Project Kengikat

Prep Work

// December 30th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

So next week I head back to work. I must say I’ve missed being at work, but I have not missed the craziness of the house director and the other chef. Already things are a bit crazy just trying to get things set for meals for next week.

Normally we would get a truck with food and all other deliveries for the kitchen the week before we come back, but for some reason the house director feels that everything can be done in just one day and this day would be the day we come back from winter break. I am not sure what her thought process is, but there is simply no way to take things from the freezer and then have them ready for meals the very same day.

It is almost like she tries her best to have things go wrong so she has a reason to recommend that we be fired. She  has taken over the ordering of all food items, but she has no clue as to how to do it. The two times she has placed the order she screws things up, so now she asks that we go online to get all the product codes she all she has to do it type them in.

I’ve been trying to contact her for two days now and she just today she gets back to me to tell me that she wont be back at the house until Sunday at noon. This is the same day the students move back into the house. Like I said before it is almost as if she is trying to have things go wrong or planning for them.

I love my job and the students are awesome, but working under such conditions at times can be very stressful. I am so thankful that I only work from 6AM til 2PM, but on Monday I am there all day until 7PM on some nights. I am so thankful to be able to pay my bills, rent and still have some change in my pocket to go out to dinner with friends.

So how do I deal with working conditions like this? Well I make sure I do good prep work and I make sure I have things all planned out. I also check to make certain I have a backup, just in case the order goes wrong and since I have worked there the order has gone wrong, leaving me to scramble to make sure the two meals I am responsible.

Tomorrow or Saturday I will go by the job to take things from the freezer so that they are ready for Monday. I have already sent an email to the other chef so I make sure things for dinner are pulled from the freezer as well. The last thing either of us needs is for things to go wrong on a Monday when we have a formal dinner to set out.

I really love my job and the am so thankful for it, but I do wish things would be much smoother this quarter. I am hoping that doing great prep work will work towards this.

In the meantime I have 3 weeks of menus to plan out, so I guess I better get to work on this.

Wild and Crazy

// December 29th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Our weather here in LA has been just that, wild and crazy and each day seems to bring something new. Tonight there is no rain, but the wind has kicked up so it sounds as if there is a huge monster outside and every now and then it knocks against the side of building shaking the entire complex.

I am watching the 11:00pm news and the lead story is tumble weeds on a freeway in Bell Gardens. They say the winds could get up as high as 70mph. Wow, this is really wild and crazy. The storm that just passed has left parts of the sounthland under water and mud while other parts are getting a very nice blanket of snow.

Roads are closed with one road-highway 395 is completely closed after the rain has washed away the entire road leaving a huge hole. Parts of PCH is also closed and there is no sign when it will be open again.

There are just two days to go before the Rose Parade kicks off in Pasadena and they too are having a hard time getting the final touches on the 47 sloats. The rain soaked golf course may be too soaked for parking, so they are hoping that people will take public transportation or carpool to the parade.

Next week I will return to work and I am so hoping that this wild and crazy weather is over, but I am sure there will bemornings where I will have to wait for the bus in the rain. So I guess I just better prepare for that. This is the second night that I have had to turn on the heater, so I am so thankful that I am working and will be able to afford something as minor as heat.

In all of this I am thinking about the many people who are sleeping on the streets of Los Angeles with no other place to turn. I recall cold nights and even nights where rain just never seemed to end, but I dont think I ever experienced so much rain and cold while I was on the streets homeless. My prayer is that God keep them safe and allow them some warmth from all the cold that is on the streets.

Dodger and I are calling it a day and heading to bed. I am hoping to get up early and belt out menus and then head out to take some pictures. I am really loving the pictures I’ve been able to take so far with my new camera.

I hope you all are well and are some place where there is warmth.

Music Before Bed

// December 29th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

For the past two weeks I’ve been placing my laptop near my bed so I can hear music while I sleep. I started doing this the second week of my vacation because I was having a hard time getting to sleep. I thought the music would help to relax me and maybe  even help me sleep better. So every night I load my iTunes library and before I know it I am fast asleep listening to some awesome music.

Now I know you might be asking what I listen to, well I’ll tell you. I am a huge fan of gospel music, next to jazz I would say it is my favorite. So this is what plays the most while I am sleeping. From CeCe and Yolanda to Mississippi Mass and Chicago Mass, they all help to relax me and help me have a great nights sleep. It’s funny cause when I turn over I hear music playing and I might even sign along for a second then I am back to sleep. There are even times when the music wakes me and I hear a song from a new perspective and come to enjoy it even more.

As I said in a recent blog, this holiday season has been rather hard for me because I’ve been thinking so much about my parents and with the death of a friend who lost his battle with AIDS has made it even more trying for me. So some of the music that plays helps me to release things that I have inside of me that I need to let go of and others remind me that even in the darkest of nights things will turn out for the best.

Many people may not know this about me, but I play piano, sing and have even written music as well, so music has always been such a huge part of my life and I am sure it will always be this way. So when things get a bit hard for me it is always my FAITH and music that pulls me through. Always my FAITH and music that help me hold on for just one more day and always my FAITH and music that is right there to help me celebrate any and all victories in my life.

So I think I may have started a tradition of having music playing right before I head to bed and music when I wake.

Long Time No Blog…

// December 28th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

It’s been sometime since I’ve posted a blog. I would like to say that this is because I’ve been on some awesome vacation or that I have been so busy with outreaches. But the truth is that I’ve been sick…..in bed sick. I’ve also been a bit down about the passing of a friend of mine who lost his battle with AIDS. The final reason is because this time just has not been a happy time of year for me. I am missing my parents a great deal.

However even in the middle of all this, there were some happy times. I celebrated  my 42nd birthday with a group of friends and supporters being of service to homeless people in Santa Monica. I had already set the for this event, so the fact that I was sick was not going to prevent me from doing the event. I just had to take much more time to plan and make sure the event was a success from my bed. In the end the event was a complete success and I even had the chance to meet two of my supporters from YOUTUBE.

It was so very uplifting to have a visit from a new subscriber who came with 10 Do Something Kits, 12 bottles of water and ahuge bag of clothes. Even though I wasn’t feeling well I managed to get out of bed, clean my apartment and be ready to meet her once she arrived. It was cold and wet when she came, so for her to take the effort to come with the donations was very inspiring to me.

It was raining pretty hard the night before and the morning of my birthday, but at the time of the outreach in Santa Monica, the rain let up and we were able to pass out over 100 Do Something Kits to homeless people in Santa Monica. After the outreach my friends and supporters joined me for lunch at ZENGO on the Santa Monica Place Mall. The afternoon was awesome and I was so happy to have had the experience with friends and supporters.

However once I got back home I started feeling sick again and before long I was back in bed. I felt so bad for Dodger because I did not have the energy to get out of bed and take him out. However I did my best to get him out for a walk at least once a day, even though the walk was much shorter then what he is use to.

I had a three week vacation and I have been sick in bed or on the sofa for more then 95% of it. There was so much that I wanted to do while on vacation, but it just was not meant to be.

Monday, December 27, 2010 I got out of bed and forced myself out of my apartment. I went for a long walk with Dodger and then walked to pay some bills, since I was not sure how I would be feeling I also paid my rent. Once back at my place I decided to call around and to see about getting myself the camera I had been looking to get. I knew I could order the camera online, but I really wanted to just get it taken care of. I called a few places and then called Sammy’s Camera and they said they would match the online price I seen for the camera I wanted. So about two hours later I had my new camera, but once back home I simply ate some dinner and went to bed. I had no energy left to even play with my new toy.

Today I got up, walked to get some quarters so I could do my laundry, cleaned my apartment and started to play with my camera. Even though I did not have the energy to go out and take the pictures I wanted. I was however able to at least take some pretty cool pictures.

It’s 522pm and I just put my laundry in the drier, I am a bit hungry, but I am trying to hold out to see if I am going to eat with my friend Natalie. I wont wait too long because she tends to flake out. Once my clothes are done if I have not heard from her I will order some food and start to wind things down.

I head back to work next week and I want to make sure I am fully ready for it, so making sure I get the rest I need is key.

I wanna say big thanks to all my friends who have sent me such awesome emails, cards, text messages and voicemails. I cant begin to thank you enough for all the kind words and all the love. It truly made me feel so loved and I am so thankful to you for it.

So 2010 is nearly done and once again were moving toward a new year. It seems like it was only a few days ago when 2010 was being ushered in. For me 2010 has been filled with many blessings and I am so thankful for all of them.  I am also looking forward to 2011.

Checking In

// December 2nd, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

This has been a really exciting time of year from me, so much is going on for both me and my organization and all of is is really good. So for this I am truly Thankful to God and very blessed for the favor he continues to show me.

WORK

Things have been great at work as far as me doing my job and the members being very happy and please with the work and food I place in front of them. There has not been a day that has gone by where I have not heard from many of the members just how pleased and happy they are with me. Many of them have told me that they “love me” and this is so awesome to hear.

One of the coolest things is that I have shared with a few girls my battle with homelessness and it has been met with such a awesome feeling, so that has been so cool to be able to share this part of my life with them. The members have been awesome to me and for the first time ever in working in a setting such as this, I am truly happy that I accepted the job. I look forward to getting up and cooking meals for them.

The job still has it’s sour spots with the director speaking to us like we are animals and the other chef being so out to lunch and downright rude to me and other staff members, but I tend to laugh it off and try to remember that I am there for the members and as long as they are happy with the work I do, then I will be able to continue doing it for as long as they need me.

OUTREACHES

This month has been filled with outreaches, but this past weekend my Sunday Dinner was a huge success thanks in part to my amazing friends and supporters who always suit up and show up to help me do what I do. I know many people give me credit for the work I out into planning and making sure it all comes together, but none of it would be possible without their full support. I have said this before and I am sure I will say it many more times, it is people like the ones on my life who I have the pleasure of calling “friends” who are the real inspiration to me.

I was able to feed 30 homeless people here in Hollywood with the help of my friends Ryan, Jason and Natalie. The outreach was supported by Darylyna, Everette, Courtney, Lee, Phillip and my Aunt Emma. Once again is was so cool to be able to help those who are less fortunate then myself.

So it’s Thursday night and already another work week has come and gone. I am so looking forward to just chilling out this weekend with Dodger and a few friends. It is also the countdown to my 42nd birthday which I will spend a major chunk of being of service to homeless people in Santa Monica, the brunch with my friends and supporters.

I hope you all have a had an awesome Thanksgiving and a blessed work week.

Revenue Sharing with YOUTUBE

// November 25th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

I’ve been on YOUTUBE since 2007 and so many people have said “you should be partner” and so much else, but this has never been my focus. I came to YOUTUBE to hopefully do my part to shed some light and truth on homelessness and what people have to deal with. in the course of my being homeless I was diagnosed HIV positive. I then started talking about the struggles I was going through with this as well.

The goal has always been and will always be to simply raise awareness, nothing more, nothing less. I think I’ve done a pretty good job and I am so humbled by all the people from all over this country and planet who have come to embrace and welcome what I do through my community outreaches.

So today two of my videos have been selected for YOUTUBE Revenue Sharing

HIV Positive 1 Year

http://www.youtube.com/user/Kengikat?feature=mhum#p/search/2/PBNc_5qtoZ4

Kengikat: EMPLOYED

http://www.youtube.com/user/Kengikat?feature=mhum#p/search/2/EMqCdt2Q6hk

There are now ads to the right of these videos and if you click on the ad I will get paid. The money from this will be used to fund the outreaches for my organization.

What a cool way to help fund my outreaches.

I Am Thankful For…..

// November 25th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

This time last year I was thinking about asking my friends and members of my social network to do a blog posting on what they are thankful for. Well when I logged on someone had the very same idea and had already had their post. So I asked the rest of the members if they would do one as well. To be able to read what people were thankful for in their lives was awesome.

Last year was my first Thanksgiving in my own apartment. The first Thanksgiving off the streets or sleeping from pillar to post. I spent the day passing out Thanksgiving meals to people who might night otherwise get one. Supporters of my Do Something Saturday outreach made the outreach possible.

This year I once again have many things to be thank for. I am in good health, my body is still doing an awesome job at fighting HIV on it’s own, so as of right now I am not on any meds for HIV. I have a wonderful dog named Dodger who has become my very best buddy. He cheers me up when I am down and is always right there to make me smile and laugh. he has been a wonderful blessing in my life.

My friendships are rich and blessed. The people in my life are solid, caring, giving, loving and many of them are awesome humanitarians who do awesome work for people who are in need. From homelessness and HIV and  AIDS here in the States to the genocide taking place in Darfur, many of my close friends are involved at the ground level, in the trenches, on the front lines doing all they can to make things better for people all over this country and planet. I am truly Thankful to have them in my life.

One of the biggest changes and something I am so very thankful for is the fact that I now have a job. The cool thing is that this job found me. I had no idea this place was even looking to hire someone. Another blessing and something I am thankful for is the job is a cooking position, which is something I know a little something about.

It has been so awesome to pay my bills on time, not have to worry about if my benefits will be posted to my EBT card. To be able to buy some things like underwear, socks and shoes for myself. Pay for my own way when I go out to eat with friends.

Having this job has also allowed me to fund my organization and not have to rely on asking people to help all the time. It’s been great to be able to simply help people from my own pocket and to be able to do it on the spot. Later today I will go out and purchase some burgers to pass out to homeless people right here in Hollywood. Being able to do this is such a huge blessing and something I am so thankful for.

Most of all I am thankful for my life. When I really sit and think about it, my life could have gone so south, my health could be in a very different place. In fact my life could be over. So I am very humbled, thankful and blessed by the favor, mercy and grace my God keeps sending into my life.

I have a place to live, a dog who I love and loves me back, great friends in my life, a place to live and a job and for this I am and always will be so incredibly thankful.

Each of us should take some time out to be thankful for the blessings in our lives. Even though they may seem small or insignificant, they are there and we should give thanks to our God, our creator, our higher power. We should take the time to be thankful for out lives.

THANK YOU GOD for all you’ve done and will continue to do for me. I am so thankful.

Rough Monday

// November 22nd, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

This is has been a pretty rough day for me. Not only am I in lots of pain from my Sickle Cell, but the other chef at work is back to her old tricks again. She refuses to clean up after herself and acts like the messes created by her have some how been created by someone else and therefore she is not responsible for cleaning them.

Last Friday she called sick because she had a wedding rehearsal for weeding that was taking place on Saturday. It all sounded rather fishy to me, but I had to cover her sift. On Thursday when the delivery arrived she was in the middle of doing the one meal  she can barely handle, so me and the dishwasher worked on the inventory and putting things away. Leaving her to simply work on her meal and close down the lunch. However there was really nothing for her to do with lunch other then wrap the things from the Salad bar and place them in the refrigerator. I had already broken down the line in the dining and even wiped down the tables and set up for her dinner.

After the dishwasher had left and I had done what was left to do in the store room she appears acting like there was something for her to do. I asked her was everything done in the kitchen so I could take off and she replies “I didn’t know what you wanted me to do with the items in the kitchen” I simply looked at her and said “really? You dont know they needed to be wrapped and put in the refrigerator so you have items for the salad bar tonight?”

She remained in the store room doing nothing until after I had left. On Friday the dishwasher and I see that things had been moved around in the both the freezer and refrigerator and something was now leaking all over the refrigerator. He tried as best he could to clean it up, but each time when we returned there was huge mess in the bottom of the refrigerator. I finally told him to leave it for her to clean on Monday.

So again today (Monday) she arrives does not speak and starts throwing things into the upstairs refrigerator and jamming things into the freezer downstairs. So by the time my break came and I was ready to stock for tomorrow’s breakfast, again there was a huge mess in the freezer. When I asked her about it she again acts as if she has done nothing and did nothing to correct it. I spent the next 2 hours cleaning up after her. This was after I spent over an hour clean the upstairs freezer she uses as her dump station.

The director is aware of what is taking place, but she does nothing. she simply says “I am just going to let her hang herself” but in the process we have to clean up the mess that she creates while the director sits on her silly ass allowing this to happen.

Today as I was leaving I was asked why I was there so late. Monday is the day that I have always been there late and not once has she told me there has been a change. So I was puzzled as to why she would ask me this question. She also asked the other staff why I was there so late.

We have another meeting tomorrow and I will let her know that she has not given any direction of my schedule, so I am unaware of any changes.

I love the work I am doing and I love the people I cook for, they are great and from what I am told by the members they are very happy with me as well, however I have a feeling that the director would rather all of us not be there, so I am just waiting for her to make her move. She has already threatened to dock our by if she see’s us using our cell phones and if we break any dishes. It’s good to know that the members must vote on anyone being fired, so the decision is not up to her.

However I am saving my money, because I dont trust her one bit.

Time Out For Me

// November 20th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized

This has been a very long week for me. Work has been cool, but lots of work and on Friday the other chef called out leaving me to work another 14 hour day, but this time I was alone.

Because of this I missed some much needed hang time with my friend Michelle. Her boyfriend had one of his pieces at an gallery event and I was so excited to go.  I also missed my Dr’s appointment, which kind of bummed me out, but I know if it were bad news she would have called me. I will just have to reschedule for next week.

I vlogged my experience about not walking by two homeless people I encountered on Friday night after I got off the bus coming home from work. That really made my long day worth it. The fact that my back was sore, feet were killing me and I had a headache no longer seemed to bother me because of this new job I now have I was able to reach into my own pockets and help people with money I earned myself.

I slept until 7:00am on Saturday and then had to get up to get ready for my Do Something Saturday outreach. Today was the day for the 10 turkey boxes that I planned to give away to low income families. As it turns out some of the families have experienced homelessness and three are people battling HIV or AIDS.

I was expecting people to help with the outreach, but just like I knew would happen all five people backed out just a few hours before they were supposed to show up. One never even bothered to call, but since he was a friend of the other person who called a half hour before the event, I knew he would not show.

Again, the job I now have saved the day. I was able to simply get on the bus and head to the store to get the items they volunteered to bring. I have to be very honest here…I was very pissed off at the entire situation, but there was time to sit and allow my being pissed to set in and then cause the entire event to be in jeopardy.

Dodger was able to be with me so that made things lots better and to see the smiles on the faces of the families and people who received the  boxes truly made it all worth while. Once again the other people who had not shown up no longer mattered. The event was a huge success and I got it done just like I always do. With or without help.

I was so looking forward to tonight. My friends Krystal and Patrick were throwing a pre-thanksgiving party and they invited me. I was so excited because I have not seen either of them in a long time and once again the need for some chill time with my friends was so needed to balance out the shit that took place. I also just wanted to be in a space with friends.

I sent texts to my friends Andy and Tina asking if I could ride with them since they too were going, but I also called a friend to see if I could barrow their car, just in case. But then I got a text letting me know I could get a ride with them, so I called the friend and told them I no longer needed to barrow their car.

I started to get a bad feeling when I had not heard from either of them, so I began texting before my event started. It wasn’t until much later that I heard back, but my question was not answered. I needed to focus on my even so this is what I did. Once I finished I began texting again.

I thought everything was worked out and they would pick me up in Westwood, but then again texts were not being returned and after waiting in Westwood for 10 minutes I got in a cab to head the rest of the way to their place, but once there no one was home. I thought maybe we had just missed each other, so again I texted, but still got no answer.

Once back in Westwood I got text telling me that I needed to call another number and that Andy was already at the party. I called and after speaking with him I just felt bad. I was never told they were leaving to go early to take Andy, nor was I told they would not be there to pick me up. As far as I knew we were all riding together and this was not a problem, but I was wrong.

I called the number and got a voice mail. I left a message and decided to jump in a cab and head home. I really wanted to see my friends, ALL of them. I wanted to have a night of fun, but again this did not happen. As I got into the cab I again had this feeling inside of me that I dont like to have, but there it was inside of me, mixed combination of anger, hurt and disappointment.

I called Andy and told him I had already been to their apartment and back to Westwood and was no heading back home. He didn’t even give me an answer as to why I was left in the dark about what was going on or how I was supposed to figure things out. After speaking with him and hearing what was nothing more then poor communication of his part, I said goodbye and hung up. As I did the first tears started to fall down my face and the feelings of knowing I have no family at this time of year came crashing in on me.

“Sir, are you ok?” the cab driver asked

“I am fine. Dont worry about me.” I replied

At Sunset and Highland with the meter already at $30 bucks my phone rings from a number I don’t know and when I answer it is Tina saying “I missed your call” I could tell she had no listened to my message, had not checked her texts and after telling her I was headed back home and no longer felt like hanging out, she tells me she never got any texts messages.

Again, I said goodbye and told her to have a nice time and I hung up and again the tears started to roll down my face. However this time I didnt hold them back or try to fight them off. I let go of the feelings, all the hurt, the anger, the pain and disappointment.

As I paid the cab driver he looked back at me and said “Is there something I can do for you sir?”

I said “No. Keep the change, have a good night and thank you.”

My tears have not stopped falling.

I think it is time for me to take a break from my friends and spend some time with just me and Dodger. Take some time out to create the balance that I need in my life in order for me to continue moving forward.

I dont like the space I am in right now, but I know it will pass and I will get through it. So for right now I am taking a time out for ME.

Tis the Season…for Drag

// November 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

It’s that time again where many of us start to make list of what “Santa” should bring us because we have been “good boys and girls” That time of year where many of us feel the need to be nice and kind to others. That time of year where many of us start to reach out for family and old friends. That time of year where many people are very unhappy and that time of year that is just another day for people who are homeless.

I am not sure what it is about this time of year that seems to bring out the best and worst in people. I am not sure why people all of sudden see homeless people and try to offer so help to them. I am not sure why this time of year brings larger rates of hurt, pain and even death into the lives of so many people.

I mean after all this is the season where life is supposed to be great. We have great jobs with two point five kids, amazing families and friends, we’re going to celebration parties, office parties, dinners and all that. We’re out shopping trying to buy the best gift for those we love, we’re planning trips to far off destinations doing all that we can to please the other person or people in our lives, but very little time is spent making certain that we take extra time to care for our own mental well being.

We’re supposed to be out building snowmen, being thankful for all the things we’ve collected over the past year. Out buys decorations for our homes to show others just how well off we truly are…..or at least put the appearance forth.

Then around January 3rd or 4th a light goes on and we are back to being the real people we truly are. You know the one who speeds on the freeway, cutting people off, flipping people off and acting a complete ass. The kind who tells homeless people to “get the fuck out my face” or “get a job” The kind of person who makes left and right turns in front of bike riders not caring that we could kill them. The kind of person who does not give a damn about anyone other then self.

Yep we go back to being the people we truly are outside of this season where we dress in drag trying so hard to be someone we should really be all year long,

So I guess this season is really about “pretend” or “make believe” Just like all the fancy people getting cars with red bows or houses decked out with lights and a huge family that ll gets along. I time where we “pretend”