Project Kengikat

Sunday with Friends

// January 30th, 2011 // No Comments » // Animals, Chef, Cooking, Me Time, Pictures, friends

It’s been a while since I’ve had my two friends Donald and Walter over for dinner, in fact it was long overdue, so after chilling with Donald on Friday, I knew it would be awesome to hang out with him and Walter, so right away I made the calls and after hearing “yes” from both of them I made the plans to have an awesome Sunday afternoon with great food and plenty of smiles and laughs.

Whenever all three of us hang out it is nothing but a great time. I could not have asked for a better way to spend my Sunday afternoon. Donald and Walter are both members of my book club and even though we have not had a meeting in a while, at the end of the night we are so looking forward to bringing that time together back to life. We decided that we will read a few chapters when we get together for our brunches. This way we can all keep up, share and talk about the books we are reading.

Saturday was a cleaning day for me so there wasn’t too much for me to do in the way of getting things ready for my guests. Ijust had to wash dishes from the night before….yes sometimes I leave dishes in the sink. This was a huge no, no as a kid and I use to be the kind of person that was very anal about this, but now if I am not feeling up to washing dinner dishes, then they will wait until the next day. The word never comes to an end because i have not washed them and since I don’t have any bugs I don’t worry about leaving a plate or a cup.

It was cold today and the rain returned. It was so cold that I could not sleep as late as I had planned, but unlike most Sunday mornings where I get up make a pot of coffee and watch the morning news shows on ABC, today I simply opened the blinds just a bit and sat on the sofa with Dodger. Soon after I was laughing on the phone with my friend Leah for well over an hour. I love when I have time to spend talking with her. She always has this way of making me laugh even when I dont feel like it.

The bonus surprise was the fact that i was able to hang out with my friends and do an outreach. The shoes Leah donated I was able to give to Walter. He was so happy to get them and I even had the chance to let him speak to Leah. That was really cool.

Ok, so as I was saying, it rained today and for some reason I really enjoyed it more then I normally do. Walking to Trader Joe’s was nice and unlike before when I had to bundle up because the rain was coming down pretty hard, this time I simply slipped on a t-shirt, thermo, heavy scarf and a knitted cap and I was off.

I really like Trader Joe’s, but I have learned that I really most inspect things I get there. Many times I come home with fruits or veggies that are packed in these handy plastic containers only to discover that most of them are not usable. Today I was in a hurry and failed to do this and I ended up cutting away most of the tomatoes I purchased. Even one of the avocados was bad, so that too got tossed. However the staff is always friendly and the prices are still cheaper then Whole Food and the quality is still far better then Fresh and Easy.

We had lettuce wraps, chicken tacos, Spanish rice, refried beans, homemade salsa and guacamole with blue corn tortilla chips. I added some fresh grilled shrimp to the ground soy I used for the wraps. I also picked up some juices that I would offer with the water and squirt I already had.

The guys arrived on time and after some conversation we started with the sides and then moved on to the main meal. It was a hit!!!! I was surprised that Donald liked the wraps. I didn’t tell him it wasn’t meat until after he had eaten at least two, but even if I told him before I am still sure he would have eaten and enjoyed them.

As always our time together went by so fast. Before I knew it the time had come for us to say our goodbyes. Dodger and I walked our friends to the corner where we hugged and said good night. i so wish these two lived closer to me so we could see each other more often.

As I walked back home, looking up at the pink clouds in the sky I started to smile because I had just spent the better part of my day with two guys I really enjoy, two men I truly respect and admire a great deal and two men I am so honored, blessed and thrilled to call my friends.

The sun has set, most of the kitchen is clean and I have had my hot bath. I am sitting on the sofa uploading my photos from tonight, Dodger is sitting on the arm of his chair snoring, the blinds are closed, my apartment is cozy and I am about to lit my candles and burn some sage.

Since I have to be up rather early, I will be in bed by 8:30pm tonight. Monday is my long day and after having a week off I am sure the director will be in the kitchen bright and early to ask questions and do her best to get under my skin. Already she has emailed a menu that is not mine, so I will have to deal with that once I am in the kitchen, however I will be ready for her and all the games she likes to play.

In the middle of my day I was able to upload my “What is GOOD in Our World” video, that was really cool because last Sunday I was not able to do one.

I hope you all have had an awesome Sunday and I pray that you all have a peaceful and productive week.

What’s Up?

// July 17th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Animals, HIV and AIDS, Me Time

What’s up? was a blog post that I meant to post on Friday, but never got around to it. I guess better late then never right?

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Seems like it has been such a long tome since I’ve posted a blog, it has only been a few days, but I know some of you are use to me posting daily, so to those who have asked why the blogs have slowed down, where I’ve been, am I ok and what’s up, this blog is just for you.

I guess I should really start out by saying thanks for very to all of you who have sent me emails and text messages checking in on me. I really appreciate that. I also want to say thanks for the prayers and support, this truly means a great deal to me.

“Why have the blogs slowed down?”

To be very honest I’ve been busy some the projects I am working on. This is now taking up so much of my time. I also have my little buddy to look after and he was sort of sick for about two days. I think I may have something to do with the heat. He is fine now and back to his awesome little self.

Another reason for the slow down is that I have not been lead to blog about anything. My blogs always come from things I am feeling, doing and experiencing and with each blog I always want the reader to walk away with something worth while. Just like with my YOUTUBE channel, which has also seen a slow down. There have been a few things I wanted to write about and even talk about, but like I said if I am not moved to do it, then I wont.

“Where have you been?”

I’ve been here, once again, just really busy with the projects I am working on. “Panels” The Living Quilt has beentaking up a great deal of my time. This is my largest project to date. While there has been lots of people saying they are interested and would do it, and 5 guys here in Los Angeles have also said they would be part of it, the bottom line is that this is my dream, my goal, may project, so this means 100% and the concept, design, getting it the attention it deserves and locating people to be part of it all falls down on me. Now I am lucky to have some cool guys here in Los Angeles making panels for the quilt and they too have said they will help where needed, but I need more then just someone saying they will do something, I need to see it. I am no stranger to hard work and getting things done, just like I am no stranger to people saying one thing and doing something totally different.

I am also working on taking my YOUTUBE channel to the next level, it is time for the way I present my message to grow, but I dont want it to look too polished or fake. I want the main focus to still be on the messages I bring and not on the editing. However I do see where there needs to be some growth. So I am working hard on trying to find a good balance. I also started working on a short film of sorts, I dont want to talk too much about it, but so far it is off to a great start and this too has been taking up my time.

The last thing I have been busy with is my outreach for next month. I had lots of people say they will be part of it and help out, but I know more then 90% of this is simply people wanting to make a comment on my videos or on my FACEBOOK note I made about the outreach. The other 10% are the people I can always count on no matter what without excuse. I mailed off 120 letter to local hotels, dental offices, soap companies and today, Friday, I have received about 90% of the answers to my request for support. “NO” or “The economy prevents us from helping” and “We only donate to non-profits” So as of right now it looks like I will fall far short of the goal to make 600 Do Something and Life Kits. However I will do what I can and keep working toward the goal until the time runs out.

“Are you ok?”

Yes, I am fine. I had a few set backs and for two days my lights were off, but things worked out thanks to friends. I had to cancel my HIV labs appointment for last week because I didn’t have the money to go, but once again that all worked out as well. I rescheduled and made it this week and also had other medical appointments I had to go to as well. I’ll go next month to get the results of the HIV labs. I am sure everything will be fine.

I spent most of my day today in the apartment working on my panel for the quilt and spending time with Dodger. Ihad the chance to catch up with friends and later I will have dinner with my friend Natalie. It  will be nice to spend some time with her.

So there is the update and as you can see, I am doing my best to keep my head above water and not let things get to me. My health is good and I feel great for the most part. Everything is everything. I hope you’re all well and once again, thanks very much for all the emails, text messages as well as love and support you’ve sent to me. I really appreciate it.

Technology Off

// June 20th, 2010 // 6 Comments » // Me Time, Social Networking

It’s Sunday, a little after 7:00PM and this weekend has been about being disconnected from being so connected. It seems that I spend a great deal of time online doing things for other people and keeping up with online friends which in turn leaves almost no time for me.

It’s almost been a month since I placed a video on my YOUTUBE channel and at first I was logging on every other day to approve channel comments and what not, but that stopped the very first week. I figured if people really wanted to keep up with me, see how I am doing or just shoot the shit, they would do a few things, call, read my blog or message me on FACEBOOK. The first week there were about 10 people who checked in to say hello and as of last week there were only 7 and this past days it has gone down to 4. I guess you can call this out of sight out of mind friendships, but it is what it is and life will go on.

Friday I took a break from FACEBOOK and closed my TWITTER account, I am not even sure why I had a TWITTER account and to be honest I am starting to question why I have a FACEBOOK account as well. It seems society has become people who only exist online. Social networking has made it easy for us to create friends that only exist online. God forbid there is some strange sort of events and no one is able to get online, text or any of this for months. What would people do?

The other day I sat down and I wrote a hand written letter to a friend who lives in Chicago. He received it and was blown away that I had taken the time to write him and then put in in an envelope and mailed it to him. He joked saying he couldn’t recall the last time a friend wrote him instead of emailing. There was once a time when you got a letter from a friend or family member and this meant so much, but now we just email each other or meet up online. There are people we even have dated online, family reunions online……everything online.

So my weekend was about being old fashioned, actually calling my friends to talk, making time to hang out and see each other face to face. Other then the news, the TV was off and more the 90% of my weekend was spent away from home, away from the computer and my cell phone was off. The world didn’t end and I had a great time just being in the real world with real people doing real life things TOGETHER!!!.

Now I am not saying that social networking is bad and should be done away with. Nope not at all. I have made some really cool friends using social networks, friends that I know are solid and in my life for the right reasons. My time away from YOUTUBE and even this weekend away from FACEBOOK has shown me this. Social networking is great and you can meet some really cool people, but ask yourself this. When was the last time you had dinner with friends from where you live? When was the last time you went on a date with someone from where you live? When is the last time you went to the beach, went bike riding and besides sleeping and the time you’re at work, when is the last time you were not online? Some people can even be online at work, so they are never offline.

I spent my weekend hanging out with Dodger, being outside, walking, making ceramics, making plans for my “living quilt” as well as a few other projects I want to work on. I was able to make some solid contacts with people right here where I live to help me reach my goal of making 600 hygiene kits for people who are homeless and people with HIV or AIDS.

I had a great weekend and social networks were not at all a part of it. Real life people in my real life were and it was awesome. So I am making some changes to my “online” presence to one that requires me to be present in the real world more then 95% of the time. Again, if people are truly my friends they know how to reach me, but if they are only “online” friends then I will see them when I am online.

You can’t see a laugh, feel an embrace from a friend or loved one, you can’t watch an awesome sunset, walk on the beach, or really enjoy the awesomeness that all this world has to offer by always being online. You have to get out and live life to the fullest and make being online something that you do when you want to, not something you do when you want to see your friends, family or loved ones.

“Technology Off” is something I am going to be doing a lot more of.

Sunny Monday

// June 15th, 2010 // No Comments » // Animals, HIV and AIDS, Me Time

Ok I don’t know if it was me and my headache, but after getting home from an awesome day of being out and about with Dodger, I sat on the sofa and this God awful headache took over which made my awesome day a complete pain in the head. Before I knew it I was in so much pain all I could do was sit and try to let it pass. I took some Excedrin, you know, the headache medicine and not long I was able to relax. I was in bed and sleep before the sun set. This was cool because I am sure Dodger was pretty tired from three days of walking over to West Hollywood.

Going to bed before the sunset can sometimes be a good thing, but there is always the chance that you walk up and this is what happened to me. At 1:30AM I woke up and could not go back to sleep. So I got up played with Dodger and then decided to blog. After finishing the blog my website went crazy and I was not able to save or post it. This really drove me crazy, but I wasn’t too upset because since Ryan created the website over two years ago I have never had a problem with it. I can say the same thing about my blog as well so I just took it all in stride and counted it as a practice blog.

Monday was my third day at the ceramics studio, as I stated before, it was also day three of walking to the studio, so I got three awesome days of walking in the heat. I think I’ve blogged before that I have fallen off from my gym schedule. I have only been one time since my trip to DC. I really can’t blame it on anyone or anything other then me. So the walking has been good for me.

When I got to the studio Brian had a bag of clothes for me and I am was happy. I’ve talked about what I do, but have never asked any of the guys to contribute anything, so to have Brian offer a bag of gently used clothes was so awesome. I always get so blown away when people do things like this. The bag was filled with really nice casual shirts which I will use for my outreach on Skid Row for people who are battling HIV or AIDS.

It was another really cool day at the studio and I am so glad that I took the time to make it there for three days. It is really a great way for me to clear my head and take time out for me. Plus I get to be in the company of some really cool people, many of which are friends of mine.

It was a perfect way to end an awesome weekend that I spent with my friend and Dodger. Once I returned home I also had a cool surprise in the mail. I emailed this shoe company to let them know the quality of the shoe laces the put in their dress shoes. I was surprised when i got an email back in a few days and even more surprised that after a few weeks I got a new pair of laces in the mail.

It’s Tuesday and I going to the gym today. In fact I am going all week and I will also take my little boy out for his long walks as well.

Gay Pride Parade

// June 14th, 2010 // 3 Comments » // Animals, HIV and AIDS, Homeless Outreach, Me Time

As I stated in an earlier blog, I had no plans to attend any of the Gay Pride Festival events, because being gay is such a small part of who I am, however I did have plans to go to the Pride Parade on Sunday with my friends and Dodger. It was great and I am glad I went.

For me the Pride Parade really had nothing to do with “pride in being gay”, but just a chance to hang out with me friends and see a parade. Hey it’s Los Angeles and it seems like there is some sort of parade every single weekend in some city here. The only parade that really means much to me is the Rose Parade in Pasadena for the Rose Bowl football game. To me that parade really represents the awesomeness of Southern California and all her sheer beauty. When USC is in the Rose Bowl it is even better.

There aren’t many floats in this parade, just lots of men barley dressed bumping andgrinding and slinging their cocks threw their too small underwear at the crowd. There are a few celebs, but it is Los Angeles, so there has to be some celebs otherwise you can’t really call it a parade. I think those are the rules, because otherwise it is just a bunch of people marching in the street.

Sharon and Kelly Osborn were the Grand Marshals of the parade, but for me the real star was Sheryl Lee Ralph who was part of the original cast of Dream Girls and the mom on smash hit Moesha. She is also a huge ally, fundraiser and supporter of HIV and AIDS. It was great seeing her in the parade.

We took in the sounds and all the many different wild, crazy and even the strange sights of the parade right in front of Gelson’s. My friends Tina, Willow, Andy and Eric along with my little boy Dodger enjoyed out time together. The bonus was that I had the chance to see my friends Donald, Walter and Angel from the outreach I created down of Skid Row for people living with HIV or AIDS. The chance to laugh and see them having a great time and really enjoying life was so cool for me. It is always such an awesome feeling to see them smiling and having a great time outside the crazy and drab life that Skid Row has to offer. Donald was filled with plenty of smiles and laughs just like always and as always Walter was sexy and nice as ever.

The highlight of the entire day for me was the fact that I was able to share the ceramics studio with my friends. I guess in a huge way this place is the center of “Pride” for me because it is the place that hold so much and is the start of so much for me. It was one place where I felt safe and where I could just be me. It was also the one place where I felt respected, welcomed and loved and today the ceramics studio still holds so much for me. It was so cool to be able to share this with my friends.

After the parade Dodger and I went to the studio to spend the rest of our afternoon playing in the clay and making some pretty cool pieces. Well I really didn’t create any new pieces, but worked on the one I started the day before. Once again I have found that I am pretty good at sculpting. When I first started going to the studio this is what I did the most of, I was able to put whatever I was feeling into the clay and this energy helped me to create some really awesome pieces.

As I have stated before, many of the guys at the studio are people who are so special and kind and I am so honored and humbled to call them my friends. Brian, Glen, and Robert are always so much fun and such solid people to be around. Plus they are such great artists. They are also such huge inspirations to me and great examples of what life can be like and how awesome it really is for people who happen to be HIV positive.

People tell me all the time that I inspire them and how awesome I am for finding a way to create some good out of the adversity in my life. I am always humbled by the comments like this, but to be very honest it is people like my friends, the guys at the studio and people who really put forth an honest effort to be better and stand in the gap for others who are the inspirations for me. They are the people I see as fine examples in my life who demonstrate each day what it means to live life to the fullest, how to give to others without expecting anything in return, what it means to love and support someone unconditionally and this in turn encouraged me to be a better person and keep doing the work that I’ve created.

So I guess for me my “Gay Pride” is more about simply being proud of the people I have in my life, celebrating the richness of my friendships, embracing, loving and living life as best I can each and every day without fail in good times and bad, through the storms, through the fire, the highs and lows I must always strive to rise to every occasion and get past every challenge as best I can and remember to always show love and compassion towards humanity along the way.

Pride for me was about being proud, but not because I am gay.

“90-365″ Celebrate “Pride”

// June 12th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Animals, Me Time

I don’t know if I’ve blogged this before or not, but just in case I didn’t, here we go. Not long ago my friend Jacque created this challenge of sorts on YOUTUBE to “love yourself” first for 90 days. I met some really interesting people while doing this challenge, but the cool thing is that along the way, I met two more amazing women who are now part of my circle of friends, Audrey and Darlyna.

Just as we all were nearing the end of the 90 days each of us had life jump right in and start kicking our asses and our finishes were not as strong as our starts. However we all finished. Not long after I asked the ladies to join me on what we now call “90-365″ and each of them did. There were also others who’ve said they do the challenge as well, but I think it is something that all three of us share the most.

No sooner then we started up again, life stepped in again and tried to work against us. For me I was faced with having to move my blog from the ning platform over to my website. This was a lot of work and came at a time when I was preparing for a trip to Washington DC for AIDSWatch. In addition two people I thought were friends turned out to be anything but. Just like ning, these two individuals are a part of my past and I must admit that I don’t miss them at all.

About two weeks ago I made the choice to take a break from my vlog on YOUTUBE, however before doing this I had to wonder how many people who say they are my friends and care so much about me, would really be just that. Just as I thought not many of them have been in contact since I’ve taken the break.

For the past two weeks I’ve been spending more with my family and friends, I’ve beenworking on my website and spending lots more time with Dodger. I am also back to creating things in the ceramic studio again. The coolest thing has been the time that I am able to spend reading, walking and just chilling. I have to tell you that it has been great not having to log on to YOUTUBE. It’s funny how many people on YOUTUBE feel that when they comment, you must answer them or that they some how own stock in your videos and therefore you must make them.

This entire time off from YOUTUBE has been about ME and my community work. Dodger and I am going on walks many times a day and for the past two days we’ve been going on really long walks that have included lunches in the park and hikes in the hills, Just seeing how happy Dodger gets when he sees me grabbing my shoes is such a great feeling to me. he knows when I make my move for the shoes it’s just about time for us to take off.

Today is Saturday, the beginning of Gay Pride and I had plans to hang out and spend the weekend with a friend who was supposed to be in town, but plans changed and she was not able to come into town. However I am kind of glad she didn’t come to town, because I really didn’t want to go to Gay Pride. I guess I just don’t get what Gay Pride is all about, so I don’t see a reason to celebrate. I know who I am and I love who I am, so I don’t need to march or wear some rainbow to show my pride toward something. I guess what I am saying is that for me pride is everyday and has nothing to do with being gay. Just like HIV, being gay is such a SMALL part of who I am and I refuse to be defined by it.

Today I got before the sun, made some coffee and breakfast, bacon, two scrambled eggs and two slices of grilled sourdough bread. I took Dodger out foe our first walk and then the plan was to start my laundry, but the laundry room was packed, so that was out of the question. I instead cleaned my apartment and took the trash out. I watched a bit of TV. It wasn’t long before I got a call from my friend Travis, he too is someone I met through YOUTUBE and is also someone I consider one of my friends. It’s funny that he would be calling because not more then two minutes before I sent him a HELLO on Twitter. He too is on a break from YOUTUBE and was the first to welcome me to “hiatus-ville”  The last time we talked was so much fun and filled with so much laughter. Today was short and sweet, but still filled with laughs. Like Jacque, Audrey and Darlyna, Travis is one of those people I so wished lived closer because I know we’d be even better friends.

After talking with Travis I was put my shoes back on and decided to take a walk withDodger. I knew it would be one of our explore walks, but I had no idea where we were walking to or how far it would be. Before I knew it Dodger and I had walked to West Hollywood and since we were there we kept going until we reached the ceramic studio.

I was so surprised to walk back and find that there was no one there besides Robert and Alan. I saw Glen on my way in as he was leaving. In that moment I was so that there were not many people there. Soon after arriving Alan left and for most of four hours I was there Robert and I spent laughing and working on our pieces while Dodger played in the tall grass.

5:00PM came quick and it was time for us to head home. Robert walked with Dodger and I for a bit before he took off on his bike. Dodger and I walked through Plumber Park where he found some dogs to play with for a bit them we continued our walk home. Once back home I started my laundry, gave Dodger a bath, baked some chicken for dinner, shaved, cleaned my face, soaked on a hot bubble bath and then watched TV.

When I started the “90-365″ journey this time around I knew things in my life were going to change. I knew people in my life were going to change and I was very cool with that. My only request was that God allowed people and things that were true to remain. I asked that distractions be removed even if that meant people who I wanted to hang on to would no longer be there. Today I celebrated “pride” by being happy with where my life is. I celebrated the people and things that are no more and I am welcoming the extra space.