No Doubt
// January 28th, 2010 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized
I haven’t really felt like blogging much this week, although there have been things for me to blog about, I guess you can say that I have just been so busy trying to do my best to keep my head above water, that blogging has not been on my list of things to do. Or I should say it has not been high on my list of things to do.
I called some people in my life who say they are my friends to hopefully talk with them and maybe get some advice, direction or just to hear how things are going for them, but with each call I had to be content with simply leaving a voice mail and not having the call returned. So what do you do when people say things like “you can call me” or “I’m here if you need to talk” and when you reach out they aren’t there? For me I learn not to reach out to those people as much or not at all. I also learn what I’ve always known, only I can get me through the rough spots in my life. The only constant in my life is me, so therefore I must always rely on ME to get me through the good and the bad times.
Another constant in my life has always been my faith, for the most part it has been unshakable and very solid, but like all things in life I do have my moments where my faith is tested and I feel so very alone. However I always hold on to the fact that bad times cant last always and there is always a blessing in any storm. The trick is to just hold, keep the faith, reach beyond the break and don’t let go.
Time Warner Cable has once again charged my debit card for service I don’t have, T-mobile charged my
card even after I said I only wanted to make a one time payment, but both charges sent me into overdraft protection and both can with high fees for using the overdraft. The city of Los Angeles just changed signs on the street where I part that use to be free of any meters or parking hour limits and once again I have a parking ticket that I must pay. It seems like once I fix one thing another comes, cloudy up my vision and causing tears to fall down my face. But in all of this, I must always remember to visualize the land while riding through any storm. I must see myself at the finish line and always believe that everything will always fall in line.
I’ve been wanting for about a month now to do another Sunday Dinner for homeless people. I created the Sunday Dinner a while ago in honor of the Sunday dinners I remember my Ma or Grandma cooking and how much time effort and love went into these dinners. I’ve tried to create this same feel and take the same time, care and put as much love into the meal for homeless people like the ones I grew up with. Each time I have done the Sunday Dinners the people who get the meals are always so happy and so thankful that I would do something like this for them, but because of my own situation I have not been able to keep up or even provide a Sunday Dinner in about two months.
Today I was a very different day. After getting some support from people on my YOUTUBE channel for the Do Something Kits for next months 3 year anniversary celebration, getting a call about a trip to Washington DC, another call about an online interview, a text message from my friend Tina letting me know she and Andy will also help with the supplies for Do Something Kits, I was smiling and feeling a little bit of relief, however I still have to nail down something for the residents down on Skid Row for my Unplugging HIV outreach. But I was happy to know that other things were falling into place.
Dodger was picked up today to go have his stitches taken out and while he was gone I was able to get the rest of my picture wall complete. I’ve been working on it since I moved here and with over 15 thousand pictures it has just been very hard to pick out pictures to put on the first phase of the wall, but today I was able to finish it. This was the very first time that Dodger was not with me, or then me going to the gym and while he was gone I must say that I had some Dodger withdraws. LOL. The place seemed some empty with him not here and his energy and spirit was really missed. SO when the lan line rang and I heard the voice of Lee letting me know they were back I was so happy.
I was able to visit for a while with Lee and share the pictures on the wall and even a bit about my organization. Let me just say that since being on contact with people from Animal Advocate Alliance the entire experience has just been great, this is such a solid organization filled with such solid people. Helen was great and both Phillip and Lee have also been awesome. If you live in the LA area and are looking to adopt or foster a great animal and want to go through a solid organization, then please consider Animal Advocate Alliance, they are simply great.
After visiting with Lee for a while she offered to leave a donation to help with my outreaches. I didnt look at the amount until after I had taken a trip to the gym, Dodger for his walk and fast call to my friends to see what time I should be ready to leave. When I looked at the check, all I could say is “thank you God” Thanks to the donation I will be able to do the Sunday Dinner for next month that I was going to have to change because I didnt have the money to do it. Not only will I be able to do the Sunday Dinner I will also be able to do a lunch meal as well.
I then had a visit from two people I care so much about and two people who have just been such a huge
amount of inspiration for me. They were two of the coolest guys I have met through my Unplugging HIV outreach down on Skid Row. The called and wanted to take me to dinner in a way of saying thanks for what I do for them. My heart was so touched, because I never think to do things in order to get things or a pat on the back, I do it because I was raised not to walk away from a situation or person if I am able to help them in any way, so to once again have them want to do something for me was so humbling and such an awesome gesture.
They came by and we laughed and talked for a minute and then we headed out to get some grub. These two guys kept me laughing all night and I am so glad that I had the chance to spend some very special time with them. The laughs kept going and the fact that these two men have overcome some pretty grim circumstances on their own life, it was such an awesome and wonderful experience to spend such a fun filled evening with them.
After walking back home and sitting for a bit, I walked them to the train with Dodger and then Dodger and I went for our evening walk. While walking I was thanking God for always showing up and always showing me his grace, mercy and favor. I wanted to thank him for sending people into my life to help be not only increase my faith, but also to show me that he is in full control and as long as I trust and believe I can move any mountain, not just move it, but blow it out the way. He always sends me people top remind me that I can do all things, as long as I trust him, I can LIVE the DREAM on Dr. King and BE the CHANGE that Gandhi spoke of as well as the CHANGE that most of this country voted for.
I always here people saying that Obama has so much work to do and that he has not done enough or how he is running this country in the wrong direction. Well I think it is very funny that people have forgotten that this country was screwed long before he even said he wanted to run for President and this mess will not be fixed over night. I also think people fail to see that CHANGE also requires hard work from each of us working to make CHANGE a reality for all. CHANGE requires each of us to think outside of self, it requires us to work in out own communities to make things better for all around us, not just for those who think like we do or share the same political affiliation. It requires each of us to give a damn about someone other then ourselves and be willing to work toward making things better.
When I hear people say that Obama has so much work to do I always ask them “what are you going to do?” CHANGE begins with me and you, it begins with all of us, not just Obama and his administration and all of us need to fully understand that this country needs hard work from each of us, without blame, without
excuse.
I was worried about so much and in the end God showed me that he is in full control and thanks to the favor of God and his might mercy, he sent lights into my life to help me keep CHANGE moving forward for the people I try so hard to serve. In the words of my friend Donald, “God will always send somebody”
So I wont allow what takes place in my life cause me to doubt God, question his favor or stop me for doing the work I have been called to do. I will not allow it to consume me and fill my heart with doubt and fear, because I know “God will always send somebody” and for this I am so thankful.
This week has been filled with so much emotion and I am so glad that I was able to get through it with only a fed tears shed, but it is a week that I am glad is nearly over because it was a bit much at times. Besides all the rain that took place over the course of this past week I also had so many personal things that I needed to take care of for myself, in addition to this I also had some things come up that I needed to at least try to help out with.
I had the chance to speak with two people and let them know that even though things might be bad and even though the road might be dark, even thought they may think they have sink so far and will not come back up, even though it seems that they cant change things and that no one is on their side or in their corner and that no one cares for them, I was able to reassure them and help them see that no matter what is before them, they cant give up, throw in the towel or allow the dark to cloud their vision so much that they don’t see that they still have a life.
ago I got a letter from DPSS saying my benefits were being terminated for something that was their mistake. I was able to get all the papers taken care of and I was told that everything was corrected, but then I got another letter that my social worker had been changed and once again I knew I needed to make sure DPSS had did their job and that this would not affect me. After calling, I discovered that the former social worker never finished and my case was still in limbo, so I had to go down and turn in the papers again, however this time I was smart enough to make sure I got the initials of the person I turn then letter in to and I also had he stamp it. I was able to get my new worker on the phone this week and she was able to tell me that everything was correct in the system, but I have heard this before. I wont know things were actually corrected until the 2nd of the month.
To make matters worse I got a bill from Time Warner Cable for over $500 for service that has never worked and for something I already had them bill me for twice and later had to dispute both charges with my bank, now they say I owe them $500. So I guess it is round three with Time Warmer Cable that will begin on Monday.
made this entire week so much easier for me. He greets me when I walk in with his tail wagging and jumping all over me as if to say “you’re home now, so relax” Since he has been here I’ve made more of an effort to make sure things are going well and that I am ok, because I now have to care for this little guy. Having him has given me a reason to fight harder and not allow things that seem to go wrong cause me not to see all the blessings in my life or stop believing that at the end of the day God will always work things out.
Saturday night I spent the night with my best friends Tina and Andy for a precelebration of Andy’s birthday. This was such a welcome surprise and a very cool way to close out what was a very long and hectic week. We spent the night laughing and making grown up fish sticks. After some time talking playing with Dodger and seeing all the many sights out my front windows, Andy and Dodger took a nap on the arm chair while Tina and I took pictures of them and enjoyed our conversation.
late night walk. Since the rain has stopped for a few days, Dodger and I have been able to go out at night and he seems to like this very much. For me it is cool because I am getting more walking in and this is going to be break for my overall health.
It’s been a long time since I have had a pet of my own, but when I first moved into this apartment it was something I was so looking forward to. Pets are awesome and can provide companionship to someone who is elderly or just in the need to have some company. Pets are also a great source or love and loyalty.
that speaks for itself and staff that is simply awesome. My first contact with Animal Advocates Alliance was with Helen. We exchanged a few emails and later that day she called and we talked about the services and even volunteer services the organization offers, nothing at all like the experience I had with someone from something called Baxter and Friends. Helen was open and honest, but made no promises again, nothing like the person I spoke to from Baxter and Friends. Helen did however assure me that someone would be in contact with me soon and she was right.
We spoke about possibly fostering Dodger and he emailed me a picture of him. Once I saw the picture I was so sure I would love to foster Dodger. His picture was of him with a basketball jersey on and even a basketball. His eyes were the deal maker for me. I later called to make sure Phillip had received my email and once again I was blown away, because Phillip was again honest about Dodger. He told me that the little guy had a small run in with another dog, but that would not stop me from taking this awesome little dog. He came later that night and he has been with me ever since.
ready to go back to Phillip. I tried to get him to jump up on my bed, but each time he would simply jump up, lick my face and jump back down. That’s when I knew he wanted to go out. LOL It took him a while, but he did his business and we can back inside.
Today Dodger had yet another huge challenge and that was going with me to Skid Row for my Unplugging HIV outreach where we delivered a free prepaid cell phone and also had the chance to sit in a meeting with about 15 residents for about 45 minutes and then speak with residents about their needs and even so one on one time with two residents about their medical needs. In all Dodger did great, but he did jump on a table to go after the lunch of someone who was not paying close attention. Just as he got ready to take a bite I called his name and he quickly got down.
wagging and him jumping up and down and wanting to play. It’s cool how how sits next to me while I work on the laptop or speak on the phone. He barks when I am in the shower and my BlackBerry is going off, almost as if he is telling me “your phone is ringing”
So it is official, Dodger is now that my little buddy and the official dog of Do Something Saturday as well as Unplugging HIV outreaches. I’ve already order his Do Something Saturday dog shirt from my Cafe Press site and I cant wait to take him to the beach next month to help me celebrate the 3 year anniversary of the outreach serving homeless people, Do Something Saturday~that empowers people.
10:23PM Sunday night, the kids have been in bed for over an hour and the house is pretty quiet. I have my favorite TV show Brothers and Sisters on right now and I am relaxing. It is day 7 of my cleanse and I am feel pretty good. Today was a really good day and I had the chance to spend it with three really special people in my life. I spent the entire day with my great nephew and two great nieces and we had a blast. However I will say that I am so glad that this day is over because I am not as young as I use to be and I am pretty tired for all the running around we did today.
when I use to do this with their mother and her cousins way back when I was in my early twenties. All day I had this goofy feeling inside of me because I was one so happy that I was able to do this with them and two because it gave us some time to really hang out and get to know each other.
The day was perfect, the cool thing about being here in Southern California is that most of the time we have awesome weather and today was no exception. We also had great parking karma as well and that was cool too.
so cool watching them climb up on the trains and then see the looks on their faces as they looked around the inside of the areas they were in and as they tried to see if the old levers and gears still worked. The conversations they shared with each was also pretty cool as well as the way they jumped off the trains and yelled “Let’s go this way” Out time there seem to go by pretty fast, but we were there for over an hour. This is when I heard one of them ask “are we still going to the beach?” I smiled and said “yes” I knew that was the clue that they were ready to head toward the beach.
While walking back to the care the youngest one asked me to pick her up and looked at me and said “thanks for taking us to the beach Uncle Louis” I looked in her eyes and said “you’re welcome sweetie. Did you have fun today?” and she replied “yes”
is quiet and the kids are sleeping. I am about to take a shower and call it a day. I hope all of you have had an awesome day.
It’s Saturday and I am chilling at my nieces house, this will be the first time I have had the opportunity to look after my great nieces and nephew while their parents go to a wedding. I’ve planned a day filled with fun and laughs and I am so looking forward to it.
were homeless when I was on the streets and I know they are trying very hard to change things for the better, but when the deck stacked so high against you, things can get pretty grim pretty fast. Listening to some of the stories this week was really emotional for me and many time I found myself fighting back tears and even feeling some what guilty for having a place to go. I know this might sound silly to some, but for those who have walked and lived through homelessness they know exactly what I mean.
I was speaking with a man who was explaining to me just how hard it has been for him to dig himself out of the 5 year hole of homelessness. How each time he feeling like things are going in the right direction someone from some agency causes him to takes many steps backward. I thought to myself that I know that feeling all to well. He talked to me about looking for work, but who would hire him when he has no place to live, no way of keeping clothes clean and no reliable transportation. He said even if he got into a shelter, they wont allow him to leave his things when he leaves for work and there would be no guarantee he would even have a bed when he can the next night. Again, I thought to myself, I know this feeling too.
asked for a supervisor and the lady (for lack of a better word) told me I would have to call back in an hour. I asked her if she could tell me who my new worker was and she rudely replied “You have to call back. I can’t help you.” I asked her if I can come in and find out who the new worker was and she told me “No, you need an appointment to come in” at this point there was no point in going any further with her because she was clearly in a bad mood.
She handed me a new form and told me where to take the form. I turned it in and even got a receipt as well as the initials for the clerk who took it. I went back the lady who helped me and asked if she could tell me who my new worker was. In a few minutes she was able to give me the information I requested and told me that there should be no interruption in my benefits, but I know this wont be the case because this will now be the third time that DPSS has made mistakes and I have corrected them, but then they take their sweet time making the corrections and then my benefits don’t go through when they are supposed to.
Hollywood sign and I tried to wipe them away but they kept falling and in this moment I just gave in and let it out. I don’t know how long I cried for, but all I knew was that I had done everything I was supposed to do and things went wrong and this wasn’t the first time this had happened and once again I would just have to find a way to fix it and move on, I was also thinking about the call I got from the place I had interviewed with telling me that I could not have the job because I am HIV positive. I rolled over on to my side on the bed and I cried myself to sleep. There was simply nothing else for me to to do. I never even bothered to open the gas bill, because I knew it would just make me even more upset.
and began shooting people, there have been several stories like this in the news the last few weeks, as I sat there listening to the new story I couldn’t help but think what lead up to this? How many times was this person pushed into a corner? How many times did he have to deal with mistakes made by someone else? How long did it take for him to get to that point? How may rude people did he have to deal with? Was this his was of saying he had taken all he could take?
I am sitting at the dining room table at my nieces house and like I said when I first started typing this blog, I am so looking forward to spending the day with my great nieces and nephew. Already I have been laughing and having a great time with them. As I sit here and type this blog I am so grateful and thankful to God for my life, even in times when I feel like things are not going the way I want them to, I know he will always work them out for my good in the end.
Today has been a pretty quiet day for me. It’s the first Monday of the year and I didn’t do too much. Maybe this was because I wasn’t feeling all that well when I first got up and the fact that I have been thinking about my bills. LOL, seems like none of us can get bills off the brain right?
Shortly after speaking with Justin I headed to the gym to begin what was my first day of working out for 2010. I’ve been out of the gym for about 5 days and I was really surprised that I was able to jump right back into my work out and fitness goals with no problem at all. One of my goals this year is to make certain that I spend far more time taking care of my temple~mind, body and soul. Unlike most people I have not set any dates as to win I will be at a certain weight or have a certain body type. However I have set goals to be more fit, eat more healthy and take more time for my physical fitness this year. Again, unlike most, this isn’t to fit into a pair or jeans, get a man or look good on the beach, but it is for my well being and nothing else. I love what I’ve created and in order for me to keep doing it, I need to make sure I am taking awesome care of me.
I really didn’t make any plans. The goal was to stay close so I would be available once she called. This is another major change for me in 2010. I will no longer simply wait around for people to follow through and I will no longer make plans with anyone who cant be clear with time schedule and stick to it. Ma use to say that when you make plans, even if they are tentative you need to follow through and when you fail to do this, then you send a clear message that the other persons time is not important to you.
I am ending my night with some really cool and calming music on the Pandora music player, burning candles, a bubble bath followed by a good nights sleep. My day is pretty jammed packed tomorrow. I will be up at 6AM to start cooking a ham that I will use for a feed for homeless people, gym, a trip to the doctor to get my latest HIV lab results and if I am on time and don’t miss a beat I want to go for a walk. I also need to start looking for ways to better make people aware of my outreach efforts for homeless people next month.
It’s the 3rd day of the new year and so far I have been doing nothing other then spending time with friends and I must say it has been awesome. It seems like I spent so much time last year making time for others and really didnt make much time for my friends.
and Tina, they crashed on my bed and me on the couch. This year wasnt like last year where I was excited that USC was once again playing in the Rose Bowl. In fact last year Andy, Tina and I went to the Rose Parade after a awesome night at Ms. Kitty’s, but this year was very different. We did not watch the Rose Parade this year and well, USC was no where near Pasadena.
After meeting up with Andy, we walked on 2nd street to end up at Bruno’s Pizza, this place has been on Ocean Avenue in Santa Monica for 23 years and I have never eaten there until last night. WOW, was it worth the wait. The pizza was awesome and the owner was both charming and very kind to us. It was an evening of good food and great friends. We even joked as we walked by the apartments right by the water where I have been approved for housing. We joked about how cool it would be to have them come over and wash their clothes in my place where I would have my own washer and drier.
2010 and some things and people I knew I just could not leave behind and Andy and Tina along with their friendship were two of them, so to be able to celebrate the start to another new year with two people who are simply priceless to me was awesome. To spend an evening with them just chilling and enjoying each other is awesome.
Life is filled with ups and downs, good times and bad, high roads and low roads, but the one constant in all of this is our life. We can either allow what life throws at us to destroy us or we can use for what it was intended and that is to make us stronger, make us better people, make us more kind, more gentle, more loving, more open to love, more open to HUANITY and all it has to offer.
