Project Kengikat

Thanksgiving

// November 9th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Cooking, HIV and AIDS, Homeless Outreach

Last year was my first Thanksgiving in my apartment and it was the first Thanksgiving outreach that I have done here in Hollywood marking the second overall Thanksgiving outreach to homeless people here in Los Angeles County. Each time I approach an outreach I do my best to see how it will really help people right now, not weeks, months or years from now. I guess from being homeless I know helping someone right now means so much more to a homeless person.

Last year was the first time I was able to not just feed homeless people, but formerly homeless people and people battling HIV or AIDS, by providing three food boxes to families in need. Thanksgiving day, with the help of friends I was able to feed about 75 people a home cooked Thanksgiving meal. Later I enjoyed the evening with my friends.

So as I type this blog  I am doing so from a much different place then last year. As I said before it was my first Thanksgiving living here after being homeless for 29 months which came to an end in June of 2009. However this year I now have a job and I am able to simply help people instead of waiting and hoping that people will donate items to make what I do possible. I know I can always count on my core group of supporters, but it is now nice to know that I can contribute far more then I use to.

The goal will once again be to feed homeless people, but this year the goal is to provide 10 Thanksgiving food boxes to low income families who are formerly homeless or battling HIV or AIDS. So far thanks to the support of my two friends Tina and Andy who donated two large bags filled with boxes of cornbread dressing mix. I have two people who have said they will donate turkey’s and the rest I will balance out.

I still need someone with a car to help me get the items to the families and also Thanksgiving day I will need people to help me pass out the food to homeless people here in Hollywood.

Once again this will be another Thanksgiving where I am so thankful and humbled by all the blessings God keeps sending my way and yet another year that I will be able to be a blessing to others through my Do Something Saturday outreach.

Friday August 20th

// August 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Animals, Me Time

Like any other day for me Friday started out with me asking Dodger is he wanted to go for a walk. His answer is always the same. He wags his tail and begins to bark at me as if he is saying yes. So I get up, make some coffee, take a shower and then off we go for our morning walk.

Neither one of us slept very good last night because DEXTER was being filmed down the street from me, which meant there was plenty of noise all day long. Early Thursday morning they began to set up for the film shoot and right away my day started out rough. Like most people I really hate being woke up. Once up and mad I made some coffee only to realize that I did not have any cream. This meant leaving sooner to walk Dodger, so I could get my cream and not worry about him going in the apartment.

Like me Dodger was grumpy, as soon as we were out the front door to the building he began to bark at the people parking trucks and setting up for the film shoot. Since I was way more pissed then he was I didn’t tell him to stop and I gave him just enough slack on his leash to scare the crap out of them. This is when I was told that I could not walk him down the street where I live.

“Sir we are setting up and need for you to walk your dog some place else.” I was told

Now why in the world would this woman speak to me? Her and her fuckin crew just woke me up, it was 6:30AM and I was out of cream for my coffee. I simply looked at her like I did not hear a word she said.

“Sir!!! Did you hear what I just said?” raising her voice like she was agitated.

I turned around and looked at her, by this time she was right behind me and I said “Do you own this street? You only paid for there to be no parking on this street is that correct? So where in the fuck do you get off telling me I can’t walk my dog on the street where I live?”

Before I would allow her to answer, I reminded her that people live in the building where she and her crew had set up shop in the walkway, blocking the residents from exiting and entering the building. I then told her that I did not appreciate being rudely awaken by laughter and cigarette smoke, nor did I like her yelling at me like I was someone on her little staff.

“You dont own this street lady, so do not walk up behind me like your name is Mrs. Hollywood, furthermore stop making al this damn noise.”

Dodger was growling at  her the entire time and as I turned to walk away he barked a few times as if he was telling her “Now shut the hell up talking to us, trick.”

This morning was very different, there was no noise, no film project, no rude lady and I had cream for my coffee. When Iwalked outside there was no one to tell me that I could not walk Dodger on my street. In fact Dodger and I saw a few of his little friends and each of talked about how the filming of DEXTER was a complete pain the ass while our dogs played with each other.

After our visit with our friends and after of long walk, Dodger and I sat on the sofa while I read my book and Dodger attacked his new toy until he fell asleep. I was with him in that one. I read about three chapters and took a nap as well.

I was napping very well until my phone rang. It was my friend Natalie wanting to stop by and drop off the recycling she had in her trunk. She saves her plastic bottles for me and I am able to use this for pocket change. To be very honest this pocket changed has paid my gas bill for the past year, so it has been well worth the trouble to bag the plastic bottles up.

Dodger and I went out for another walk shortly after seeing Natalie and this time we were gone for about an hour. We also packed some cold water in my backpack to pass out to homeless people while we were out. Just like always we had the chance to speak to some pretty cool and interesting homeless people and as always we ran out of water before we knew it.

I wanted to get a head start of the work that I need to get done for my outreaches, but for some reason I really knew I needed to be away from my apartment to get this done. So I counted the change that I had in my change jar which was just enough to buy an iced tea and one refill at the local cafe not too far from my apartment.

As soon as I walked in the front door of the cafe, I heard someone call me name. Right away I saw a face I had not seen in such a long time and by long I mean since I graduated from Santa Monica High in 1987. I spent the afternoon sitting with someone I knew from high school and after our little visit I must say that this person is not someone I know now and is not anyone I would want to have in my life. It’s always funny to me how I run into people I knew when I was in high school and I walk away feeling like “wow, you are just like you were in high school………..childish”

I moved away over to the window of the cafe to try to get some work done. I was able to complete some things, but after a while I gave up and decided to blog. It’s a beautiful day here, the sun is shinning, warm, but not uncomfortable. My tea was nice and cold and I had a great time being out of the apartment.

I will say that I truly miss living in Santa Monica, there is just something so nice about living near the water. Something cool about being able to just walk down to the beach and sit near the water. Something so nice about being able to walk to internet cafe’s and libraries. Something very cool about the smell of the air. However today after sitting here at the spendy cafe I now know there is something nice about being able to walk just a few blocks away to see all the fancy people rush by in their fancy cars. Something nice about sipping ice tea while listening to people talk about how great their life is, but complain about their relationships or job, something nice about hearing people talk about things that sound like so much fun, but they sound so unhappy or unfulfilled.

There is something so nice about just being able to be happy, simply content with who I am and where my life is. Something so cool about having Dodger waiting for me to come home, something so cool about the little things in my life, something so cool about knowing that there is so much more to life then news, weather, sports and money.

I guess what I am saying is that there is something really cool about having peace, something really cool about living a life of purpose. Something very cool about knowing who you are, something very cool about completing yourself. There is just something very cool about being in love with all aspects of who you are and knowing that at the end of the day all the fancy shit dont matter.

So while I would love to be living in Santa Monica, I am happy with where I am now and I am not going to postpone being happy until…….. My “happy” is right now, it is every single day.

You Never Know…..

// June 23rd, 2010 // 4 Comments » // HIV and AIDS, Homeless Outreach, Me Time, Uncategorized, video

….how things will turn out, who your friends will be or how your life will end up. Yeah, you can do all the planning you want and do all it takes it be in full control of things, but the bottom line is that you never know. Even the best laid out plans don’t turn out the way we want.

I never thought in a million years that I would ever be homeless, but I was homeless for 29 months. I never once thought that I would be HIV positive, but I am sitting here typing out this blog almost three years into my HIV diagnoses. All I am really saying is that we never really know where our lives will carry us and we can’t change where we’ve been, but if we keep walking on our own paths living our truth, then the universe will always yield and unfold for us, just as if continues to for me.

When I started my Unpluggin’ HIV outreach the ultimate goal was to raise awareness for people living with HIV or AIDS as well as try my best to provide support for low income or homeless people battling these diseases. It was only 4 months after my diagnoses that I was able to do my first outreach to a group of 15 men living in HIV or AIDS in Long Beach thanks to the support from my friends Ryan and Moina. The outreached touched the lives of these 15 men by providing hygiene items, laundry soup, cleaning supplies, gently used clothes and even food.

The outreach would later grow to offer a full scale outreach to the HIV clinic at USC which would later move to Skid Row where today it offers support to 40 residents (men and women) living with HIV or AIDS. In addition the outreach still provides support to people with HIV and AIDS who are homeless on the streets.

Today I took the first step in creating two projects which will help to raise awareness and foster unity compassion and respect  for people living with HIV and AIDS. I met with my friend Brian to discuss  and lay the ground work for a project that will include stories from people living with HIV and AIDS as well as some artwork. In addition I have already started working on a film project that will feature people living with HIV and AIDS.

June 29th will mark on full year of being in my apartment and it will also mark the end of the goals I set for myself and my outreaches. The cool thing is that I reached these goals nearly two weeks ago.

Sunday I had the chance to meet someone who reads my blog and watches my YOUTUBE channel. He explained to me how much both the blog and videos have helped him to deal with his HIV status and how he gets encouragement and strength from them. I was both honored and humbled by him sharing the things he’s been through and how my blog and videos have helped him.

Right before I left for my final job interview today I got an email from a mother who just finished speaking with her daughter about being a lesbian. She said told me she would have reacted in a much different and less supportive way had she not found my channel on YOUTUBE. She told me how through watching my videos she has learned to simply love her daughter for who she is and not to “judge” or “condemn” her. She left her number for me to call her and I did. She shared a little more about her talk with her daughter and how things went. I couldn’t help but be happy for the outcome and to hear how much this mother truly saw how to LOVE her daughter without conditions.

I never know who is reading my blog or watching my videos, but every now and then I am able to hear from and meet people who do and each time I walk pleased in knowing that what I do with this blog and my videos has helped to make things a bit better for people.

My final job interview went well, I will know the result next week. Right now I am spending the night with my niece and the kid while her husband is out of town. I am enjoying my time with them and so loving where my life is right now. I could moan, groan and find many reason why I am not happy with things in my life and even find things to be unhappy about with regards to HIV, but what good would that do? What point would that serve? Who would that help?

It has been said that the purpose of a life is to live a life of purpose, well through the adversity t in my own life I have found my purpose and I am living it each and every day.

“90-365″ Celebrate “Pride”

// June 12th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Animals, Me Time

I don’t know if I’ve blogged this before or not, but just in case I didn’t, here we go. Not long ago my friend Jacque created this challenge of sorts on YOUTUBE to “love yourself” first for 90 days. I met some really interesting people while doing this challenge, but the cool thing is that along the way, I met two more amazing women who are now part of my circle of friends, Audrey and Darlyna.

Just as we all were nearing the end of the 90 days each of us had life jump right in and start kicking our asses and our finishes were not as strong as our starts. However we all finished. Not long after I asked the ladies to join me on what we now call “90-365″ and each of them did. There were also others who’ve said they do the challenge as well, but I think it is something that all three of us share the most.

No sooner then we started up again, life stepped in again and tried to work against us. For me I was faced with having to move my blog from the ning platform over to my website. This was a lot of work and came at a time when I was preparing for a trip to Washington DC for AIDSWatch. In addition two people I thought were friends turned out to be anything but. Just like ning, these two individuals are a part of my past and I must admit that I don’t miss them at all.

About two weeks ago I made the choice to take a break from my vlog on YOUTUBE, however before doing this I had to wonder how many people who say they are my friends and care so much about me, would really be just that. Just as I thought not many of them have been in contact since I’ve taken the break.

For the past two weeks I’ve been spending more with my family and friends, I’ve beenworking on my website and spending lots more time with Dodger. I am also back to creating things in the ceramic studio again. The coolest thing has been the time that I am able to spend reading, walking and just chilling. I have to tell you that it has been great not having to log on to YOUTUBE. It’s funny how many people on YOUTUBE feel that when they comment, you must answer them or that they some how own stock in your videos and therefore you must make them.

This entire time off from YOUTUBE has been about ME and my community work. Dodger and I am going on walks many times a day and for the past two days we’ve been going on really long walks that have included lunches in the park and hikes in the hills, Just seeing how happy Dodger gets when he sees me grabbing my shoes is such a great feeling to me. he knows when I make my move for the shoes it’s just about time for us to take off.

Today is Saturday, the beginning of Gay Pride and I had plans to hang out and spend the weekend with a friend who was supposed to be in town, but plans changed and she was not able to come into town. However I am kind of glad she didn’t come to town, because I really didn’t want to go to Gay Pride. I guess I just don’t get what Gay Pride is all about, so I don’t see a reason to celebrate. I know who I am and I love who I am, so I don’t need to march or wear some rainbow to show my pride toward something. I guess what I am saying is that for me pride is everyday and has nothing to do with being gay. Just like HIV, being gay is such a SMALL part of who I am and I refuse to be defined by it.

Today I got before the sun, made some coffee and breakfast, bacon, two scrambled eggs and two slices of grilled sourdough bread. I took Dodger out foe our first walk and then the plan was to start my laundry, but the laundry room was packed, so that was out of the question. I instead cleaned my apartment and took the trash out. I watched a bit of TV. It wasn’t long before I got a call from my friend Travis, he too is someone I met through YOUTUBE and is also someone I consider one of my friends. It’s funny that he would be calling because not more then two minutes before I sent him a HELLO on Twitter. He too is on a break from YOUTUBE and was the first to welcome me to “hiatus-ville”  The last time we talked was so much fun and filled with so much laughter. Today was short and sweet, but still filled with laughs. Like Jacque, Audrey and Darlyna, Travis is one of those people I so wished lived closer because I know we’d be even better friends.

After talking with Travis I was put my shoes back on and decided to take a walk withDodger. I knew it would be one of our explore walks, but I had no idea where we were walking to or how far it would be. Before I knew it Dodger and I had walked to West Hollywood and since we were there we kept going until we reached the ceramic studio.

I was so surprised to walk back and find that there was no one there besides Robert and Alan. I saw Glen on my way in as he was leaving. In that moment I was so that there were not many people there. Soon after arriving Alan left and for most of four hours I was there Robert and I spent laughing and working on our pieces while Dodger played in the tall grass.

5:00PM came quick and it was time for us to head home. Robert walked with Dodger and I for a bit before he took off on his bike. Dodger and I walked through Plumber Park where he found some dogs to play with for a bit them we continued our walk home. Once back home I started my laundry, gave Dodger a bath, baked some chicken for dinner, shaved, cleaned my face, soaked on a hot bubble bath and then watched TV.

When I started the “90-365″ journey this time around I knew things in my life were going to change. I knew people in my life were going to change and I was very cool with that. My only request was that God allowed people and things that were true to remain. I asked that distractions be removed even if that meant people who I wanted to hang on to would no longer be there. Today I celebrated “pride” by being happy with where my life is. I celebrated the people and things that are no more and I am welcoming the extra space.

You Got It Twisted

// June 6th, 2010 // 5 Comments » // Uncategorized

It seems that I took a break from YOUTUBE at the right time because from what I have seen some people are coming under attack from the all the trolls on YOUTUBE. It’s always funny to me how many people place others on this high as pedestals that they will surely fall down from. I guess in many ways people do this in order to feel better about themselves in some small way. Then when the person does something that they don’t like the person that they’ve placed on this high ass pedestal comes crashing down just like Humpty Dumpty. However this time all the kings horses and all the kings men are not helping to put him back together again. They are kicking him, talking shit about him in order to feel better about themselves once again.

It is also very funny how all the people doing the attacking are so called“Christians” or “church building folks” as one youtuber calls them, but when I really look I dont see a difference between the two. They both claim to be “God fearing”, but most of what spews from their lips is evil and hate. How can any of this be pleasing to God? Furthermore how is any of it God like?

I saw someone give a warning to those who are attacking about how God has their back and he will get anyone who attacks them, how God see’s all that is going on. Well if this is true wouldn’t this mean that God also seems the wrong they are doing? Isn’t there some sort of “punishment” for what they do as well? It seems to me that some people think that just because they have a bible that is all marked up, high lighted, written in and beat up looking that this some how makes them a better person then anyone else and therefore gives them the right or green light to attack others, judge others and even mislead others.

I think people who read that bible and profess to know the will and word of God should also be very careful about wishing the wrath of God on anyone, because that same wrath will come for them as well. The same God that see’s the bad that others are doing, also sees the bad that they are doing as well and just because their bible looks the way it does is not an exemption from Gods wrath. I went to school with people who had books that were all marked in and high lighted and all of this, but when it came time for a test they didn’t fair so well.

People sometimes has a bad habit of telling or questioning the faith of others,but when you look close at their own walk, their faith is just as bad, if not worse the the very person they are telling what to do. I mean how can you say you trust God or that you’ve taken something to the “heavenly father” but then turn right around and ask man to help you figure things out? Where is this faith that you speak of? Where is this “trust” that you know so much about? I just look at people who use that bible to beat others to see how what they say the know so much about reveals itself in their life. In doing this I have learned that all they do is talk a good game, but when the storms of life come for them, they are all over the map running in fear instead of doing what they claim to do so well….trusting God.

Yeah, I see no difference between “Christians” who shout about who they are and the ones who are “church building folks” In my eyes they are both pretty low down and do an awesome job at turning people away from the message of LOVE that God has for ALL of humanity. They both do an outstanding job at making a mockery of God and causing people to not trust in anything either of them have to say. Moreover, they both should get Oscars for the performances in turning people totally away and off to the message and LOVE of God.

People should really just learn to walk on their own path and stay the hell off the paths of others, especially since they do not have a heaven or hell to place anyone in and their life clearly does not line up with what has been written in the bible.

It’s always funny to me how people can quote verses from the bible, from gospel songs and even from people like TD Jakes, Joyce Mayers and all else, but their life shows no real reflection of God, nor does it demonstrate the LOVE of God, but they can quote all day and all night. Sometimes the message that God is sending is for us and not for us to go run and tell others. Last time I checked he was God all by himself, so why in the world would he play whisper down the lane with some screwed up person who is only going to distort his message?

How has a message of LOVE been twisted and turned into so much hatred and evil?

If you plan to comment on this blog, do yourself and huge favor and think for yourself. Comment in your own words, not in words you copied from the bible.