Project Kengikat

I Am Beat

// March 17th, 2011 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

I haven’t felt like being online…..not on youtube, facebook and not my blog. I’ve just have some things on my mind and I have not been feeling well. So I have took some much needed time out for me. Sometimes being online can be a distraction and the time i spend online can be better spent looking for a job and doing my outreaches.

One of the things I hate the most about being sick is the way I feel. Besides the pain all over my body, there is this fatigued feeling, almost like all my energy is just being pulled out of me.  Sunday I slept all day and even when I woke up, I just wanted to go back to sleep. The cool thing is that my little baby is here and he is always right next to me letting me know that he is doing all he can to take good care of me.

My friend Kevin who also has Sickle Cell called me on Monday and talked to me for a while. He was even able to get some smiles and laughs out of me, which is a hard thing to do when I am not feeling well. By Tuesday I had to call him to ask him to take me to the E.R., a trip I don’t like to take for many reasons. Late Tuesday night I was feeling better, but still very tired and I knew I had to really get some rest so I could be ready for my job interview as well as my meeting on Thursday.

Wednesday was a much needed laundry day for me. Even doing this was a huge effort, so by the time I was done with laundry and taking Dodger out once again I was back in bed. However the rest didn’t last long because of all the noise outside my apartment and the fact that I don’t have a real bed, I have a futon and I am very thankful for it, but there are times when I find the floor, armchair and even my sofa more comfortable. So by 9pm I was making a pallet for myself on the sofa. It was 6AM when I finally woke up to Dodger licking my left foot. He needed to go out.

There are times when I wish I could just open the door to let Dodger handle his business and he come back in. What would be even better is if he could simply walk into the bathroom and use the toilet. Now that would be a cool trick to share with my friends.

The fresh air was so nice, so I took Dodger for a few blocks  walk, instead of the walk to the grass when I dont feel well walk. Back inside I set my alarm to wake me by 1PM, so I could get ready for my interview and meeting. They both went very well and I was so happy that my energy level lasted long enough to get me through them.

After taking another nap I walked over to the window to open the blinds, my apartment seemed so messy, but to be honest it was only two t-shirts on the floor, some dishes to wash and trash to take out, but since I clean my place everyday, this was a mess to me. I made some cabbage and onions for dinner and then talked with my friend Leah for just a second.

My friend Donald is always someone I can count on for a great laugh and words of wisdom. You have to pay attention though because he has a way of mixing the two, so you might miss it. He was the last call I am taking for the night. It’s 8:10pm and I feel like I have been hit by a bus.

Dodger is snoring on his thrown, so I am taking a page from his play book and calling it a night.

Material World

// March 7th, 2011 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

I have this friend who I asked to volunteer for one of my outreaches and his reply was “there is no way you can truly help anyone unless you have lots of money, that is what I am trying to get.” I laughed and have never again asked him to help with another outreach. To be very honest I have never heard from him again. I think this has to do more with me being HIV  than him not having money to help people. He’s never had lots of money.

I’ve even heard people say things like what I do will never help anyone or that no matter how many Do Something Kits I pass out I am only wasting my time because it will never make a real difference. I’ve been told that until my organization is a non-profit and can make a huge dent in the the things that I do, then it is not worth doing.

It seems that some how many of us, I would even go so far as to say the majority of us have been convinced that unless we are rich or can at the very least write a fat check, then there is no way we can make change, be a part of change and help change take shape. Some how, some where we’ve allowed people, places and things to convince us that what we have to say and what we can truly contribute means nothing unless it is backed up by a fat pay bank account or funded by someone with the last name of Gates and Winfrey or the star power of some Hollywood movie man or woman. Why is it that we can place so much trust, so much faith in people we don’t know, but have no faith and trust in ourselves?

Fame is like a drug and money brings pride, but no matter how much you have and how much you collect this does not makeyou any better than anyone else. This does not make them any better at being of service to people than someone who has nothing. Moreover, simply because someone does not have the fame or star power behind their name does not mean that they can not create something and do something so amazing.

People seem to get caught up in title, position, power and fame, but when you look at people who have really made huge changes in this country and even in this world for the greater good, when we really take a hard look at people who have gone above and beyond for HUMANITY, more times then not those people were everyday people simply doing all they could to make things better. They were not stars and didn’t have household names. They were people who simply cared about life, loved life and loved humanity and wanted to truly make this world a better place.

People always talk about what they will do when they hot the lottery or when their ship comes in. They talk about what they will do and who they will help once they get that raise or a better job. People always spend countless hours chasing after money and the pipe dream of helping people only to forever sit on the sofa talking about it and ending up doing nothing at all.

We all the have ability to make change happen. All any of us has to do is act on it. We all the ability to make someone a little bit more comfortable, more happy and even make them smile. Helping someone does not require fame or a fancy name. Having money does not make a person any better to help anyone and just because someone has no money at all does not mean they can’t have just as big of an idea or a plan that will work to make things better for people. Again we only have to look at all the people who had no money who have made big changes in this world.

Some people will always talk about helping people, no matter how much money they collect or store up, people who truly want to help always find a way to do it with or without money. People who are truly down for making this world a better place will work non-stop without being paid or even thinking about what they may or may not have. The goal is to make things better and money has nothing to do with working to make things better.

Now I know there will be people who will read this and say “money makes it easy to help people” and to them I say you are dead wrong. Money is not the end all be all and it will not solve the problems this nation or even this world faces. In many ways it only serves to make them far worse. LOVE and the willingness to work hard day and night until the job is done is what will change this world. NOT MONEY.

We live in a world driven by money and the collection of it and very little time is spent on loving who we are and helping those who are in need. We spend so much time chasing after money and things that don’t matter and far less time on things that truly make this life, this nation, this world a better place for all of us.

LOVE makes the world go round…..not money

SMILE

// March 6th, 2011 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

This past week and especially this weekend was all about putting the stress of the job behind me, but in doing so I must say that I also had to put something else behind me as well. Something that use to be such a huge part of my life. In fact it was how I was able to live the kind of life I did. I guess you really can’t go back in time, only forward.

My weekend was all about doing all that I could to just relax and not think about no longer having a paycheck or the fact that the small amount of money I have saved up with go fast if I don’t find a job soon. I spent time with my friend Walter doing things that did not cost any money, but filled me with plenty of smiles and laughs. Something I was missing while working. Even though I was off for the weekend, I still had work to do for work and there wasn’t a weekend where the director did not send a text or a few emails. Sunday night before bed were always spent planning out menus and doing all that I could to prepare myself  for the stress of working a long 14 or 15 hour day on Monday, most times with no break or even time to take a piss.

This coming week my goal is to remain positive and not stress out about no longer having an income. The goal is to also know that  I will find a job soon that will be the right fit for me and not place any part of my health and well being in harms way. I got a call from a friend who told me to keep my head up and not to let this set back to affect me. I smiled and told him that I would do my best, but to be very honest, in the back on my mind there is some concern.

I’ve already laid out a game plan to spend more than 60% of my day looking for job openings and also sending out my resume. However the jobs I will be looking for will not include cooking. I am looking for a position in the area where I currently do my outreach work. This means that I need to make certain that I have a solid resume as well as some solid references and I am sure I have all basis covered. My main concern is that I know there will be plenty of people looking at the very same jobs as myself, so I have to be patient and not allow myself to get down when I don’t hear back or get rejected.

I went on over 90 job interviews before this last job found me, I am praying that I wont have to go on 90 more or have to wait as long as I did. Whatever the case I know I will do all that I can to remain upbeat. The thing I certainly hope I will not have to do is return to public aid. That will be something that I know will really take the wind out of my sails.

Right now I am happy that I took the time to make certain the stress has been removed and happy that I took the time to allow myself to recover from a job I never should have taken to begin with. Most of all I am happy and at peace with the choice I’ve made and I will move forward with my head held high and continue walking into my destiny.

This past week and weekend has been about healing and letting go and this next week and coming weeks will be about moving forward with my dignity in check. I will be on a budget, a very tight budget, but at least I have one more check coming from the job I use to have.

Right now in my head I am hearing a song….a new song by Kirk Franklin “SMILE”

Smile

Even though it hurts

I’ll Smile

I know God is working

So I’ll smile

Even though I’m in it for a while

I Smile

Smile

It’s so hard to look up when you’ve been down

I sure would hate to see you give up now

You look so much better when you

SMILE

“If you need anything just call”

// March 3rd, 2011 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

The past two weeks have been up and down for me and if it had not been for the awesome friends in my life, I might be in a ball curled up in my bed.

It’s always funny to me how people say “call me if you need anything” and the minute you call they are no place to be found. I use to have a ton of people like this in my life, but thanks to spring cleaning I no longer have any of these people as friends. However I will not say that there are no people in my life who say “you can call me” or “count on me if you need anything” in my life, but they are not people I call friends, nor are they people who I would ever call on.

Sometimes I think people only say this just to have something to say. Maybe they think it is the right thing to say in the moment, but at the end of the day they have no intent on helping you with anything for any reason whatsoever. Then there are those who simply want to be in your business. They only hope you’d call so they can feel better about their own situation and maybe even gossip to others about yours.

In doing what I do I hear this things like this all the time. I’ve learned to take them with a grain of salt and keep it moving. Like I said some people only offer any help just so they can have something to say or even something they can try to hold over your head at a later time. People are just silly this way.

This time around I’ve been very selective about who I let get close to me and who I call consider a friend. It seems in the day of social media and networking everyone is considered a friend. Even though you have no idea of who that person is, what they are about or what they subscribe to in life. I find it very odd how people get all bent when they are not allowed on my very small friends list or how they do everything simply to try to get my attention so that I can consider them worthy of the title of friend.

So many people from my YOUTUBE channel have said me “you should try to stick things out at this job” or “dont be stupid, jobs are hard to come by in this economy” Funny how people barely pay an ounce of attention to any video I put up and all of a sudden they know me so well that they can say things such as this.

People always think they know more about your situation they you do, they always feel they need to put their two cents in, when in reality they should really just keep their moth closed and mind their own business. But since I am very open about what is taking place in my life, I guess anyone who views one of my videos or even takes the time to read my blog feels they have a right to express any thought they might have in their head.

I am just damn thankful for having real friends in my life and people who truly care about me. People who know what is going on with me and who will take the time to consider that I have already well thought out any plan, choice or decision I make when it comes to my overall health and well being. People who know I place a lot of time in planning the outreaches and events for my organization. People who truly take the time to engage me, not look down, feel sorry for or act better than me.

I know if there ever was a time for me to reach out to one of my friends for help, they help will be there without fail, without questions and without hesitation. I can not say this would be the case for all those who offer. In fact I know from experience that this is not the case.

This week and last week without even having to ask friends pop by, call, text or email to check in on me. Friends send encouraging words, funny cards and yes even flowers. Friends never have an agenda and never need a reason to check in. It never feels like they think I have made a bad choice or that they now judge me.  It simply feels like someone who truly cares checking in to let me know they are here for me.

Now dont get me wrong. I am sure some people who I do not consider a friend, mean well when they offer. It’s just that the water is muddy from life and the experiences I have been through. I’ve learned not to trust people who come with shinny gifts and offers to help before they truly know who I am or even my name.

Last night I simply wanted to hang out with my two best friends, I had no had a chance to see them in a while, so I sent a text message asking them if they wanted to get some dinner and hang out. Shortly after my text and a phone call later we were sitting down to dinner, smiling and laughing and just enjoying each others company. I needed a night with real people, real friends, people I could see and touch, people I know who really and truly care for me.

It’s funny how to some people I will always be that homeless guy or the man with HIV, I will always be that fag or homo. I will always be that person who helps homeless people, speaks about HIV and AIDS. I will simply be that vlogger from YOUTUBE or blogger. I will always be whatever title or grand honor people decide to bestow on me, but to my friends I will always be me, they person they love and care for. I always always be someone who makes them smile and in some cases cry. I will always be the guy who loves a good burger and USC football. I will be the guy who loves walks on the beach and E. Lynn Harris books. I will always be the guy who is never too busy for my friends and always ready to have a good time. To my friends I will always be ME and when I am with my friends all I ever have to be is ME.

You see if I take ME and divide by 3000 of ME, there is still just ME. I am not an angel, saint, god or any of this. I am happy being just ME and I am so happy my friends are happy with me just being ME.

Yeah I am very selective about who I allow in my inner circle, selective about who I will allow to call me Louis, very selective about who I will spend time with and even more selective about who I will allow to come into my space. Some people will call this a wall or a guard. They can call it whatever they like, I really don’t give two shakes of rats ass.

The word friend and the people I call friend will always be sacred to me, it will always mean something to me and right here, right now, in this very moment in time, I am truly blessed and humbled by the amazing people in my life who I have the honor of calling my friends.

I know lots of people and I know lots of people know of me, but I only have a handful of people I call friends. People I can laugh with, make plans with, share my life with, tell my fears to, people I can cry and celebrate with. These people that I call friends will be in my life until the end of my life. It’s funny how my life took this very sharp turn and everything in my life fell to the ground, but here I stand with these amazing new faces, new spirits and a true reflections of what humanity looks like, how humanity should walk and talk, these huge beacons of light for all the world to see. My friends say I am an inspiration, but it is my friends who are all the inspiration and mean the world to me.

So here’s to my friends

I love, value and respect each of you

I thank the creator for placing you in my life

I am so honored that you’ve allowed me to see the light in you

I honor you

my friends

THANK YOU!!!!

Doing My Best

// January 24th, 2011 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

The past two months have been rough ones for me. Health wise I am ok, but as of yesterday my cousin died from Sickle and this has been on my mind for while. I only say this cause there are times when it seems like the pain wont go away. The other things were just my best keep moving forward, but as I have said many time I am not perfect, but I do my to live a good life and always move forward.. I’ve talked about  my foot and it was fine for a minute, but now the pain is on the other side, I know I am fat, but the left foot has been giving me problems.

There are times when i feel like I am always there for other people, but when I really need someone to talk, it’s just me. It woul;d be nice to have people in my that are there when I call. I am in no way saying that my friend have not been there, but the past two months have been rather rough for me and I have need someone to call on. I every wants to be super person that can handle , but there are times when it helps to have voice to call on.

I will always proud of what I have come through so far and all that I’ve been able to create and I need to that in the front of  mind . I am say all the time that I have always been the kind of person who is cool not having a bunch of friend and even someone in my life, but now that I just 42, it would be cool to have a couple of people to just chill with. I’ve made plans to try to make sure that I am taking time out for me, but that get frustrating when plans are set and they get changed. I guess I am just really my friend right now.

I guess what is really bothering me is that someone I cared a great deal for, just showed me what she really thinks of me, now granted i was told by plenty of people that she was this way, she has even showed it to me a few times, but about a week ago, my feeling were so crush on top of that she was someone I could talk to, but being called weak or” be a real man” is just another way of her telling me I am just good enough.

The biggest blessing in my life right now is that fact that I am where I am. I am so thankful for all the blessings in my life. With so much going on with the job and friends there are times when I get down. I love my job, all I do is take pictures, but I do not like be like I am less then or that what I can bring to the table doesnt matter. Just like last week, spoke to me far worse the any. I know I work for the, but she has a lot of power. I’never been afraid of being without a job until now. I’ve done everything she has asked of me and then some I am busting my ass there and each day i leave with empty feeling.

I know all of  this may seem like nothing, it could someone like to a point to where I give up, I can  not and do not want to get a point to where I do not matter, where I cant that voice inside of me telling to keep it moving, that voice that tells I can do all things, and i can not anyone, including me get in the way.

My blog use to be a place where i got and let of things and to the weight and now I just things bottle up, but I need to get back to the point where.

As I have said in blogs I never  want to go backward, just the thought of makes  me shake, so I need to make sure I am always reaching out and relying the support support teams that I have work so hard for. So as I typed this blog I reached out to my clinic to talk. Just being able to sit here and let go of some stuff feels better. I know it it may seem like a pointless entry, but thats where you’d be wrong

When I started 2011 I did with a two DC trips behind me and so much more that I am very proud of. I am knew there are people, places and things in my life that will hold me back. So I have worked hard to remove them. I can not allow fear or  the fear of  control my life. I have keep my head  in the game and do not get side track.

WOW, Darlyna  I am so glad we spoke were able to share what each of is dealing with. YOU ROCK

Back to Clay

// January 8th, 2011 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

It’s been a long time since I walked to the ceramic studio. In fact its has been 6 months. Ceramics was something I really looked forward to, but it just became too much drama and far too much talk about dick and ass. Plus the person who was running the studio ended up being someone who wasn’t very honest. He would fire all his items perfectly, but everyone else’s work would either get broken, cracked or not fired at all. When he was finally confronted about it, he left a nasty note and left.

This was really too bad because I really liked Brian, I thought he was a pretty cool dude, but in the end he showed his true colors and for me that really struck a sour note. When I was told that he was selling all his items all over town and even placing them in galleries as well as art spaces I was a bit put off by this. However it wasn’t until he started making promises to allow me to keep doing ceramics with him either at his place or down in Redondo Beach, but know of this ever happened. He was also one of the guys that was involved with Living Quilt Project that I started, but just like I knew it, he backed out and gave no reason why.

I started going to the ceramic studio back in 2008 shortly after I was diagnosed HIV positive. For me the studio became a place where I could relax and create some pretty cool ceramic art. It became a place that allowed me to rest and collect myself after walking all night or sleeping in some park or alley.

I started going again after I moved into my apartment here in Hollywood and for a while it was such a cool thing to be able to go thee and unwind and create some cool art all over again, it also came a cool way for me to clear my head about not being able to pay my own bills and the fact that I was very worried about not having money to even pay my rent.

Now that I am working things have gotten a lot better, but I still have things that I cam concerned about and even things that I worry about. I am hoping that being able to return to ceramics will serve as an outlet that will help to relax and recharge me.

When Dodger and I walked into the studio area, the first thing Dodger noticed was the wide open space for him to run around in and explore. He also quickly found some squirrels to chance and hunt. Today he was unsuccessful at getting anything. he just did a bunch of barking and running.

I on the other hand had some things that were finally fired and ready for me to take home. I was so excited to see them. In that moment I thought just how much I missed coming to the studio and just how much it meant to me. I don’t think anyone really knows just how much this place truly means to me. When I was told they were closing and may not reopen I recall how sad I felt.

There were only three other people there today and they were people I really like to be there with. I had some things I made that were ready to glazed, so I sat and worked on that for about an hour before deciding that it was time to head back home. It was sunny and warm when I left home, but the temp dropped once I got to the studio and the clouds rolled in. I didn’t want to take the chance of getting stuck in the rain, so I cleaned my area and headed on home.

The cool thing was that on the walk home I was carrying a backpack filled with some sweet art I made myself. I was also able to take some cook pictures and allow Dodger to explore. In all it was an awesome day to get out and explore with Dodger and get some much needed exercise for myself.

1st Friday’s in Venice

// January 8th, 2011 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

I’ve heard of 1st Friday’s from my friends Eric and Willow, they really pumped it up and the pictures I saw of it were awesome. So I made plans to go last year, but things always came up and I was not able to get there. However last night was a totally different story. Not only did I make it down to Venice, I always had the cool opportunity to chill with my friends.

But before you read about my awesome night, lets get the bad stuff out the way. This year I am not allowing people to speak to me any way they please. I am certainly no longer allowing so called friends to yell, scream, curse or tell me to be a “real man” (saying “real man” is a way of calling me gay”) Las night was the last night for that from ANYONE including people who claim to be my friend. So Natalie, you acted a complete ass in public one too many times, so your ass can exit, stage left.

Now on with my night. Before I got work a few of the members told me they were heading down to Venice, I had already told them about 1st Friday’s and they wanted to check it out. I also called my friend Jason to see if he wanted to hang as well. The mistake I made was calling Natalie who is always late and then acts like a child. Her night ended with her leaving Jason and I on Venice. I also sent a message on FACEBOOK to Tiffany as well so she met us there. Once the ladies from my job got there it was so on

It was a bit chilly, but just like I knew I was going to have a great night  and the chill was not going to stop that. As we walked toward Abbott Kinney Boulevard we could see the crowds of people walking and once we got to the boulevard the fun began. We met up with everyone at the corner of California and Abbott Kinney, then we walked the boulevard headed down to the Brig.

Once at the Brig one of the ladies had lost her ID, so we had to have a expedition to try to find it, including calling the cab they came in, but at the end there was no ID and we then had to wait for the her to be picked up. While waiting we decided to get some grub at one of the trucks. We split up with some of of going to the Italian truck while the rest of us wanted the grilled cheese track. However the line was far too long, so in the end we too headed over to the Italian truck and had awesome food.

When we finally made it inside the Brig, we ordered our drinks and the ladies we up next on the pool table. The cool thing about the Brig is that they have awesome bar tenders that poor awesome drinks and a DJ booth. On Tuesday nights there is a band with a live DJ. So if you are ever in the Venice area, the Brig is the place to check out.

Inside the Brig was so much fun. We had a few drinks and watched the girls shoot a lousy game of pool where they lost pretty bad too.  It was so much fun to have a night of fun with awesome friends, with awesome food and a set of some pretty cool pictures.

The night ended with two cab rides and a bus ride. Since Natalie left us in Venice, we had to get a cab to the 720 bus line, but that bus was running late and we would have missed the last train, so we jumped off at Fairfax and got in another cab here to my place. We did have to make a stop at the ATM so that I could pay for for the second cab.

It’s Saturday morning at 10:53am, my first pot of coffee has just finished and Dodger has already been out for his first walk. The rest of my day is packed with ME time with Dodger and my camera. We will going on a long walk to ceramics and then the long walk home.

Jason and I are laughing are sitting here laughing at how loud Natalie got and how much she completely became this crazy woman, yelling, screaming and cursing at me, then at the end demanding that Jason leave with her. All the way home we simply had a good laugh at how she acted.

I have a great new set of pictures, so be sure to check them out: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kengikat/sets/72157625650932541/

Too Good To Be True

// January 5th, 2011 // 5 Comments » // Uncategorized

Today was day three of being back at work and as I have said before on my blog, the director is very hard to deal with at time, but today was the worst. Sometimes I think Julie is simply mentally disturbed and in many ways she seems to be very unstable.

Today was a day to place the US Foods order, something Julie took over without warning right before we left for winter break. This took me and the other chef by surprise especially since Julie is has just learned how to use a computer, she has never ordered food before and has no idea what she is doing.

Instead of just admitting that she has made yet another huge mistake, she goes on the attack and starts accusing me and the other chef of not using all of the inventory in the basement store room. She said there were many boxes that had never been opened or used  and demanded to know why. I looked at her and named each of the 6 boxes that remain closed and told her when they are still closed and will remain closed until we need them. Many of the boxes are things she asked for, but we have no use for.

Julie went on to tell us that she is sick of hearing all the complaints about things, so she was changing who we get of food from. Not for one second did she take into consideration that she does not do any cook, nor does she have a clue what this new company has to offer. Furthermore it is a no name company that me and the other chef have heard of, much less worked with. But we had no say in this. Julie does whatever she wants and we must simply “deal with it” as she always puts it.

Tuesday she scheduled the fire system inspection right in the middle of meals. Gas was shut off without warning right as I was cooking chicken on the grill. She simply said it needed to be done and there was nothing we could do about it. Well actually there is plenty that could have been done about it. We were off for three fucking weeks and her ass could have scheduled this while we were on break so it would not disrupt meals or cause a huge danger for the kitchen staff . But again we were told to “deal with it”

What really pissed me off is the fact that she tries to blame the fact that we’ve never had a budget for the kitchen on us. She keeps telling us we are over budget, but we’ve never been given a budget. She storms in and out of the kitchen all day and acts as if we’ve upset her, then the next minute she is smiling and acting as if she has not done what she did.

I love the job and the girls are so awesome, I even love the kitchen staff and the maid, but Julie truly makes it very hard to want to remain there. Everything she said this job would be and what was required was a huge lie and every chance she gets she causes confusion and discord in the kitchen.

Well today was just far too much for me and she had crossed the line one too many times. I finished lunch, did my side work, washed my dishes and went home. I was supposed to go get my foot x-rayed today, but I called to reschedule it for tomorrow at 10:00am, plus I have some other medical appointments I must make, so I will not be going to work tomorrow.

Like clockwork, Julie sent an email telling me she came into the kitchen to have a meeting with us….this would make the 4th meeting of the day….but I was already gone. She told me I needed to inform her when I leave. The about 5 minutes later she sends another email telling me that she went into the basement store room and saw that I had cleaned it…I did this on Monday when she claimed to see all the boxes of stock, another lie.  5 minutes after this she emails to tell me that she had changed companies and was depending on me and the other chef to inform her of the quality of the food. She should have thought of this before just changing companies without even asking us what we thought. 15 minutes later another email from Julie, this time asking me to handle a directors lunch right in the middle of lunch for the girls.

I’ve never had a hemorrhoid before, but if I ever get one I am going to name it Julie because she is truly the hemorrhoid in my ass.

BTW, I cooked Philly Cheese Steak for lunch today.

First Day Back

// January 3rd, 2011 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Well it is 9:00pm and after a very long 15 hour day I am so happy to be home. I am tired and my right leg is swollen, but it feel really good to sit on the sofa and just chill out. I have already walked Dodger, so he is chilling in his chair, all snuggled up to one of his many toys and his purple towel.

So what was today like? To be honest, besides it being a long day it was also very nice to be back and so much nicer to spend the day with some pretty cool young women. But before I jump into that I wanna talk about how the day started. then move take you through my day and end right here on my sofa. So lets jump into this.

3:50am is when my first alarm goes of and then at 4:00am both alarms go off. I was out of bed by 4:10 after hitting the snooze button twice. I was so happy I took a long hot shower the night before because it was raining when I got up and when I walked out the door to head to the bus stop it started to rain a little bit harder, but I have a new coat thanks to my friend Natalie, so I was very warm and comfy.

The bus driver was not the normal one I have and she was about 4 minutes late. I know 4 minutes doesn’t sound like much, but when you’re standing in the rain it can seem like 20 minutes. While riding the bus I couldn’t help but think that I use to try to scramble to find a place to sleep in the rain and there were nights where I was stuck sleeping on the beach under a lifeguard stand trying my best not to get too wet and hoping the police would not come and tell me to move on. Now here I am sitting on a bus heading to work after sleeping in my own apartment.

So once at work I had so much to do. Even though I had spent about an hour or more the week before making sure things were ready for this morning I still had lots to do this morning. Right away I knew that I had put on some pounds because climbing the stairs was a real chore for me and having to carry items from the basement to the kitchen was even more work, but I got it all done and things went well for breakfast.

It was so cool seeing the students for the first time in the 2011 and I am so happy that the one I saw first is by far one of my favorites and to top that off she was with another one of my favorites and together we all had this really cool conversation and in the midst of all of this I now have a new place in my neighborhood to visit for dinner and drinks.

My day was busy and by mid morning my leg started hurting and when I had time to look at my leg I noticed that it was starting to swell pretty bad. But as busy I was I had not time to allow this to slow me down. I had to finish breakfast and then move right into lunch. In fact I was prepping lunch while I was making breakfast made to order.

Monday is my long day so I knew I needed to make time to get off my feet for at least an hour. Most times on Monday this is not possible at all. There is just way too much to do, but today I picked up the pace and made sure I got off my feet. In doing so this meant the other chef would have to carry her own weight today. I also knew that if she could not do this I would have to do it and by taking a break meant that I would have to do far more than my fair share.

In all the day was lots of work and my leg and feet were killing me by the end of it, but by the end of the night all my ladies were in the dining room eating a formal dinner, the smiles were so big and the hugs even bigger. I was so happy to be back at work and so happy I am working were I am working. It has been a really long time since I have been able to say this, so I am in such a good place right now and for this I am so thankful to God.

My bus ride home was slow, but relaxing for the most part. It was the bus and it can be a bot loud at time, so this is why I say for the most part. The two block walk home was brisk. The rain had stopped around noon making way for the sun, but the cold air and temps stayed.

I knew if I sat down when I got home I would not get up to take Dodger out, so as soon as I walked through the door, let him out his cage and got him ready for his walk. Dodger always get so excited when I come home, so it takes him a second to settle down and get ready for his walk.

So tomorrow is another day and while I am getting off at my regular time, I do have to go to the doctor after, so it will still be a long day for me, but not as long as today. I will so be looking forward to heading home, playing with Dodger and getting ready for my next day at work.

Monday was pretty cool, a blessing and so much fun. I hope you’ve had just as nice a day as I have.

Last Day

// January 2nd, 2011 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

So it’s been three weeks since I was last at work and I must say that I am so happy to be going back to work. I am just hoping the day goes very smooth. I got an email from the director today and she has changed the order around for dinner tomorrow night and this really kind of just had me pissed because who the hell is she to change our menu to something that is much harder to deal with and will only end up being served cold? She just has no clue when it comes to running a kitchen, but now she is doing all the ordering of food, which means she will make final choices and the kitchen staff will simply have to deal with it the day of meals. I just dont get how her brain works.

The rain came back today and i had plans to go out one more day to give my camera a work out, but I didn’t want to risk getting my new baby wet. So after a walk with Dodger, who once the rain started to fall started barking at the window, I was sitting on the sofa and decided to take some pictures right inside my apartment. The experience was fun and I think the pictures came out pretty sweet. This is all because I’ve been paying full attention to my camera expert and my awesome friend Eric. Whatever he tells me to do I make sure I do it and the end result has been some awesome pictures.

Even though I was in bed sick for most of my three week vacation the rest I was able to get was something I really needed. Plus the past few days have been pretty awesome. I’ve had the time to spend with my friend and even talk on the phone with people I have not talked to in some time.

The end of the of the year ushered in an old friend for which I am so happy to have back in my life, I’ve known her since 7th grade. How cool is it that we work in the same field of HIV and AIDS, so I am so honored to be able to work with her. Through her I met Dustin who very quickly became someone I truly admire and respect and through him I met his friend Tiffany who I am trilled to be planning an event with for 2012.

Today was all about taking it slow and enjoying Dodger and my last day. I took a walk in the rain to Trader Joe’s to get some things for dinner and after this I sat on the sofa and started thinking about how I was going to celebrate my 4 year anniversary of Do Something Saturday. WOW, 4 years, seems like a lifetime ago since I started Do Something Saturday or DSS as many of my friends and supporters call it. I was homeless and many would say I was even hopeless, but my FAITH carried me though and today I am in such a better place and with each day I am growing and getting much better.

I reached out to the CEO of the Union Rescue Mission, I happen to have a personal relationship with him that started when I was homeless. He saw one of my youtube videos and reached out to me to try to set things right with the Union Rescue Mission. Back then I was so angry at how things were going and to be honest I was starting to be angry at myself and even learning how to hate myself, feel worthless and with each passing day I was starting to hate my life. I can never really explain how homelessness just strips you of everything and it takes more than just housing to restore what is lost from being homeless.

After reaching out to Andy and asking him about the cold weather shelter in West LA, he said “yes” and would put me in touch with the right people so that I can be of service to homeless in the same shelter I stayed in when I was on the streets. I was so happy to know that they are still running the shelter and even more happy to know that I can in some small way reach out to help those in need.

As soon as I know the date I will post it here, on FACEBOOK and on my youtube channel, but already I am thinking about how DSS can be of service to those in need. I know I have my work cut out for me and once again I know I am up for it and will do all I can to make just one night in the life of a homeless person simply awesome. I will work as hard as I can to bring a HUGE smile to the face of someone in need and I will do so with a smile in my heart and always keeping in mind where I was and how I felt when I was staying in that shelter.

For right now I need to clean my kitchen and take a shower and get ready for my work week. 4AM comes very fast andtomorrow is my long day which means I am at work from 6AM until 7:30PM and once home I still have to make time to spend with Dodger to let him know just how much I love him and have missed him. The take a shower, go to bed and get ready to do it all over again the next day, but at least it wont be a long day.

My life has changed so much since 2007, I smile far more, my soul is at peace more, the people I call friends are just that, my real life friends who love and respect me and for this I am so honored and humbled by their presence in my life.

As I close this blog I sitting here smiling because of something my dear friend Donald said to me…..”God will ALWAYS send somebody…..” As my tears start to fall down my face I am so thankful, blessed, honored and incredibly humbled by all the “somebodies” including Donald that he saw fit to not just send to me, but honor my life with friendship, unconditional love and humanity.

It may be the last night of my vacation, but the journey of my life is moving forward and I am learning to embrace the sun on my face. Oh how wonderful the FAVOR of God truly is.