Project Kengikat

Busy Bee

// March 9th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Last night I had my very first Oscar party and man was it fun. I invited two friends over and we had a blast. I made some dips and I also cooked. I just wanted to make sure we had a great time. My two friends Donald and Franklin were my guests.

As always the Oscars were pretty uneventful, in fact they were rather boring and after ll the hype that was put into how wild and crazy the two host would be, I must say that the show was even double boring. They really need to go back and let Whoopi or Robin Williams host the show. At least then we can get some laughs. They should also consider bringing  back some entertainment as well. The highlight of the show for all three of us was the win by Mo’Nique for best supporting actress for her role in Precious. If you have not seen this movie I strongly suggest you check it out on DVD.

The rest of the night was all about my food, fun with friends and all the laughter we shared. It’s been really cool having my own place again and being able to have friends over for dinner or even just to hang out. I cant even begin to tell you what it has been like knowing that at the end of every day I have a place that is all mine, where I am safe, wont have to worry about someone taking my things while I am gone or asking permission to go into the kitchen to cook or if I can stay out and see a movie if I feel like it.

The menu was pretty simple, but I must say I did have a hard time deciding what I was going to cook. At first I wanted to cook prime rib and shrimp, but I thought that might be a bit much for them, then I that I would do some enchiladas or maybe some bbq chicken and ribs. In the end I went with cornish game hens, wild rice, garlic whipped potatoes and fried shrimp. I also made some dips as well. For dessert I made a very simple cream cheese cherry pie. This was the very first pie I even made on my own and I have not made it in such a very long time.

The pie is pretty simple when I think about it. The pie crust is a gram cracker and is often store purchased, the filling is cream cheese, condensed milk, lemon juice, and can cherry pie filling on top once the pie filling has had a chance to get solid. It’s simple, but packs a smooth awesome taste to any meal and was a major hit with the guys. In all the night was fun and I am so glad I had the chance to do this with my friends.

After a long hot bath late Sunday night and some much needed down time with Dodger, I turned into bed and had an awesome nights rest which in turn made Monday start rather slow. Yes, I slept late and even after I woke up I stayed in bed just resting. I didn’t rush to get up. Even after I took Dodger out for his morning walk I still came back in and got back into bed. I sent a text to my friend Leah and after about another hour of laying in bed I got up and took a long hot shower and started my day.

Last week I got an email from someone who wanted to speak with me about the work I do for a documentary they are working on. We exchanged emails, but last week got away from me and before I knew it I had forgotten all about it. Which may not have been a bad thing since I have had several people tell me they would like to meet with me to talk about my community work and nothing ever comes of it. However this time was very different. This morning I called the number supplied and I had the chance to speak with someone regarding the project in great detail and after speaking with him I later got an email asking to have a meeting with me tomorrow morning.

I then needed to touch base with the person who is my contact for the Los Angeles County Commission on HIV. I learned that I will be attending a commission meeting as well as meeting the other commissioners and then going for my interview next week. After speaking with my contact and getting all the dates and details down, I needed to break away and take Dodger out for a walk. I am glad I got up and took the time to step back and breathe.

Back at home I started making sure I have all the things I need for my rectification for the housing authority and I also need to make sure I have all the things I need for my appointment with my social worker. While going through all of this I also needed to make some time make plans for what is shaping up to be a very busy end of March and a jam packed April.

I have my 3rd Easter Basket outreach already underway and so far this has been pretty smooth. However I still need to shop for the items and this will be very different from the last big outreach I did last month when I had a car to do the shopping with, but I am sure I will be able to get it all done. This will be the third outreach I have done with Easter Baskets and each one has been a HUGE success. This year the outreach will once again impact the lives of children who are from low income families, but the sweet things is that all the children are right here in the same building I live in. I am so looking forward to doing this outreach, it is going to be great.

I also have my two year anniversary of being HIV positive and my 2nd Kengi’s get tested party. I will also do an outreach down on Skid Row for my Unpluggin HIV outreach that takes place for 40 residents. The plan is have a speaker come talk to the residents about their HIV labs and teaching them how to understand their labs. This may sound very easy, but believe me trying to get people to come speak on Skid Row is very hard. You would think that since they are taking information to the people who are greatly affected by HIV and AIDS, this would be something people would jump at and welcome, but since I am a small grass roots organization that does not have non-profit status nor a budget to offer anyone any money or incentive other then taking very important information on HIV and AIDS directly to those who need it the most, is very hard to make happen, but I am not going to give up. I will make this happen.

I also want to do an outreach to Chess Park and Venice beach, shop for clothes to wear when I am in Washington and then my trip to Washington. So April is a jam packed month for me. Plus I have so much more to prepare for as well.

Being able to spend a night laughing and having fun with friends over dinner while watching the Oscars was awesome. Now it is back to work for me.

OSCARS….Beating the Odds

// March 7th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Tomorrow is the the biggest day for Hollywood with the 82nd Annual Academy Awards which will take place just over 4 blocks from my apartment. Now I grew up in Southern California, so the Oscars and the “stars” that will walk the red carpet tomorrow have always been no big deal to me. I guess because I grew up here and my grandmother as well as great grandmother worked for “stars” or Hollywood executives.

Once I started cooking and became very good at it, big parties, events, weddings and even high profile events were things I did. Even as a private cook for families, I always made time to do at least three really big events each year. This was in addition to whom I was working for, any community work I was doing and catering.

Last Christmas was my first time ever buying a tree for me, I was always either working, traveling or at my folks place for Christmas and there was never a need for me to have a tree at home. That changed this past Christmas and I am so glad I purchased a tree. It really had nothing to do with presents or how commercial the holiday has become, but it was about creating memories for me in my new home. It was about remembering those awesome times with my family and wanting…..no needing to create that for myself.

I asked two friends to come over and hang out and watch the awards with me. After 29 months of homelessness, being sick and feeling like my life was passing me by and that people I thought would always be in my life as my friends all of the sudden walking out because I was no longer the guy dropping cash or inviting them to come hang out on my dime. I guess you could say that homelessness has made me realize something my Ma always use to tell me…”everyone is not your friend” it also forced me to put things into different perspectives and not to live my life through what society deems as successful. Not to allow others to live my life, set my tone, define me or tell me what is and is not or what the outcome will be. All of this is up to me and while others in many ways are along for the journey, they really get no say in how I get there, when I will get there or what  route I will take.

I could have invited plenty of people over, but I didn’t, I had three people in mind but one of them does not live here, so an invite to her would be pointless, but she will be here next year. I invited my two friends Franklin and Donald. I met Franklin when I was homeless and trying to get housing, He was in a place in Long Beach and I was there for an intake interview. When I moved in he had already moved out. Long story longer, that was one of the worst places I ever stayed in. I thought the bed bug infested, shit on the floor, having to fight for my shit, rat hole, ex-cons in charge of me place I had to stay in on Skid Row was bad, this pace was far worse. There was always shit in the shower from one of the residents who would take shit in the shower and not clean it, then we were asked to clean it,  in the bed next to me was a sex whore who didn’t seem to care he has AIDS and was getting fucked by everything moving. The fact that more then 90% of the men in the house were illegal residents was also very bothersome to me because there are people who are homeless on the streets who could be in places like this, but for some reason being a citizen does not matter. I left and went back to the streets because it was safer. After I moved into this building I was walking from the laundry room and I saw Franklin. We’ve had a cool time getting to know each other and the support that we share is so cool. Franklin has AIDS, but unlike most people with HIV or AIDS that I have met, Franklin does not act like some victim, he doesn’t make excuses and refuses to hide behind the disease. Yeah he has his ups and downs, but he gets through it without acting like the world some how owes him something. Franklin is a long time survivor, he is Black and a huge inspiration to me. He is someone I look up to, admire and truly respect. He is such an amazing man with a awesome outlook on life. He is a great friend.

Donald is the other person I invited, I met him through my Unpluggin HIV outreach down on Skid Row and just like Franklin, Donald is this amazing man who has lived a rich and vibrant life. He too has been through a lot and has also overcome a lot. He does not allow this disease to turn him into someone who just sits and allows life to roll past him. He loves his life and he is enjoying it to the fullest. Each time I get to speak with or see Donald I walk away with such a better appreciation for my own life and that the fact that I have HIV does not mean that my life ever has to be over and that I can life with HIV for a very long time. From him I am learning to keep smiling, keep laughing, keep striving, keep loving, keep reaching out to help others and above all, keep believing in God and that with him all things are possible. In the time that I have been able to spend with him I have seen in him much of what others say they see in me, someone who is selfless. Donald gives and gives, even though he does not have much, he will go the extra mile for someone and not expect anything in return. Just to hear him laugh truly does my soul so much good. He too is an awesome friend.

The CDC report on HIV and AIDS and how it affects Blacks was not news to me…in fact it was not news at all and I have seen no real efforts to really combat HIV and AIDS in the hardest hit populations. In my opinion the report painted Blacks as stupid people who simply do not care about their lives, it made it seem like access to care is equal and I think everyone in this country knows damn well it isn’t. Not only are their huge disparities in care for Blacks, but education and prevention are also greatly disproportionate. When I was diagnosed with HIV on April 3rd 2008 in such a rude and nasty way by some lousy doctor at Harbor UCLA who yelled “Mr. Carr, you are HIV positive” into a room with other patients and simply walked off the message was clear “you don’t count”. In that moment with tears rolling down my face I knew HIV was not going to be easy for me, just like it hasn’t been easy for plenty of people, but especially Blacks and women of color. At the time I was homeless, with no medical care and Black. That’s almost like the 3 strikes rule we have in this country, but I have always refused to be pushed to the side and I was not about to be another Black man who died from HIV…..not because of stigma or lack of education, but because of access…EQUAL access to health care.

Franklin and Donald are more to me then just my friends. They are awesome role models and two Black men beating the odds, against all odds. Two Black men standing tall and damn proud, two Black men who are among thousands of Black men who refuse to be just some damn number on some CDC report that blames stigma and education on the high rates of infection and death from HIV and AIDS for Blacks , two Black men who I love and admire and who give me the courage to wake up each and every day and live my best life and flip my middle finger at HIV and the CDC report. Two Black men who I am proud to call friends and two Black men I am so honored to create as well as celebrate an awesome new memory  with watching the Academy Awards at  my first ever  Oscar party.

So while tomorrow will represent so much in the life of a “star” who gets a nod and bow from a  golden award, I will celebrate something far greater and far more valuable with two amazing men who I am both honored and blessed to call my friends as well as my role models.

Thursday

// March 5th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Thursday has been a down day for me. When I say down I mean it was pretty quiet. There were no outreaches for Do Something Saturday or Unpluggin HIV, but there was plenty of work that needed to get done.

I spent most of my morning working on my website. I’ve been meaning to make changes and really streamline it. I am also working on finding someone to design a new logo that will fleck the old logo and incorporate a new logo for the new outreach. While I still like the old Do Something Saturday logo I feel I have outgrown it and it needs to reflect the grown of the outreach. Finding someone to design a logo has been hit and miss….mostly miss. There have been plenty of people saying they would help out, but I think they only want to hear themselves speak or simply wanted to look good in front of others by saying they would donate a logo for my organization. However today I think I had a break through with someone who watches my youtube channel. So hopefully I will be able to wrap this up pretty soon with her help.

The other thing I needed to work on for my website is spending some time learning how to make changes to it on my own. This is been hard for me because I don’t know code and my social network is all cut and paste and templates. I love this because I am in full control and when I want to make changes I simply do it. This is not been the case with the website. Although I love the hard work and time my friend has been putting in since day one, I would still like to be able to make changes to the website when I need to. I also don’t want to feel like I am being a bother or asking too much of someone. So this means I need to spend some time learning how to do the work myself or simply do not renew the domain when it comes up for renewal in July.

It was also a laundry day for me and I really hate to do laundry. I especially hate it when I go down to do it and one person has all three washers and dryers with lot of other shit sitting in front of the each washer and then clothes on the folding table waiting to go in the dryer. Almost like they are the only one in the building. However today I wasn’t in the mood to wait, so I asked her if I could use the washer she was taking clothes out of. She gave me a nasty glare but said yes. When I came back I did the same thing by asking her if I could use the dryer she was taking clothes out of. However this time she said no and this is when I reminded her that she already had the other two dryers. I also told her that she didn’t own the machines. She changed her tune and I was able to use the dryer.

I also needed to take Dodger out for his long walks today. He has been acting out and pissing in the apartment and I have not been a happy camper about this. The other night he even snapped and barked at me, so I needed to let him know very quick that there is only one KING in this castle. I think he got the message because today after I left him in the apartment all he did was bark while I was gone.

This evening was time to chill out and hang with my two best friends Tina and Andy. Tina has family in town so we met up at Hollywood and Highland for dinner and fun. We ate at a place called U-Wink which I have heard good things about, so it was cool to be able to go there with them. U-Wink combines technology with food and fun and from the time I was there it was a complete score. You order your own food right from your table using the touch screens at each table. You are then able to play games while you wait. The food was good and the games were cool. Andy even won a cool “Pickle” for Tina. I don’t know why they named the stuffed doll “pickle” because it clearly is not a “pickle”

Since we were at Hollywood and Highland and it is Oscar time I was able to take some cool pictures of the setting up and all that fun stuff. We even had the chance to walk on the red carpet that was completely covered with plastic. It’s funny how people see it on TV and think the area is is so glamorous and swanky, but I think the area is just ok. It is nice how them manage to pull of the event. Although it has changed to much since the days when it was at the Shrine Auditorium right by USC. So just for people who have not had the chance to see the preparations up close I snapped some pics.

It was another awesome day. I got work down and I had time for me as well.

The Run Around

// March 3rd, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

Today was a very busy day for me. I had a lot of things that I needed to get done for ME and for Dodger. I also needed to touch base with someone from the Los Angeles County HIV Commission, pay rent, pay some bills and even head to the store.

I was doing all of this on my bike, since I no longer have my car, which was cool because I really wanted to start making certain that I am getting on my bike more often. I was on it twice today. The first time was for about 45 minutes and the second time was about 15 minutes, but both times I tried to get in a really good ride so it could really count towards my working out and getting fir goals.

My first job after walking Dodger was to call the Gas Company and find out why I have not received a paper bill from them. I paid my bill online just one time and ever since then I have not received a paper bill. I am really glad I called because the service was scheduled to be turned off tomorrow. The reason I had no received a bill was because the Gas Company automatically enrolls you in their online program where they no longer send you a paper bill. I told the woman that I never asked or signed up not to get a paper bill and she told me, “Well you paid online and we naturally assume that customers who pay online do not wish to get a paper bill….we assume that they are more environmental friendly”

I had to laugh at her answer and I even asked her if she had just said what she did and she said “yes” and asked what was so funny. I told her that her answer was funny and how dare the Gas Company just automatically assume things about their customers. She informed me that I would now get a paper bill, but that I should be aware of all the trees that this will affect. Again I laughed at her and asked why doesn’t the Gas Company simply use recycled paper and to this she replied “the cost is too high.” I laughed again and this time it was at her and her silly answer. I then asked for the nearest payment center and also asked her to send a copy of my bill.

Lucky for me there was a service center on Hillhurst near Franklin, so I could ride my bike there. It would be a good workout with a small hill, but first I needed to go to the post office and get a money order to pay my rent. For some reason they do not take checks from people for rent. This is fine for me cause there is a very nice lady that I always get to see when I go to the post office this time of month, so I was looking forward to seeing her smiling face.

After paying my rent I put my lock in my backpack and checked my bill with T-Mobile. I wanted to make sure I knew the correct amount to pay because there is always a problem since I am on the account of someone. Even though they have told me time and time again that I am an authorized user on the account, each and every time I go to pay my bill I have a huge problem. My friend says one thing and the person either on the phone or in the store says he is wrong and there is always a major problem with paying the bill. Since it isn’t my account there isn’t much that I can do. I can’t make any demands because it is not my account.

I get to the T-Mobile store and there is a huge line and only two people working. It seems the people at each register have a million questions to ask and the one closest to me is having problems paying her bill and was trying every trick in the book to get her service turned back on without paying. The guy at the other register could notmake up his mind on what phone plan to go on, so he had the person helping him go over it 5 times before he decided to go with the $19.95 prepaid phone. WOW after all of that and he went with a prepaid phone. I could not have been the person helping these two people because I would have told them to step to the side until they have made up their minds on paying a bill that they have ran up or picking a plan they want.

Just like I knew would happen I walk up to the register and give my cell phone number and once again they tell me they cant give me any information on the account, because I am not a user. They refused to even tell me the balance for my phone. So I said let me just pay the $65.85 for my phone and he told me he cant do that because the balance was more then what I wanted to pay. He told me that I needed to pay the entire balance. After talking with him for about 10 minutes I asked him to get an manager and when he came over he told me the same thing I have heard so many times. “You’re not a user on the account and the owner of this account needs to set it up.” This is when I offered to let them speak to the owner of the account and he told me that would do no good because he needed to be present in the store. After talking with him a bit more, he said he would let me make the payment, but in the future I need to be on the account as a user.

After all this he tells me that the price I wanted to pay from my line was not correct. He told me that the amount due for my line was only $31.02 and not $65.85 and at this point I was so pissed and lost that I called my friend and told him what was happening and once again I got the same thing I always get. “I’ll have to call and take care of it.” Frustrated I paid what I was told was due and asked for my receipt and left. However before I left the sales person tells me “you know you can avoid this all together by getting your own line.”  and then the store manger chimes in “How important is your number to you?” I look at both of them and ask “are you really trying to make a sale of me after the way you both treated me?”

My next stop was the Gas Company and this was about a 20 minute bike ride. I had some idea where the center was, but did not get the address, since I knew the cross streets and without much effort I found the place just fine, however there was no place to lock my bike, so I simply placed the lock on the bike and leaned it against the building but is plain view so I could see it the entire time I was inside. The line was long and only one person was working, so it was about a 21 minute wait in line, but the guy who took the payment was much nicer then the lady I spoke with. In fact he told me that the amount she told me I needed to pay was wrong and once again what I was told about a payment was different when I show up to pay the bill. This time I just smiled and said ok.

As I headed back from Franklin I saw a pet store and though it would be cool to get Dodgers treats there instead of riding all the past my place to go to PETCO, that is if they had what I needed. As it turned out they had what I wanted, but the price on two of the items was much more the I normally pay, so I skipped those. They guy at the counter was very helpful and was able to answer some questions I had about Dodger. I also need to get a gate for the front door so I am able to open it to let air in and not have Dodger run out. However I wasn’t sure what size I needed and I also wasn’t prepared to get it today, so I told him I can always come back.

The ride back home was awesome, there was a bit of a headwind and the cars where really coll about respecting the fact that the street is narrow and didn’t pass me unless they could do so without jamming me into the parked cars. That was really cool. I tend not to ride close to the parked cars because I don’t want a door to swing open on me, I also try my best to look in the side mirrors to make sure no one is sitting in the driver seat. I’ve been riding bike my whole life and I have only had a car door open on my like three times and only one time was bad, however not that I am 41 years old and not as fast and agile as I use to be when doors fly open, I make sure I take every extra precaution to ensure my safety. I am also sure I wont heal as fast as I use to as well.

Once back home I took Dodger out for his walk and then came back to return some calls and emails. I also wanted to touch base with two friends to see if they wanted to come over to watch the Oscars on Sunday. They both said yes and shortly after I spoke with they I needed to head to the store and pick up some things for my dinner. I have had this craving for a chicken salad sandwich and I dont have money to get it from a store and even if I did I am sure I would not b happy, so making it was the way to go for me. Plus I needed to use the chicken breast I had take out yesterday.

I went to Fresh and Easy, it is a new chain of self serve stores that have been popping up all over the place, the store is cool for many reasons, it’s smaller, the selection is pretty good, lots of private label items that is good in quality and you scan your own items and then someone bags them for you. Pretty cool and most times there is no line and you can get in and out with very little effort or hassle. The draw backs are the meats. I have purchased meats from them three times and each time I have not been happy with my selection. In fact the last time I got chicken breast there and got it home it had this awful smell and I needed to take it back. Plus sometime the meats don’t look like they make it to the cold storage in enough time. Having said this I tend to buy my meats some place else or I really play close attention to the meat I buy from them. I am not trying to get sick.

The sandwich was awesome and I even did a short Cooking with Kengi video. After eating I sat on the sofa with Dodger and looked at some TV for about two hours and then got ready to hit the gym. My workouts have been going very well and the results are starting to show and I am very happy about this. I even got some awesome news when I was leaving the gym as well. I am ranked in the top 30 males in several different categories and to see me name there was AWESOME and a huge boost for me.

It’s 12:35AM right now and Dodger is on his bed snoring and I am done with my day and this blog. I simply need to start uploading the videos from the day I just had. In all it was a great day and I feel great, but I do have a slight headache and I am in a bit more pain then normal, so I am calling it a night so I can jump into a hot bath and then into my bed for some much needed rest.

I hope you all are well

CARING counts

// February 28th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

WOW, this week was very busy for me and I could not have asked for a better way to end it then the way I have. The week was long and filled with lots of running around and paperwork that I needed to get done for my apartment, DPSS, and the application for the Los Angeles County Commission on HIV. In addition to all my personal things I needed to get done, I also had a very full week of outreaches as well.

Last week I learned that I was being recommended for a seat on the Los Angeles County Commission on HIV, I had spoken to the board last year when the HIV funding cuts were looming over the State. My Dr’s office has asked if I would speak and I was more then happy to do my part. So it is both an honor and very humbling to be considered for a seat on the commission. I said yes, I would fill out the application, but I had no idea of just how involved it was. The application was about 20 pages most of it was essay questions. Since I am always writing on my blog or other places where I have an online journal this task wasn’t too hard, however the time in which I had to do it was where the challenge came. I also had to get letter of recommendation, both personal and professional, this also proved to be a challenge for me and because I wasn’t able to get any personal letters and the fact that my printer ran out of ink just as I was printing my bio, combined with people not coming through with letter they said they would write, I almost gave up on finishing the application.

After speaking to my great aunt, she reminded me that I have never had a task before me that I was not able to finish, nor a situation that I could not resolve or get through. She reminded me in no uncertain term that my parents did not raise me to be a quitter and I wasn’t about to start acting like one just because things were not going as smooth as I thought they should. “Stay the course little boy and get this done or deal with me.” is what she told me. I said “yes ma’am” and went back to work on the application. Just when I had hit another wall I got a call from her asking me how things were and after speaking with her I figured out what I needed to do and I got the application finished and turned in. I will know in a month or two what the outcome will be.

Tuesday was a very busy day for me. I had my Unpluggin HIV outreach down on Skid Row and then I also had an interview for Conversations with Kengi on my YOUTUBE channel. I also needed to be back home by 3:30PM to turn in my service logs for the month. In addition to all of this I also had Do Something Kits that I needed to get out to some homeless people in my area. Since I was able to secure a donation from a new supporter I was able to make the kits and give them to homeless people.

Wednesday I met with my former case manager at AIDS Project Los Angeles to get a letter from her and to talk about how things have been going for me. As many of you know she was such a huge support for me when I was homeless and a massive help through some of the darkest points of being homeless. She is also someone who has been there for me when others have simply said they would be and then not come through when I needed them to……this is after they have also given me their word that I can depend on them. It was awesome to be able to see her and I was also able to take 3 of the 7 cell phones to her as well. The cell phones are apart of my “Stay-n-Touch” program that gives free gently used prepaid cell phones for people who are either homeless or battling HIV and AIDS or both.

From there I met with someone who I now work with one on one who has AIDS and needed some help with being able to get clear information on their METRO pass, how to ride the train to the destination they needed to get to and some peer support in general. Although I should have been using this time to work on my application, I felt I really needed to also be there for this person because I know all to well what it is like not to have some support from someone when you need it most. I am glad I took the time to do this because this gave me a chance to get out of my space and be outside. It also allowed me so down time to clear my head and think about some of the questions on the application. More importantly it gave me the chance to once again stand in the gap for someone who is battling AIDS and was reaching out for help. Help that I knew would never come from traditional places. Sometimes we all just need to take a step back to “suit up and show up” for someone else. It also gave me the chance to work one on one with someone with a history of mental illness, homelessness and also battling AIDS. In the end it was great because I had a really great time helping and they had the chance to learn how to take care of things for them wit the support of someone who cares and was not about to make them feel silly or guilty for asking. I ended by day with a brisk walk with Dodger and then the rest of the evening I worked on the application.

Friday was yet another big day for me. Not only would I be turning in my application, but I would also be doing my first interview with someone who is a health care professional and would be speaking about HIV and AIDS. Since being diagnosed I have asked many people to sit down and speak with me, but each time the answer was “no” or “I have to think about it” but this wasn’t the case with the director of my HIV clinic. I asked back in December and he said “yes” and Friday after turning in the application I had the huge opportunity of interviewing him for my Conversations with Kengi segment on my YOUTUBE channel. This was the second Conversations with Kengi interview for the week and once again this one was awesome.

The interview went well and Nick was so awesome and clear with his answers and the information he gave was honest, true and came from a place of caring and a desire to provide information to those who will see the videos. Already the videos are getting awesome comments and people are thanking me for taking the time to do such an interview to empower and educate them on HIV and AIDS.

After the interview I was walking Dodger when I got a call that I was expecting to get from a professor at USC asking me if I would once again be interested in speaking to her class in the Department of Social Work. Naturally I said yes but I was also invited to speak to another class as well, so in March I will be speaking at USC and the Skirball  Cultural Center. I spoke last year to her class at USC and was so excited when I got the email asking me if I would speak again.

Saturday was really supposed to be a quiet relaxing day for Dodger and I, but late Friday I got a call asking if I was free for lunch on Saturday to help celebrate with my former nurse from the Rand Shrader Clinic at USC….the HIV clinic or 5p21 as it is more commonly called. Since the nurse is someone who like my former case manager was such a huge and vital part to my survival through being newly diagnosed with HIV and in many cases was the only person I could turn to for clear medical answers and advice with many of the things taking place with me health wise and since he is someone who I consider as a friend, I was more then happy to spend time with him and another patient of his helping him celebrate his victory.

This was so cool because it was cold and raining on Saturday and although I had planned to just spend the day with Dodger, I was so happy I had the chance to spend in the company of friends over a great lunch and very engaging conversations as well as many laughs. Both men are people I am hoping to profile on Conversations with Kengi very soon because they both can shed some awesome light to the HIV and AIDS conversation that really needs to take place from both a patient and care giver stand points. Something I feel and know would be so beneficial to all who watch.

Later Saturday afternoon and all night until bed on Saturday it was me and Dodger sitting on the sofa looking at TV and just chilling. I love how Dodger just likes to kick it and relax. It wasn’t long before both of us were having a snore contest and right as I would start to win Dodger would lick my face as if to tell me I am being too loud.

Sunday was the end to what was a great week for me…….long week of plenty of work for both me and doing work for others. I ended it in the park volunteering for Animal Advocates Alliance pet adoption in the Pan Pacific Park. This was the first time I was able to do this and I have been looking forward to doing it for such a long time. I was set to do a not long ago, but my car died on my the weekend I was supposed to do it. This weekend was a huge treat for me. I had the chance to take a friend from my building who has been asking me to help him get out of the house. So it was so cool to be able to take him with me.

We had a great time. I was teamed up with this awesome dog that was a pit-bull mix, but was such a little baby. Great dogwith a great attitude, but in need of a great forever home with someone or a family that will give him the love and attention he needs. As I got there and saw all the little dogs I so wanted and wished I could have another dog, but that just isn’t possible. So after seeing these cute little puppies I gave me niece a call because I know her and her husband are looking to add dogs to their happy home.

Once they got to the adoption she fell in love with a dog named “Snoopy” and after some talking with her husband they decided to take “Snoopy” home with them. However he had his named changed to “Chuck” since “Snoopy” was a name given to him this morning by the pound.

In all it was a great day volunteering for the adoption. Although my dog that I was teamed up with didn’t get adopted I was so happy that my family found a dog they just loved. I had the cool chance to introduce him to Dodger  and they got to hang out and get to know each other while his new family had lunch at IHOP. I was able to take them both out for a long walk after they got to know each other and they both did so well on the walk. Now Dodger has a new little play buddy that he will see almost ever Monday since my niece and her husband are off from work on Mondays.

I also had the chance to hang out with Phillip and Lee as well as the rest of the crew from Animal Advocates Alliance. It is so cool to be able to find a place and a group of people who truly care about the work they do and this awesome love that they all share for the animals they care for, In many way what Phillip and Lee do for animals I do in m daily life for homeless people and those battling HIV and AIDS, I simply try to extend love, care and understanding where it is either greatly lacking or completely absent. Many times at the end of my days I am completely drained and there are those times I feel I should have done more even though I know that I had done all I could. Those days use to be spent here in my new place alone, left with the thoughts of me not doing enough to help, but now thanks to Dodger when I come home feeling like I have not done enough he quickly reminds me that I have done all I can and there are times when even people like me can’t do it all or reach out to all.

Having Dodger has been so awesome, he cheers me up and makes me smile even when I dont feel like it, he gets me out ofmy house when I have sat working on a project for far too long and he will not let me be down about anything. In many ways he reminds me that I can only do so much and that what I do is far more then most will ever do in a complete life time.

So I ended my weekend with a group of people who really do pretty much the same things I do, but they do it for animals who have far less. I got to spend the day with people who care about the work they do and know that at the end of the day no matter what happens they have done all they can to protect something that is so special, so vital and so important in the grand scheme of things. It’s always funny to me how some people spend ever part of their days making excuses as to what they cant do, but then I get so inspired by being around people who simply do what needs to be done against all odds and no matter how many times they here “no” Nana (my great grandma) use to tell me that “no” is like a vitamin and that I should learn to enjoy taking my “no” vitamins because they will only serve to make me stronger and a much better person.

So how was your week and weekend?

Sunday for ME

// February 22nd, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

This week has been pretty cool and has been filled with some special moments, but most of all they have been filled with getting to know someone who I think is pretty damn cool and has quickly become someone very special to me. I also had the chance to go down on Skid Row for my Unpluggin HIV outreach that was also very cool and once again thanks to the donation of a new supporter I was able to offer a great meal to the residents.

Saturday was pretty quiet, Dodger and I went on a long walk and then I did some washing and cleaned my place. It’s funny to me when I say I cleaned my place, I always seem to giggle when I say things like “clean my place” or “I am going home” I don’t know why, but the I guess the newness of me being in my own apartment again is still so new to me. Sometimes when I put my key in the door I still get very emotional and there are times when I sit in my bed and find it hard to believe that the nightmare of homelessness is behind me. Days when I had to jump through so many pointless hoops, take orders from people who could care less about me or have people in charge of me and everything in my life is behind me for the most part. No more will I have listen to someone make fucked up comments about me being HIV positive and I am supposed to simply sit there and take it because I need their help. No more will I have to sit and listen to someone tell me I am “backwards” or “stupid” simply because I asked them to do what they are federally funded to do. No more tears because some jackass at the Union Rescue Mission could not follow simple instructions from the CEO, no more will I have to hear from that CEO “this wont happen to you again Kengi” only have have it happen the next night. Sometimes it’s just hard to believe that most of the bad is behind me.

Late Saturday afternoon I had visit from Tiffany who is a supporter of my organization. I haven’t seen her in a while, so it was cool to have her come over and drop off some awesome donations for my organization. We had a chance to visit for a bit before she had to get going to work. Many of you many remember Tiffany from a few videos on my YOUTUBE Channel and from a few on my blogs on Project KengiKat where she is a member. The clothes she donated are awesome and will be used to help women and children of low income families and men who are battling HIV and AIDS. The cool thing is that most of the donations will be able to help women and children of low income families right here in my building.

As always the items are in awesome condition and many of them still have the tags on them. There are plenty of baby and small child clothes that will come in handy for a few families here in my building. The men’s clothing were also in awesome condition, most of them were sport coats and slacks with some button downs and casual clothes. The bonus of the clothes were the suits. Again, they are in great condition, they will go a long way in helping men living on Skid Row who are battling not just HIV and AIDS, but low-come and all the hardships of being sick with a limited income.

The last of the donation from Tiffany included two blankets and a bed roll that can be used to someone who is homeless sleeping on the street. The bed roll blows up automatically and even has a carry strap which will make the bed roll easy to carry with them after they have slept for the night. Last night I made a video of the donations that is currently on my YOUTUBE channel.

Tiffany could have very easily donated these items to other organizations, but she drove them from Venice to Hollywood to give them to my organization in order to further my efforts to reach out to people in needs who are suffering through poverty, homelessness as well as HIV and AIDS. Tiffany it is kind acts from people like you that have allowed me to keep this organization moving forward for the past three years. It’s people who give expecting nothing in return, people who give because they simply want to do all they can to help, people who do all they can to help humanity at every chance they are given the opportunity. Thank you very much for this donation that allows me the serve those who are often overlooked and ignored. This donation will go a long way to empower people. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

My Sunday was spent with my best friends Tina and Andy at Universal Studios to celebrate Tina’s birthday. I have never been to Universal Studios, so for me this was a real treat. Rain threatened fall on us, but that didn’t stop us from meeting up and having a great time and in the end all we ever felt was a few drops. There was even parts of the day where we saw and enjoyed the sun.

I had no idea the part was so big and filled with so much to see and explore. This is a movie lot, a working movie lot that has the park as the backdrop, so if you’re looking for roller coaster and things like that, this park isn’t the place, but if you’re looking for something that is rich with California and Hollywood history, then this is the ticket and a must see.

I met Tina and Andy on the Red Line train and then we headed to the park. The first thing we did was take the lot tour or the tram tour which takes you through working sound stages and shows you old sound stages like The Bates Motel and JAWS. The Simpson’s ride along with Mummy and Backdraft were the highlights for me. Although I teased (but wasn’t about to do it) about getting on the Jurassic Park ride, we all agreed that it was too cold to get wet and then try to deal with being wet the rest of our stay. In all we had a great time just hanging out and spending time with each other. We always have so much fun when the three of us hang out, so it was so cool to be able to spend this day with them to celebrate Tina’s birthday.

After we left the park we took a stroll on City Walk which is the area right outside Universal Studios. The area is filledwith places to eat, hang out and catch a movie. It is also jammed packed with plenty of neon lighted signs that make City Walk a neon sign makers dream. While walking we stopped in two candy stores, but only got goodies from one, before we finished out tour and then headed to the area where we waited for the tram to take us down to the train.

For me the ride was quick and I was soon walking home smiling and thinking about what a cool day I just had with my friends. A day filled with friends and fun, a day for me. When we waited for the tram my friend Christina called me to throw some laughs my way and the entire day my friend Leah and I were texting and making each other crack up. It was a great day.

As I walked up the stairs and put my key in the door I head the little feet of Dodger running toward the door and as soon as I opened it up he was greeting me his barking and jumping up and down. I sat the bag I had in my hand down, closed the down and played with him right by the front door. He then ran into the apartment and grabbed his large and small ducks and began to play very ruff with them like he always does. He slammed them to the ground and then run over to me to get some kisses and pets and then back to the toy ducks. The funny thing is that I told my friend Leah that he was barking like he was cursing me out asking me what my problem was and to put his leash on before he just shits all over my apartment. We both got a great laugh out of that.

After playing with him for a bit and showing him some love and letting him know that I will never leave him and that he is my little buddy and always will be, I put his collar on and his leash and we went out for a long walk. Dodger loves our walks, but he isn’t use to us going on long walks at night, but since he hadn’t seen me all day and he was such a great little man, I took him out for some fun on his walk and even gave him his high level treats as well. Right now his is sitting next to me when I type this blog snoring. How cool is that?

Sunday was an awesome day, a day for me to just be in the moment with my two best friends and not be concernedabout an outreach or who needed to speak with me, not worried about who needed what, but only concerned about having a great time with my friends and then a sweet quiet night with my awesome dog Dodger.

Please take a moment to watch the YOUTUBE videos and view the pictures of Flickr.

CHANGE

// February 15th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

I had this desire to take control of my week after some set backs earlier in the week, so I did just that. I took time out for me and then I ended my weekend trying to help homeless people and in doing so I was able to rack up over 20 miles in walking. How cool is that?

Thursday, Friday and even Saturday were huge walking days for me. Even though I did a great job at letting go of some things I still had this desire to walk, I don’t know what it was, but I didn’t try to fight it or cover it up with anything else. For my health this was great and for the people I helped along the way it was even better. Yes, I used my walks to reach out to homeless people.

Thanks to a donation from a new supporter I was able to purchase more items for Do Something Kits and while I did all this walking I was also able to reach out and help homeless people along the way. Plus on all these walks was my new best friend, Dodger.

After getting home on Saturday night, taking a shower and a much needed nap, I met a friend for drinks and a night out. WOW, was it nice to get out, that was something I have not done in a while that did not involve helping people. It really felt great and when I got back home I talked on the phone to someone who once again is becoming the special person in my life. We talked for hours and then I think I fell asleep…..well I know I fell asleep.

Sunday Dodger and I slept late and then went out for our walk. It was another awesome day and I was so lookingforward to the Sunday Dinner I had planned for homeless people and this outreach was possible because of a donation from another new supporter I was able to do another Sunday Dinner. In fact, thanks to this person meal was the second of three meals I have been able to provide.

Before Dodger and I took off for our walk I put two whole chickens in the oven to roast and I had already started and finished all the prep work for the meal of roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables and cornbread dressing. The entire time I was thinking where I would go to pass them out, as well as thinking I could also pass out some Do Something Kits with the meal.

After Dodger did his business I decided not to go back home right away, the chickens still had plenty of time on them, so I had some time to kill, so we walked east on Sunset to Vine and right as we reached the bus stop right before the corner I saw someone I had no seen in a while. It was Darnell from Chess Park in Santa Monica. For those of you who dont know, Chess Park is a place where I do my homeless outreach in Santa Monica….well one of them anyway. Chess Park is this cool place where people can play chess right on the beach, however this is also a place where many of people playing chess are homeless people. Moreover they are also teaching everyday people how to play chess as well.

The group of homeless men and a few woman that I have been able to help there for the about a year are people that I have come to really care for and even admire. They are people that make me smile and cheer me up and in one case they happen to me the very person who taught me how to remain warm on one of the coldest nights in February of 2007. He also made sure I had things to eat and even a sleeping bag, so in many way the people who I try so hard to serve down at Chess Park are like family to me.

“Darnell?”

“Kengi!!!….It is so good to see you man.”

He reach out to hug me and as he did he asked how I was doing and even asked about my health. I told him I was doing well and now living in Hollywood. I asked how the guys were and he told me everyone was fine and had been asking about me. I told him I was sorry that I had not been by to see them, but he was very understanding. I told him I would try to come by in a few weeks to see them and hang out. To be very honest I have really missed the guys down in Chess Park and how they always seem to just take things in such great stride despite the fact that they are all homeless. Furthermore I miss them and I do really want to see them. My plan was to go next weekend to do an outreach to them, but not having a car will prevent that from taking place, so I will need to plan out the outreach to make sure I have transportation to get there. In addition I really want to take Dodger with me.

After speaking with Darnell I turned the corner walking up Vine and after taking like 10 steps I heard my name and I saw someone from my outreach down on Skid Row. It was great seeing him as well and a few weeks ago I had the chance to speak with him with regards to some issues he is having with being on HIV meds and the lack of care and respect he feels he is not getting from his current medical facility. It is always so funny to me how the CDC has released this report on how HIV and AIDS affects Blacks and how we seem to be so damn ignorant and so filled with stigma that this is the cause and not the fact that many times access to care plays much higher roles then stigma and education.

Walking away from speaking with this young man and thinking of the conversation I had with Darnell I had this smile in my heart because I really to hear a word from the people I help that what I do really does matter to them. Dont get me wrong, I dont do what I do for praise or to feel good about myself, but it is nice to know that the efforts I make to help really mean something to the people I encounter. I guess you can say for me it is my way of making sure I am never anything close to the lousy agencies that are already in place to help homeless people and people living with HIV and AIDS. I always want to make sure that what I do really does matter and help the people I serve.

Once home I got right down to work and while I was out walking I made the decision that I would feed homeless people that gather in the park right after the food on foot outreaches. As I mentioned in my video about the food on foot outreaches that many times there is trash and clothes left in the park as well as on the sidewalks for the residents in this area to clean up, so I thought this would be an awesome way for me to meet the homeless people and ask them to make sure the “leave no trace” It must have paid off because after they left there was nothing for anyone to clean up.

The meal was a hit and so were the Do Something Kits I was able to pass out. I met some awesome people and was able to give away two brand new sleeping bags. I made a video of both the cooking and the outreach that are on my youtube channels right now.

As I type this Dodger is right next to me sleeping, every now and then he kicks or bumps into me to try to get me to pet him. Normally when I sit down he jumps into my lap, but I think he knows what is in my lap right now is sort of important and he should wait until I am all done.

As I complete this blog entry I know when I am done Dodger and I will go out for a last walk of the day, or the first of the day since it is 2:05AM, however you want to look at it, we will come back home and I will take some time to prepare myself for tomorrow and then off to bed…..oh yeah I will also reply to some comments and emails.

At the end of each day, we can either be part of the solution and work toward the CHANGE that most of this country voted for or we can sit back and be part of the problem that seems to be so hell bent of watching this amazing country fall apart at the seems. As for me I am going to do all I can to BE THE CHANGE, FOSTER THE CHANGE and LIVE the DREAM of Dr. King.

The Little Hike That Could

// February 13th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

After my day to “escape” with Dodger at Griffith Park, we set out on yet another adventure and this time we made time to help people along the way. The before we encountered homeless people in the park and I wished I had taken some things to try to help them if they would accept them, so I made plans to do just that the very next day.

Dodger and I left home around 11:00AM on Friday morning walking to Griffith Park, home and the Los Angeles Zoo, Travel Town and the awesome and beautiful Griffith Park Observatory, there are also plenty of other attractions in this amazing place that including hiking, biking and even horse back riding. This is simply a beautiful place to spend a awesome Southern California day.

Before leaving home I packed water and treats for Dodger as well as water and a banana for myself. In addition I also backed three Do Something Kits in my backpack to pass out to the homeless people we saw on the grass near the entrance to the park the day before. On that day we only saw three men, so we took three Do Something Kits, however when we reached the park on Friday I discovered that I did not have enough Do Something Kits and this sort of bummed me out, but I was able to help three people.

I had plans to go back to the park today to take lunch to homeless people, but time got away from me and now I will have to make plans to do this tomorrow which is cool because not only will I be able to take food I can also take Do Something Kits as well. Dodger might have to miss this trip, because I will be pulling my bike trailer and I dont want him to jump out while I am riding. I guess I am going to have to find a way to secure him in the back of the trailer so he is able to go along with me on the outreaches when I ride the bike.

Friday was so awesome, the sky was filled with sun and it was completely blue. It was a perfect day to hike to the top of the trails and see the Observatory and right before we began we were able to help three homeless people which was awesome. It is estimated that there are only 65,000 homeless people in Los Angeles County, I know this number is a huge exaggeration, because I know plenty of homeless people who do not seek services, do not go to missions or shelters and will not ask for help from any agency simply because it is too much trouble and the help you get many times is not worth all the hassle you must endure. I also feel this way because I was homeless for 29 months here in Los Angeles and I know from experience, not from some report or from what someone who never even speaks to homeless people, let alone know how to help them has to say about the homeless situation here in Los Angeles as well as the United States

For those who don’t know what a Do Something Kit is, it just a hygiene kit that is packed in a large zip lock bag thatcontains travel size items that assist a homeless individual with basic hygiene needs such as shower supplies, oral hygiene items, socks, water, beanie and gloves. The Do Something Kit also contains either a granola, power or protein bar and sometimes things like a candy bar or sweet treats. I started passing these items out along the Santa Monica beach when I had an extra to homeless people. I later called them Do Something Kits after the name of the outreach Do Something Saturday~that empowers people. The grass roots organization and the Do Something Saturday outreach celebrated three years of service on February 3, 2010 and did a three year celebration outreach on February 6th 2010 along Santa Monica and Venice Beaches reaching out to homeless people with Do Something Kits and food.

Thanks to donations from Phillip and Lee I was able to purchase more items for the Do Something Kits and this is how I was able to help the homeless individuals we saw on our hike up to the Observatory on Friday. It has been through what little money I have left over after paying rent and bills as well as money from my recycling that I am able to help people through my outreaches. It is also from people just like Phillip who find it in their heart to reach out and help when they can. I do have a small core group of supporters who are always able to supply items for the outreaches. Two of these supporters have been part of my organization as well as my two best friends since 2007 shortly after I started my efforts to help those in need.

After talking with the homeless people for a while Dodger and I set out to hike to the top of the mountain. I have not done this in a very long time and I was sure I would be able to do it, but didn’t know it would take less time then I thought. I figured I would have to stop a bunch of times for rest and to allow myself to recharge, but this wasn’t the case at all. I simply walked at a pace that was comfortable and didn’t try to rush or over do it.  I was able to take some awesome pictures along the way, I was even able to send pictures to my friend Leah from my cell phone. This was another first for me.

Walking up the tail is so beautiful and peaceful. Soon after you leave the main entrance, the noise from the world fades away and it replaced by the sounds of nature and this calm comes over you and before you know it all that really matter is being in the moment and enjoying every single second of it.

Once again Dodger loved being in the park, he hears and sees so much and this just make him go wild. Especially when he sees things like squirrels that drive him crazy. It was funny how one squirrel ran up to the middle of the try and then turned around to look down at Dodger and make noises as if he were taunting him. Little did this squirrel know that he really didn’t go high enough because Dodger ran toward the tree and leaped and nearly reached the little monster. After this the squirrel went further up the tree and did not look back down.

Once through the picnic area you are able to see two of the massive telescopes from the observatory and all the way up the mountain they sort of server as a motivation to get you to keep going all the way to the top. Along the way Dodger and I saw much wild life and heard the chirps of many birds. Dodger even saw plenty of small lizards he might have otherwise had in his mouth if I didn’t have him on his leash securely anchored to my backpack.

Right near the top of our hike Dodger chased a squirrel down into a hole and spent about 10 minutes doing his best to dig him out. It was cool how people walking past us would stop to see what he was up to and then cheer him on. In the end we walked away and Dodger and I were at the top of the mountain taking in all the beauty of the Observatory. Dodger quickly made a new friend and played very well until the other owner had to go on his way. However this didn’t stop Dodger from finding someone else to play with and pet him.

We took in the awesome sights at the top of the mountain, Dodger at the snacks I packed for him and drank water out of my hand. For some reason everyone just thought this was so cool to see him do this. Dodger being the show off that he is way also very happy to show them how cool it was to drink from my hand.

We walked back down and as we came down Dodger wanted to explore the sides of the hill where the grass was tall and he heard as well as saw birds moving about. He seemed to have this energy almost like a kid that was finishing up his day of playground activities. Once back down where we started Dodger saw more squirrels and began to jump and bark. Right as we exited the park I sat on the grass with him and he sat right next to me and we enjoyed the sun for a bit before heading home.

Once back home I realized that Dodger and I had been gone for over four hours and we had such a great time. Dodger jumped up on his spot on the back on the arm chair and I uploaded the videos from the day before laying down on the bed to take a long nap. It wasn’t until after 7:30PM that Dodger woke me up licking my face and wanting me to pet him. I did just that and then took him out for our evening walk.

When we got back Dodger took hot bath and got all the dirt off him from digging, jumping and playing and just like asmall child after his bath he pulled his blue blanket off the top of the arm chair and went to sleep. This was my clue that it was time for my long hot bath and to burn some sage, ring my bell and say “thanks” for yet another awesome day.

My Escape

// February 12th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

It’s Thursday and I am once again happy to see that this week is coming to an end. For the most part it was pleasant, peaceful and centered for me. However this only came with a ton of prayer and meditation on my part.

Since Friday I have been bombarded with people who want me to help them through situations in their life. 10 people all at once and was is in addition to the outreaches I do for people who are homeless or battling HIV or AIDS, not to mention anything I might be dealing with in my own life. It would have been different if it were not all at once, but it was all 10 people all at once non-stop since Friday.

Wednesday night I was nearly in what could have been a very bad car accident when my brakes went out when I was exiting the 101 freeway. While me and Dodger walked away unhurt, but I was very shaken by the entire thing. I was nearly hit by one of those huge extended buses, not to mention that I also could have been hit by other traffic as well or even worse I could hit hit and killed someone who may have been walking.

By the time I got home I had the worst headache and after speaking to Donald I took a long nap. After I woke up I went to the gym to try to calm down and get my mind off what had happened, I also wanted to not be around my phone, my apartment or my computer so I would not have to deal with anyone or hear any problems other then the ones I was dealing with in my own life.

It’s been nice having a car, it has given me freedom to come and go as I please and it has also given me so much freedom to grow my organization and build my outreaches. Having a car has allowed me to drive to my medical appointments and get there on time and not have to deal with all the crap that is involved with the MTA. I can shop for my own groceries in the rain, I can pick up donations and even take them to far out locations like South Los Angeles that would be almost impossible on public transportation. Most of all having a car meant I was able to move past being dependent on other agencies for help with my transportation needs, but the car is far too much for me to repair and to be very honest if I had the money I would not put it into repairing that car.

Once back from the gym and sitting on the sofa with Dodger my headache only got worse and trying to sleep was not an option, before I knew it time has passed and it was way after 4:30AM and my Sickle Cell was starting to bother me. I was in lots of pain and it was only getting worse. By 8:30AM I decided I go to a local E.R. I was there until after 12:30PM. After sitting the waiting room and not ever being seen by a doctor I simply walked out. I was still in some pain, but I knew I would simply have to deal with it, just like I do more the 95% of the time when it comes to my Sickle Cell.

After a short train ride home I walked back to my apartment and sat on my bed, I got up and took a long cold shower and decided to take Dodger out for a walk. While walking someone called, but to be honest I dont even know what was said because my mind was some place else and at that point I only cared about me and nothing and no one else. After the call ended I turned off my phone and took my ear piece out my ear and before I knew it, Dodger and I had walked to Griffith Park.

I needed to escape, I needed to get things off me, my blog use to be the place where I could do this, but  even here on my own blog I am no longer able to express myself without someone reading something into what I type and then I have to defend it. I guess what Ma use to say is ringing true “people are always going to have someone to say that will pull you down…..dont give them that pleasure”

I took my camera with me and this was the first picture safari I had gone in very long time. After walking with Dodger a few minutes my headache began to fade and my thoughts were only about having a great day walking with Dodger. I didn’t care about anyone and all the drama that was going on in their life and I certainly didn’t want to hear about it either. The walk towards Griffith Park was packed with people, cars and a ton of noise, but as soon as we walked into the park all of this began to fade and was replaced with the sounds of birds and Dodger barking at squirrels and other wild life he saw.

I remember when I was homeless and I so needed to just escape I would find places to hike and just sit all alone for hours. Sometimes I would cry and there were times I would just sleep. Those time came when things got to be too much for me and I needed to get away from what I was going through. There was once when I stayed way up in the canyon for three days in one spot just sitting, crying and sleeping.

It wasn’t long on our walk in the park before I found a quiet area and Dodger and I sat and I put my head in my hands and I just let the tears flow. My body was tired and my soul was heavy and I needed to let go and get things off me, so I sat and I cried for a long time and when I was done crying I felt awesome. Everything that was on me I got off me. Nana use to say “I need a word or two with you” when she wanted to talk to God and she would go to the barn alone and she would sit in this area toward the back of the barn. She had an old rocking chair there and she would stay in there for hours. When she came back she always seemed calm and focused, so when I saw grandma, Ma, and even Pops go off to their private places and sit in complete silence or in full on tears, I learned the importance of this, so today was all that and more for me. I needed to hear from God and I could not let anyone stand in the way of this, not even my own willingness to try to do all I can to “show up” for those who need me. Today, however, I needed to “show up” for myself.

The park was awesome and with Dodger it was so easy to lost and explore. The cool thing was that I was with my buddy, my camera and me and there wasn’t anything on my mind other then me, Dodger and taking pictures. It wasn’t long before my headache was completely gone and my Sickle Cell pain was back where I could manage it. It is so amazing what taking a step back and getting in tune with yourself can do.

It wasn’t long before Dodger and I could see the large domes that house the awesome telescopes at the observatory and as we walked up the hill it came to me that I had to be back at home to turn in my service logs. I started laughing out loud and just as I did so two guys walked up and asked me what was so funny “Life just interrupted my ME day” I said and they laughed with me saying “don’t you hate that shit?” We laughed and I turned around and headed back toward Western.

While walking back out the park I continued snapping pictures and enjoying my day. I also made sure I took time to think about not letting things get me to the point to where I needed to take a trip to the E.R. and I also decided that I am going to cut some weeds out my garden….meaning some things and people I will no longer have time for because they are like weeds in my garden and the will choke the life out me and I am not going to allow this to happen. I also made a commitment to myself to learn to say NO to more people and say it louder and be down right rude if I have to be. I am also not going to allow people to punish me for what I blog here. This is my blog and if you don’t like what I type here then don’t fuckin read it.

On the way out the park, Dodger took a liking to a dog and me and other dog owner had not other choice but to allowthem to play with each other. This was the first time I saw Dodger really play with another dog and he wasn’t shy or afraid in any way. He was jumping and playing just like two kids tht decide to be friends on the playground and it was so good to see this. When we finally walked off Dodger was so happy and he was jumping on my legs. It was so cool to see that spirit in him. So I guess in a way the walk was awesome for each of us in very different was. For me is it was clearing my head and getting rid of weight and for him it was just being able to be the great dog he is and play with another great dog.

As we were leaving the park, the reality of life hit me right in the face when I saw two homeless men on the grass. One sleeping and another eating what appeared to be a sack lunch and in that moment all the thoughts and concerns I had about not having a car anymore were gone because there are plenty of people I can help within walking distance of where I live.

As I walked home with Dodger I thought to myself how I started my organization. I was homeless with nothing, not even a quarter in my pocket, but I decided that against all odds I could and would make a difference and there would be no plan B, turning back or quitting. No matter how bad things got for me….and they got pretty damn bad, I was not going to quit. I would not give up on me and I would not give up on doing all I could to help those in need as much as I could. I would not let anything or anyone stand in my way or tell me no or “you can’t do this”

So the fact that I no longer have a car will not stop me and will not prevent me from continuing to move forward with the work I am doing. I didn’t have a car when I started this and I will not let not having a car slow me do or cause me to change my course.

Once home I turned my phone back on, returned 3 phone calls, played with Dodger, turned in my service logs, treated myself to Chinese food for dinner and then went to the gym. My escape day was awesome and Dodger and I will be doing this more often and not just when things get to be too much. Taking them more often means I will not allow things to get to the place where I feel I need a break from people, but I will also no longer allow people to dump their drama in my lap especially when they wont even take the time to read my blog, watch you youtube videos or even call and ask me how I am doing and take the time to listen to how I am doing.

What a difference a walk, tuning out people and turning off my phone can make.

Double Rainbows

// February 11th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Wednesday was a great day for the most part, although it ended with me in what could have been a very bad car accident, thanks to my brakes going out without any warning whatsoever. Dodger and I walked away unhurt other then me…maybe Dodger too, being very shaken by the entire experience.

Tuesday I went down to Skid Row to get my service logs signed for the volunteer work that I do through my Unpluggin HIV outreach that I created, these service logs are due every month, so I needed to make sure all of them were ready to be turned in today~Thursday.

While I was there I had the chance to visit with Yvette, Donald and Tara and Donald shared that one of the guys was having a birthday and he would be going to get him a cake. He then invited me to join them and I agreed and said I would get some pizza. I knew I would be able to do this because Lee had given me a donation to help with the Kick Start meal program I have. Many time this takes place on the weekend in what I have called Sunday Dinner and most time it is for homeless people. However this time I would be able to help feed the residents as well as provide food for someone who is a very nice young man.

Once I got in the freeway I decided that it would be better if I cooked and I would also be able to feed more people then I would if I were to buy pizzas from some pizza place. I called Donald to make sure this was ok and he said yes. This was all going to be a surprise to the person it was for so I needed to make sure he would be around. After setting the details of the surprise birthday party in motion with Donald, I then called the young man to make certain he would be around. I simply told him I was coming by to speak and hang out with him. He said “yes he would be home.” Then it was all set, all I had to do was go shopping for the food.

It hard started to rain before I left Skid Row and by the time I got back to Hollywood it was raining very hard, but this was not going to stop me and Dodger from the task of getting the food we needed for the birthday surprise. We also needed to get a birthday card as well. We could have went to Fresh and Easy which is closer to home, but they dont have the bulk prices that I would need which are available at Food 4 Less. So we stopped at Food 4 Less and once we park Dodger jumped into the back seat and got under his blanket, as if he were telling me “dont even think to ask me to get out in the rain with you.”

Once inside the store I got what I needed and then headed to the long lines that always seem to be in this store, but just as I was about to get in what was the shortest line, about 10 people ahead of me, this register opened up and I walked right into an empty check out lane. The bonus of this was the fact that she was nice and very helpful at making sure I was getting the lowest prices. YAAAAY. I paid, then bagged my purchase and headed out the store only to discover that it was raining much harder then when I first went in. When I got to the car Dodger had taken his blanket from the back seat to my seat and he was sleeping. When I opened the door he jumped up and looked at me with those huge brown eyes. I loaded the trunk and we headed out for our next two locations.

By the time I came out of the last store the sun was shining and when I looked toward the sky there were these two beautiful rainbows. Not like the ones I had seen before, these were two full arches with colors that were so vivid and bold. The way the sun was in the sky made the rainbows just so impressive. I smiled all the way home just looking at them.

I did all the prep for the meal that night, so Wednesday morning all I needed to do was finish things and then fry the chicken. I cooked buttermilk fried chicken, potato salad and mac & cheese. I also made a video of the cooking for my Cooking with Kengi channel on YOUTUBE. The entire time I was frying the chicken Dodger was looking at me like “what smells so good and can I have some?” Once we loaded the car and made our way toward Downtwon LA, Dodger stayed alert the entire time. I think this was because he could smell the food in the trunk. We did have to make a few stops along the way to get two bags of beans from the Coffee Bean and Teas Leaf, Bed Bath and Beyond for a bean grinder and then a stop for soda for the party. We arrived on Skid Row about 1:15PM. Donald came out to help us unload.

While the guys got things all set up, I went and spoke with Yvette and got a huge hug from Tara. I then headed upstairs to see the birthday boy. He still had no clue as to what was in store for him. I gave him his gift and we spoke for a while and then told him to come downstairs. As soon as he came down we started singing happy birthday to him.

Dodger and I had a great time and many of the residents just love Dodger, so he was right at home with them. I didbring some food with me since he didn’t seem to want to eat before we left home. I was glad I did this because he was all about trying to get the to the food that I cooked.

It was a great day and I am so glad that I was able to be part of it. I really enjoy the work I do down on Skid Row and I am really happy to be able to help in any way, but this time was very special and I am glad that thanks to the donation of Lee I was able to be a blessing not just to the guy who was celebrating his birthday, but to the people who came to help him celebrate it as well.

The food was a hit, everyone raved about it and that made me feel really good. “I had no idea you were going to bring this big old banquet with you Kengi. This is so very nice of you.” Is what Donald said many times.

At the end of the day I asked the birthday boy and some of the residents if they would mind saying THANK YOU to Lee for allowing me to be able to do this, and just like I knew they would, they all said yes.

I visited for a while longer and then Dodger and I headed home and this is where the day went south when my brakes went completely out without warning right as I was exiting the freeway the entire experience only lasted for about 3 minutes but for some reason it felt like it was forever. It was only by the grace of God that I was not hit by the bus that was crossing or any other traffic. My heart was in my chest and once I got the car stopped I was so thankful to God.

With the help of the police I was able to get the car home, but the cost to repair it is far to great, so now I am without a car. This has bummed me out just a bit, but it is what it is. Although I have gotten use to driving and being able to do things for myself, including things for my organization without having to ask people and have them flake, I did get by without a car prior to this one and I will get by without now. It simply means I will have to work a little harder doing what I do, but after the day that I spent down on Skid Row helping celebrate the birthday of someone I think is very cool and deserving, then I know the extra work, time and energy will be all worth it.

As for the car, I am putting it on craiglist to try to sell it and unlike the guy who sold it to me, I will be very honest about the condition of the car.

Like I said I was bummed about the car and this gave me a very bad headache, I called some friends to talk, but no one was around, so after speaking to Donald I simply went took a nap then and headed over to the gym.

I guess my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is my life and for this I am so thankful!!!