Project Kengikat

Sunny Monday

// June 15th, 2010 // No Comments » // Animals, HIV and AIDS, Me Time

Ok I don’t know if it was me and my headache, but after getting home from an awesome day of being out and about with Dodger, I sat on the sofa and this God awful headache took over which made my awesome day a complete pain in the head. Before I knew it I was in so much pain all I could do was sit and try to let it pass. I took some Excedrin, you know, the headache medicine and not long I was able to relax. I was in bed and sleep before the sun set. This was cool because I am sure Dodger was pretty tired from three days of walking over to West Hollywood.

Going to bed before the sunset can sometimes be a good thing, but there is always the chance that you walk up and this is what happened to me. At 1:30AM I woke up and could not go back to sleep. So I got up played with Dodger and then decided to blog. After finishing the blog my website went crazy and I was not able to save or post it. This really drove me crazy, but I wasn’t too upset because since Ryan created the website over two years ago I have never had a problem with it. I can say the same thing about my blog as well so I just took it all in stride and counted it as a practice blog.

Monday was my third day at the ceramics studio, as I stated before, it was also day three of walking to the studio, so I got three awesome days of walking in the heat. I think I’ve blogged before that I have fallen off from my gym schedule. I have only been one time since my trip to DC. I really can’t blame it on anyone or anything other then me. So the walking has been good for me.

When I got to the studio Brian had a bag of clothes for me and I am was happy. I’ve talked about what I do, but have never asked any of the guys to contribute anything, so to have Brian offer a bag of gently used clothes was so awesome. I always get so blown away when people do things like this. The bag was filled with really nice casual shirts which I will use for my outreach on Skid Row for people who are battling HIV or AIDS.

It was another really cool day at the studio and I am so glad that I took the time to make it there for three days. It is really a great way for me to clear my head and take time out for me. Plus I get to be in the company of some really cool people, many of which are friends of mine.

It was a perfect way to end an awesome weekend that I spent with my friend and Dodger. Once I returned home I also had a cool surprise in the mail. I emailed this shoe company to let them know the quality of the shoe laces the put in their dress shoes. I was surprised when i got an email back in a few days and even more surprised that after a few weeks I got a new pair of laces in the mail.

It’s Tuesday and I going to the gym today. In fact I am going all week and I will also take my little boy out for his long walks as well.

“90-365″ Celebrate “Pride”

// June 12th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Animals, Me Time

I don’t know if I’ve blogged this before or not, but just in case I didn’t, here we go. Not long ago my friend Jacque created this challenge of sorts on YOUTUBE to “love yourself” first for 90 days. I met some really interesting people while doing this challenge, but the cool thing is that along the way, I met two more amazing women who are now part of my circle of friends, Audrey and Darlyna.

Just as we all were nearing the end of the 90 days each of us had life jump right in and start kicking our asses and our finishes were not as strong as our starts. However we all finished. Not long after I asked the ladies to join me on what we now call “90-365″ and each of them did. There were also others who’ve said they do the challenge as well, but I think it is something that all three of us share the most.

No sooner then we started up again, life stepped in again and tried to work against us. For me I was faced with having to move my blog from the ning platform over to my website. This was a lot of work and came at a time when I was preparing for a trip to Washington DC for AIDSWatch. In addition two people I thought were friends turned out to be anything but. Just like ning, these two individuals are a part of my past and I must admit that I don’t miss them at all.

About two weeks ago I made the choice to take a break from my vlog on YOUTUBE, however before doing this I had to wonder how many people who say they are my friends and care so much about me, would really be just that. Just as I thought not many of them have been in contact since I’ve taken the break.

For the past two weeks I’ve been spending more with my family and friends, I’ve beenworking on my website and spending lots more time with Dodger. I am also back to creating things in the ceramic studio again. The coolest thing has been the time that I am able to spend reading, walking and just chilling. I have to tell you that it has been great not having to log on to YOUTUBE. It’s funny how many people on YOUTUBE feel that when they comment, you must answer them or that they some how own stock in your videos and therefore you must make them.

This entire time off from YOUTUBE has been about ME and my community work. Dodger and I am going on walks many times a day and for the past two days we’ve been going on really long walks that have included lunches in the park and hikes in the hills, Just seeing how happy Dodger gets when he sees me grabbing my shoes is such a great feeling to me. he knows when I make my move for the shoes it’s just about time for us to take off.

Today is Saturday, the beginning of Gay Pride and I had plans to hang out and spend the weekend with a friend who was supposed to be in town, but plans changed and she was not able to come into town. However I am kind of glad she didn’t come to town, because I really didn’t want to go to Gay Pride. I guess I just don’t get what Gay Pride is all about, so I don’t see a reason to celebrate. I know who I am and I love who I am, so I don’t need to march or wear some rainbow to show my pride toward something. I guess what I am saying is that for me pride is everyday and has nothing to do with being gay. Just like HIV, being gay is such a SMALL part of who I am and I refuse to be defined by it.

Today I got before the sun, made some coffee and breakfast, bacon, two scrambled eggs and two slices of grilled sourdough bread. I took Dodger out foe our first walk and then the plan was to start my laundry, but the laundry room was packed, so that was out of the question. I instead cleaned my apartment and took the trash out. I watched a bit of TV. It wasn’t long before I got a call from my friend Travis, he too is someone I met through YOUTUBE and is also someone I consider one of my friends. It’s funny that he would be calling because not more then two minutes before I sent him a HELLO on Twitter. He too is on a break from YOUTUBE and was the first to welcome me to “hiatus-ville”  The last time we talked was so much fun and filled with so much laughter. Today was short and sweet, but still filled with laughs. Like Jacque, Audrey and Darlyna, Travis is one of those people I so wished lived closer because I know we’d be even better friends.

After talking with Travis I was put my shoes back on and decided to take a walk withDodger. I knew it would be one of our explore walks, but I had no idea where we were walking to or how far it would be. Before I knew it Dodger and I had walked to West Hollywood and since we were there we kept going until we reached the ceramic studio.

I was so surprised to walk back and find that there was no one there besides Robert and Alan. I saw Glen on my way in as he was leaving. In that moment I was so that there were not many people there. Soon after arriving Alan left and for most of four hours I was there Robert and I spent laughing and working on our pieces while Dodger played in the tall grass.

5:00PM came quick and it was time for us to head home. Robert walked with Dodger and I for a bit before he took off on his bike. Dodger and I walked through Plumber Park where he found some dogs to play with for a bit them we continued our walk home. Once back home I started my laundry, gave Dodger a bath, baked some chicken for dinner, shaved, cleaned my face, soaked on a hot bubble bath and then watched TV.

When I started the “90-365″ journey this time around I knew things in my life were going to change. I knew people in my life were going to change and I was very cool with that. My only request was that God allowed people and things that were true to remain. I asked that distractions be removed even if that meant people who I wanted to hang on to would no longer be there. Today I celebrated “pride” by being happy with where my life is. I celebrated the people and things that are no more and I am welcoming the extra space.

Dodger

// June 6th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Animals

5 months I met Dodger and after just a few hours with him, I knew that I wanted very much to keep him. From the time Phillip sent me his picture I thought he was cute little dog, but after he arrived I fell in love with him. After being with him for a few hours I knew I wanted very much to keep him. Later that week when I met with Phillip again to get some extra food for him, I told Phillip I wanted to keep him. I had no idea how saying I want to keep him would change my life.

Dodger and I bonded pretty fast and since then our bond has gotten so much stronger. When I first got him he went with me every where. At the time I had a car, so this was easy for me to do, but when the car broke down Dodger sometimes needed to stay at home alone. He didn’t like the change too much and he started using the bathroom on the apartment. I reached out to Phillip and he asked the trainer what I should do and soon I had some suggestions.

Many people told me to place him in a kennel why I was away, but I just could not bring myself to put him one. Since my bathroom is a good size, I would pull everything out when I needed to be gone and I would place him in there. After about two weeks of doing this and giving him some positive reinforcement and praise when he used the bathroom outside, he was back on schedule and I no longer have to put him in the bathroom. Well not as much. He sometimes has his moments where he forgets.

I know I love Dodger with all my heart, he makes me laugh and he is just such a sweet dog and he always seems to know when I am not feeling well or when I have had a rough day. When my Sickle Cell causes me to stay in bed, Dodger is right there next to me doing what he can to make me feel better. I don’t know how and I am sure people will think I am being silly, but Dodger seems to know what I am not feeling well and in these times is when he does silly little things to make me laugh or he will lay right next to me when I am in bed. He likes my face and when I open my eyes he’s looking right at me as if he is saying “It will be alright”

When I left for Washington DC I had no clue I would cry the way I did. My best friend picked him up and he was all packed and ready to go. He jumped into the truck and I closed the door. He turned and saw I was not getting in and went to the other side to try to get out. He began to bark at me through the window that sounded like “don’t leave me” My heart broke and I went upstairs so I would be ready when my ride got there. As soon as I closed me door the tears stated falling and then I let out this loud moan and I said “I miss you Dodger”

For the first time since getting him my apartment was empty and that just didn’t feel good. Even though I knew this was only for a few days, seeing him that way in the truck and then not having him greet me when I walked in the door was a bit much for me. In this moment I knew just how much Dodger means to me. Now I have had dogs before, but there is just something different about Dodger. I many ways he is like me when I was homeless and now like me he has a home. Like me he has awesome people in his life who love him so much. So I guess you can say that we are both formerly homeless.

Everyone tell me that I take such great care of him and in many ways I’ve spoiled him so much because I love him so much. I let him do his own thing and he has free run of the house. When people come over then need to adjust to him because this is his home and they are the guests. People need to know that he has places he likes to sit and they need to deal with that. If they cant, then don’t come over.

When we go to PETCO I let him pick his own toys, but putting them on the ground and if he plays with them a time then those are the ones he gets. He loves ducks and bears. He also has a few other toys, but the ducks and bears are the ones he likes to play with the most.

Two days ago I noticed a change in his poop. It started looking and feeling hard and last night it was very dry. Today after our morning walk I noticed that he didn’t even make a poop and then again in the afternoon he didn’t make a poop, but the late after noon walk he made a poop, but this time it was like hard rocks and when I pressed it between my fingers it was like balls of dry dirt.

Now Dodger has been drinking water and there have been no changed to his food. He also wasn’t acting like anything was wrong, but I knew his poop should not be like balls of dry dust. I called my friend Jacque and she asked me if he was drinking water and I said yes. She asked if I had changed his food and I said no, but after I hung up from her I remember that he did eat the dog food at my nieces house and that first night he got into the trash and ate some bones.

When we finished our walk I took off her harness just like I always do, but this time I wanted to check to see if I pulled the skin on the back on his neck if it would bounce right back into shape. If it didn’t this would be a sign of dehydration. Well the skin didn’t bounce right back, so this told me that needed to get him to drink more water. I could also get him some wet dog food, pour some fat free and no salt chicken broth over his dry food or even get him some non-flavored pedialyte.

Since today was Sunday and many times he gets a treat for dinner I went to the store and got him a can of wet dog food and some chicken broth for his dry dog food. Dodger was so happy to get wet dog food and I was happy to see him gobble it all down. I was able to get him to drink some water out of my hand instead of his bowl.

I took him out for his last walk at 10:30PM and I was so happy to see that his poop was starting to look better. It is still dry, but there was a shine to it and right before we got back home he went again and it was getting back to normal. I am sure by tomorrow his poop will be back to normal.

Right now my little man is sleeping in his favorite place. He was next to me until I moved the laptop in front of me. He always looks at peace when he is sleeping and he really loves to kick it on the back of the sofa.