Project Kengikat

Gay Pride Parade

// June 14th, 2010 // 3 Comments » // Animals, HIV and AIDS, Homeless Outreach, Me Time

As I stated in an earlier blog, I had no plans to attend any of the Gay Pride Festival events, because being gay is such a small part of who I am, however I did have plans to go to the Pride Parade on Sunday with my friends and Dodger. It was great and I am glad I went.

For me the Pride Parade really had nothing to do with “pride in being gay”, but just a chance to hang out with me friends and see a parade. Hey it’s Los Angeles and it seems like there is some sort of parade every single weekend in some city here. The only parade that really means much to me is the Rose Parade in Pasadena for the Rose Bowl football game. To me that parade really represents the awesomeness of Southern California and all her sheer beauty. When USC is in the Rose Bowl it is even better.

There aren’t many floats in this parade, just lots of men barley dressed bumping andgrinding and slinging their cocks threw their too small underwear at the crowd. There are a few celebs, but it is Los Angeles, so there has to be some celebs otherwise you can’t really call it a parade. I think those are the rules, because otherwise it is just a bunch of people marching in the street.

Sharon and Kelly Osborn were the Grand Marshals of the parade, but for me the real star was Sheryl Lee Ralph who was part of the original cast of Dream Girls and the mom on smash hit Moesha. She is also a huge ally, fundraiser and supporter of HIV and AIDS. It was great seeing her in the parade.

We took in the sounds and all the many different wild, crazy and even the strange sights of the parade right in front of Gelson’s. My friends Tina, Willow, Andy and Eric along with my little boy Dodger enjoyed out time together. The bonus was that I had the chance to see my friends Donald, Walter and Angel from the outreach I created down of Skid Row for people living with HIV or AIDS. The chance to laugh and see them having a great time and really enjoying life was so cool for me. It is always such an awesome feeling to see them smiling and having a great time outside the crazy and drab life that Skid Row has to offer. Donald was filled with plenty of smiles and laughs just like always and as always Walter was sexy and nice as ever.

The highlight of the entire day for me was the fact that I was able to share the ceramics studio with my friends. I guess in a huge way this place is the center of “Pride” for me because it is the place that hold so much and is the start of so much for me. It was one place where I felt safe and where I could just be me. It was also the one place where I felt respected, welcomed and loved and today the ceramics studio still holds so much for me. It was so cool to be able to share this with my friends.

After the parade Dodger and I went to the studio to spend the rest of our afternoon playing in the clay and making some pretty cool pieces. Well I really didn’t create any new pieces, but worked on the one I started the day before. Once again I have found that I am pretty good at sculpting. When I first started going to the studio this is what I did the most of, I was able to put whatever I was feeling into the clay and this energy helped me to create some really awesome pieces.

As I have stated before, many of the guys at the studio are people who are so special and kind and I am so honored and humbled to call them my friends. Brian, Glen, and Robert are always so much fun and such solid people to be around. Plus they are such great artists. They are also such huge inspirations to me and great examples of what life can be like and how awesome it really is for people who happen to be HIV positive.

People tell me all the time that I inspire them and how awesome I am for finding a way to create some good out of the adversity in my life. I am always humbled by the comments like this, but to be very honest it is people like my friends, the guys at the studio and people who really put forth an honest effort to be better and stand in the gap for others who are the inspirations for me. They are the people I see as fine examples in my life who demonstrate each day what it means to live life to the fullest, how to give to others without expecting anything in return, what it means to love and support someone unconditionally and this in turn encouraged me to be a better person and keep doing the work that I’ve created.

So I guess for me my “Gay Pride” is more about simply being proud of the people I have in my life, celebrating the richness of my friendships, embracing, loving and living life as best I can each and every day without fail in good times and bad, through the storms, through the fire, the highs and lows I must always strive to rise to every occasion and get past every challenge as best I can and remember to always show love and compassion towards humanity along the way.

Pride for me was about being proud, but not because I am gay.

“90-365″ Celebrate “Pride”

// June 12th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Animals, Me Time

I don’t know if I’ve blogged this before or not, but just in case I didn’t, here we go. Not long ago my friend Jacque created this challenge of sorts on YOUTUBE to “love yourself” first for 90 days. I met some really interesting people while doing this challenge, but the cool thing is that along the way, I met two more amazing women who are now part of my circle of friends, Audrey and Darlyna.

Just as we all were nearing the end of the 90 days each of us had life jump right in and start kicking our asses and our finishes were not as strong as our starts. However we all finished. Not long after I asked the ladies to join me on what we now call “90-365″ and each of them did. There were also others who’ve said they do the challenge as well, but I think it is something that all three of us share the most.

No sooner then we started up again, life stepped in again and tried to work against us. For me I was faced with having to move my blog from the ning platform over to my website. This was a lot of work and came at a time when I was preparing for a trip to Washington DC for AIDSWatch. In addition two people I thought were friends turned out to be anything but. Just like ning, these two individuals are a part of my past and I must admit that I don’t miss them at all.

About two weeks ago I made the choice to take a break from my vlog on YOUTUBE, however before doing this I had to wonder how many people who say they are my friends and care so much about me, would really be just that. Just as I thought not many of them have been in contact since I’ve taken the break.

For the past two weeks I’ve been spending more with my family and friends, I’ve beenworking on my website and spending lots more time with Dodger. I am also back to creating things in the ceramic studio again. The coolest thing has been the time that I am able to spend reading, walking and just chilling. I have to tell you that it has been great not having to log on to YOUTUBE. It’s funny how many people on YOUTUBE feel that when they comment, you must answer them or that they some how own stock in your videos and therefore you must make them.

This entire time off from YOUTUBE has been about ME and my community work. Dodger and I am going on walks many times a day and for the past two days we’ve been going on really long walks that have included lunches in the park and hikes in the hills, Just seeing how happy Dodger gets when he sees me grabbing my shoes is such a great feeling to me. he knows when I make my move for the shoes it’s just about time for us to take off.

Today is Saturday, the beginning of Gay Pride and I had plans to hang out and spend the weekend with a friend who was supposed to be in town, but plans changed and she was not able to come into town. However I am kind of glad she didn’t come to town, because I really didn’t want to go to Gay Pride. I guess I just don’t get what Gay Pride is all about, so I don’t see a reason to celebrate. I know who I am and I love who I am, so I don’t need to march or wear some rainbow to show my pride toward something. I guess what I am saying is that for me pride is everyday and has nothing to do with being gay. Just like HIV, being gay is such a SMALL part of who I am and I refuse to be defined by it.

Today I got before the sun, made some coffee and breakfast, bacon, two scrambled eggs and two slices of grilled sourdough bread. I took Dodger out foe our first walk and then the plan was to start my laundry, but the laundry room was packed, so that was out of the question. I instead cleaned my apartment and took the trash out. I watched a bit of TV. It wasn’t long before I got a call from my friend Travis, he too is someone I met through YOUTUBE and is also someone I consider one of my friends. It’s funny that he would be calling because not more then two minutes before I sent him a HELLO on Twitter. He too is on a break from YOUTUBE and was the first to welcome me to “hiatus-ville”  The last time we talked was so much fun and filled with so much laughter. Today was short and sweet, but still filled with laughs. Like Jacque, Audrey and Darlyna, Travis is one of those people I so wished lived closer because I know we’d be even better friends.

After talking with Travis I was put my shoes back on and decided to take a walk withDodger. I knew it would be one of our explore walks, but I had no idea where we were walking to or how far it would be. Before I knew it Dodger and I had walked to West Hollywood and since we were there we kept going until we reached the ceramic studio.

I was so surprised to walk back and find that there was no one there besides Robert and Alan. I saw Glen on my way in as he was leaving. In that moment I was so that there were not many people there. Soon after arriving Alan left and for most of four hours I was there Robert and I spent laughing and working on our pieces while Dodger played in the tall grass.

5:00PM came quick and it was time for us to head home. Robert walked with Dodger and I for a bit before he took off on his bike. Dodger and I walked through Plumber Park where he found some dogs to play with for a bit them we continued our walk home. Once back home I started my laundry, gave Dodger a bath, baked some chicken for dinner, shaved, cleaned my face, soaked on a hot bubble bath and then watched TV.

When I started the “90-365″ journey this time around I knew things in my life were going to change. I knew people in my life were going to change and I was very cool with that. My only request was that God allowed people and things that were true to remain. I asked that distractions be removed even if that meant people who I wanted to hang on to would no longer be there. Today I celebrated “pride” by being happy with where my life is. I celebrated the people and things that are no more and I am welcoming the extra space.