Project Kengikat

Friend Friday

// May 29th, 2010 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized

Friday started out pretty awesome. I got up early to do the walking thing with Dodger and then home to make some coffee, take a shower and get ready for my day. The walk was great, but when I went to grind beans for coffee, I was all out. I was all set to head out and get some coffee from when I started to fill a pain in my chest. It was pretty sharp for about 15 seconds. So sharp it made me hold on to the side of the table to brace myself from falling. This is when I put three gas tabs in my mouth and hoped the pain would not return. Sometimes I get some bad gas I feel as if my chest will just explode, this is when the gas-ex comes in handy.

I decided to skip going to get coffee and I looked at Good Morning America drinking some water while sitting on the sofa with Dodger on my lap. We like to watch Robin in the morning. I don’t know why, we just do. It wasn’t long before Dodger was snoring and I was fast headed in that direction too. We would settle for Good Morning America and Ms. Robin watching us instead.

The sounds of Regis and Kelly woke me up at 9:40AM and once again the gas was back. This time it was really painful and the fact that Dodger was on my stomach was not a good thing. He woke up looking at me like “make you stomach be quiet, I am trying to sleep.” I began to get up and he ran for the back of the arm chair. This time I drank some whole milk. I knew that would do the trick very fast, but I was going to have to pay for the smell. A few minutes after drinking the milk, the pain was gone.

Dodger and I did our second walk and this time I stopped to get some beans, however I left what little money I have at home, so once again there would be no coffee for me. While I was walking with Dodger we bumped into his little friend Fred who is an older dog that live about four blocks away. He is a huge dog, but he is old, has had three hip surgeries and has the “my hip is killing me” walk to prove it. Dodger loves Fred. It’s almost like Dodger knows Fred is old and not doing so well, because he is so gentle and sweet with him. This is awesome for me cause Fred has one hot ass owner.

Seth is an older guy, oh snap, I guess since I am now 41 I cant really say that anymore right? Well he is older then me, but had the body of 19 year starting QB, but the sexiness of the mature well traveled, be there, done that kind of guy. He is much taller then me, about 6′3”, awesome green eyes, great smile, big supper white teeth and I smile anyone would love to see. He is also gay, single, loves light skinned black men, HIV positive (over 21 years), he is a writer, loves photography and does a boat load of charity work. I guess I should tell you that I found all this out while we had coffee……at his place.

Turns out he is a coffee drinker too and while we were talking I was sort of rushing because I really needed to get home and get my little bit of money to buy some freaking beans so I could have some damn coffee. He asked what was the rush and I told him, so he invited me up for coffee. I was not about to turn free coffee, plus Dodger loves his dog and I love looking at him.

The coffee was awesome, I had two cups and the conversation was so much fun. It was like we’ve known each other forever….ok that sounds like a really bad movie line, but really it was so easy to talk to him. Maybe it was because when I walked in I saw this awesome photography on his walls and right away I was pulled in. We talked about his community and charity work and so much else. It wasn’t long before I got a text and I needed to head out. Damn I was meeting with my good friend Ryan to go over things for my website and blog, it was already after 12:00PM. I am so glad he sent the text because I could have stayed there talking all day. I told Seth I needed to head out, we said goodbye and I walked home.

Once home I quickly jumped into the shower, got dressed and made sure I had some time to play with Dodger for a bit. I’ve learned that if I do this he will behave himself while I am gone. I played some jazz while I took a shower…Kamasi Washington. Can you say AWESOME.

My meeting with Ryan went well. It has been such a long time since we’ve had the chance to hang out. He is now married to the beautiful Moina, who is also my good friend and they are about to have a baby. I joked and said they should name him Kengi. For those of you who dont know, I met Ryan and Moina when I was homeless down on Skid Row, in fact they did the first HIV and AIDS outreach with me and Ryan did the very first official Unpluggin’ HIV with me down at USC’s 5P21…HIV Clinic. I have no idea why they call it that.

Anyway Ryan and I enjoyed lunch and cool conversation and then heshowed me how to do things on my blog and website that I have been unable to do. He created the website and blog for me and now it is time for me to learn how to manage it. In fact July my website renewal is due and I have no clue as to how I will pay for it. I might have to skip a month of bills in July in order to pull this off and then double up on payments in August. Basically this means I will be in the same boat I am always in….short on funds when it comes to my bills.

Lunch with Ryan was awesome and I walked away with the power to be more in control of my website and blog, plus Ryan gave me some awesome advice, tips and help with taking the website to the next level. The best thing was that I had the chance to spend some time with my friend. Sometimes life gets in the way and as humans we forget to make time for the people we really care about. Ryan and Moina are two people who welcomed me with open arms, they respect me and love me for who I am. They support my organization unconditionally and whenever I need them, they are right there. I’ve said this before and I am sure I will say it again, I have plenty of people in my life for one reason or another, but I have very few friends in my life and Ryan and Moina are truly my friends.

Back home I had to return some emails from some people who contacted me from AIDSWatch, I also had the time to send out some emails that I had been meaning to send to people I met while in DC. I got a check in the mail for this survey that I did online for $25 and I used that money to support my friend Jason, who I met in DC for AIDSWatch, for his AIDS LifeCycle ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles. I really could have used the money for something else, but I know all things will fall into place.

I got a SKYPE video from my friend Leah and right after watching it I gave her a call and we talked for a bit. She is someone who has walked into my life and forced all the laughter and joy on me. I hate every single minute I speak with her. She is always making me laugh, things fly from my mouth, my head and belly hurts, I cry so much when I speak to her and she always keeps me on the phone for hours. Just kidding, Leah is a great friend and like all of the people in this blog she is someone I love and respect.

Right as Dodger and I were about to head out, we got a call from Seth. SWEET!!!! He called to thank me for an awesome morning. I was very surprised because he was the one who offered me the coffee which saved me from being an grumpy old ass all morning.. We talked for a bit and then there was knock at the door. We said goodbye and I walked to the door.

I opened the door to a big box and right away my smile must have blown the mail lady away because she said “I guess someone is happy to get this box right.” I smiled even bigger and said “yes I am. Thank you and you have an awesome weekend.”

I knew who the box was from and I knew what was in it too. I was just so happy that it had finally made it. The main reason I was happy was not because of what the contents of the box was, but because the person who sent it to me is another one of my awesome friends. However this friend is someone I met through YOUTUBE. To be very honest I dont even know how we started messaging each other, but over time the bond grew and now she is someone I love and respect so much. Again, now I have met a ton of people through YOUTUBE and many act as if they know me or we have some bond, but all they know is my videos I put up. This is not so for this woman. She knows my heart, she understands just how much I care, how hard I work and she also knows that I am human, so doesn’t place all these silly ass rules and regulations for our friendship. In fact our friendship was never forced, it just happened. She makes me laugh, challenges me to think and to be a better person, she encourages me and when I am down she is right there to help cheer me up. I am talking about my awesome friend and sister Jacque. I was smiling the entire time I was opening the box.

Now I am on break from YOUTUBE, in fact I really don’t know how long or short the break will be, I just know that right now, YOUTUBE is in the back burner….to be very honest it is off the stove altogether. However after getting her box I almost made a video to thank her for what she had done, but instead I am including her in my blog and I have sent her some text messages as well.

The box was filled with awesome clothes for men and this time I will be able to use these clothes for guys who don’t always get clothes as part of my outreach. There are two guys who are larger sized guys and the clothes I get are for smaller men. It was so cool to open the box and know that because of the kindness of my friend I will be able to help some men down on Skid Row who are battling HIV. It felt so good to call and email the guys to let them know I had some awesome clothes for them. It also felt great to be able to help some of the smaller guys as well.

Jacque could have simply donated these clothes in the area where she lives or she could have just thrown them away, instead she called me and asked if I could use them, when I said yes, she said she would send them. Unlike many people she kept her word and sent them, without fail and without excuse. She saw a need and she wanted to help, she followed through and the result will lead to smiles on the faces of some pretty deserving men who are battling HIV down on Skid Row. Now Jacque lives in Texas, so this meant she had to box them up, take them to the post office and pay for shipping. It’s been over five months since someone here in Los Angeles, who drives by my house on their way to work told me “I have some tings for you” but has not once bothered to call, stop by and drop them off. I am laughing right now because this person says they are my “friend”

I’ve been doing community work pretty much all my life and I know how people like to say they will do things, but when it comes time to deliver, they are no place to be found and I better now ask what happened, because all hell will break free and I will end up being the bad guy. So now when people say they are going to help, unless they have helped before and have a good track record of keeping their word, I simply pay them no mind, so when they don’t come through, I won’t looking for what they said they would do. Furthermore I know not to ever take them at their word ever again.

I grew up being taught that my word is my bond, when I say I will do something I need to do it, or at the very least let the person know that something has come up and I can’t fulfill what I said I would and that I should do this in enough time that will not cause a problem or hardship. But I have learned that people say things only to look good in front of others, only to try to make me feel good or get me to believe that they give a damn. In over three years of doing my current work, I have learned that my organization will always be small and it will only be truly embraced by people who truly get what I am trying to do, the rest will be people just going through the motions or people who do things only later to remind of what they did…..like I have some how forgot or failed to thank them.

Right as I was taking pictures of the clothes and folding them down to go into the storage container my cell phone rang, I looked down but no information was there, I almost didn’t answer it, but I am so glad I did because it was yet another awesome person in my life……AND she too is one of my dear friends….AND I too met her on YOUTUBE. AUDREY was calling me back and it was no nice to hear her voice. She too is someone who I cant tell you how we started messaging on YOUTUBE, but once again I am so glad we did because she is such a awesome woman with such a sweet spirit and that smile will just melt you away. Audrey and I laughed and talked for well over an hour and I must say that I loved each and every second of it. She too is someone who knows the meaning of friendship and she demonstrates it to me daily. Awesome cards, sweet messages, cool comments and she always seems to send a comment right when I need to the most. I don’t even have to say a word, but here comes Audrey cheering me up. It was so nice to be able to spend that time talking and laughing with her, I wish we had more time, but I needed to get Dodger out again and then get ready for Jazz.

I’ve said before that Franklin and I hang out on Friday nights, sometimes Donald comes over to join us, but this time he wasnt feeling up to it, so Franklin and I made plans to go listen to the free jazz concert at LACMA, however when Franklin got here we changed our minds and wanted to see a movie. We walked over to the Archlight to the movie we wanted to see was sold out. We ended up having dinner and drinks at the Cat and Fiddle and then bake to my place where I baked some cookies and we laughed the night away. While at dinner I got a call from another lady who is an awesome friend AND yes she too is from YOUTUBE….Darlyana was calling, but I was unable to talk to her because I was enjoying some fish & Chips and a beer with Franklin. I did however send her a picture. LOL.

At around 11:30PM I called it a night and Franklin headed home. I gaveDodger a bath and then I took a long hot shower and went to bed. It was a long fun day that had some down points that I wont go into, but for the most part it was filled with high points and awesome time spent with my Dodger and my friends.

Real friends are so hard to find….I am so blessed to have an awesome circle of great friends who I love and respect so much. Thank you so much for making my Friday so awesome.

Getting Inspired

// May 27th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // HIV and AIDS

Since coming back from Washington DC for AIDSWatch I’ve this enormous desire to take what I do for people battling HIV and AIDS to the next level, there has also been this enormous desire to take the message of HIV and AIDS to the people who seem to be missing it. I guess what I am saying is that I want to stop preaching to the choir and take the message of HIV and AIDS to the “congregation”

Landing in DC was one thing, but being there and having the chance to experience AIDSWatch and here first hand accounts of how people from all over this country are making “dents” in HIV and AIDS was something entirely different. Having the chance to share my story at one of the highest levels of government was powerful. Walking into to each appointment gave me the confidence to that was sort of lacking. Now when I say “lacking” I am in no way saying that I lack confidence, those who know me know this can’t be further from the truth, but having the chance to have this nations leaders hear what I have to say after so many so called “leaders” told me that what I had to say was wrong, that my thinking was “stupid” and “backwards” restored the dignity that 29 months of homelessness had almost stripped away. Here I was the “stupid, never be able to help anyone, backwards thinker” walking the halls of this nations capitol sharing my story and offering my experience in the hopes of inspiring our leaders to do the right thing for people battling HIV and AIDS.

By the time we left for the airport to fly home I had already made up mymind that I needed to do something much bigger then what I was already doing. I knew I was going to have to work much harder then I had already been working, I know I was going to cry much harder then I had already cried, but I also knew the end result would be the same as it was when I started my first outreach when I was homeless, the result would make people feel respected, cared for, it would restore dignity and respect all while raising awareness, fostering compassion, understanding and doing away with red tape, road blocks and people who simply don’t care.

I started Do Something Saturday when I was homeless with the simple premise of trying to make change happen. I believed in myself, the powerful and awesome gifts and talents that God has bestowed on me, I refused to allow the minor fact that I was homeless, sick, eating from trash cans allow me not to still see that inside of me is something great, inside of me is love and at the end of the day LOVE is all I need to stay focused on. Not only did I create an outreach for homeless people while I was homeless, I also created my Unpluggin’ HIV outreach while I was homeless and today I am past the long 29 months of homelessness and my outreaches have grown and continue to serve homeless people as well as people with HIV and AIDS and it is all done in LOVE.

So where do I go from here? How does someone like me make a difference? How can I bring the message of HIV and AIDS from the “choir” to the “congregation”? How can I help prevent new infections? How can I help to erase stigma? How can I bring real change to how people look at HIV and AIDS? I will do the the very same way I did with homelessness and the same way I have been getting people to change their mindset about HIV and AIDS by getting them to see and hear real life stories from people on the ground, by presenting education and prevention messages to the populations where these messages and efforts are either absent or around the edges. By getting people to see that the people infected with HIV and AIDS are their friends and family. But most of all I will do it in LOVE with the intent to restore dignity and respect.

Monday I took for the first step in working toward my goal and tonight (Thursday) I took the second step by reaching out to my friend Eric to discuss the idea I have in my head. I am so blessed to have someone like Eric in my life, because he wont say “let me get back to you” or “Kengi you cant do this” Eric gave me ideas and helped me shape and mold what I want to do. He linked me into areas where I can start to do some research that will further develop my idea. Not one to he make me feel like this could not be done. I called Eric for many reasons, the first being that he is a friend who have so much admiration and respect for, he works hard for issues that affect humanity, he is selfless and is always willing to lend me his advice, help and expertise in all that I take on. In many ways what we do is very much the same. Even though his work is for the people of Darfur it is for the good of humanity and in each time I’ve had the chance to see what he does, I leave so inspired.

After speaking with him tonight and checking out the links he sent me, one of which made my eyes pour down tears like rain, I was once again so inspired and humbled to call him friend. Once again I walked away knowing that I have a great friend who is willing to help me with my work. Just like the rest of the awesome friends in my life.

I have my work cut of for me and I know it is going to take some hard work and planning on my part. I know the very little money I get each month will have to stretch even further, which means I will have to sacrifice even more, but in the end as long as I am able to help at least one person, then I know it was well worth it.

I know I will hear the word “NO” but in the words of my Nana (great grandma) “No aint nothing but a vitamin. Keep taking them, they only make you stronger.”

HIV & AIDS. Making a “Dent”

// May 26th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // HIV and AIDS

April 3, 2008 I is when I was diagnosed HIV positive and soon after being told I knew my life was once again about to change. Right away I prayed for the strength to get through it and not to buckle or give up and so far my prayers have been answered.

It was August 2008 when I did my first outreach for people living with HIV or AIDS. It took place in Long Beach at Padua House through Project New Hope. The first outreach offered bags of gently used clothes, boxes of food, laundry detergent, Do Something Kits and other items to the 15 residents at Padua House. With the help of my friends Ryan and Moina through the generous support of their friends and family my first HIV outreach was a huge success.

From there the outreach grew and in April 2009, as part of my one yeardiagnoses date I named the outreach “Unpluggin’ HIV~empowering a positive life. I celebrated the creation with the preparing Life Kits (hygiene kits) for people battling HIV and AIDS who were also homeless. The Life Kits were delivered to AIDS Project Los Angeles. Today the outreach has a full scale outreach to people living with HIV or AIDS in Downtown Los Angeles on Skid Row

The outreach is currently well into it’s first year and already has grown to be just as visible, embraced and respected as the first outreach I created while homeless, Do Something Saturday. Together these two outreaches serve people who are homeless as well battling HIV and AIDS right here in Los Angeles.

Before leaving for AIDSWatch in Washington DC my Unpluggin’ HIV outreach celebrated it’s first major milestone to bring solid information about HIV and AIDS to the building where my outreach takes place each month with the first in a four part workshop providing the 40 residents with information on their disease. This past Tuesday part two of the workshop took place and once again it was well attended and well received by the residents.

It’s been over 30 years and Blacks and other people of color continue to be the hardest hit by HIV and AIDS. It’s been said that much of this is because the lack of education about HIV and AIDS as well as all the stigma that surrounds them. However I would also add that prevention and access also play key roles in the reason HIV and AIDS are devastating Blacks and people of color.

My friend Travis said he knows he will not be able to stop HIV or AIDS, but he wants to put a “dent” in the affects. I too know I cant stop HIV or AIDS, but like my friend Travis, I am going to do all I can to make a “dent” in the affects as well.

My goal is to increase my efforts to increase prevention and education efforts in the areas hardest hit, increase access to care and identify, foster and support any and all efforts to raise awareness, increase understanding, and reduce stigma and ignorance surrounding HIV and AIDS.

I know those who read my blog will say “this is a lot to take on” and even those who will say “there is nothing you can do” but let me just remind you that when I created my outreaches I was homeless and I was told the same things, but over three years later I am still here, my outreaches have grown and continue to reach people in need as well as raise awareness, foster unity as well as restore dignity and respect to people who often go with out it. In addition my work has inspired people to do all they can to bring real change to people who need it most.

I know I have my work cut out for me, but I will work as hard as I can to begin putting a HUGE “dent” in HIV and AIDS. Not for any community, but for humanity. I will continue to work hard to grow my Skid Row outreach and do all I can to make certain that the people I serve have access to information about their disease that will in turn allow them to live long productive lives.

My outreach on Skid Row this past week provided an update on AIDSWatch, provided call in numbers for the residents to help support ADAP, provided information of housing options, provided information on case management, gently used clothes, $50 gift card to the Grand Lux Cafe, replacement prepaid cell phone, 25 pill containers, 2 brand new warm up suits, an HIV update on adherence, a healthy meal combined with peer support and friendship.

YOUTUBE

// May 26th, 2010 // 5 Comments » // Uncategorized

YOUTUBE was my home away from home so to speak, it was and in many way will always be a part of Project KengiKat. It is on YOUTUBE where I shared what I was dealing with as well as sharing the work I created through Do Something Saturday and Unpluggin’ HIV.

I’ve made some pretty awesome friends through this very powerful medium, friends that I know are real and true and friends that I know will remain friends even though my path is now moving me beyond YOUTUBE.

Last month I was forced to transfer all my blogs from the ning network over to my blog on my website because ning decided that it would no longer offer free sites, even though that was how ning came to be what it is today. That was very hard for me to do because there was so much content there and through the creation of that network I was able to meet and create some solid friendships. Friendships that will stand the test of time.

YOUTUBE can be rather time consuming and many times people on YOUTUBE can act as if they own stock in a certain channel which encourages them to make demands on the person who has created the channel. There is also plenty of hate of all kinds on YOUTUBE and it comes in all shapes, forms, colors, sizes, races, churches, pastors, Christians, Catholics, Black, White, gay, straight…….I think you know what I mean.

For me YOUTUBE is becoming a place where I need to monitor hate toward me and what I do, just today I saw several videos made about me that simply are not true, then there are those who go out of their way to talk crap and all kinds of other things, but what bothers me and gets to me the most is all the hatred, racism and judgments for people, places and things. It also bothers me when people refuse to stand up to it, they simply take the mindset “better him then me”

I have enough in my daily life to deal with, my work keeps me very busy and I can deal with all this evil in my everyday life which is more then enough for me or anyone for that matter, I don’t need to come to YOUTUBE to get more if it.

Today I posted my final YOUTUBE video for right now. I am taking a break from it. I dont know how long the break will be and to be honest I dont know if I will post another video. For right now my YOUTUBE broadcasts are on hold. However I will leave the channel in tact because it is part of my work and what is there is very important to me and has been very important to many people as well.

I know people reading this blog will say “Please dont stop your work” and I will not stop my work, I have never stated that I would, but I think some people get the idea that YOUTUBE is 100% of what I do, when in reality it is only about 5% of what I do.

I know people will say “please keep posting I love what you do here” and to this I say, then read my blog, because I have not once stopped posting to my blog and I know my blog will always be the beginning and the end….when the time comes….of my work and what I do.

So today I am turning the page, starting a new chapter and for right now that does not include YOUTUBE. I don’t know when or if I will post another video, but I do know that my work will continue and my purpose in life will move forward.

For those who think I have been run off or I am running away, let me be very clear, I dont run from anyone or anything, I am just moving on and sometimes when we move on, we must leave things behind. For now that is my time on YOUTUBE.

I want to express my many thanks to those who have embraced my message and to all my friends I hope life continues to shine bright and treat you well. Thank you very much for allowing me to be part of your life for over three years. I hope you will find the time to stop by my blog to check in and say hello.

The universe is unfolding and right now it is unfolding without YOUTUBE.

Dinner with Friends

// May 25th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Cooking, Me Time

Last week I ended what was a very busy week with two men that I have come to admire, respect and love. To top things off they are also two men who I am very happy to call me friends.

Fridays are days when I set time aside to hang out with Franklin. He lives here in my building and like me he is HIV positive. Franklin is a long time survivor with HIV and has come through so much in his life, including homelessness. He has also had his fair share of battles with depression, but he does a great job at keeping his depression in check. It has been my goal to spend more time with Franklin and encourage him to get out of his apartment more often. He is someone who is such a huge inspiration to me and I am so honored to call him friend.

I met Donald through my Unpluggin’ HIV outreach on Skid Row, he too is along time survivor with HIV and has also overcome homelessness and many other things. Donald is a strong proud man who can make you laugh even when you don;t feel like it. He is curt, up front, honest and will tell you where to go when you get on his bad side, but he is also loyal, respectful and true gentleman. Since the first time I met him it was his warmth and smile that made me feel welcome and to this day it is still his warmth and smile that continue to make me feel welcome and appreciated.

Both men challenge me to do my best to keep moving forward with the work I have created. For me that stand as two Black men who are living proof that when we adhere to HIV treatment guidelines, follow the directions of doctor and fully accept our diagnoses that we can live long, happy and productive lives.

It was cool to spend an evening laughing and talking and enjoying the company of my friends. Both men can be such a riot all by themselves, but get them together and the laughter never seems to stop. It’s so awesome to be able to open up my apartment to two amazing men. There are times when I have to laugh to myself when I call them and ask if they want to hang and come over for dinner. When I tell them how I get when I think about where my life was and where it is now, we all agree that God has really blessed us and has shown us grace and favor.

I cooked BBQ pineapple chicken with roasted peppers and onions, BBQ beans with roasted pineapple, baked macaroni and cheese and peas with carrots. Donald and Franklin really enjoyed the meal, they each said I really out did myself with this meal, but they had no idea that I had something sexy and sweet planned for dessert.

I made another run to the store and picked up some strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries with vanilla bean ice cream. I had already baked a cake and whipped some cream. After sitting for a while I went into the kitchen and pulled out the big surprise which blew them both away.

We ended the by walking Donald to the Red Line and taking Dodger out for his final walk. I came home sat with Dodger for a bit, cleaned the kitchen and then took a nice hot bath before heading to bed. It was a great way to end my long week and I could not have asked for a better way or better people to end it with.

CARING counts

// May 21st, 2010 // No Comments » // Animals, HIV and AIDS, Homeless Outreach, Me Time

This week has been filled with plenty of hard work toward my goals to reach 600 Do Something and Life kit supplies, outreaches, educating myself about my HIV, learning as much as I possibly can to be a better advocate for homeless people as well as people living with HIV and AIDS. On top off all of this there has still been plenty of time to laugh with friends, shill out with Dodger and even take some private time out for me.

It has been said that I try too hard, I care too much and even that I should take more time out for me. I guess what people don’t seem to get is that I really love what I’ve created. It’s my passion, my purpose, my drive, my rhyme, my rhythm. I guess it is hard for people who simply are existing, not knowing what their purpose is life to understand when I say “I love what I do” or when I say “there is no such thing as caring too much”

Monday is usually the day I spend all day with Dodger. We go for a long walk in themornings and then by mid morning we are heading for our long walk to West Hollywood to the ceramics studio. Along the way Dodger get to explore and meet other dogs. I get to clear my head and think about what I want to try to create, but this past Monday I wasn’t feeling like going to the ceramic studio. To be honest the last few times I’ve gone I seem to leave with this “why did I come here” feeling, so this week I skipped it and I didn’t even think twice about it. I went hiking with Dodger and spent time talking with friends. In all it was a great day for just me and Dodger.

Monday really set the tone for the rest of my week, I was going to work hard and have fun and I was going to do what I wanted to do with whomever I wanted to do it with. So Tuesday I started working on my donation letter and even started thinking about a video I could make for my YOUTUBE channel. However this is by far the largest outreach I have set out to do and as I begin to plan it I already have so much going on with my other outreach.

You guys already know ow much both my outreaches mean to me and how hard I work at doing all that I can for the people I serve. Last month I was able to line up a workshop series for my Unpluggin” HIV outreach on Skid Row. The first one went very well and the residents were really thankful that someone would take time out to come speak with them so open and honest about HIV and AIDS. I was happy that the person who came to speak is someone I have a huge amount of respect for and someone I now consider a great friend and ally. She has taken a great deal of the work out of planning stages for me because she does the presentation and provides the meal. This time around I only had some very small things to do. I will be able to provide two $50 gift cards from the Grand Lux Cafe, brand new clothes thanks to my friend Audrey as well as bath products thanks to her as well. Thanks to my new friends from the Gay and Lesbian Center I will be able to provide pill containers and today I was able to provide a meal for the residents.

As I stated before this was also a week of learning more about HIV and AIDS as well. I’ve been doing lots of reading and this week I went to three events pertaining to HIV and AIDS and last night I spent the evening in what I think was one of the most inspirational and empowering evenings with people with and AIDS and the people who care for them and do all they can to help.

Today I was able to deliver the flier to the residents down on Skid Row for the Unpluggin’ HIV outreach next week. I was able to speak with and even laugh with the residents and really sit and listen to their concerns and hear some suggestions as to what they need. I will do all I can to make sure their concerns and needs are met to the best of my ability. When I left the Skid Row area I once again left with a huge desire to work as hard as I can to make certain that every avenue is explored, every option put on the table and all possible services are available to them.

When I first spoke to a case manager at Ocean Park Community Center about my idea to start doing outreaches for people who were homeless, she told me not to waste my time. “Don’t be stupid, you’re homeless, who can you help?” I heard the same things from social workers and even doctors, but here I am over 3 years later doing exactly what they said I would never be able to do. Looking back I am glad I thought to myself “KICK ROCKS” each and every time I was told there was nothing I could do to help people.

Recently another case manager told me “you can’t be friends with them” (referring to the people I help) as as I heard those words fall from their lips my entire image of them changed, the respect I had for them was lost and I felt very sorry for them. To be honest it really caused me to question how well this person does their job and my final thought was “this is just a job the you”, but my thinking in all that I’ve been through and what I am doing now is this “there is a life depending on me to give a damn”

It seems to me that there are far too many people in jobs where they are in charge of the life and well being of someone else and they don’t even give a rats ass about the work they do or the people they serve. It is simply a job to them and “I don’t get paid to care” seems to the the norm for people who are social workers or case managers. However there are some exceptions, while they are far and few in between, people who care are on the job, they are just hard to find.

So, can you really care or be friends with the people you are helping? Does caring for people affect how someone does the very job they are paid to do? My answers to these questions is the same, “YES” you should care about the people you serving, “YES” you can create amazing friendships with people you are trying to help and “YES” not giving a damn about people will affect how you perform your job.

I recall this “christian” woman telling me “Kengi you have to have cut off points for people” but when I turned and asked her if God or Christ had cut off points for her and all her bullshit, she was dead silent. When I was told I could not be friends with the people I serve I thought to myself how many times case managers like this person, how many social workers and even doctors treated me like shit simply because they felt they were someone better then me. Well guess what? You are not any better then the person eating from the trash, you are not better then the lady selling her body, you are not better then the person with HIV or AIDS, In my eyes people who think they are better then anyone are the worst people to have any job where they are in a position of authority over someone else.

As long as I have life in this body, I will always care, I will always do all I can to help people and along the way if friendships come from it, then all the better. But I will never look down on people or act like I am in some way better then someone else just because I have some damn crappy as title behind my name. Caring for people, respecting people and restoring dignity, pride and respect to people. I guess some people will never get what I do or how I am able to do it, because they are too busy setting up lame ass rules that prevent them from helping people.

I guess to make this a basic as possible I will end with this. You cant care for anyone else, you cant respect anyone else and you certainly can’t love anyone else when you can’t……don’t know how to do the very same for youself.

Clear Skies, Clear Thinking

// May 10th, 2010 // No Comments » // Animals, HIV and AIDS, Homeless Outreach, Me Time

Most times I spend Monday’s at ceramics and out with Dodger, but today I didn’t go to ceramics  because I had plans to go to the store to get things for lunches for the Jeff Griffith Youth Center in West Hollywood. However after calling to get some information I am sad to say that I will not be preparing lunches for homeless gay youth who use the drop in center. In fact I will not be making a donation of food items to help with snacks as well. There was just far too much red tape and being transferred from person to person only to have that person say things like “I don’t know” was just a bit too much for me.

Now you guys know I don’t give up very easily, but this is something thatalways seems to take place whenever I take donations to the Jeff Griffith Youth Center and at this point I am done with all the excuses as well as red tape to provide help to the people they claim to serve so well. This is very hard for me for a number of reasons, the first being I know all to well what it is like not to have access to things when I was homeless, they are right here in my neighborhood, but this is not the first time I’ve had nothing but problems taking things here. The first time it was great, but ever since then, the staff has been rude and not very helpful. The last time I dropped off Life Kits I was asked “Where did you get these items” and “what are we supposed to do with these” For those of you who don’t know what a Life Kit is, then let me tell you. It is a hygiene kit….all items are travel sized so they fit into a backpack or duffel bag and not take up too much room or add too much more weight.

Questions like “where did you get these items” and “what are we supposed to do with these” we not only stupid questions, they were also RUDE. Furthermore the attitude along with the “I don’t know answers” are typical behavior from such places. However I will say that I expected far better from the Gay and Lesbian Center. I guess I was dead wrong to assume that simply because someone is gay, homeless and possibly dealing with HIV or AIDS and a host of others problems that a place such as this would be the last in the “red tape” line. All I really had to do was think about how helpful the Gay and Lesbian Center was for me and how rude and dismissive they were towards me when I turned to them for support and even medical care when I was homeless and I would have had my answer.

That just really left a sour taste in my mouth and after being given a number to someone in their main building who I have left several messages in the past, I decided this was a battle of bullshit that I was not willing to deal with. However I must say that when I run into things like this I cant help but be pissed off because I know on the other side are people who truly need the services that people like me offer. When people who are trying to help are greeted with a rude staff and other crap, people just decide to do nothing and that is a really sad.

For those of you who have been reading my blog or watching my YOUTUBE channel or have even been paying any attention to the work I so, then you know this will not prevent me from finding ways to help people who are in need. I didn’t allow places like Skid Row Housing Corporation stand in the way of my housing, I did not allow Harbor UCLA Medical Center to convince me that the lousy HIV care they offered was my only choice and I refused to allow some silly ass doctor from USC’s HIV clinic to prolong my homelessness, I will not allow this to prevent me from helping people. Like all the other things it simply means I have to work harder to identify places who are truly doing all they can to help people who are in need.

After all that crap I decided to take the rest of the day to myself and my dog Dodger, at this point I was really pissed I didn’t just go to ceramics like I do most Monday’s, but in the end I was really glad I too some time to just hang out with Dodger and think of ways to offer things like healthy meals and hygiene kits to people who need them.

Dodger and I loaded up the cameras and set out an a full afternoon of exploration with amazing views in the awesome Runyon Canyon. This would allow me some time to get out and exercise while allowing Dodger some time to explore in bushes and meet other dogs. It also gave me the time to forget about the crap I just ran into on the phone with people from the Jeff Griffith Youth Center.

It was a perfect day to get out and explore up at Runyon Canyon, the sun was high in the sky, but not too hot, the winds were calm and the air was good as well. It’s been a while since I have hiked up Runyon Canyon and this is the second time I have been there with Dodger and this time he did AWESOME. While I still keep him on his leash, he did 100% better with other dogs, no barks, no snapping and no charging. He was cool and calm when other dogs approached him and he even did AWESOME when he approached as well. I was so proud of him and each time I was quick to give him praise. He seems to eat that up cause each time he would jump up and look at me.

It think I have said this in my YOUTUBE vids…..Dodger really likes to just do his own thing when he is on our walks. He isn’t distracted by other dogs when he is out exploring the bushes and trees, In fact many times when they approach he simply looks at them and then goes back to doing his thing. I really love how chill he is and how he has been such a good boy while we are out on our walks.

The views were awesome today, the winds have really made for some awesome views from all points and I was lucky enough to have both cameras with me. This made for double score for my Flickr page and my YOUTUBE channel.

By the time we finished out walk, my head was clear and I had some greatvideo and awesome pics. Most importantly I had a game plan to continue to help people with HIV and AID who also happen to be homeless or low income. While it is not in my own neighborhood, it is in a city I have always loved….always will. It is the city I grew up in and the city that was home to my family for more the 87 years. Yep, I will take my outreach where it has always been welcomed and where I know they truly do all they can to help people without red tape and BS.

Now this means that I will have to find transportation to Santa Monica in order to do the outreach or I will have to take public transportation. However I will also be able to do two outreaches in the city where I grew up…….Santa Monica.

So the crap I experienced has only made me think of another way to help people battling HIV and AIDS and I will end up helping homeless people as well. So instead of just an Unpluggin HIV outreach, I will also do a Do Something Saturday outreach. Red tape only makes me work harder and plan to do more, so I guess I should be thankful for the red tape and BS I experienced.

Once back home Dodger made a bee line to the sofa where he stayed for more then 3 hours, resting, sleeping and playing with the pillows before he jumped up to demand some lovin’ from me and then to his favorite spot looking a the window where he likes to spot squirrels and cats.

I ate dinner and talked to my friend Jacque before I watched the evening news and then uploaded my videos and pictures. It’s a bit after 11:00PM right now and I am about to take a long hot bath and get ready for another awesome day.

Dinner Guest

// May 9th, 2010 // No Comments » // Cooking, Me Time

Today was yet another day to relax and enjoy my weekend. I slept in late, then got up turned on some music and relaxed on the sofa. Dodger was chilling with me. I made some coffee, took a shower and then got ready to go for a long walk with Dodger.

I think he knows that most Sunday’s we spend at the park or on long walks, so I made certain I didn’t disappoint him. We went out exploring and he had the chance to sniff and play in short and tall grass and piss on as many tress, bushes and anything else he wanted to piss on. After a long walk we started our long trek back home and along the way Dodger saw some dogs we did their best to get him to act like a bad boy, but little man did very good and ignored them. He was rewarded with a big treat and a huge smile and huge. My little man is awesome.

I had plans to have my friend Franklin come over for dinner, most time we get together on Friday’s, to chill out, watch TV and order pizza. The ordering of pizza only happened twice and each time I paid for it. However the third time Franklin offered for me to come to his place, but I declined. Franklin is a heavy smoker, in fact after he leaves my place I burn sage to get the smell of him out, so having dinner at his place is just not something I want to do. The few times I am have been to his place I always feel very sick and I have a sore throat when I leave. So it’s been at my place.

I met Franklin when I was getting a bed through Project New Hope in Long Beach, he had been approved for an apartment here, in Hollywood were we both have apartments. Franklin was very sickly when I met him and now he is doing very well. It’s been awesome getting to know him since I’ve been here in this building. He is a long time survivor and is someone I have come to admire and respect.

So after my time with Dodger I headed to the store, Fresh and Easy to pick up the few things I needed to make Enchiladas and refried beans. I also wanted to make some guacamole and fresh salsa. I picked up some fresh fruit and vanilla ice cream.

Once back home from Fresh and Easy I got my camera ready to do my Cooking with Kengi video and I even had the cool opportunity to laugh the entire time with my friend Leah. I must say that it has been so awesome getting to know her and to have someone like her in my life. She has a way of centering me and helping me to remain focus on things  that are important to me. She also has a way to make me laugh and keep a smile on my face. I am so looking to our friendship getting even better as time moves forward. There is even an out take from tonight’s Cooking with Kengi video.

Dinner with Franklin was nice, just like it always is. He is a quiet man of few words. I dont know if this is because he has had a hard life since he become aware of his diagnoses and had to go through, but whatever the case he is a cool guy and I really like the time we are able to spend together.

Earlier in the week we both went to Key Elements to HIV Success as well as another evening of Italian food and HIV updates. I know Franklin doesn’t have that many friends and the ones he does have only seem to take advantage of his kindness. Sometimes when he tells me how they treat him, I simply want to go and punch them. I know I cant do this, so I just try to encourage Franklin to do things here in Hollywood and I try to make sure I am able to do things with him when I can.

It’s 11:16PM and I still have the last of the dishes to wash. Franklin had gone home and Dodger is resting in his bed. I am going to burn some candles and sage and listen to some jazz while I sip the last of my wine. I will take a long hot bubble and call it a awesome day.

Chill Day

// May 8th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Me Time

Today was a day to simply chill out and relax….well that is after I did my part to help “stamp out hunger” Today was national “stamp out hunger” day and as many people did their part to help feed those who are less fortunate I too did my part, but in another way. I didn’t put food into a bag and leave it for my postal worker. I got up and made breakfast sandwiches and I passed them out to homeless people along with a small box of orange juice. I then can back home and got back into bed.

It was after 2:00PM when I finally got out of bed, took a shower and cleaned up my place. I then spoke on the phone with my friend Leah for over an hour where we laughed and had such a great time. Leah is someone I met through my YOUTUBE channel and she has quickly become someone I truly care for and someone I share a unique friendship with. She is someone I can call on, no matter what time or reason and she is there to let me cry, vent and even laugh.

Today was a just a day for us to laugh and share out thoughts and ideas with each other. Leah always seems to have this way of making me laugh and spit things from my mouth and nose. Dodger seems to know when I am talking to her because he always moves away, as if he knows things will fly from my mouth or nose.

I think Dodger also knows that the weekends are days filled with long walks and lots of time we it is jut me and him. I know he looks forward to these days. This afternoon he woke me up by licking my face and jumping on the bed as to say “wake up daddy, I am ready to go out to explore”

Since Dodger needed some treats as well as poo poo bags I thought it would be cool for us to either walk to PETCO or TailWagers. I should have went with my first mind and took the longer walk down to PETCO because TailWagers is a smaller operation and the prices are much higher then PETCO. For example the small high value treats I get for Dodger are just 99 cents at PETCO but they are over $1.50 at TailWagers. Now the clerk said this was because PETCO is a large chain. I would have believed him, but I have purchased the same treats at another individually owned pet store and the price was 99 cents. The bag dog food was also the same price as PETCO. This is the last time I will purchase anything from TailWagers.

However the walk was nice one for Dodger and I. It gave Dodger some time to meet other dogs and work on his skills on how to behave with other animals. I must say he did an awesome job today. We saw a total of 15 dogs and he did well with 12 of them. He did well with the other 3 until they started to act aggressively towards him and he reacted to how they were acting. But we were able to move away before anything bad happened to either animal. This was good for the other human, because if their dog hurt my little boy I was going to have to hurt them.

Dodger loves PETCO, he gets to explore and most times he walks out with new toy as well as his dog food and treats. The staff there also love him and make sure he gets plenty of love and treats. This isnt the case when we’ve been to TailWagers. He just seems to be uninterested. I cant even get him to look at or even play with a toy while we are there. He also stays clear of their bowl of water near the front door. Each time he looks up at me like “I know you have bottled water in the backpack so give me some”

The walk home was awesome. The sun was setting which caused a really cool light off the buildings. Dodger and I also had the chance to meet and speak with two guys who stopped when they saw me, Sean and Mason. They were about to turn in the other direction when I heard my named called out. When I didn’t see anyone I knew I just kept walking and then I heard my name called again.

I talked with them for about 40 minutes and it was so cool to listen to them speak about my work as well as sharing their thoughts on my videos. It was so cool to have them just want to stop to talk to me and let me know that my work has helped them look at homelessness, gays, lesbians and even HIV and AIDS in different ways.

Dodger and I continued our walk back home, taking pictures all the way. By the time we reached home we were both tired and ready for a rest. I sat on the sofa and relaxed for a bit before I called to laugh more with Leah, while Dodger jumped on my bed and took a nap.

I had the chance to speak to my friend Franklin for a while as well. He and I spend Friday nights together most times, but the past few Fridays I have been busy and not able to chill with him. We always order dinner, share some awesome conversation and look at TV. Since we didn’t get to spend time together again this past Friday, I invited him over for dinner tomorrow evening.

I then had the chance to spend some time talking with Donald who is one of the residents from my Skid Row outreach. It is always nice to hear from Donald, he too keeps me laughing and thinking. He is also a long time survivor and is someone I admire and respect. On Wednesday Franklin, Donald and I spent the evening at the Gay and Lesbian Center at a “keys to HIV success” presented by Shelley from Gilead Sciences. It was an evening that all three of us really enjoyed.

My last phone call was from my friend Nicole. She too is someone I met from YOUTUBE and she too is someone I admire and respect so much. It has been awesome getting to know her and growing our friendship. Tonight I also had the pleasure of speaking with her girlfriend and that was so cool. Both woman are such huge inspirations to me, so it was so nice to have the chance to spend some time out of my day speaking with them.

In all my day was awesome and it was filled with awesome friends and my awesome dog Dodger. I am so blessed to be able to have time to take out for me. Explore with my awesome dog with both my cameras. I was able to speak with some awesome friends and even meet and speak with some people who have this cool respect and admiration for me. But most of all it was a day to just chill and not think about what I want to do, what I needed to plan or what event is coming up next.

It was great to relax and have a day for me.

…we will never be the same”

// May 8th, 2010 // No Comments » // HIV and AIDS, Homeless Outreach

“Kenji-

I was there with you at the AIDS Watch training and there with you at the PACHA event in the Eisenhower Building and I saw a star being born. The people at APLA may know you and see your special gifts but I feel blessed to have watched you launch on to the national stage. Your comments to the Advisory Council were from your heart and showed your unique perspective and strengths. I too was there, speaking to MY representatives in Washington DC, reminding them of all the people from home who expect and deserve their best efforts as leaders.

Democracy was so close, we reached out and touched it and we will never be the same.”

This is a comment I received on my AIDS Watch 2010 blog I wrote after Icame home from DC. Many times when I am searching for the courage to move forward with yet another brave, bold and out of the box move to further my efforts to raise awareness and to restore dignity as well as respect to people who are battling homelessness as well as HIV and AIDS, it comes from such kind words from someone who comments on my blogs, watches my YOUTUBE channel or speaks directly to me.

I am so blessed to have two best friends in my life who always remind me that I can create change, I just need to sit down and make it so. Tina and Andy are my very best friends, they are the clear voices and level heads when everything around me feel so out of control. They are people I can go to with ideas and advice and not ever think about what they might say or how they might make me feel. I can be who I am with them, I can make mistakes, say the wrongs things and they will love and embrace me regardless.

While in Washington this feeling of urgency came over me and it has not left me since I came home. In fact it wakes me at night, causing me to sit and think of ways I can be more of a voice for people who are suffering. Just the mere fact of me being in DC was powerful in and of itself, it was motivation all by itself. Each time I spoke I asked God to give me the words that would touch a heart and maybe even change a mind or opinion that would ultimately change the course of HIV and AIDS in this nation. Each time I do so I was proud of what I said and when Aaron told me “you made the human connection and you connected the dots.” I felt pleased, but still had this feeling that I need to do more.

If you’ve never been to the Lincoln Monument, then you dont know just how powerful simply being in that space truly is. I walked from my hotel and took pictures as I walked, but when I made the turn to head toward this area, this feeling came over me. This space is just so powerful, the energy from the building is simply amazing. I’ve been told that the feeling is different in the day. I was there for about an hour, taking pictures and making videos. But there were times when I just sat still and quiet, even though there was so much going on around me, I did my best to try to connect with the power and energy.

I’ve been back in LA over a week now and I still have this same feeling ofurgency to do more, to try as hard as I can to reach more, speak out more, learn more, teach more, encourage more, inspire more. I’ve spent all this past week just thinking about what I could do and how I would go about doing it. I must say that what I am thinking is big, but for those who know me, they know I never think  small they also know I will not rest and will not let anyone or anything prevent me for doing all I can to not just be part of change, but force it to happen.

Since landing back in LA I’ve been presented with some pretty awesome opportunities to speak to people about homeless as well as HIV and AIDS. The very first people I had the chance to do this with were my friends, then I called people from my Unpluggin’ HIV outreach on Skid Row. I wanted to share all that I had learned and experienced while in DC. The goal was to try to spark this same energy in them and get them to want to force change to happen as well. With all that I have taken on in my 41 years of life I heard from people who felt there was nothing I could do, I am sad to report that this came from people who are both infected and affected by homelessness as well as HIV and AIDS. No one ever told me change would be easy, so I just listened to what they had to say and then dismissed it.

I learned in DC or I guess I should say I got in touch with what I already knew while there and that is “if things are going to change, then I must be willing to do the hard work it will take to do it” I must be ready to hear from the very people who are in the same fight as me, that what I am about to do cant be done or that it is too much for someone like me to take on. After hearing it I must press froward.

While homeless I created an outreach called “Extreme MakeOver~Homeless Edition” the goal was to take homeless people off the streets and treat them to a “spa day” They would get free hair cuts, hair coloring, a meal, be able to wash they clothes, take a hot bath and simply relax in a peaceful, respectful atmosphere. I also wanted to give them new gently used clothes. I was told there was no way I could do this and no way this would help anyone. Well I did it, the event was awesome and it not only helped the homeless people involved it also helped those who came to volunteer. For about 8 hours the lives of homeless people was normal, they could relax and not feel judged, not be shamed or made to feel bad for their situation. For about 8 hours they were respected and treated with dignity.

I later created “The Million $ Ghetto” which was a photography project for kids with parents in prison in the Oakwood area of Venice. The goal was to team kids up with professional photographers and allow them to photo their own environment. However once I saw the pictures these kids took, I knew I needed to do more, so I created an art gallery style opening of their photography, complete with ride in a limo, red carpet entrance, catering and live entertainment. Many told me I would never be able to pull it off and once again they were wrong. Not only did I pull it off, to this day it is still the best event that community center has ever had and when I see the kids they always ask “when are we going to do that again.”

As I prepare to create another huge event that will be very outside of the box thinking to raise awareness, promote prevention, education and acceptance for HIV and AIDS issues as well as get people tested in a safe and fun environment I know I will meet many road blocks, be told it is not possible and even have people try to stop it from happening, but once again, I will not be turned away, I will take no for an answer and just like before the event will be a huge success and people will walk away empowered, educated, tested and inspired.

I know I have my work cut out for me and right now I am just in the “brainstorm” process of all of this, but I know I can make this happen and I will.

The last part of the comment left on my blog was so true “Democracy was so close, we reached out and touched it and we will never be the same.” This is so true and my life will never be the same, nor will I ever stop trying to make CHANGE happen for all Americans……for all humanity.

At the end of the day we all have a job to do, we all have a role to play in changing things for the better for this country. We can either sit on the side lines talking trash or we can get off our asses and be part of change. I don’t ever want to be a person who sat around and did nothing to make things better for this country as well as humanity. While my role will not be a major as others, it is a role that is part of the big picture and I am proud to do my part.