Project Kengikat

Late Night

// December 23rd, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

This is really turning out to be one of the best holiday seasons for me in a very long time and it started off with the month of November “Giving Thanks” outreaches to homeless people, ow income families and people living with HIV and AIDS. The month was a huge success and set the tone for what was to come for me during this holiday season.

December represents so much for me this year and I was so looking forward to my 41st birthday. As I stated in other blogs and even in my vlog I was really excited because all the goals I had set for my organization as well as for myself were all accomplished, so I was already looking forward to celebrating my 41st and getting started working on my new goals.

It’s December 23, 2009 at 2:17AM and I am busy cooking making pie crust and getting my peaches just  right for a peach cobbler, after it is done I will began the prep work for my baked macaroni and cheese, both of which are for the Christmas party I’ve been invited to attend down on Skid Row being hosted by the residents I try to help through my Unpluggin HIV outreach. It is such a huge honor to have been invited to attend their Christmas party.

On the 19th, which was my 41st birthday, I was so surprised to look into my mailbox and find that there was a birthday card from the residents down on Skid Row. It really blew me away that they would take the time to think of me on my birthday. It really had such a huge impression on me and set the tone for what was an awesome birthday filled with cool messages, emails, phone calls and time with family and friends.

For me there has been so much to celebrate and to be thankful as well as grateful for, after 29 months of homelessness I am in a great apartment, after so much trouble and stress with my HIV health care, I now have a great doctor and awesome clinic which makes HIV something that I no longer worry or stress about, just the way it should be. I’ve been able to really step up my efforts to find employment, my organization has gotten much stronger and has even grown. This is also the first time I have ever purchased a Christmas tree.

Buying a Christmas tree really may not be such a big deal for many, in fact I have had people tell me that it was silly of me to purchase one, but I told them that they do not get to decide what it best for me or what is silly for me. For me the tree represents a new beginning and a sweet gateway into the new year. It is clearly a celebration of life and all that I have been able to accomplished.

Right now my apartment smells like peach cobbler baking in the oven and has the cool glow from the lights on the Christmas tree, there is also the smell of fresh pine when I walk into my apartment…..each time I either say or type “my apartment” I cant help but smile really big and it feels great.

This Christmas is going to be much different then the last three. I am no longer on the streets, no longer fist fighting for my things, no longer worried about my HIV care, no longer stressed out and worried about what the next day will bring for me. I have amazing friends in my life, but most of all I have family in my life again and that is such a huge blessing for me.

As I move toward Christmas day I will give thanks and praise God for the favor and awesome mercy he has shown me and moving into the New Year I am only taking people, places and things that are fruitful for my life and my organization. I guess you could say I doing some gardening and making certain that my garden is free from all weeds, so that I can grown a better harvest for the year to come.

Merry Christmas and Happy New

A New Day

// December 21st, 2009 // 5 Comments » // Uncategorized

All last week I took plenty of time out for me, in fact I made a point to make sure that most of the week was for me. I went bike riding, slept late, spoke with friends and even spoke with family members I have not spoken with in a very long time. In all it was a great week leading into my 41st birhtday.

As I mentioned in my other blog and even in my vlog on youtube, I am so proud of the fact that all the goals that I set for myself and for my organization have all be accomplished and that feels so awesome for me. So this week was all about celebrating and reflecting for me. In addition I want to take time this week to think about things I want to accomplish for the coming year, should God allow me to live another year. Moreover I just wanted to be thankful for where my life is right now.

After an awesome bike ride, my first Christmas tree I was really looking forward hanging out with my friends. Like last year I wanted to celebrate my birthday with some awesome friends, the only difference between then and now was the fact that I only invited people I wanted to be there. Last year I invited people out of courtesy, but this year I only invited people I truly wanted there and just like last year those who are true friends and really love and respect me took the time to be there with two exceptions, my friend Natalie already had plans and could not change them, so we hung out earlier in the day and my play Aunt Emma was with her grand daughter and wasnt able to make it. I will see her later next week.

Friday was pretty cool. Once again I slept late and then hit the gym after that I was pretty lazy. I did clean up my place a bit and I talked to some friends. In particular I had the chance to talk with my good friend Robert for over two hours. It is always nice when I get the chance to speak with him cause we laugh so much and have the chance to bounce ideas and exchange knowledge with one another. Robert recently started HIV meds and I had been meaning to call him to see how he was doing, but he beat me too the punch and added a blog post to Project KengiKat. One of the many things I miss from being on POZIAM and FACEBOOK is the fact that I no longer have the chance to simply message him and keep up with him like we use to, but one thing I was sure of when I left many social networks was the fact that he and I were good friends and nothing would change that.

After reading his blog I learned he was doing fine and all things were good, but it was still awesome to spend more then two hours speaking with him. We always seem to have so much to talk and laugh about. On top of this we also ended up talking again later that day on SKYPE and if think that was more then 2 hours as well. It’s funny how we never seem to run out of things to to talk about and I am blessed to have someone like him in my life as an awesome example and great friend.

Saturday morning I woke up early and went to the gym. I was smiling when I got up because I had come through yet another year of life. This past year was much easier then the years before it and once again I was emerging with a smile on my face, joy in my heart, awesome friends and good health. I was smiling because once again another year had ended and once again God was smiling on me and showing me his grace, mercy and favor.

After getting in from the gym I took some calls from friends from all over and read many of the cool emails and comments on my youtube channel. I also made a point to sit down and fully read the article in HIV Plus magazine. After reading it I began to smile again because I know all my success comes from God. I looked happy in the picture they featured and that was good. I did get mixed reviews from people who read the article and people even asked when there were no links to my website. But it is what it is and I am thankful for the opportunity, but just as I have always said and will always say, “I am not doing what I do to get in any magazine or to get patted on the back.” What I do is bigger then me, bigger then “community” and as long as I keep God first, things will continue to get better, not worse.

I spoke with my friend Natalie for a while and then we hung out for a few hours. While I was getting ready I heard a knock at the door and it surprised me because you have to be buzzed into the building and since I had not buzzed anyone in I wondered who it could be.

When I opened the door I saw the smiling face of my neighbor Lucy. She is always so pleasant and always has this beautiful smile on her face and when you looks at you with this smile there is simply no way you able not to beam and smile right back at her. She asked me my name and asked me of I was having a good day. I answered yes and continued to smile at her. She reached in and handed me a gift and said “this is for you. You are always so nice” I was so blown away by this and just smiled even bigger then I already was. She hugged me and said “Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas” We talked for a bit more and then she left. I closed the door and walked to sit by the window in disbelief. What an awesome thing to do. Now I dont know this woman. I only see her passing in the building either at the mail box or at the front door. So for her to do this for me was just so nice.

While I was sitting there another knock was at my door and again I was a bit puzzled as to who it could be. I walked to the door and asked who it was and he said his name and that he was from FEDEX. I opened the door to find this beautiful black man standing there with this bog smile on his face showing all those giant while teeth and sexy lips……he had on those sexy blue shorts too. I had no choice but to smile back at him. He seemed to smile bigger when I did this, but that just may be all in my mind, but shit it was my birthday, so he was smiling at me and that is all to it. LOL.

When I saw the box and the picture on it I knew who it was from and I smiled even bigger. Nalatie had purchased new speakers for me because the speakers I purchased had broken and the speaks on my laptop are lousy. I smiled at him and asked how he got in the building and he said “I have my ways” I winked and said “Oh I bet you do.” We both laughed and he said “happy birthday Louis” winked and smiled. I smiled even bigger, said “thank you” and winked back. He walked down the stairs and I walked in closed and locked the door and sat the box on  the table. I started to call Natalie to say thanks, but doing that would make her late, so I waited until she arrived to thank her.

Around this time my cell phone rang and I didnt know the phone number so I almost didnt answer it, but I am so glad I did because it was my awesome good friend Jacque from Texas and she sang happy birthday to me like no one ever has. LOL. It was so sexy that when she was finished I told her to take off all her clothes. LOL.

Jacque has been someone who has watched my youtube videos and on my friends list on youtube for a long time now, but we’ve gotten very close and she is one of those youtube people who I truly consider and know to be a good friend. She kicked off my “strong woman” on Conversation with Kengi and she also started a channel called 90 days of Loving Me, this is in addition to her already popular and funny channel. I have learned so much about myself and rediscovered things I had forgotten about myself while doing the 90 Days of Loving me journey and alone the way I have met more awesome people who I know call my friends and they too have become very dear and special to me.

It was so nice to catch up and laugh with Jacque. She has been a break for a while and I’ve missed her so much. She is not just a great friend, she has quickly become like a little sister to me and when I dont see her face and her her voice I just start missing her so much, but Saturday we more then made up for the time we’ve been out of contact. WOW, we laughed so much and talked about so much. She is truly an awesome woman and I am so blessed that she is in my life and part of my circle or friends. Not those long list of friends we create on social networks, but the real friends that you know you can count on and call on. She is awesome.

Natalie arrived and again she simply knocked on my door, but this time I asked who it was before I opened it. When I heard her voice I joked and asked how she got in. I laughed as I opened the door to her smiling face. We hugged and she came in while I finished getting ready. We also had to break open my new bottle of Tequila. That was cool and not long after a few laughs and awesome conversation we were on our way to hang out. She had a few stops to make which was fine because this gave us more time to talk and and laugh. We stopped and took a look inside Best Buy so she could get a look at some laptop computers and then it was off to Bev Mo before we headed to the French Quarter Market in West Hollywood.

Natalie dropped me off in Santa Monica and I had some time to kill before I met my friends for dinner. This was cool for me because it allowed me to walk down main street and remember how things use to be for me when grew up there and even living there as an adult. Even after leaving Santa Monica for New York, San Francisco, Colorado and many other places where I had the chance live and cook as well as cater events for all kinds of people, Santa Monica was always my home. My family grew up there and I always thought that would be where I would always live, but life had other plans for me and during homelessness Santa Monica took on a whole new meaning for me. The city I once loved, the place that has always been my home and was the home of my family for over 80 years was no something very different and dark. The cool sleepy town that I grew up in with cool people was no longer and has given way to something entirely different.

Santa Monica use to be a city rich with culture and people from all walks of life and backgrounds, but today it has become a very anti anything but rich and white. The rich culture that was once there is long gone. It is still a great city, but the city I knew as a kid, the friendly city that was so much fun to grow up in is no longer there. The rich culture that was once home to Santa Monica is long gone and it has been replaced with GAP style people who are too busy being fancy to know or even care how completely awesome Santa Monica once really was. However the city still holds awesome memories for me and Main Street is filled with them including The Galley where we had dinner, there is also the Omelet Parlor which has new owners now and the feel is totally gone, they still do awesome business, but I recall when people ate there and knew each other. Families ate there and only locals knew of it, so it was like this gem in the city that was all SAMO and that was cool. Joe’s is also still there and even that has changed. It use to be this hip cool hole in the wall type place with awesome locals eating and enjoying awesome food, it too has gone under the whole “remake” and now has fancy lights, sexy tables and has lost it’s feel for me. Funny how I was talking to some friends who grew up there and they feel the same as I do about Santa Monica and how it has changed, some say for the better, but we say “better for who?”

The Galley is the same, same awesome atmosphere , same great food and cool service. I was happy to spend another birthday there feeling like I was stepping back into my childhood when I would go there with my parents….even my grandparents would take me there. I was so cool to once again have another awesome dinner there with friends. This year there were more people there and that was so cool.

Looking around the table I saw people I love and people I respect, people who have been so very supportive of me and have been nothing but kind and loving towards me. When I looked around the table I saw people my parents would be so proud to know that I call friends, so proud of the awesome company I was keeping. Ma use to say “you are who you hang around. So make sure you hang around people who aint fancy” Yeah, Ma didnt like fancy or fancy people either. I guess she got it honest cause  nana said fancy people were nothing more then trash or shit dressed up to look nice, but when you get right down to it, they still belong in the garbage. As I looked around the table I saw what I like to see in the world, people who understand that there is so much more to life then getting all you can, canning all you get and sitting on the pot to poison the rest. I saw people who care from a pure place…the heart. I saw couples in love with each other and fine examples of HUMANITY, not community looks like. When I looked around the table I saw my friends and in that moment I saw where God has increased my territory, how only his grace, mercy and favor are the only things I need. I looked around and saw  what God has for me and I was smiling, because people sitting at this table are more then just friends and supporters to me, they are people who have seen me at my worst, watched my as my spirit began to break, people who have stood with me and said “It’s ok Kengi (Louis)…we are right here”

There was a time when I felt like things were so broke and I had grown so tired from hitting my head against the wall, so tired of fighting a system that is designed to fail, so cracked that I could feel my soul giving up. See I know just what it feels like to give up and to give in. I know exactly what it feels like to have to start all over again, with absolutely nothing……no friends, no family. I know what it is like to just sit on a street corner and cry and have people walk right past me. I know what it feels like to have friends who use to care and want to hang out, way back when I was big bank hank, and I know what if feels like to have people walk back into my life only so they can judge and look down on me, but most of all I know what it feels like to fight for something much bigger then myself. I have learned how to reach deep inside myself and press forward no matter how hard the task, how dark the night or how long I cry and as I looked around the table God has shown me what real friends are, what humanity looks like and for this I am so deeply grateful for my life and the awesome friends who are in it.

One of the high points on my Saturday was the birthday card I got for the residents I serve through my Unpluggin HIV outreach down on SkidRow. When I opened the card and saw that they went out of their way to think of me on my birthday, my eyes filled with tears because I was so damn happy. I dont do what I do for thanks or for praise, I dont care if people dont comment of my youtube channel or read my blog, I simply dont want people to experience anything that I had to deal with, so if by sharing my experience makes things just a little bit better for anyone who has to walk that road after me, then it is all worth it. Reading the card and then getting some voicemails from the residents was so damn awesome and then to spend the evening with my friends was just so priceless to me.

I was told I would never make it, that there was no way I could ever convince people to reach out to homeless people when I myself was homeless. Cancer should have ended my life a long time ago and how “backwards”and “stupid” I was, but I know I would be starving to death if I were to eat all the lies people try so hard to feed me and I also know had it not been for the people sitting around that table celebrating my birthday I would have given up.

You guys have no idea just how much each of you mean to me. How I am so honored, humbled and blessed to have each of you in my life. Each of you have been my friend when I was friendless, shelter in the time of storm, food when I was hunger, clothes when I was cold, comfort when I was weak. You refused to allow me to give up and get discouraged and I am so thankful for each of you. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for being examples of what is so right with this country and the world.

All love

Louis

Day 4 for ME

// December 17th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

This is the week leading into my 41st birthday and I said it would be a week of firsts for me and it has been just that, but before I get started with my awesome week I just want so share how things could have gone off track if I allowed them to.

Last week I made the huge mistake of ordering cable from Time Warner and right from the time the Tech answered the phone to take the order things were bad. I know I’ve talked about customer service before and how it seems to be lacking from many large corporation…I would even say it is missing from most business’s here in this country. It seems that the customer is no longer paramount, but the enemy. So many large and even small business’s hide from the very people who allow them to remain in business. Phone trees are getting more increasingly harder to navigate and getting someone live online is even harder. Even when you do get someone it is clear that you, the customer, are the one who is at fault and the business has done nothing wrong.

To make a long story short Time Warner Cable was very dishonest and deceptive throughout the entireencounter, they even charged my credit card twice and acted like they never charged it. In addition after several calls and three emails to the office office of the president no resolved was ever offered to me. Time Warner also has not made the repairs to the wall jacks they removed nor have they repaired hole they placed in the wall. I finally had to call my back to dispute the charges because Time Warner acts as if they’ve done nothing wrong. Today alone Time Warner has called me 7 times asking me if I want to reschedule a tech to come out and do the install for cable.

Sunday was the start of my focus on me and making sure I do more to keep myself healthy. So far my body is doing an awesome job handling the HIV and I want to make certain that I am doing all I can to help my body, by getting to the gym, eating right, reducing stress and taking better care of me. So far I have been to the gym, bike riding and even out walking, I’ve paid closer attention to that I am eating and have really tried to cut out all the late night snacking. That part has been really hard, but I am working on it each and ever day and with the passing of each day I am getting better.

Monday was a day for the gym and walking. I also had to go out and buy Christmas cards to mail of to friend and loved ones. I am even going to mail cards to my uncle who lives out of state. I also had the chance to laugh and talk with a cousin that I have not seen in such a long time, not since we were kids. They moved away while we were in Jr. high school and the distance took a toll of us keeping in touch with each other. It was so awesome to spend two hours talking and laughing with him. He has three kids now and live has been pretty crazy for him as well. Really cool that we were able to share some of our ups and downs throughout our lives

Tuesday was filled with bike riding and mud. WOW, I sat out to go bike riding to find some mud so I could get me and my bike equally dirty and that is just what I did. I spent about an hour bike riding and getting all filled with mud and dirt. There was even some time to enjoy nature and the peaceful wonder of God and how awesome it is to be able to live in a place like Southern California. During homelessness so many people told me that I should leave Southern California because of the hard time I had, but this has always been my home and it will always be my home. Furthermore running away from something just to make things better for myself would not have made things better for anyone, not even me. That only would have landed me in yet another place where I would have been homeless. Moreover, I dont run from nothing. I face it head on and deal with it as best I can.

I ended my day of biking in the mud with a trip to the post office for stamps for my Christmas cards, RiteAide for more cards and then the gym. Although I was really beat from the long day of bike riding I still made sure I got my butt to the gym. However I did not do any cardio because I was really tired from all the bike riding. It was all weights for me. My dinner was some of the whole chicken and roasted vegetables I made at the beginning of the week. WOW it was still really yummy and has even saved me some time in the kitchen this week

Today was a lot of fun. I was up early and spoke with my niece for a while and then I headed out to get my tree. However this was not before I finally finished addressing the rest of my Christmas cards and getting stamps on them. My goal was to get them in the mail today, but once again that did not happen, because my day was filled with so much running around and I even had a job interview and by the time I was done the post office was clsoed.

My fun started at the Baldwin Hills Crenshaw Plaza in Los Angeles, a mall that is in desperate need of a major make over and deep cleaning. This place is the worst place to shop for anything, but I needed to hit Wal-Mart because I needed to buy some cheap clothes. The parking lot was packed and filled with rude people shopping with their loud, crying and ugly kid who should have been in school learning something or at the very least bothering their teacher instead causing their parents to yell and scream at them and make threats to beat the “shit, fuck” or “hell” out of them. I told one lady I dared her to do it. LOL.

After getting stuck in a line that was not moving for more then 25 minutes I walked toward the middle of this store where more then just prices were falling, towards the escalator to see if things moved quicker in the market. I was so happy I did this, but at first look I knew I had made a mistake, but after taking a really close look at one line I saw that there were in fact two registers, but people were only lining up for one, so I smiled, said excuse me and walked to the register where only one woman was in line. I looked back and everyone was looking at me like I was stupid for walking to the register. After I started placing my items on the belt, three people walked up behind me and asked “are you open” and when the checker looked at her light and said “yes, my light is on aint it?” I laughed and got a nasty glare from the lady who asked the silly ass question. I paid for my items and walked out.

When I first pulled into the parking lot I saw the Downtown LA skyline against the snow capped mountain and that how cool it would be so snap a picture of it and even film it for my youtube channel. However after seeing how rude and nasty people were being to one another when parking spaces opened up I thought it would be best to simply find a place to park and do this later. So when I finished and as I was driving out I did just this. If you watch my youtube channel and see the video you will see the security truck making it’s way towards me. I should have left the camera on and right when I turned it off I said to myself “I sure hope they are not about to tell me I cant take pictures” and just as I got out the car to snap the picture of the skyline and the snow capped mountain this woman took her truck and blocked me in, jumped out with her radio pointed at me and demanded I give her my camera. I laughed at her and told her to get out my picture. She began to yell and screen and tell me I was breaking the law. I asked her what law and she told me that I could not take pictures of the Downtown LA skyline.

I laughed more and moved to the other side so I could take my picture and this is when she told me she wascalling for backup and I laughed even more. She told me not to move cause I was going to be big trouble. I laughed even harder and she jumped back in her truck and she for me not to move. This is when a guy rolled up on a motorized three wheel bike and asked me what was going on. I told him and he laughed too. Then a few minutes later another guy walked over and he laughed and told me there was no problem and told me he was sorry for her behavior. Just as I got back in the car she rolled up again and this is when I took my camera back out and filmed it. I couldnt hear what she was saying, but her and that nappy wig she had on were not happy that I was not in plastic cuffs. Please be sure to watch my youtube channel for this part of my very fun filled day.

The next stop was for a tree and I am glad I had gone over to LA, because the same tree type of tree was nearly $70 or more in Hollywood. I paid far less then this and I got a great tree. But after getting the awesome tree finding items to put on the tree became a complete adventure that was filled with lots of stores and plenty of funny situations including my visit to the West Hollywood Target where three able body young people thought it would be cool to ride in the motor carts because they were filming for their youtube channel. However they failed to think that someone might need these motor carts because they were really cripple or might really have a hard time walking around this huge store. But hey it was for their youtube channel and that was all that counted right?

After many stops and a day of finding my tree and getting the things to go on it, I was home and the tree was filled with awesome bright lights and shinny break resistant bulbs. This is my first Christmas tree that I’ve purchased for myself and some have said that I really didnt need one and how this was a huge waste of money (MY MONEY), I really could give two shakes of a rats ass about what they think is the best thing for me. If it were left up to them I would still be homeless and crying on some corners or even fighting for my belongings. BUT, it’s not up to them and it never has been and they get no say in what I do with MY MONEY. Just like I dont get a say in what they want to do or what is and is not  important or holds some significance in their life. It’s always funny to me how people are so damn quick to tell me what I dont need, how I should be spending my time or what I need for MY APARTMENT and MY LIFE.

So my tree is up and it looks great. I love the smell of a fresh tree when I walk through the door and I love how the room is filled with cool colored lights. I love that I spent the day doing what I wanted to  do and doing things for myself, not thinking twice about what someone else wants me to have or how they would want me to spend my day, my time and my money.

Tomorrow is Thursday and I will wake and hit the gym early because the plan is to hit the gym twice. I will also go hiking and to the post office. I will clean my apartment paying close attention to my bathroom. LOL. I will call and speak with some friends and once again I will spend yet another day doing what I want to do and how I want to do it. I will also finally spend time going through my photos  to finally complete my gallery style wall as you walk into my place.

Right now I am about to wash the dished, take a bath and jump into my warm bed and enjoy a great nightssleep. But before I fall asleep I will give thanks to God for allowing me yet another day to smile, live, breathe, exist and enjoy yet another day in this awesome life he has seen fit to bless me with. My 40th birthday started off so awesome and it is ending so awesome as well. I am so looking forward to my 41st birthday where I will be joining family and friends for dinner and then an awesome night of bowling.

I am smiling right now and this smile is for ME and that feels awesome!!!

Smooth

// December 10th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

I’ve been taking it easy this week, mostly resting. Today I only left the house to go get my wreath for my door and to make sure I didn’t have a parking ticket. I’ve been a bit tired and have not had that much energy for much else, so most of my day I’ve been in bed.

I mentioned in my other blog entitled “The Best is Yet to Come” that I went to a Cardiovascular health training and holiday party for my HIV Clinic where I won a microwave. That was pretty cool because I had given mine away because I had planned not to use the microwave as much, however I did miss having it to make popcorn and to warm up my water for tea.

The speaker was pretty informative and she even did it in both English and Spanish, this took a little longer, but I thought it was cool that everyone there was given the opportunity to fully understand what she was speaking about. She even had time for questions and answers as well. In all it was a great event and I am very happy I went.

I even had the chance to speak with someone who I will get to interview for the Conversationswith Kengi. He has a very inspiring story and from what I could gather from speaking with him for only a short time his interview will be both informative and funny. I am really looking forward to setting up a time to sit and talk with him.

After hanging out and meeting other people from the clinic and taking the time to speak with staff and even see them dance, I headed over to my nieces house to spend the rest of my weekend with her, That night we took her son Ray to get a Cat Scam and on the way I got to sit and laugh with them in the backseat. We all had so much fun on the ride over and from the hospital.

While we were waiting for Ray to get his Cat Scan I made things light by finding a Watch Tower Magazine and pretended like I was a Jehovah’s Witness and proceeded to bother them with reading materiel’s. It was pretty funny especially when I walked through the halls asking people if they wanted something to read. When they said no, I bugged them away until they finally gave in.

On our way out I kept the laughter going when I played like we were in some horror movie trapped inside a hospital with a killer. I pulled the beanie off my nieces head and threw it down a hallway that was dimly lit and ran away. She screamed when I did this and I told her if she wasn’t quiet the killer would find her and kill her. As I ran she went back to get her beanie and I then hid down a dark hallway only to jump out and scare her when she walked past.

Monday was awesome because it rained pretty much all day and I spent the day with my niece, since I would not be able to go to the ceramics studio like I had planned. I was able to sleep very late and then  have breakfast with her and hang out all day. We went to Target and then took her truck to the dealer for a minor repair which only took about 10 minutes. Just as I was getting my hot coco it was time to go.

Later that evening before the rain got worse and I was able to find a parking space. I don’t have parking where I live and there is nothing but metered parking and I have already gotten a $50 parking ticket. It is almost like the parking meter person just sits and waits until the meter expires and BAM they give the ticket. The cost of the meters is also a major rip off, but I guess the city of Los Angeles has got to get their hands on what little money they can any way they can.

Tuesday I was in bed pretty much all day. I was very tired and didn’t feel up to doing too much. However I had to get up by 2:00PM and be on the road no later then 2:45PM to make it to Culver City to see a Los Angeles County doctor to get my HIV status recertified. Most people only have to go once a year, but not I have had to go a few times. To be honest when I was first diagnosed I had to see a county doctor every month. You would think all they could do would be to ask my own doctor but that is not how it works. I must go to the doctor they tell me to go to. The appointment was a complete pain in the ass but at least I am now I know I will get the benefits for at least another 6 months until I will have to go again. On the drive home I stopped by the store and got a big cup of chicken noodle soup. I was even lucky enough to find a parking space that I did not have to pay for and would not have to move my car early in the morning. Before calling it a day I put on a crock pot of collard greens with smoked neck bones and then took a hot bubble bath.

Today, Wednesday, I slept again pretty much all day. I was up by 12:30PM and had the chance to just rest and watch TV. I took some calls from some friends and from my HIV clinic. I asked my clinic if it was possible to get a note so I could get a small doggie. In order for me to have one I must have a letter from my doctors office. The past few days of being inside would have been so much better if I had someone to spend it with me. So time will tell if I am able to have a little buddy to help keep me company. If all goes well I hope to have one by the first of the year.

I got up and got dressed and then headed out to get a wreath for my front door. I also needed to go pay my gay and power bill. Since I was out I took some time before I left to find a TV repair place that is close by and had a reasonable price. My niece gave me their old flat screen TV, but it stopped working so I had to find a place to get it fixed. I am hoping that it wont take a lot of money to fix it. The TV would be so awesome to add to my place.

It’s 10:16PM right now and I just finished cleaning my kitchen after cooking dinner for myselfwhich will last the rest of the week. I gad a taste for some collard greens and cornbread along with turkey necks and egg noodles. So once I got back home I got started the rest of my dinner. I even made a cooking with Kengi video.

I spent over two hours of my day talking on the phone with AT&T, my local phone company, a company that I think is so very deceptive and filled with rude employees. I was simply trying to pay my bill and that took over 55 minutes twice the line went dead and then the next two times the ladies charged my card twice for the same charge and then acted like they had no idea they had done it. When the supervisor came to the line she too acted like nothing was wrong and only offered to give me a credit for the over charge. I demanded that she reverse the charges and credit my card back the money charged to it. I was so happy to get them off the phone and finally get the whole thing worked out.

My dinner was so much fun to make and I must confess that I really do miss being in the kicthen cooking for people, however I do not miss all the hard work that went along with the awesome time I had as a private chef and caterer. I even had a run of my very own BBQ shack that would have been very successful by now, but being in business with an aunt who was good at taking the money faster then it was made and not paying the bills and then demanding that I not date men and confess to the Lord so he can save me and I can go to heaven…….KICK ROCKS

However tonight reminded me as do many of the times I am in the kitchen cooking for people, of the times I would spend hours cooking for the families I worked for and the bigger events that would take weeks to plan and hours to cook for and then be over in an instant. I’ve really tried to make the cooking a real part of my organization and I am so happy that I have been able to do this.

I have a slight headache so I will finish my glass of red wine in a hot bubble bath before I call it a night. I’ve already cleaned my kitchen and the lights are low and I might light some candles for a bit and do some prayers and meditation to simply give thanks for all the good things in my life. I am not sure what the day will bring me on Thursday, but if God says the same I will be smiling and all will be at peace in my life. It is such a good thing to feel peace in my life and feel like things are getting back to normal and for this I am so grateful.

The Best Is Yet To Come

// December 7th, 2009 // 7 Comments » // Uncategorized

In about two weeks I will celebrate my 41st birthday and as I reflect on the past year I must say that I am so pleased and at peace where God has my life. It’s hard to believe that this year is already over and I am about to turn 41 years old. Seems like it was just yesterday that I was waking up and so happy that I had made it to 40 years.

If you’ve been reading my blog then you know how I was so happy to be celebrating the first part of my birthday at the Getty Center. It was the first time I had even been to the new Getty Center, I say new because I grew up in Santa Monica and our Getty was the one in Malibu which is now the Getty Villa. I had a great day and then that night I had dinner with friends Tina, Krystal and Patrick and then met with more friends for a night of extreme bowling. The night was awesome and the chance to spend an awesome night with my friend was so priceless to me.

The next day was Do Something Saturday and I took what was left of my birthday cake and passed out Do Something Kits, Sandwiches and gently used clothes to homeless people at the Santa Monica Pier. In all my 40th birthday celebration was such a awesome good time and I have nothing but a productive year since.

My 41st birthday will represent many firsts for me this year. It will be my first birthday in three years that I have been in my own place. I was in the hospital in December 2006 and February 2007 I was homeless which ended 29 months later on June 29th 2009. This will be the first time in 3 years that I will be in my own place at Christmas and it will be the first time I have ever purchased a Christmas tree for myself. I was either at my parents, at my friends, working or traveling for Christmas, so there was never a need for me to have a tree at home.

On December 19th I will spend the day getting myself a tree and maybe even a wreath for my front door and the rest of my afternoon I will decorate it and spend the day being thankful for all that God continues to bless me with. That evening will be just like the year before, I will spend the evening having dinner with my close friends and then extreme bowling. However this year will be another first for me because my niece and her husband will be joining me. I cant begin to tell you how awesome it has been to have them back in my life and now to be able to share my 41st birthday with them.

Tonight (December 6, 2009) I was invited to a cardiovascular health and nutrition dinner and party given by my HIV clinic and it was so nice to be there and not even have one care about HIV or HIV meds. It was just nice to sit and visit with people, make new friends and share smiles and laughs with people from my clinic who have been so very helpful to me. I even won a brand new microwave.

When I turned 40 I woke and began to cry, not because I was sad but because I was so happy with all the good that was in my life even though I was still dealing with homelessness and the fact that I was still so very much lost with my HIV medical care and where I really stood. I cant tell you how many times I would just sit and think to myself that in order for me to get any place with HIV care I would have to have an AIDS diagnosis. Even after speaking with the Office of AIDS and even with people including Kelly Cleveland from the ADAP office I have not been able to get any answers or any further along with ADAP or any other programs. After nearly 2 years of trying to get answers from ADAP or the Office of AIDS I have just given up on the idea of being fully prepared for when and if I do start HIV meds, because preventing people from getting any sicker from HIV and in my opinion preventing HIV in the first place is not something ADAP, the Office of AIDS or our government is really interested in doing. There is just no money in prevention.

However I did finally find a clinic and an awesome doctor backed with an awesome support team and now HIV is something that I am no longer concerned with, because I know if the time ever comes for me to start meds I will be in good hands and I will have the full support of professionals who care about me and my well being. For the first time since being told I was HIV positive I finally feel like someone other then me cares and is concerned about my health and well being. For the first time I know I am in good hands and whatever HIV brings my way I have a doctor and an awesome support team that will get me through it. I dont have any doubt about that. I cant tell you how good it feels to know that the nightmare I was having with HIV be having my care managed by people who truly did not give a rats ass about the people they are supposed to care for and live up to the oath of “first do no harm” In many cases I feel this oath should be changed to “first make money and treat people like crap”

I cant even begin to imagine what my life would have been like or even if I would still be here if I were sicker when I was first diagnosed and was required to start meds. I say this not because I didnt feel I would be able to keep up or even deal with being on HIV meds, I’ve been dealing with Sickle Cell my entire life and all the stigma and lousy care that goes along with that, so HIV meds will not pose a major problem for me, I say this because of all the road blocks to care that have been in front of me by a system that is badly flawed and designed to fail the very people it is supposed to help. I was dealing with so much stress from just trying to get in to see a doctor, trying to get clear answers. Here I was not on HIV meds and I was so stressed out.  To be very honest I think if I were required to start meds on April 3, 2008 I know I may be dead by now. That is how bad the care was until I found Dr. Moe and North East Valley Health Corporation.

There is a song that says “you dont know like I know what the Lord has done for me.” As a kid and I really didnt understand what this meant, but as I got older and made it through some rough times with Sickle Cell I quickly began to understand and now after dealing with 29 months of homelessness and the hell I have had to endure with being HIV positive and poor and the lack of care and care options available I truly know what this means. I also know that had it not been for the hands of God all over me, his grace and favor for my life, this battle would have been lost a long time ago.

With each waking day I face new challenges and I know as long as I keep my head up, keep God first and hold on to my faith, things will get better not worse. As long as I just do my best each and every day and give it my best effort I will be just fine, because my success will always come from God and not man. When I look back it was man (Erving Munroe) who refused my housing after I spoke up for myself and others, but look what God had for me. Something much better and much safer and out of harms way. It was Project New Hope that refused to allow me to move into another room after one fo the residents in the room I was located in wanted to pick fights with me. Rather then correct this by granting my request to move into another room, it was ignored and later denied, leaving me no other choice but to leave because I am not about to allow someone to just hit me, however I knew if I hit in self defense this could cause me to be taken off any housing lists. Again, look what God had for me. Something much better and now I am walking into my victory and all that man tried to block, God saw to it that I was able to get so much more.

Even though we go through things, even though it seems like the storm in our life will never come to an end, even though those was only seek to cause us hurt and harm seem to always have the upper hand, I want to encourage you to hold on and not let go of your FAITH. No matter who tells you that FAITH in God is wrong or silly, you tell them to kick rocks and hold on. God will show up and he is always right on time.

So as 41 years of life draws near I am smiling because my life is still golden and it always has been, even in the midst of the storm and even as I battle HIV, my life is still golden and what God has for me is MINE and no one has the power to block it, or take it away. I know there will be tears of both sadness and joy, God has never said to me that this life would be easy, but with each storm in my life I emerge stronger and much better and I am so blessed for this.

Tonight I am sitting here with my niece and her family and we are laughing and smiling and she has told me how she is so happy for me and proud of me and I am smiling because I have great people in my life who truly love and respect me for who I am and they are in my life for the right reasons.

I said my organization would get stronger and that it would grow and it has. I said I would have an awesome year and I have. I said I would remove things in my life that had no purpose and I have. I said I would get to a point with my HIV care where I would not have to worry or stress out and that I would find a doctor and care facility that cared about me as a person and also treat me with respect and this has happened.

This life is always going to do what it does, the trick for us is to keep it moving, hold on to our truth and life our best life. SO hold on my brothers dont you dare give up!! Be strong my sisters and keep your heads up, because there is a master plan in store for you if you just make it through. God’s going to really blow your mind, he’s going to make it worth your time, for all of the trials you’ve been going through, just know the blessings double for you and always remember that no matter what anyone says, no matter how far you think you have gone, God is right there in the middle and he has not forgotten you. The Best is yet to come

The Lesson

// December 3rd, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized

The other day I had then chance to share something very special to me and something that has been such a huge amount of support to me while I was homeless and battling HIV. It has become something that I love to do and is very much the HIV support that I’ve spent so much time and energy looking for.

Many of you know just how much I really love being in the ceramic studio and creating some awesome things. Well this past Monday I had the chance to take someone who has quickly become very special to me to ceramics and he had a great time. He worked on two pieces, a sculpture of a dancer and then he sat down for his lesson on the wheel and he threw a awesome flower pot.

I really love the work I’ve created and I love the people I serve. I hope you take the time to view my new set of photos on Flickr. I called the set “The Lesson” You can visit the set by clicking on the pictures on the main page.

We Are the Light

// December 2nd, 2009 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

I wanted to take this time to say Thank you to many of the members right here in Project KengiKat who helped me to make the month long “Giving Thanks” outreach for November a massive success. Had it not been for your love and support I would not have been able to reach as many people as I did. Just over 100 people were reached with this “Giving Thanks” outreach and this number will grow because I still have three full hams and three whole chickens that will be used to feed people in the coming weeks, which I believe will bring the final numbers over 150 people. Far greater then what I had planned for.

It’s now December and I am planning for my birthday on December 19 where I am planning to spend the first part of my day reaching out to children with HIV and AIDS as well as an outreach to Shriner’s Hospital for Children. The I am hoping to spend another awesome birthday with my friends for a night of fun and bowling.

Thank you so much for all your love and support for this past outreach. Your efforts have warmed hearts and touched lives in more ways then you will ever know. I am so honored to share awesome friendships with many of you and I am looking forward to meeting many of you in person just as soon as possible.

As we enter the season of Christmas I hope we all take time to remember the Jesus is the reason for the season as well as taking time out to reach out to those who are in need all over the world. I know from experience that LOVE will always be greater than evil and there is more light in this world then darkness. We as keepers of the light must be the city that we are asked to be, sitting on a hill that can not be hid. We must be the light for all men to see. No matter what comes against us or tries to extinguish our lights. We must hold them high and keep them trimmed and burning.

So hold up the light my friends and lets save this world from darkness. It is time for us to stand together for good, not for community but for humanity because it is what we are called to do. Jesus gave us this light and it is up to us to make sure it shines bright lighting the way into greater works for mankind.

God Bless