Mission Possible
// November 30th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized
I started the month of November with one mission in mind, provide meals to as many people as I could through my Do Something Saturday~that empowers people and Unpluggin HIV~empowering a positive life outreaches. The goal was to provide Thanksgiving meals to low income families, homeless and people living with HIV and AIDS. I knew I had my work cut out for me, but I also knew with hard work and determination, combined with the kindness of my friends and those who read my blog and watch my youtube channel, backed with the grace and favor of God, I could get it done……and I was right.
I named the outreach “Giving Thanks” and it was originally only suppose to take place the last week on November, but thanks to the kind and generous effort of two anonymous donors I was able to offer an incentive for those who wanted to help but didnt live near me. For every dollar soemone gave it would be matched up to $300. The matching was a huge success. Not only did I match the $300, but $100 more for a total of $700 to help feed people this Thanksgiving season.
People also joined in by donating things like turkeys, hams as well as Do Something Kits, socks
and clothes. Because of all the awesome people so willing to step up and help people I was able to start my “Giving Thanks” outreaches much earlier, in fact it was a full week and half earlier then I had planned for. I was also able to reach far more people then I had planned for as well.
Once again my friends right here in Los Angeles and from all over the country joined in to help me “be of service” to those who are in need and once again they did so without asking why, without excuse and without complaining or saying they would do only to go back on it in the end. It is so awesome to know that end of the day I know some pretty awesome people who are willing to show up for those who are in need. Once again my friends showed me that when I need them they will always be right by my side to assist and encourage me to keep doing the work that I created over two and half years ago while I was homeless.
Clothing donations came from all over the Los Angeles area with two awesome clothing donations from Rhode Island and Las Vegas to help support my efforts. With these clothing donations I was able to add an outreach to homeless people on the streets as well as an outreach to Common Ground in Santa Monica. Common Ground is the only comprehensive HIV support center on the west side that serves people with HIV and AIDS who are low income as well as homeless. It was such a huge honor for me to once again support this awesome program that does so many wonderful things for people with HIV and AIDS while they battle the hardships or being low income and even homelessness.
There were two families slated to get food boxes filled with items that would help them with preparing their own Thanksgiving dinner for their families, both families are headed by single women and both families are battling low income. One family is battling HIV and the other has just come through a long ordeal or homelessness. It was such a humbling experience to be able to support them. The cool thing was that the Social Services Department of my HIV clinic answered the call to support both families as well as other people I was planning to serve, by purchasing many of the items needed for the boxes to help these two families. However after several attempts to deliver the food to the family that is battling HIV the food was simply used to help feed other people. Every attempt was made to get the food to the family, but at each attempt there was no answer when the food was delivered and phone calls were not returned. The options was left for the family to pick up the donations but they never called to make arrangements. This food was used to feed homeless people Thanksgiving day.
The other delivery went like clock work. I called the family set a time for the delivery and they were there when I arrived. I was happy that I was able to visit and even get a short interview with this family who after a long battle with homelessness is doing very well and moving forward with their life. The mother of this family is now in her last 150 hours of massage school and the other members are doing well in high school as well as in college. This should be an example to anyone that anything is possible as long as you stick to it and work hard toward the goals you set for yourself.
I was able to deliver a cell phone, microwave and clothes as well as take four residents of the
building down on Skid Row out to lunch. With each outing we were able to spend time laughing and getting to know each other. It was so cool to be able to provide an outing for some pretty cool people who are battling HIV or AIDS as well as the hardships of poverty. I have learned that sometime the best thing to provide for people is an ear to listen instead of throwing things at them or reminding them of mistakes they may or may not have made in their life. At the end of the day, we all make mistakes and sometimes what we really need is for someone to simply listen to us and not judge us. I was nice to be able to simply listen to them and share the awesomeness of their blessed life.
I kicked this month off with the presentation of Dab the AIDS Bear to Brian who is the facilitator of the ceramics studio that Being Alive offers to people with HIV and AIDS. For me this studio serves as my support group and provides things that other support groups seem to forget and do not spend time working toward. The studio provides real life support without making HIV or AIDS the focus. We are just a group of guys who are focused on art with HIV as the backdrop. We are not forced to share or talk about HIV or all the crap that comes along with it. However if we want to we know that we can in a support and creative environment where there is opportunity for learning and growth.
Brian has created an atmosphere that was lacking in the studio. He has removed clicks and people who are evil and only seek to cause others hurt and harm with their nasty behaviors and replaced it with love, friendship in a setting where people with HIV and AIDS can feel comfortable and supported. It was a so humbling that Dab Garner allowed me to present Dab the AIDS Bear to Brian and Brian was so happy and surprised to receive the Dab the AIDS Bear. The cool thing was that my bear got to hang out with Brian’s bear before I presented the bear to Brian.
Shopping for the food was ongoing, but in the end it all worked out and I got it all done with the help of some good friends and many markets. LOL. I spent part of my on Tuesday shopping for the meals I was serving as well as picking up and dropping off donations. I also had the honor of speaking to a group of guys who are young and HIV positive which turned out to be such a blessing for me to share with these young men.
Wednesday was busy all day long and it didnt end until 10:30PM Thursday night. In the end it
was all worth it because the smiles and happy faces I saw while doing the outreaches. After running around all day for last minute items for all the meals I was back home by 5:30PM and ready to start cooking food for meals to serve homeless people. Getting me through my long night would be calls from my friends as well as text messages and a few calls from my niece to check on me.
It’s been a while since I was up all night cooking and in doing so many memories came rushing back to me and there were tons of smiles and plenty of laughter. It felt really good to stay up all night cooking knowing that when I was done, although I would be very tired, there would be plenty of people with smiles on their faces, food in their belly’s and warmth in their heart
Lourdes arrived first Thanksgiving morning with a bright smile and socks for the Do something Kits. Not long after her Tina and Andy arrived with smiles and Do Something Kits. It was Thanksgiving morning and once again I would spend a major holiday helping people who are in need and just like in times past I would be doing it with people I truly love and respect.
We worked pretty hard to get the meals ready and made certain that each tray was prepare with kindness and respect. The food was warm and carefully packed into the food container and soon they ready for to be taken to people throughout the Hollywood area. Andy and I took the first load of 23 dinners out and at first it was kind of hard finding people because for some reason the places where I normally support homeless people. But we were not going to come back to my place with the meals, so we kept looking and we found people to give the meals to.
The cool thing was that there were other people also feeding homeless people and one family was even passing out bottles of cold water. Water may not seem like much, but it was very warm here in LA Thanksgiving day so a nice cold bottle of water was an awesome thought. There was a strange point in the day when we were passing out food and this guys asked us if he could have our phone number so he could coordinate with us next year so we would not duplicate each other. Andy and I thought this was such a silly request because big deal if someone gets two meals. He then asked of other places he could go and I told him to go to Skid Row. “Is it safe there?” was what he asked me. I got back in the truck where Andy and I laughed and drove away.
The next load saw 20 meals and we knew exactly where to take them. This time we took Lourdes
along with us because this crowd spoke very little English and she would be able to help us communicate with them. Even though we did not have enough meals to feed every there, they were very friendly and appreciative of what we had done. We hit the store before driving back to my place for our own Thanksgiving dinner to get some wine and a few other things. Once back at my place we finished preparing our own Thanksgiving meal and we shared some awesome conversation. Soon it was time to eat and raise our glasses in a cheer to friendship and our lives.
I spent the rest of my day with my friends laughing and talking and sharing with each other. It was Tina’s and Andy’s anniversary so later that night after eating and enjoying some awesome pies we went on a tour to find a bar to have a drink with them to celebrate the amazing love they share. Each place we tried was closed and we were about to give up when I thought about the Roosevelt Hotel. It was open and we lucked out and got a sexy bartender who was helpful and very funny as well.
Once back at my place we played games and shared some laughs before it was time to call it a night. I walked Lourdes to her car and then came back up and talked with Tina and Andy for a bit then it was time for them to head home as well. I sat on the loveseat and smiled because I just spent the day doing what I had planned to, just like I had been doing all month long, I spent the day helping people at least try to have a great Thanksgiving. I thought of all the wonderful people who made this possible and how they didnt think about themselves or their family and loved ones, but they thought of people who are suffering and battling some pretty hard situations. They showed up for people and I am so humbled and proud to know them.
I was in bed by 11:00PM after being up since 5:30AM Wednesday morning, I was very tired and my Sickle Cell was really starting to bother me. I was up at 7:00AM Friday morning, I took a shower, cleaned the rest of the dishes in the kitchen and went to the store. The plan was to get things started for the meal for my Skid Row outreach on Saturday. However I was still very tired and my body demanded that I get back to bed and I listened. I was back in bed by 9:00AM and slept all day until 6:30PM. I took another shower and then I started cooking for my Skid Row outreach.
It would be another long night for me and it was very important that I took the time to rest and
recharge my body. I was once again busy cutting, chopping, baking, boiling and basting. In the end I prepared 40 meals of Baked Chicken, Macaroni and Cheese, Yams and Dressing as well as a peach cobbler for three people. Once again I was up all night making certain things would be ready and once again God allowed me to remain strong and get through it and do it all in grand style.
I was able to get some rest while the chickens was roasting about two hours. Before I knew it the night was giving way to the light and I still had so much to. I still needed to go through the donations and get them all backed away into the bins in order to have them ride safely in the back of Ryan and Moina’s truck.
Natalie arrived and packed the meals into the carry bags and soon after Ryan was ringing the front gate. We packed the tuck and the trunk of Natalie’s car and we were off to Skid Row to help bring some love, support and positive energy to some cool people. In all the outreach to down on Skid Row lasted about 2 ½ hours and it was some of the best time I spent all weekend. The residents in this building are awesome and always so kind and polite, it has been so cool to be able to bring my small outreach to them.
We arrived on time and just like before the residents were already waiting for us in the lobby. I didn’t even have to ring the bell before they were at the front door greeting me with smiles and hugs. I introduced them to my three friends and volunteers before we began to unload. After getting all containers into the building we sat and talked for a minute and then unpacked all the containers of clothes and sat the food containers on the table.
This time around I had the chance to meet and speak with some new residents I have never met
before, they shared their needs with me and I told them I would do what I could to get the items they were requesting. Some of the request were a bit grand, but hey as Ma use to say “a close mouth doesn’t get fed” After reading eat note I informed each person that although I wasn’t a funded agency I would do what I could to get some of the items they requested.
This is a lively bunch that are filled with laughter and plenty of jokes that kept us laughing. The lady of the building was happy to give my new volunteers who had not been there before. While they took the tour I had the first chance in a very long time to sit down and rest. WOW did it feel good to be off my feet and in the seated position. While I waited for them to come back I had the chance to visit with the new resident I met and even speak with one of the employees there as well.
Just like Thanksgiving day this event went by very fast, seems like it took me forever to plan it and get things altogether, but it was over and time for us to pack things up and head home. The residents were kind to help us gather the empty containers and walk us out to our cars. We talked a bit more and then said our goodbyes.
We took our last pictures and I thanked Ryan and Moina for taking the time out to help me with this outreach and then we were on our way back to my place. Natalie and I stopped at Fresh and Easy in Hollywood for some Ice cream and other items for our own meal and then headed back to my place where we talked and enjoyed each others company. After some time visiting it was time for her to head home and me to get to bed. Once again my body was telling me what it was telling me earlier in the day “REST” and just like before I paid close attention and did just that.
I smiled as I walked back into my place because I was thinking about where I was this time last year and how off track things seemed to be in my own life and how many people felt I would not be able to get through the storm taking place in my life. As I closed the door I laughed and said out loud “you dont know who I know” I walked into the kitchen and began to wash the last of the dishes from our dinner. The large pots and pans would just have to wait until the next morning. I then walked into the bathroom and ran some hot water for my bubble bath, lit my candles and played my Mozart station on Pandora. I poured myself a glass of red wine and soaked in the hot tub for more then an hour. As I sat there in the hot bubble bath I thought to myself just how truly blessed I really am, because even in the midst of all that I am going through I made sure I reached out to at least offer help and support to others, I at least tried to be a voice for those who simply do not have one and I tried to be a example for people to keep moving forward no matter what is in front of them.
“Thank you” is what I said out loud in the tub. “Thank you, thank you, thank you” I said this
because I know that none of this would have or could have been possible without the grace and favor of God. I also said this because my life would be a complete mess if not for his grace and favor. There is an old song that I am thinking of right now as I finished this blog at 8:07AM, Monday morning the 30th of November. The words of this song ring true for my soul today because I now know what the mean….well I guess it would be better to say that they have a real meaning for me. “You dont know, like I know. What the Lord’s done for me.”
What God has in store of us belongs to us, the blessings he has for our lives are only for us and no one has the power to keep it from you or take it away from you either. No one has the power to block it or slow down the blessing that God has for us……well no body but own self.
It’s Monday and I am taking some time out for me. I do have things I need to take care of for the rest of the week, but Today……most of it anyway will be for me and me only.
Right after getting out of the tub on Saturday night, after blowing out the candles, turning off the lights and checking the front door, I sat down at my laptop and checked the score of the USC, UCLA football game. Many people felt that USC would not win after the long hard year they have had. It seems like from the very first loss people began to fall of the Trojan Bandwagon, sports casters were saying this was the end of the road for USC and that they dynasty was over. With each loss it seems as if people and sports casters were happy to see the men of Troy seeming fall apart. I saw people who use to wear USC colors no longer pull them out of the closets to out them on.
Checking the score and seeing that USC had won I smile d and said “FIGHT ON” As I closed the lid on my laptop and climbed into bed I thought again of my own life and how people walked away from me, said I was worthless, how they were so ashamed of me, I thought of so called friends who only stepped back into my life to get a good laugh at what was taking place with me, how they said “we will be there for you” only to turn their backs and walk away when I refused to jump to their tune. I thought of people who tried to convince me that the organization I created was simply a waste of time and that it would never last. I thought of how people reminded me of how I was homeless, battling cancer and then HIV and how trying to help people was “silly” and “pointless” I thought of how Santa Monica Hospital how right in the middle of a Sickle Cell crisis told me that the pain was all in my head calling me a “crazy homeless man” and I said to myself “FIGHT ON”
I am shattered, but far from broken, wounded but time will heal me, struggling, but I will make 
it through. Sometimes I am troubled, but my mind is sound, my soul gets heavy and the tears come at any given moment, but in the words of my friend Donald “God will always send somebody” and that is just what he does for me. I can only speak for my experience and I know it has been nothing but the grace, mercy and favor of God that has kept me. That was my shelter in the time of store, food when I was hungry, comfort when I needed it, my way maker, my doctor in the sick room, when they said I would never make make it, God sent Tina and she told me “God dont make no junk” When I got weighed down he sent Andy and told me “It’s ok man, dont give up” reaching my breaking point he sent Ryan and Moina who said “we love you Kengi, let us help.” He will always send people who care to help me in the mission that I am now on and each time someone tried to sound the defeat bell God will always make a way that will allow me to stand in victory. FIGHT ON!!!!!!
God will always send somebody to comfort us and keep us moving and I am so THANKFUL for this.
I want to extend my deepest thanks to all who have helped me make this month a true month of “Giving Thanks” I want to extend my heartfelt gratitude for all your efforts to help me feed people, clothe people and offer nothing but love to those who are less fortunate. Words can not express how very humbled and thankful I am to all of you.
Sunday kicked off my week long outreach as part of my month long “Giving Thanks” celebration. With the help of my niece I was able to be of service to some residence on Skid Row in Downtown Los Angeles who are battling low income in addition to HIV or AIDS. It was truly an amazing day.
over to heat things up and not a microwave. It also encouraged me to cook things for myself that require me to use the over instead of radiation. I also happen to think it will promote healthy eating habits for me because I will not buy things that are heat and eat. Since I would not be using it I wanted it to go to someone who needed it. Not an hour went by before I got a call from another resident asking if I knew of anyone that might have a microwave they could donate to her. I told her yes and I would bring it the next day.
Once we arrived we all visited in the TV room and then we went up to one of the residents apartment to give him his items. I was also able to give other residents some items that were donated by people from Las Vegas, as well as boots my niece gave, jackets and even a pair of shoes from me.
letting me do this”
Sunday was filled with so much emotion and feelings and I had to step back and reflect on things in my own life, where my life is right now and how grace, mercy and the favor of God have been right there in the middle with me as I went through.
make certain that if I do get sick and I am unable to take care of myself that she would make sure I was taken care of. She told me not to worry about that. I cried even more when I thought of people who have to suffer alone with cancer or Sickle Cell, but by the end of the call she had calmed me down and before I knew it I was back to going through the donations and getting them ready to be washed today.
So it has been on my mind for a few weeks now and today things just came to a head and I had to do something positive for me otherwise I would have just snapped.
Nineteen-year-old, Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado’s body was found burned, decapitated and dismembered on Nov. 14 in Cayey, a city only a few miles away from his hometown in Caguas.
Who have thought that I would one day be using what I called my passion into what is now my “nia” (purpose) Who would have thought that something I use to make a living doing would one day be providing smile and happiness to people who are homeless, have HIV or AIDS as well as low income families, children and seniors? Not me.
bit different from hers….well I guess I should say it is much different from hers. The way she made it took a long time or maybe I just thought it took a long time because I was kid and wanted everything when I thought about it. LOL. My way is quick and easy. I am talking about Quiche.
I also made cornbread dressing this week as well. I wanted to do a sort of dry run before I jumped right into cooking the dressing for my Giving Thanks outreaches this Thanksgiving for homeless people and people with HIV and AIDS. I had a great crowd too. They were honest and didn’t hold anything back. LOL. The dressing was a hit and so was the meal. The Quiche was an extra bonus because my niece had asked me to make it. Dinner was a turkey tenderloin, mashed potatoes and creamed corn. YUMMY
impressed with what people gave in order to help me help those who are less fortunate. There were awesome jeans, sweaters, warm jackets, hoodies, t-shirts, button downs as well as casual pants. This is now the second round of donations for my outreach to people living with HIV and AIDS down on Skid Row in Downtown Los Angeles that will take place later this month and will wrap up the month long outreach to people in need through my Do Something Saturday and Unpluggin HIV outreaches.
am an Ambassador of Hope for Dab the AIDS Bear Project and I asked Dab if I could present someone with an Dab the AIDS Bear and he said yes. This is going to be a great way to start my “Giving Thanks” outreaches for the month. Thanks to clothing donations I have also been able to add two additional outreaches to people on Skid Row as well as the Jeff GriffithYouth Center. This will make a total of 6 outreaches to people who are in need.
I joked on my twitter page that I was going out to get a bunch of condoms and lube. I got some pretty funny direct messages from people asking all kinds of things. When all I was really doing was picking up a bag of lube and condoms for my outreach down on Skid Row. I called Danny at Being Alive and he left a bag for me at the front desk filed with enough condoms for my outreach. After getting back home I made another entry to my twitter page and again got a big laugh from people. After I told them what the condoms were for they thought it was so cool how got them interested in what I was doing by simply saying I was going to get lube and condoms.
As I type this blog out I am thinking to myself that I really have my work cut out for me now and I am smiling because I like wot work under pressure. This is going to be a great season to be thankful and a great season to do all I can to help people who are in need. With the help of my awesome set of dear friends and loyal supporters I also know that I will be able to give people in need a reason to be thankful this Thanksgiving.
I was told I was infected with HIV on April 3, 2008 and I never once felt like my life was over, death never crossed my mind, but since I was already homeless and battling so much I knew death was a possibility, not because HIV cant be treated and managed, but because I was both poor and homeless. I already knew the deck was stacked against me and now be HIV positive I knew this even more.
broke. The hardest thing for me throughout all of this is that fact that I have to sit up and here guys moan and groan about being positive when they were fucking with no condom. Something I have never done. Not only was I lied to, the fuckin condom broke, now I have to sit up in support groups and here guys talk about having sex with no condom and how fucked their life is now and how they stuill have sex with no condom. WFT? Did you not feel the fucking brick wall fall on your silly ass?
I was told HIV would be a blessing and I would get housing and no longer be homeless. I wouldn’t have to worry about medical either. All of this was a huge lie. Once I was unable to get Medi-Cal, the HIV clinic at Harbor UCLA Medical Center told me not to return until I could pay for my visits. The place they sent me to once I was discharged from the hospital was worse then a snake pit. It was an old abandoned building taken over by the Salvation Army that was suppose to be a medical facility where I could rest and allow the staph infection to completely heal. This never happened one because I was on the wrong anti~biotic and there was no medical staff there to help me change the dressing or keep the areas clean. I was there for about two days until they placed me in a cubical with someone completely covered in Staph Infections and could not control going to the bathroom on himself. Barley able to walk I left. I knew I could do better on the streets.
about the condom breaking if I could come stay with him.
said yes and while I drove I asked myself why I was doing this. I wanted to be mad at him, wanted to hate him, but I couldn’t, just not who I am……not to say that I cant hate people because there are some people I cant stand in fact I would spit in their face, but for some reason I was driving him home.
“How could you do this to me? You know I was already going through so much. You of all people knew what I was dealing with, how I was barely able to keep my head above water. It was like you wanted to see me drown. Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?”
that simply because I work hard as hell to stand in the gap for people in need, this does not give anyone the green light to try to disrespect me, some people see the soft spoken gay guy and think they can say and do what the hell they please and simply because I do what I do I am not supposed to be offended or call them on it. Well let me just tell you that you got the wrong person.
This week I finally finished Basketball Jones, the last book by E. Lynn Harris, a writer who has played such a huge part in my life. A writer who showed me that there is nothing wrong with who I am, there is nothing wrong with being gay and certainly nothing awful about being BLACK and GAY. The book ended with CLOSURE for the main character in such an awesome way. CLOSURE with three things, the LOVE of his life and the two who forced him to end it in the most disgusting way, but in the end it all worked out because he was walking into his victory.
seeing color and respecting it.
