Project Kengikat

What’s Up?

// July 17th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Animals, HIV and AIDS, Me Time

What’s up? was a blog post that I meant to post on Friday, but never got around to it. I guess better late then never right?

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Seems like it has been such a long tome since I’ve posted a blog, it has only been a few days, but I know some of you are use to me posting daily, so to those who have asked why the blogs have slowed down, where I’ve been, am I ok and what’s up, this blog is just for you.

I guess I should really start out by saying thanks for very to all of you who have sent me emails and text messages checking in on me. I really appreciate that. I also want to say thanks for the prayers and support, this truly means a great deal to me.

“Why have the blogs slowed down?”

To be very honest I’ve been busy some the projects I am working on. This is now taking up so much of my time. I also have my little buddy to look after and he was sort of sick for about two days. I think I may have something to do with the heat. He is fine now and back to his awesome little self.

Another reason for the slow down is that I have not been lead to blog about anything. My blogs always come from things I am feeling, doing and experiencing and with each blog I always want the reader to walk away with something worth while. Just like with my YOUTUBE channel, which has also seen a slow down. There have been a few things I wanted to write about and even talk about, but like I said if I am not moved to do it, then I wont.

“Where have you been?”

I’ve been here, once again, just really busy with the projects I am working on. “Panels” The Living Quilt has beentaking up a great deal of my time. This is my largest project to date. While there has been lots of people saying they are interested and would do it, and 5 guys here in Los Angeles have also said they would be part of it, the bottom line is that this is my dream, my goal, may project, so this means 100% and the concept, design, getting it the attention it deserves and locating people to be part of it all falls down on me. Now I am lucky to have some cool guys here in Los Angeles making panels for the quilt and they too have said they will help where needed, but I need more then just someone saying they will do something, I need to see it. I am no stranger to hard work and getting things done, just like I am no stranger to people saying one thing and doing something totally different.

I am also working on taking my YOUTUBE channel to the next level, it is time for the way I present my message to grow, but I dont want it to look too polished or fake. I want the main focus to still be on the messages I bring and not on the editing. However I do see where there needs to be some growth. So I am working hard on trying to find a good balance. I also started working on a short film of sorts, I dont want to talk too much about it, but so far it is off to a great start and this too has been taking up my time.

The last thing I have been busy with is my outreach for next month. I had lots of people say they will be part of it and help out, but I know more then 90% of this is simply people wanting to make a comment on my videos or on my FACEBOOK note I made about the outreach. The other 10% are the people I can always count on no matter what without excuse. I mailed off 120 letter to local hotels, dental offices, soap companies and today, Friday, I have received about 90% of the answers to my request for support. “NO” or “The economy prevents us from helping” and “We only donate to non-profits” So as of right now it looks like I will fall far short of the goal to make 600 Do Something and Life Kits. However I will do what I can and keep working toward the goal until the time runs out.

“Are you ok?”

Yes, I am fine. I had a few set backs and for two days my lights were off, but things worked out thanks to friends. I had to cancel my HIV labs appointment for last week because I didn’t have the money to go, but once again that all worked out as well. I rescheduled and made it this week and also had other medical appointments I had to go to as well. I’ll go next month to get the results of the HIV labs. I am sure everything will be fine.

I spent most of my day today in the apartment working on my panel for the quilt and spending time with Dodger. Ihad the chance to catch up with friends and later I will have dinner with my friend Natalie. It  will be nice to spend some time with her.

So there is the update and as you can see, I am doing my best to keep my head above water and not let things get to me. My health is good and I feel great for the most part. Everything is everything. I hope you’re all well and once again, thanks very much for all the emails, text messages as well as love and support you’ve sent to me. I really appreciate it.

“90-365″ Celebrate “Pride”

// June 12th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Animals, Me Time

I don’t know if I’ve blogged this before or not, but just in case I didn’t, here we go. Not long ago my friend Jacque created this challenge of sorts on YOUTUBE to “love yourself” first for 90 days. I met some really interesting people while doing this challenge, but the cool thing is that along the way, I met two more amazing women who are now part of my circle of friends, Audrey and Darlyna.

Just as we all were nearing the end of the 90 days each of us had life jump right in and start kicking our asses and our finishes were not as strong as our starts. However we all finished. Not long after I asked the ladies to join me on what we now call “90-365″ and each of them did. There were also others who’ve said they do the challenge as well, but I think it is something that all three of us share the most.

No sooner then we started up again, life stepped in again and tried to work against us. For me I was faced with having to move my blog from the ning platform over to my website. This was a lot of work and came at a time when I was preparing for a trip to Washington DC for AIDSWatch. In addition two people I thought were friends turned out to be anything but. Just like ning, these two individuals are a part of my past and I must admit that I don’t miss them at all.

About two weeks ago I made the choice to take a break from my vlog on YOUTUBE, however before doing this I had to wonder how many people who say they are my friends and care so much about me, would really be just that. Just as I thought not many of them have been in contact since I’ve taken the break.

For the past two weeks I’ve been spending more with my family and friends, I’ve beenworking on my website and spending lots more time with Dodger. I am also back to creating things in the ceramic studio again. The coolest thing has been the time that I am able to spend reading, walking and just chilling. I have to tell you that it has been great not having to log on to YOUTUBE. It’s funny how many people on YOUTUBE feel that when they comment, you must answer them or that they some how own stock in your videos and therefore you must make them.

This entire time off from YOUTUBE has been about ME and my community work. Dodger and I am going on walks many times a day and for the past two days we’ve been going on really long walks that have included lunches in the park and hikes in the hills, Just seeing how happy Dodger gets when he sees me grabbing my shoes is such a great feeling to me. he knows when I make my move for the shoes it’s just about time for us to take off.

Today is Saturday, the beginning of Gay Pride and I had plans to hang out and spend the weekend with a friend who was supposed to be in town, but plans changed and she was not able to come into town. However I am kind of glad she didn’t come to town, because I really didn’t want to go to Gay Pride. I guess I just don’t get what Gay Pride is all about, so I don’t see a reason to celebrate. I know who I am and I love who I am, so I don’t need to march or wear some rainbow to show my pride toward something. I guess what I am saying is that for me pride is everyday and has nothing to do with being gay. Just like HIV, being gay is such a SMALL part of who I am and I refuse to be defined by it.

Today I got before the sun, made some coffee and breakfast, bacon, two scrambled eggs and two slices of grilled sourdough bread. I took Dodger out foe our first walk and then the plan was to start my laundry, but the laundry room was packed, so that was out of the question. I instead cleaned my apartment and took the trash out. I watched a bit of TV. It wasn’t long before I got a call from my friend Travis, he too is someone I met through YOUTUBE and is also someone I consider one of my friends. It’s funny that he would be calling because not more then two minutes before I sent him a HELLO on Twitter. He too is on a break from YOUTUBE and was the first to welcome me to “hiatus-ville”  The last time we talked was so much fun and filled with so much laughter. Today was short and sweet, but still filled with laughs. Like Jacque, Audrey and Darlyna, Travis is one of those people I so wished lived closer because I know we’d be even better friends.

After talking with Travis I was put my shoes back on and decided to take a walk withDodger. I knew it would be one of our explore walks, but I had no idea where we were walking to or how far it would be. Before I knew it Dodger and I had walked to West Hollywood and since we were there we kept going until we reached the ceramic studio.

I was so surprised to walk back and find that there was no one there besides Robert and Alan. I saw Glen on my way in as he was leaving. In that moment I was so that there were not many people there. Soon after arriving Alan left and for most of four hours I was there Robert and I spent laughing and working on our pieces while Dodger played in the tall grass.

5:00PM came quick and it was time for us to head home. Robert walked with Dodger and I for a bit before he took off on his bike. Dodger and I walked through Plumber Park where he found some dogs to play with for a bit them we continued our walk home. Once back home I started my laundry, gave Dodger a bath, baked some chicken for dinner, shaved, cleaned my face, soaked on a hot bubble bath and then watched TV.

When I started the “90-365″ journey this time around I knew things in my life were going to change. I knew people in my life were going to change and I was very cool with that. My only request was that God allowed people and things that were true to remain. I asked that distractions be removed even if that meant people who I wanted to hang on to would no longer be there. Today I celebrated “pride” by being happy with where my life is. I celebrated the people and things that are no more and I am welcoming the extra space.