could in fact move, even if it were a Shelter Plus Care apartment.

I met with him on Thursday morning to complete the paperwork for the apartment. As I said before the building is in the very same city were I was born and raised. My family has been residents there for more then 80 years. I created my Do Something Saturday outreach there, so in many ways for me it would be getting a new start in the very place I had my first start.

After I got back home, I had some time to relax, spend time with Dodger and then because my Sickle Cell was bothering me I took a nap. Two hours later I felt much better, took Dodger out again and then came home to talk with my friend Christina to share the good news about the apartment. As I was speaking with her, I saw that I had a new email message. I could see part of the subject line, “still interested in cooking”

The email was from someone I interviewed with for a head cooks position back in 2008, she hung on to my information and is now wanting to interview me for a breakfast cooks position. This would be such a huge opportunity for me in so many ways, because it would allow me to work in the mornings until 2:30pm, plus I would be off on the weekends. Most importantly it would allow me to no longer be dependent on the government for my income. I am so very excited about the possibility of returning to work. The fact that this job came looking for me is a good sign.

I’ve been in my place for over a year now, in this time I have been on over 90 job interviews. I get messages all the time in my YOUTUBE in box and even on my videos sometimes “you need to stop being lazy and find a job” It’s funny how people think they can watch a few videos, even read a few of my blogs and then know so much about me and my work ethic. If I were a weak person comments such as those would really get to me, but they dont.

Today at 2:30pm I have a job interview, with someone I met back in 2008. I have a really good feeling about this.

Week In Review

// September 19th, 2010 // No Comments » // Animals, Cooking, Health and Fitness, Me Time

This week I took some much needed time out for me. More then 90% of my week was spent on what I like to call “ME TIME”

There was some time spent on making certain I keep up with things for my outreaches as well with a peer support outreach that included a large size Life Kit and a brand new cell phone from T-Mobile. This was thanks to a phone call requesting support from my friend Michelle. With the help of friends and supporters I was able to put together two large Life Kits, purchase a cell phone and even place 400 minutes on the phone. AWESOME.

In addition I was able to take some awesome clothes to Common Ground in Santa Monica. It has been a while since I have been able to get things to over to Common Ground, but thanks in huge part to my friend Natalie, was also helped with the peer support outreach, I was able to get the clothes to Common Ground in Santa Monica.

I took a trip to the Grammy Museum and The Farm of Beverly Hills at LA LIVE with my friend Natlie. I am a huge museum goer, but when I think of the Grammy’s,  museum is the last thing that comes to mind. Just like I thought, it was simply ok and not something I ever want to do again. We were there for a couple of hours and that was really far longer then it should have been.

After the boring Grammy Museum we walked around LA LIVE for a bit and then we ate at The Farm of Beverly Hills. I have never even heard of this place and I can honestly say I will never go back. The food was over priced and below average. The waiter was sexy and very nice, so that was nice.

I’ve  been back in the gym, it was an effort, but I did get there three days last week. AWESOME!!!! I’ve also been spending more time walking Dodger on longer walks which allows him to meet other dogs and get me some much needed exercise. There is a cool park that Dodger seems to like really well and he has some little friends that he is now pretty much use to.

I had to cancel my book club meeting last Sunday, but I have finished the book and am off to reading another book. It was so cool to re-read the Invisible Life by E. Lynn Harris and this time have an entirely different understanding and appreciation for the book. I guess one would call this growth or life experience would probably be a better way to describe it.

Saturday I spent some time over at the ceramic studio and this time I wasn’t there very long like I normally am. There was all this guff about things being broken or not getting fired and the facilitator quit. I was told that things are much better, not that I thought anything was really wrong, but when I went on Saturday not one of my items had been fired. Some have been waiting for final firing for over 5 months now. I have other things that I have created, so I hoping that they all will be done by the end of the year, but I wont count on it. My things are not as nice as other people, so they tend to not get the same attention or respect as others. This is just my opinion. Plus after a few nasty messages from a certain member I no longer feel like this is a cool, safe or supportive. Which is really too bad because I have really come to enjoy creating things there. But it is what it is. I will always have fond memories of the studio and I have enjoyed my time there.

The highlight of my week was a phone call I received from am apartment in Santa Monica. This was the first waiting list I was placed on well over two years ago, so to get the call that I am now being interviewed for an apartment there is so awesome to me.  As you know, I was born and raised in Santa Monica, this is also the place where I created my Do Something Saturday outreach for homeless people. Santa Monica holds so many memories for me and it has been my families home for over 80 years. The chance to move back to Santa Monica would be so sweet.

I am spending my Sunday with Dodger and my friend who is in town from the Bay Area. We have no real plans other then to just enjoy our Sunday and take Dodger out for long walks. I will also spend some time working on my panel for the quilt project I’ve started.

In all it has been a great week for me where I’ve been able to spend time with friends, some much needed ME TIME, spend time working on getting exercise and even getting rid of things from my diet such as sodas, juices filled with sugar and processed food. On top of this being able to help some people was simply awesome.